A safe harbor where beliefs are respected and kindness prevails.

Embracing The Memories

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Mama-JoI’m not sure if it’s because I’m at a certain point in my life and it’s just the way the Universe works or if it’s just a coincidence but I feel that I am surrounded by many who are going through the process of losing a parent, a sibling or a spouse. In the past few months, I have passed on my condolences to many, by quoting a man who I only know via email, “Their absence has now become their presence.”   The first time I read this, I was so moved because it totally hit home for me. My parents pass away 10 years ago and yet, there are still many moments in every day where I find myself spending time with them.

Ten years ago this month, my mom (Mama-Jo) went into the hospital for a surgery to repair an Abdominal Aortic Aneurism – a very lengthy and ominous procedure where the possible outcome was less than in her favor. But she and my Dad made the decision to move ahead with the surgery given that the Aneurism could have burst any time, in its own time, resulting in sure death. So with bravery in her eyes and a Knowing in her Heart that everything was going to work out for the best, she set out on this incredible journey.

After a nine hour procedure she was moved to Intensive Care where she spent four months moving towards recovery. In May of that year she was moved to a Rehabilitation Facility – she was on her way home. But early one morning in late May, she became just too tired to keep trying and left this earthly plane to begin anew.

Two days afterwards, my Dad presented my Siblings and I a letter which Mama-Jo had penned in early January of 2005 :

My Dear Children and Grand-children,

            If you are reading this – I did not survive my surgery. This is not the way I wanted it but God has seen fit to call me home at this time. While I am leaving dear ones who love me, I am going to other dear ones who have gone on before me.

            Kathy, Steve and Mark – I love the three of you so very much. I was not the perfect mother but I never wanted anything but the very best for each of you. It is hard to lose a parent, someone you love, I know how it hurts not – but time will heal your pain and there will be only wonderful memories of all the great times we have had together.

            I love your families, Tom, Eileen and Rob, the Ones you have chosen to spend your lives with, and I love your children so much – Adrienne, Ashley, Stephanie and Alex – you are all so dear to me. It would have been wonderful to see you all marry and start your families and to see Alex play Major League Ball someday. My wish is that you will all stay close as a family, especially you, Kathy, Steve and Mark – family is so important, please don’t break the bond.

            I know that you are all hurting right now. I know you all love me and will grieve and miss me for some time and that’s the way it should be, but time will heal the pain and sorrow and God will help you – lean on Him. He will be there for you if you let Him. He loves you all.

            I know your father is going through a really bad time – he has been so good to me, he has really been my rock. Please keep in touch with him and help him through his pain – all of you must help each other.

            You have been wonderful children. When I think of the pain other kids cause their parents, I thank God – how lucky we were – but if it had been otherwise, I would still love you and would never have turned my back on any of you.

            I may have a few personal things that each of you may like to have – I can think of a few. I have talked with your dad about these things – he knows my wishes and when he is ready to part with them he will see to it you can have what you would like.

            Dear Kathy, I love you so much. You have been a loving and caring daughter – but most of all you have been a great mother. I am so proud of you – you are so caring and unselfish. I know it was not always easy for you but you raise two beautiful daughters and they love you dearly. I pray for yours and Tom’s health and happiness and many more years together.

            Steve – I love you so very much. You have always been my wanderer – you still are. Thank God you have always come back home. I’m proud of your honesty and kindness, always willing to help out, always there when you were needed. A wonderful boy who grew into a fine man. I wish you and Rob a great future – good health and happiness.

            Mark – I love you so very much, I know you know that. You were always my little man and you have grown into a wonderful, kind and fine man. You are such a blessing, such a good father. Your children are very lucky. Much happiness for you and Eileen.

God bless you all, I am so very proud of all of you.

You are all very much like your father. I may have given you a sense of right and wrong and caring, but your father gave you his strength and perseverance and I am very happy about that.

This has been very hard to write – my last Good-bye. God bless you all and keep you in his loving care. Love one another, until we are together again – and I am sure we will be – I am forever.

                        Your Loving,

                                    Mother

 She never met Carson, Dylan, Brook or Bryce, but they will know her, through our stories, pictures and the multitude of joyful memories – YES, her absence has become her presence!

