A safe harbor where beliefs are respected and kindness prevails.

What Is Constant And What Is Moving?

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fotolia_816374_Subscription_LA friend of mine was thinking about re-painting her living room because she is not in love with the original color she selected. Although everyone she asks loves it, she was still lukewarm about it.

When we talked about it, which was often, I told her to trust her instincts and make a decision. That didn’t help because she couldn’t make up her mind and she would still talk about not totally loving the color. While listening to her, sometimes I would think, “C’mon, make a decision already.” But she wouldn’t.

As I was driving one day and thinking about how we, in general, vacillate about things (and of course I am no exception!), the light bulb went on in my head.   This is a classic example of the idea spoken by Anais Nin – “We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.”

My theory is that my friend’s mood is already in place when she opens her front door at the end of her workday.  And how she perceives the paint color is dependent upon her mood. When she’s in a good mood, she feels good about the paint job. When she is cranky, she doesn’t like it.

I discussed this idea with her and invited her to do an experiment: for five days she would observe what kind of mood she is in before she opens the front door, and to gauge how she feels about the paint after she opens the front door.

The results were:

Day 1 – She was tired but felt okay, the paint looked just okay.

Day 2 – She was peaceful and the paint looked pretty good.

Day 3 – She was cranky and the paint looked terrible.

Day 4 – She was happy and felt pretty good about the room.

Day 5 – She was happy and the paint job was okay.

Afterwards, she told me that this had been a beneficial exercise for her. Although overall she was okay about the paint color, she wasn’t truly in love with it. She thought that if she came home and was cranky, ideally, she wanted to be cheered up by the room. Therefore, she got the clarity she felt she needed and decided to change the paint color.

And there it was. She was true to her decision and changed the color of the paint, and she has been very happy with it ever since.

I appreciated going through that exercise with her because I learned a lot about myself as well. There were times when she talked to me about the color of the paint and I was okay with hearing about it for the umpteenth time, and other times I felt so annoyed about it. She was, at all times, being her truest self, and, it was my own mood that was the driver on how I felt about our interaction.

When I’m cranky, many things look bleak or damaged. However, when I’m feeling good and balanced, those very same things appear to be just fine. So, what is constant and what is moving? I am moving. All of the time. The thing I am thinking about, whatever it is, is existing in its truest state, and it is me who is changing. My perception is changing, based upon how I am feeling at the moment.

If you are willing, try this for yourself. First observe your mood and then notice how you feel about someone or something. Chances are your mood will impact your perception. Again, everyone and everything is just being itself and you are the one who is doing the perceiving. And based upon your mood, your perception may change.

Finally, when you find yourself happy and balanced, chances are you will be at peace with everything and everyone around you.

Funky Town Won’t Last

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JT2I was in such a funk last week. My consistent mindset of gratitude and enjoying each moment had eluded me. It’s like something clicked that got me out of my usually balanced and optimistic self.

All week I immersed myself in the energy of impatience. The things I want to achieve, while in motion, aren’t happening fast enough, or so I thought. I felt like because what I think I want hasn’t happened yet, then I need to do more, need to work harder, need to do something different.

Living in that energy last week — by concentrating on the idea that “things aren’t working,” I truly manifested that. Things didn’t work. My relationships weren’t as flowing and enjoyable as usual. My sleep was interrupted and less rejuvenating. My mind was spinning in different directions.

By the end of the week, the energy it took for me to remain in a heightened state of dissatisfaction had wiped me out! In my state of exhaustion, I finally threw up my hands and surrendered. All I can say is, “Thank goodness.” When I surrendered, my spinning mind slowed down. And when it did, my usually balanced and optimistic self reemerged, like going outside to greet the sun after a heavy storm.

I learned a lot from my impatience immersion week. I realized that my impatience took me out of the power of living in the moment. Being impatient suggested that my life is out of balance, and it isn’t. Everything is perfect, exactly as-is.

The mindset of allowing things to be okay exactly as-is, and living in the moment keeps me in my body. It keeps me calm and joyous and connected to love. I had so immersed myself in the mindset of impatience, I cut off the love. When I cut off the love, I don’t function well at all for it is the love that fuels me.

