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Hard Decisions Lead To An Easier Life

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Banner for SSRCOften it is the hard decisions you make that lead to an easier life.

Recently someone I know was fired from a horrible job working with rude and mean people. Over the past two years she allowed herself to be used and abused. It became harder and harder to go to work, yet she continued to remain in a situation in which she had absolutely no control or power. She did not have a back-up plan. Instead of finding another position, a distorted sense of loyalty and fear kept her from taking action to move on.

I completely understand. At one time, I worked for a shady organization. I caught my boss stealing money from a fundraising event that I had designed but he had taken the credit for. He was also accused of sexually assaulting a fellow employee, plus a variety of other offenses. Management refused to address the issues because they were guilty of the same things.

Each day it became more difficult for me to go to work. My heart actually hurt when I walked into the office. One day I could not stand it anymore. No matter how much I needed the money, I refused to sell myself short any longer. The moment I decided to quit, some wonderfully positive energy seemed to align itself with me. Within a month, a great position working with good people came along. The energy I put out attracted similar energy.

Once I had transitioned out of the bad job, I realized that my sense of powerlessness and fear had been generated by thinking I had to keep the awful job. When I released the dread of not knowing what I would do to get a new source of income, something beyond my power began to work on my behalf.

If you are stuck in a negative situation, sit down in a quiet place and honestly ask yourself what you really want. If you’re like most people, as soon as you articulate what you want, an excuse for why you can’t have it will pop up. Release the apprehension of not knowing exactly how you will reach your goal. Remain focused. If fear returns, instead of allowing negative thoughts to consume you, take one action toward improving your situation. Keep moving forward in faith, and patiently watch for the opening of a new door. Then courageously walk through. Have confidence that the optimistic energy you put out will come back to you. The longer you stay in a negative situation, whether it is a bad job or an abusive relationship, the more you break your heart. Nothing is worth that.

One of the best lessons we learn is that if something or someone does not feel right it is a sure sign we need to turn around and walk away. It’s not necessarily easy, but by doing nothing we are guaranteed that nothing will happen. To change our situation we must act and have faith in the truth it is often the hard decisions we have to make that lead to an easier life.

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Be Genuinely Grateful

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Banner for SSRC…For what you already have in life and tearing up the list of what you do not have will be gratifying.

“It’s the thought that counts,” my mom would say as I opened a Barbie Doll when I really wanted a G-I Joe. Growing up I often heard this sentiment. But as a child I did not understand the concept of gratitude, for simply being thought of fondly in someone’s heart through a gift or for all that I did have, compared to what others did not have.

There was a time when my focus was negative. The grass always seemed greener on other people’s lawns. A co-worker’s relationship seemed better than mine. The job I really wanted went to someone else. My life view was that my glass was empty. I was wallowing in an attitude of lack. But an ungrateful attitude did not once result in my grass turning green, or my relationships improving, or the dream job to magically appear. Yet, my lack of a grateful attitude persisted until I was taught a very hard lesson by being downsized from an executive position right before 9-11.

Without any prospect of a job in the city where I’d lived for twenty years I had to move away. I was forced to sell the new home I’d moved into only two years earlier. I had to leave the beautiful English cottage garden I’d built stone by stone and plant by plant. I lost my relationship. It seemed overnight I was involuntarily removed from the familiar, from friends, from the life I knew. With a master’s degree I thought finding a job would be a piece of cake. The reality was far from that. In fact, for almost 18 months the only work I could find was picking up trash and cigarette butts for a lawn mowing crew.

In the end, I lost almost everything. In the process, I learned one of the most important lessons in life – the energy I put out returns to me. Being ungrateful for all I thought I did not have caused me not to appreciate all that I did have. I took everything for granted, always focused on getting something better or bigger. I was so focused on how what I had was not enough, I could not see the warning signs that it was all about to be taken from me. So the lesson I needed most, at that time, came in the form of overwhelming loss.

You can bet I was grateful for the executive positive – once it was gone. For the house, when it was gone. For the garden, once it was gone.

Today I am grateful for having gone through that painful lesson. It was through great loss that I learned how much we truly gain from being grateful for what we already have. This makes the list of what we don’t have seem so less important.

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Life Lessons In Disguise

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When things are going well, it is easy to remain optimistic. We need only look around to observe the good in our lives. The challenge is remaining positive during difficult times, finding meaning in life’s obstacles. When we are faced with hardships, it is easy to become overwhelmed and question, “Why me?” or “What have I done to deserve this?” But what if there is something valuable to be gained in these challenging times? What if hardships provide us with invaluable lessons that make us stronger, wiser, and enable us to grow emotionally and spiritually? Often, perceived mistakes become our biggest blessings and a difficult situation our greatest opportunity for growth.

The question then becomes, “How do I keep the faith during challenging times?” “How do I trust that perceived mistakes can be blessings in disguise?” An important first step is believing there is a greater order and purpose to life than we see in the present moment, having faith in a higher power, and trusting that the universe or God can help us make peace with difficult times. Believing there is an ebb and flow to life can help us appreciate the “good” and the “bad” and see the value in both. A second step we can take is practicing self-care. When we are feeling down, we often turn to comfort foods and neglect our workout program when this is precisely the time we would benefit the most from looking after ourselves. Make sure you are getting adequate rest and exercise and eating a healthy diet; your body needs the extra care and love. Lastly, adopting a mindset of gratitude can be transformative. It shifts our focus from what has gone wrong to everything that is going right. If we expand our definition of gratitude, we may find ourselves becoming grateful for life’s challenges.

If you are able to keep the faith during difficult times, you will be able to look back on your life and appreciate the lessons, and even the many blessings, that are present in all your experiences. Perhaps losing your job encouraged you to start your own business and pursue what you are passionate about. The loss of a relationship led you to look within and learn more about yourself and what you want from life. The death of a loved one led you to explore your spiritual beliefs and come to an understanding that we are more than our physical bodies.
In order to receive these important life lessons, we must be open-minded, not get so wrapped up in our current situation that we fail to see the possibilities that surround us, challenge our definition of what it means to live a meaningful life, and understand that within every experience there is a life transforming lesson we can choose to receive.

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