The longer I live, the more I understand Mama-Jo’s words. Memories are sacred! (See “A Day At Home”.) We can hold everyone we have ever met close to hearts by simply bringing to mind a memory of that person. Through our pictures and stories we can manifest them back to life – and, while they are around, we can laugh and cry with them, and we can lean on them and ask for help, inspiration and guidance.

I believe that as long as there is one person still on this planet who remembers me after I have passed, I am still alive, for their memories of me keep me so.

Peace and much Love,

Steve

The Brink Of Revelation

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Fotolia_28591994_Subscription_Monthly_MThe New Year, as we call it, is one of many man-made conventions for keeping time in order. It’s one of those things we invented so that everyone is able to speak a common language about time and, therefore, set appointments, make plans and stay organized in order to get things done. But is January 1st the best time to set a resolution of change for yourself?

There are other “New Year” celebrations throughout the year. The first day of Spring in mid-March is the start of nature’s New Year. It is when the energy of the planet in the Northern Hemisphere is ready to pop open new and fresh. Then there is the monthly New Moon which nurtures the ‘seed,’ which can represent our consciousness, or simply a new project. The seed starts the journey from the depths of the soil to emerge into the light of day. Or perhaps Samhain/Halloween, called Witch’s or Pagan New Year because the top part of the planet is going dormant to rest and gather strength for the next cycle of growth and expansion. Everything needs to gather strength before it can grow in a new and healthy way.

There are also other “New Year” demarcations throughout most religions and spiritualities that have nothing to do with January 1.

I believe every day is an opportunity for a new start, a new perspective, a step on a fresh path. Every day we are on the brink of revelation. But we have to go inside and listen to the silence. Many of us are afraid of the silence inside. But within the silence, we open ourselves up to hear the voice of our own inner guide. In Sanskrit it is called Atman, the inner guru, who knows us and guides us on our path of fulfillment and meaning. It guides us to find our purpose.

Any or every morning, when we wake up from our nighttime slumber, is an opportunity to ‘wake up’ from the slumber we are in during our waking hours. It is then, in that moment of awakening, we can make resolutions not only for our life but also for the present moment. We can open ourselves up to trying something different. The opportunity is there for us EVERY DAY and Every Moment.

I love January. It’s my birth month, and maybe for some of us, it is the best time to start a new resolve towards a path to be a better US. But it’s not the only time.

Most of us are searching for meaning and purpose in our lives, so we make resolutions to be a better person – whatever our concept of that may be. Have you ever thought “Who I am right now and what I am doing right now is exactly what I need to be doing for my growth?” “But,” you might say, “I am not happy as I am right now.” “I don’t feel good.” “I am over weight.” “I don’t like how I react to or judge people, etc, etc … ”

The thought that you want something better for yourself is “being at the point of revelation.” When your awareness lets you know or guides you to look at your life and shift your perspective, you are on the road to authentic change.

At that point of awareness, you might want to find ways to nurture this pathway of thinking by reading Simple Steps, Real Change daily; meditating or exercising regularly; hiring a life coach or someone to keep you accountable on your new journey. Or simply take steps such as practicing kindness, saying thank you and being grateful.

Our resolutions need to be about deepening our love for ourselves, not about doing what we think we are “supposed” to do.

The mind can sometimes be like an adolescent that is out of control.

Starting a daily habit of sitting quietly to tame the adolescent mind which rules our life can be a way to affect all the other changes we might want to see for ourselves. Many times it is our mind that talks us out of staying resolute. Look to see what is keeping you from truly being the incredible human being you want to be and resolve to work on that issue.

There is no greater journey than the journey to KNOWING your True Self.

DECIDE: “This is the year and the time for me to know myself to the core of my being, and from this point, I invite courage and strength to be my guides.”

Every day we are on the Brink of Revelation. Breathe fully into knowing each day can be your New Year’s Day. Be spacious inside and fly high and free.

An Experience Of A Moment:

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rearviewmirrorA few weeks ago my partner and I made a long drive from Cincinnati, OH to Greenwich, NY. We were going to a retreat center to present a weekend workshop named, “Personal Training for the Body & Soul”. We began our journey about 8:00am with our car loaded with suitcases, briefcases and enough food to make the long 12 hour ride – stopping only for gas and bathroom breaks! The day was pleasant but chilly – big heavy clouds passed by along the way, some gave us bursts of snow, others sprinkles of rain. The drive took us north towards Cleveland then east to Albany then north again to Greenwich.