When I stopped spinning for a moment, I asked myself the following questions. When I did, I started feeling better, almost immediately:

  1. What have I accomplished while being impatient? How did it serve me exactly as-is?
  2. What will I enjoy once I get what I want? Can I feel it now, even for a split second instead of waiting?
  3. What is working really well for me today (or, what’s going well today?)
  4. Would I want to replace what is going well in my life right now with that other thing?

If you find yourself living in Funky Town when thinking about yesterday or tomorrow, it means that your own voice has jumped out of your body and the critical voice has taken charge. When you find that this is the case, ask yourself one or two of the above questions and watch your mind spin for a minute. Don’t sugarcoat anything or pretend; allow yourself to spin – it is like riding an ocean wave. It won’t last, and it will resolve itself! You can then feel yourself coming back home inside yourself.

Keep in mind that your Higher Self is in control and knows what is best for you. Understand that your life is a perfect reflection of your inner world. If something isn’t present that you would like to have present, trust and honor that. There are gifts in the moment that you have yet to unwrap.

One of my favorite lyrics by the band U2 comes from their song “It’s a Beautiful Day.” The line goes, “What you don’t have you don’t need it now.” I invite you to use that phrase as a gentle reminder to yourself whenever you find yourself anxious, worried, or out of the present moment.

Know that everything is okay, right here and right now. If nothing changes, you are okay and will continue to be okay. You can especially feel it when you remain in your good thoughts and acknowledge your sense of well-being. Allow your mindset of gratitude to keep you in the moment.

And finally, to the question of would you want to replace what is going well in your life right now with something that doesn’t yet exist physically … feel good now. Enjoy what is working in your life right now, and believe that you don’t have to choose … it is possible for you to have it all!

Shedding Old Clothes

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Fotolia_34553939_Subscription_Monthly_MI remember when I was in fifth grade.  One day before lunch ended, I opened the door to my classroom and found that the room was empty.  I was surprised.  This was the first time ever that I was in the room by myself.  With nobody else around, it was pleasantly calm and quiet.

I walked over to my teacher’s desk and took a good look.  After all, it was the only place in the entire room I hadn’t really had the opportunity to inspect, until now.  I looked inside the drawer and found her grade book.  It was right on top.  I opened it where it was paper clipped and saw all of our names with the lineup of test grades next to them.  I looked for my name, and saw my grades, A, A-, B+, A+, A-, A … For a test we had taken just the day before, I saw, “B-“ next to my name.  B minus?  What???  That wouldn’t do.

I quickly looked for a pencil on her desk.  My mind raced.  “Would I erase it?  Would I cross it out?  No, that would be too obvious.”  I decided to put a tiny mark on it to change the minus sign to a plus sign.  It now read “B+.”  My face was hot and my body was tingling as I quickly put the book away.  I never got caught for that, nor did I confess, but it didn’t matter.  I was on edge about it for a long time.  I tortured myself about being stupid, being a liar and a fake, and, therefore, non-deserving of anything good in life, ever.

For decades I hid my dark and troubled spots. I was extremely hard on myself. I was a pro at chastising myself, which almost landed me in my grave.  Do you remember the character “Pig-Pen” from the Charlie Brown comic strip?  That was me: pretending that everything was okay and normal even though there was soot all around me.

In my healing journey, rather than beat myself up, I flipped a switch by honoring what I did to survive.  I came to understand that by pretending my non-preferred experiences and my responses to them didn’t exist, I kept them firmly in place.  I learned that by honoring what happened and describing my experiences without judging them allowed me to transform then release them.

To Clean = to rid of impurities; to purify.

When it came to changing that grade way back when, I came to understand that by getting good grades, I received praise and love I didn’t feel otherwise.  I also felt that if my performance slipped, I wouldn’t receive praise and love.  I doubt that my parents would have withheld their love, yet at the time I couldn’t risk even the thought of getting negative attention because I couldn’t face the humiliation.

I also came to understand that my perfectionist nature (which I’d be willing to bet I was born with) went into overdrive once I was sexually violated as a little girl.  And finally, I understood that my constant self-chastising represented my fervent desire to be a good person.

In contemplating the glorious cycles of nature, springtime pulsates with the idea of renewal – of making a fresh start.  When it comes to spring cleaning, I love the idea of ridding my closet of old clothes.  The old clothes I speak of are not those I wear.  For me it’s more about transforming non-preferred experiences so that I can shed old thoughts and ideas that no longer serve me, therefore creating space for the new and wonderful stuff I desire.

