A safe harbor where beliefs are respected and kindness prevails.

Sometimes It’s About Wanting The Pain To Stop

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Do you really want to be happy? Or do you just want all the misery to stop? I use to think these questions were really about the same thing but as I’ve worked through a great deal of stress these last few years I realize they are not.

When we face the challenges of life we live in a place that is so far removed from happiness that it’s hard to see ourselves ever being happy again.  It’s like living paycheck to paycheck and believing the gurus who tell you to visualize yourself living on the yacht and never having to work again.  It is so far removed from your reality that while you may repeat the affirmation you don’t believe it.  And when you don’t believe something you’re not going to make it happen.

Sometimes the best we can hope for is that the pain stops or at least eases up.  That doesn’t mean it’s all we deserve or all we’ll ever have but at this moment it’s what we need most.   When you’re in this place of stress you don’t have to add to it by thinking that you have to be happy, successful, wealthy… or anything else that seems so far away from reality to you.

Stop fighting the pain and quit railing against the unfairness of it all.  Instead decide that you’re OK with where you are at this moment.  That decision alone will ease your stress just a little… but enough to realize you’re not in as much pain.  When you can feel that relief you can also see more possibilities and in time happiness will come back into view.

With love,
Cheryl

It’s Not About What We’ve Lost

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JACKCJ1The sound of Jack’s voice, his presence in the room, being able to tell him what I discovered… just being able to talk to him.  There are just no substitutes for what I miss the most.  I have wonderful friends and family… but calling them to talk about seeing my old neighborhood or that I had lunch at Pei Wei just isn’t as satisfying as having the conversation with Jack.  (And I know they understand that.)

It’s hard not to cry every time I miss what I had with him.  That doesn’t mean I’m focusing on all I’ve lost.  It means I miss my husband.  But then that shouldn’t surprise anyone… including me. As I sit here in a hotel room in Dallas, Texas.  I feel profoundly alone.  And I am… compared to what my life was.

I don’t feel sorry for myself.  Everyone in this life has or will go through some life changing event. And at this very moment according to the world clock nearly 111,000 people have died today. I’m not alone.  Some may have died suddenly and their loved ones are reeling from the shock.  Some suffered like Jack did and their family feels gratitude that the suffering is over.  For all of the people who died there are millions of us who are dealing with living after their deaths. We are not alone.

We can miss what we’ve lost without living in the past.  We can be sad because we won’t be able to hear their voices.  We can cry because we are alone.  But none of that means we’re living for what we’ve lost.  It just means we’re grieving… and that’s a part of life.

Tonight I’ll cry because I need to.  Tomorrow I’ll get up and drive south to visit my family and be grateful for their love and kindness.  I’ll give thanks for what I have and I’ll give thanks for what I had. And my life will go on.

We go on because as Jack would say, “It is what it is.”  And I know if our roles had been reversed he’d feel the way I do now.  But just like him I’ll have the courage to keep putting one foot in front of the other, do the best I can and give thanks for every day, for every moment, of my life.  And that’s where we can all find our peace.

With love, Cheryl

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