Ohio’s farmland was spotted with areas of snow but it was mostly brown and muddy – the land was “in-waiting”. Every once in a while there was a fleeting sign of spring – a small bunch of wide flowers here and a forsythia with just a hint of yellow there.   The landscape of Upstate New York began pretty much the same, with rolling hills of snow and mud – then came the acres and acres of vineyards as we passed through the Finger Lakes. Driving further east, the snowy fields became the norm and as the sun peeked from behind the passing clouds the landscape took on a glittering shimmer. How wonderful!

East of Buffalo, the New York Thruway cuts between the passing hills creating walls of stones and dirt along the side of the road. Some of these man-made cliffs were up to 30 or 40 feet high and most of them (especially along the south side of the east bound lanes) were dominated by thick frozen waterfalls of ice. As we passed, the ice reflected blue, green, yellow and gold. They were spectacular and grand. While our view was fleeting, because we were passing them at 70 miles per hour, they still demanded our attention.

As we drove further east and now past Syracuse, we were delighted and treated by the sight of thousands (and I really mean thousands) of Geese.   Each skein of Geese was in the familiar wedge formation – some with 10 or 12 Geese, others with 20 or more. They were all flying in the same direction, perhaps looking for a place to light for the night. For miles, their formations filled the sky.

At some point along our drive, my partner took advantage of the situation and reclined his seat, closed his eyes and allowed the smooth rocking of the moving car to lull him to sleep. I turned off the radio and turned my attention to all that surrounded me – the highway, the traffic, the quiet farms, the geese, the changing light, the ice waterfalls and the sound of Rob’s sleeping breath. I found myself so interested in everything that was within sight and sound. But nothing was able to hold my attention for too long – remember we were moving through our scene at 70 miles per hour. But in those quick moments of my attention to what was passing by, I found that nothing else mattered. I had no time to dwell on any one thing for too long for it was very soon replaced by something new and interesting.

When Rob awoke from his hour or so nap, I talked with him about my experience while he slept. I told him that only after his waking did I realize that there were times in that hour when I could not remember what I had just seen or driven by. I told him of my experience of focusing on so many different sights and sounds that I felt I was present with everything. I explained that I had seen many details of the cars and farm houses only to forget about them almost as quickly as I saw them. I had felt totally “there” in that hour. It was a very interesting feeling – and this interesting is good.

Because of my experience on the drive, I found myself during the weekend retreat, stopping and saying to myself, “Pay Attention”, “Look into the eyes of the person who you are talking with,” “Are you really listening?” (Well at that moment, I guess I wasn’t because I was asking myself these questions, Ha!) Overall, I found that I was. I had made the effort – I wasn’t thinking of what I might say to contribute to the conversation, I wasn’t thinking about what time it was or about what was next on our schedule. No, I was there.   I reflected back to a book by Dan Millman, “Way of the Peaceful Warrior” when Socrates would ask Dan, “What time is it?” and the correct answer was “NOW” – “Where are you?” “Here”. How true!

By being in the “now” over the weekend, I found that the days were long and enjoyable – the evenings were sweet and relaxing. As Rob tells his meditation students, “you have all the time in the world.” This is what I have found to be true.

Many of us fill our days with so many things, so many gadgets, so many thoughts of ‘I like this’ or’ I don’t like that’ and our personal landscape zooms by at 70+ miles per hour. What happens is that we really don’t give anything very much attention and just as the landscape zooms by, so does our lives. No matter how fast the landscape might be moving, make sure you are concentrating on what you see in front of you. If the pace is too much, take your foot of the gas pedal and find the speed at which you are truly present—- in the NOW.

I invite you to slow down and really begin to pay attention.   What color are the eyes of the person across the table from you? Do you see your surroundings? Are you hearing the sounds of the birds? Turn off your cell phone. Take a walk through a park. Make each moment a special occasion, for it is! This very moment is the only thing that is for sure.