By stripping away the action itself (changing the grade) and seeking out the positive wish underneath (the desire for praise and love), I purified that experience.  I was able to give my fifth grader what she so desperately needed – praise and love.

Here is the formula I use for shedding old clothes.  Ask yourself:

What happened?  What did you do or say that was non-preferred?  What was your positive wish underneath your original response? It will typically be that you wanted understanding, acknowledgement, and/or love.

Now, replay the event in your mind, but instead, act or respond in a way that gives you the understanding you seek.  If the event involved someone else, imagine the other person giving you what you are asking for (in the form of your positive wish).  See and feel yourself receiving the understanding, acknowledgement, and/or love that you needed at the time.

Be creative. Understand that your subconscious mind doesn’t know whether something is occurring physically or virtually, the feeling is what it records.  As you replace the old hurts with acknowledgment, understanding and love, you allow them to transform, thus lovingly shedding your old clothes to don new ones.

Experiences will continue to emerge from the shadows to receive light and transformation, and you will know how to do it.  You have the ability to appreciate each moment rather than thinking that you need to fix everything in order to be deserving.  May you come to understand that you are lovable anyway; that you are free to heal, to laugh, to love, and to express yourself, soot and all.

 

 

Hacker-Free?

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98312695When I was online recently I viewed a credit card statement and a bold message popped up.  It was an alert that my personal information may have been compromised due to hackers, and the credit card company was mailing a replacement card to me.  I discussed it with a few of my friends, who mentioned that they too had received the message.

We had a spirited conversation about the lack of privacy these days and how this age of information impacts our personal boundaries.  Our lives are now open to observation and scrutiny in ways that are unprecedented. Through the evolution of technology, our personal information, our purchasing habits and preferences are “caught on tape.” I wonder if there would ever be true deterrents to hackers or the restoration of privacy as we once knew.  For the time being, though, it sure feels like we will continue in the direction of a boundary-less existence.

As I think about it, it feels like our physical world and how we act in it is now an open book.  Does that make us powerless?  Out of control?  What can we consider sacred about our existence?  Well, I submit that what remains truly private and hacker-free about us is our inner world – our daydreams, private thoughts and personal wishes; our individuality and heartbeat; our inner landscape and playground.  It is the portion of us that is still hidden and private unless and until we ourselves wish to share it.  With it we are ever-powerful because we control it.

For me, reclaiming a wonderful sense of power and control availed itself once I became intimate with my private thoughts, ideas and the ability to maneuver physical existence from the inside out.  This intimacy – befriending and honoring ALL aspects of ourselves within our inner world – can actually be considered the next frontier.

Getting familiar with that next frontier may have road blocks, because we are much more familiar with the wonderful and glorious distractions of the physical world.  I do remember the days when I would avoid paying attention to my inner world at all cost because it was way too unfamiliar, and I would be afraid.  Any time I slowed down and meaningful stuff would pop up that could have used my attention, I’d cover my ears, like, “La, la, la, I can’t hear you!”  I remember being so paranoid about my thoughts, like one insidious piece of thinking was going to derail all of the hope and optimism contained in the good thoughts that I had meticulously engineered.  Again, I’d be covering my ears, like, “La, la, la, bad thoughts, I can’t hear you!”

When I surrendered to my own authenticity and simply told the truth to myself about how I felt, my self-judgment lifted and my thoughts returned to optimism easily and effortlessly.  I came to realize that my thoughts are things that I have, they aren’t who I am.  I also began to envision that my thoughts are like clouds in the sky that are always moving and shifting.  It is now automatic to embrace everything that I think and feel without a compelling need to censor, judge or disown.

I discovered that I began to truly honor myself after I learned how to dialogue with, acknowledge and appreciate the aspects of myself I had previously feared and judged.  Now that the fear and judgment are gone, I have a pretty good time just hanging out with my thoughts.  I keep myself very entertained, actually; it’s even more fun than browsing the internet.

In the spirit of true self-regard, are there portions of yourself that you DON’T want to honor?  Shine your light on them.  Let your mantras be, “I hear you,” and “I got it.”  Remember that aspects of you long for the same acknowledgment and understanding that you seek from others, so consider giving yourself that acknowledgment and understanding first.  When you do, you will unveil your innate passion, your hidden power, immense love and unbridled joy.   So here’s to honoring yourself in ALL ways, and enjoying a true hacker-free existence!

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