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Nothing – Everything – Nothing

November 4, 2015 by Steve Bolia

Fall Colors 021I live in an area that is not quite the Mid-West, it’s certainly not the South, it’s far too west to be called the East and a little to south to be the North. It’s a place I call home and it’s that time of year to begin to put the garden away for the winter. This means cleaning out flower beds, raking leaves, cutting back plants and putting things into the shed for storage. It’s a cycle that happens every year – year after year.

There’s a calm and simple stillness that the garden has from now until April. The winter garden is a true beauty that more often than not, goes unnoticed. We tend to the garden’s needs at the end of the season and then move into our own winter cocoon – sometimes forgetting to even look out at the empty beds and withered grass. When I tend to the garden this time of year, there’s also a little excitement for me and I have those moments of, “Oh cool, next year, I’ll do this instead: and I’ll move these over here….” -all kinds of plans, because I know that they will come back – that they will once again be vibrant and full of color and life.

This time of year also marks the anniversary of my Father’s passing. For the last ten years, I have toasted to his life and have mourned his absence. The garden he was part of, or his “Tribe” as he called us, has moved forward. It has continued to bloom and thrive and grow, but the tall tree in the middle has not come back. As a wise man once told me, “His Absence has become his Presence.” I like that!

Now, this month I add another name to the list of those whose presence will be missed. Last week, one of my cousins, who is very much a contemporary of mine, died of a massive heart attack. No longer will her flowers bloom in my Tribe’s garden.

So, as I put my garden away for the winter; as the plant’s blooms cease and the leaves turn brown, I think about those in my tribe who have passed. The Iris, Black-eyed Susan, Primrose, Roses, Hydrangea and Dalia are just like us. They come from nothing – they are everything, full of life and color – they then return to nothing. But unlike us, these plants have a seed or bulb we can still see and we trust that once again, they will burst into life.

I wish it were like that with us. I wish there were a seed we would leave behind, a promise that we will return. But alas, there is not. Or, is there?

Science tells us, energy cannot be created nor destroyed – it just changes shape. At the very base, we are energy – we are animated by a spark. The outer casing or our bodies are just a vehicle or house for this spark. It is a place for which the spark can express itself. Now, that opens the floor to a lot of questions for me! Some of which are, “Where did this spark come from?” and “Where does it go after it leaves the body?” We can only guess, right?

Eastern teachings state that all of creation; from the dandelion, to the robin to each one of us is simply an expression of the Divine, or Shakti. Shakti is the creative force that gives rise to everything – it wants to experience all things from the smallest to the largest and the most hideous to the most beautiful. It cares not how it is expressed and therefore all forms of this expression are equal. When one aspect of Shakti’s expression withers and dies, another form comes bursting to life. But it is the cycle that we are so afraid of – especially the death part when it comes to our own Being. Because once we die, what’s next? This is called “The Human Dilemma”. As we know it, we are born, we grow and learn, we have experiences of love and hate, we serve others or we hoard our resources and then one day…we take our last breath. It happens to all of us and it is that thought that scares us more than anything else. Eastern Religions also tell us that there are five causes of suffering: they are: Ego, Attachment, Aversion, Ignorance and Fear of Death. They also say that to be happy, we must recognize these causes of suffering and free ourselves of them.

Through mindful living and keeping ourselves present in every moment, we begin to still the ego brain. It is our ego which labels experiences or things as good or bad. It is our ego which judges all things based on our attachments and aversions and this then leads to false beliefs. It is our ego that tells us that this physical body is immortal – as long as we keep ourselves busy with our likes and dislikes, we can hold death away from our doors. But by keeping ourselves mindful and present we see life as it is – a string of events that are all equal, no one thing better or worse than another.

So, as I reflect on the passing of my cousin, I try not to judge the experience. She lived as she did; she interacted with the world and then took her last breath. It is what we all will do – like the billions who have gone before us, like every expression of Shakti.

Her particular flower or expression of Shakti will be missed. I now welcome a new energy source into my garden however this new expression will be.

Peace,
Steve Bolia

Falling Off The Healthy Wagon

July 10, 2015 by Rob Dorgan Steve Bolia

IMG_0041 I’ve always been a thin guy. I’ve never really had any issues with food (except maybe peas, ugh!), and for the most part I’ve been very active, but skinny. My partner, Rob, on the other hand will tell you that he was a fat kid. He ate anything he could get a hold of and was never much into being active. Becoming an adult changed that for both of us and we can now say, eating right and working out have been an important part of our lives for more than 35 years.