Peace,

Steve Bolia

A Day At Home

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Steve3The home I live in is three stories tall and was built in 1894.  In my eyes, it’s a grand place with original hard wood floors and woodwork.   Just the other day, I decided that I would take the time to clean the third floor.  So I mounted the stairs with my dust cloth, broom, glass cleaner, paper towels and a determination to get rid of all that had collected in the corners, on the bookshelves and on the mirrors.  Most of January had been brutally cold, but on this day the temperature had soared to 25 degrees!  So, I decided that I would even open a window to bring in some fresh, clean air.

I removed everything from the tops of the dresser and chest of drawers, and with my dust cloth I joyfully wiped away a thin layer of dust that had collected.  I cleaned each piece of “stuff” that was on the surface of these two pieces of furniture and edited as I created a new display, arranging the items in a way that allowed me see each piece anew.

Next, I ventured to the bookshelves which span the length of the room!  Each shelf holds a collection of framed pictures, photo albums, books and what my dad would call “nick-knack-paddywacks.” The shelves are broken up into five sections, so I began on the right side and worked my way across.  Once again, I removed everything from each shelf, then using my dust cloth, I cleaned each shelf.  As I began to replace the items after cleaning, I found myself really looking at the pictures, books and other treasures.  Everything on these shelves had a story, not just of our years together, but stories of our parents, our siblings … our entire families.  As I started to place the items back on the shelves, I decided that I would take the time to not only change the placement of the special keepsakes but to also change the frames that the pictures were displayed in.  Each story was retold as I wiped away the fingerprints from the glass and placed a picture into the frame.   I smiled, laughed and even experienced a tear or two as the images took me back to days gone by.  What a joy!

Two hours later when I reached the left end of the bookshelves, I realized that I had taken a fantastic journey.  As I scanned the clean shelves, I saw shining, smiling faces looking back at me!  By giving the shelves a little attention, I transformed everything on them into something new and eye-catching.   It was as if I redecorated the entire room.  Love emanated from me towards each image and then was reflected back to me.   When I finished, I must have sat in front of the shelves for another half hour. From the staircase I heard, “Hey Steve, did you fall asleep?”  “No,” I replied, “I’m just getting rid of a little dust.”  I smiled, picked up the broom, swept the floor, shook the area rug out the open window (then closed it!), emptied the trash can and changed the bed clothes.

Surveying the room right before I descended the stairs, I smiled once again – who’d a thought that by getting rid of a little dust one could bring so much love and positive energy into a room.

Later that evening, I learned that the next day was the New Moon in Aquarius (Jan. 30, 2014).  This New Moon is also called a Super Moon because it was the second New Moon in the month of January.   This Aquarian Moon represented freedom and liberation.  Here, the Sun and Moon (which were both in Aquarius) offer us a fresh outlook on life, empowering us to move in a bold direction!  Every New Moon is a new beginning – it can be looked at as the seed which has just been planted deep in the soil.  There is only darkness but the seed possesses a yearning to move and grow, so it starts its journey towards the light.

I reflected on my afternoon cleaning spree and the idea of this bold new moon. How perfect it was that I had taken the time to get rid of dust and fingerprints from oh so many familiar things to make room for a new vision to come into my life.

You too can do this!  You can bring this newness into your life every day.  You don’t have to tackle a full wall of pictures and photo albums, as I did; you can begin with just a desk or table top.  Begin by clearing the space – as a friend of mine once said, “You’ve gotta make a mess before you can really clean.”  Now, get out your dust cloth and clean the surface. Make your efforts sacred – set an intention if you like … something like, “I open myself up to all possibilities”, or “I am clearing this space to bring in something fresh and new into my life.”  Now, let each item tell you a story as you clean it – spend some time with each one!  Then as you begin to place the items back, first make sure that you still want or need to have that particular item out on display.   Remember, you don’t have to throw away anything – this is an exercise in seeing your world in a new way.  Now, take that picture of Mom out of that gold frame and place her in the silver frame that had a picture of you at a summer picnic three years ago.  Take that picture and place it in another frame and so on, until you have it all back in its NEW space.

Time speeds by us. By changing up small things in our lives and making them new, we begin to notice them once again. This Newness demands our attention and in this noticing, we slow down.

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