Are you a bundle of emotions because some part of your life has ended? Whether the rug was pulled our from underneath you or a choice you made did not end well you’re in a place that might illicit worry, fear, sadness grief or a combination of feelings that keep you up at night… or keep you from functioning normally during the day. You don’t want to be in this place but you’re reeling from the shock of it all.
Before you add on feeling bad for feeling bad, breathe. Yes… breathe. Give yourself a few moments to recognize you are alive. Breathe deep and doing nothing else but feel the air flowing into and out of your body. Focus on just breathing for a minute or two. You’ll discover by taking this simple step that you’ve given both your mind and body a chance to relax.
Next give yourself some time to feel all of the emotions that have come with this ending. Whether you choose to take an hour or a day decide how long you’ll allow these feelings to dominate your mind. This doesn’t mean you’ll magically flip a switch and go back to normal. It means that during this time you’re giving yourself permission to be ok with whatever is weighing on you. The time limit also sets the expectation that you’ll move forward when it’s over.
Now that your immediate reaction has been vented out. Breathe, again. Center yourself and focus just on the flow of air in and out of your body. At this point you should feel just slightly better than you did when this all started. Just that slight improvement enables you to think more clearly and be just a little more objective.
While you’re experiencing this break grab some paper & pen or your computer and write down these areas of your life.
Marriage/Romantic Relationship
Other Relationships
Money
Job/career
Health
Safety
Hobbies/Interests
Beside each category write a short statement of the condition of each. For example you might say your marriage is stable, secure, love, happy, ok or ending. Use your own words to describe each area of your life, objectively. The point there is to take a snapshot of your entire life. This enables you to see the bigger picture and not just what had ended. That give your perspective to realize you’re ok.
With this knowledge the reeling slows and you discover you are already on solid ground. And the rough spot you’ve encountered is just a pothole in life that you can get past. For now… that realization… is all you need.
If it is all otherwise ok, if it is all a mess, you are just more depressed and anxious .
Hi Tina, I’ve been in that place where everything seemed to be a mess… so I understand. Sometimes we have to allow all those emotions to have their say… clear the air so to speak before we an see clearly. When you’re ready you will find the light you need…and it only needs to be a crack. Once it’s open there is no going back to the darkness. I know that sounds easy but it’s not. And I know that. For awhile all I could do was be grateful for the flowers blooming. Everything else seemed to be just rotten. Once I allowed myself to see something positive in my life it opened the door to seeing more. It takes time… and we have the gift of time. With love, Cheryl