For the past three years, Rob and I have been working for ourselves. We are both Licensed Massage Therapist and Personal Trainers.   Rob is a Registered Yoga Teacher who also teaches Meditation and I have a ‘Certificate in Nutrition’ from The American Council on Exercise. We work out with a trainer three times a week and try hard to get in two if not three sessions of cardio each week. Our diets are clean, with no red meat. We buy and eat as much organic foods as possible and we drink a fresh fruit & vegetable juice each day.   With us being advocates for “Healthy Living”, we feel it’s necessary for us to walk the walk so as to inspire our clients to incorporate our “talk” into their lives. By being healthy and active people we feel we help our clients be the same.IMG_0053

A little more than two months ago, something shifted.   We found ourselves at the gym only twice a week with an occasional visit to the fat-burning cardio machines.   While our diet at home remained pretty much the same, we found ourselves skipping meals and eating out more than usual.   Snacking on hummus and crackers was almost an everyday thing and we began to ‘treat’ ourselves with a glass of wine or a beer almost every night.

Enabling each other in our “treats” and irregular habits became easy. A typical rational was – “Ok, its 7:30 pm and we’re just finishing up a massage client, I don’t feel like cooking so let’s just go out and grab something. And since we’re out, let’s have a beer with dinner.”   One beer easily turns into two, and after a couple of beers and getting home around 10:00 pm – well, now it’s too late to set the alarm for 6:30am to make it to the trainer, so let’s cancel. And the cycle continued.

It’s easy to fall into a cycle that feels good in the moment but is not supporting your overall plan for your life. That is exactly where we found ourselves.

We work mostly from home with our massage clients coming to us.  Originally, we were good at keeping up with our meals and our workouts, but as we got busier, scheduling clients started to become a problem. Not a problem in the sense that they were not welcomed and we didn’t appreciate the business (we welcomed all the business) but the problem was in blending the client’s needs and timing with our established healthy habits. Some days, one or two clients would book mid-afternoon and we found ourselves missing lunch or grabbing a handful of nuts. Then, a yoga teacher would call needing a sub for their 5:45pm class. So we’d end up in a restaurant having dinner……and the cycle continued.   We began to teach from one side of our mouth while we were eating a grilled turkey sandwich and having a cold beer with the other side. And the pounds started to accumulate.

UGH, did we ever fall off the healthy wagon!

The weight gain was noticeable – especially to us. We knew that something was up but we just didn’t see or feel it at first and then couldn’t stop it.   We talked about our lack of attention to our lifestyle and knew that something had to change…but nothing did. We had less energy and doing the things we wanted to do become harder and harder to do. Then one day while preparing for an upcoming retreat that we were hosting, called Personal Training for the Body & Soul – we stopped and said, wait a minute, this is exactly what we need! It made us stop and say; “What in the hell are we doing?” And more than What are we doing, Why are we doing this?

We both knew we were medicating ourselves. There had to be something deeper going on within us. But what? And–where do we go from here?

With our notes for our Retreat in hand we began asking ourselves a few questions. “What is really important to us? What do we value?” We made a list. Then came: “Are we acting in accordance to what we value and deem important?” The answer this time was a resounding, No! Then to bring it back around, we asked ourselves, “What do we need to do to get back on track and get back to our core values?” With new dedication and determination we began the process of getting back on our own wagon – we know what it takes.

We never did come up with a particular “ WHY” we fell from the Healthy Wagon. It is usually a combination of life situations that hit at once. In our case we let ourselves get overwhelmed about our life. Sound familiar?

Life is a spiral and we keep coming back to the same place. The trick is to see this place with new eyes, with a clearer vision because of our past experiences. It is never exactly the same. As with all things in life there is ebb and flow, a crest then a wake. This back and forth, is our True Self seeking balance – a natural process from moving away from center than back again, like walking a tight-rope, or staying grounded and balanced while doing Warrior II in a yoga class. It’s like knowing when to work hard and knowing when you need a vacation. We come and we go, we move this way and that – all in an effort to find our midpoint or quite spot. Falling off the Healthy Wagon and getting back on was part of our evolution. It made us more aware of what is important to us and therefore a little easier this time to climb back up and get back on.

“It is not so much about changing the pace of our life as it is about changing the pace of our mind”, Rob said to me one day!

The mind is a wonderful tool but it can also be a force that pushes you fast and furious off the wagon of your life. Take a little time each day to step back from yourself and take a look at what you are doing. Do you feel good or do you need to make some alterations? Take a look at your daily routine. Are you living according to your values and what is important to you? This self- check in can become a healthy habit which makes staying on track easier.

It’s your life. Be Happy. Be Healthy. Be in love with you!

Steve Bolia & Rob Dorgan

Lack of Attention

May 4, 2015 by Rob Dorgan Steve Bolia

BuddahIt’s late Monday morning and I’m sitting in the lounge of a dealership waiting on my car which is for regular maintenance. I’m expecting to wait for about an hour and a half, so I brought a few snacks, my laptop and my copy of Thich Nhat Hanh’s, “Essential Writings”. Within the waiting room there are another half dozen others, waiting, like me. There is a television on. I’ve positioned myself away from the TV, actually behind it, so as not to see the screen. It is blaring. I even questioned to myself, why is it so loud? The overhead speakers are playing dated music and on top of all this noise, there is the occasional overriding voice of the receptionist, directing calls to the appropriate extensions. For the short time I am there, the TV programs progress from a rambunctious game show, to local headline news, to one of those over-dramatized soap-operas.

While all of this is all going on, I somehow manage to get a little work completed on my laptop which I then tuck away in my bag. I reach for my book. I begin to read, then pause, caught up in the excitement of the Game Show. I direct my attention back to the page, this time, only able to read a couple of lines before I realize I have no idea what I just read – someone just won a “NEW CAR”! So I start back at the beginning of the paragraph. This goes on for about 15 minutes when it dawns on me that the experience in this waiting room, with all the noise, excitement and movement, is exactly what Hanh’s book is describing. This waiting room is an extension, and an excellent example of the antics of the mind – like a monkey swinging from branch to branch, the music, the TV and all the other distractions are exactly how the mind works when it is allowed to be in control. So, as I sit here waiting for my car, I find myself becoming aware of being mindful of the experience that my book is describing.

We, as a population, fill the silence of our days with all kinds of noise and distractions. Why? We do not want to feel alone. We can be so afraid of the silence that exists within us. This fear drives us to surround and bombard ourselves with noise – any kind of noise will do! Noise from multiple sources is preferable, just in case one source goes quiet for a moment, and sometimes, the louder, the better.   Why do we fear the quiet voice of our True Self, the voice, which can only be heard when we are in silence? According to Thich Nhat Hanh, “Almost no one listens to his or her true self. But when we are not ourselves, any freedom we think we have is illusionary. Sometimes we reject freedom because we fear it. Our true selves are buried beneath layers of moss and brick.”   These layers of moss and brick are the opinions, expectations, noise and distractions we invite into our daily lives. Watching TV or movies, listening to music, even reading a book are all ways we occupy our time so that we do not have to experience the sensational quiet of the Self.   We may say that through the books, music, movies and even the TV, we are expanding our knowledge.   Yet, it is only when we allow ourselves to be quiet that we begin to expand our knowledge of our True Self.

So, how can we tap into the inner silence? Certainly not by trying but by simply sitting with our eyes closed and the stereo, TV and other people turned OFF!   We cannot get there by trying to get there, because this trying only takes us out – it is an effort that leads us away from our center and the quiet. It was suggested by The Buddha some 2500 years ago and it is now the hottest topic among Neuro Scientist all over the World – Meditation—it is good for our Brain! There are many ways to meditate. They include: sitting quietly and just observing the mind – trying to detach yourself from your thoughts (kind of hard to do because our brain is designed to think – but possible with practice). You can practice Mantra (chanting) or Pranayama (breath exercises). You can practice walking meditation – where you focus completely on the movement of the body or use Guided visual meditations.   There are many paths to the quiet but the most important aspect of any of them is actually making or taking the time to do them. If you feel you have time, then you will make time. If you feel there just isn’t any extra time in your already busy day, well, then you will not do it – it’s really just a decision on your part. If it is important to you, you will find a way. If it is not important to you, you will find an excuse!

Your sitting does not need to be 30 minutes or an hour; it can be as little as seven minutes a day to make an impact on your life, your health and your awareness! Yes! In as little as 7 minutes per day, for at least 21 days in a row, you can begin to change the neural pathways in your brain which will start you on a journey of self-discovery and awareness. Scientist, through the help of magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) have found that people who meditate regularly exhibit a greater capacity for concentration, improved attention, mental flexibility and more emotional control than non-meditators.

Turn the TV and the radio off. Close the book.

We are all seeking inner peace and happiness. The fascinating thing is that it comes from inside while we are seeking it out in the world. Wow. Try something different today. Take a few deep, deep breaths and settle into the silence of your being. You may just find, there is nothing to fear. For inside you, if we go deep enough we can find that river of peace that flows through us with each full and delicious breath. Come on. Give it a try.

Steve Bolia

Are You Dressed For The Weather?

April 1, 2015 by Rob Dorgan Steve Bolia

beautiful girl freezing in winter parkDuring my morning mediation I read something that will inspire me to start the day. Lately, I have been reading a page or so of Thich Nhat Hanh’s writings. Two days in a row, I read a quote that stirred me, “Everyday we touch what is wrong, and as a result we become less and less healthy. That is why we have to practice touching what is not wrong—inside us and around us.”

I realized that just a few years ago I started every day with looking at what had to be done and worrying about how I was going to do it. “There isn’t enough time” “I don’t want to do these things”  “I wish I had more down time or time for myself.”

Today I thought, how did I get out of bed with all that negative chatter and intensity. I realize my meditation and morning centering— somehow filling myself with something positive— is making a difference on how I look at my day and my life.

It is the difference between being dressed for the weather and not. Going out in the morning on a brisk day in just your t-shirt and shivering or going out with a warm sweater and scarf. With  just the t-shirt you worry about hypothermia or fixate on the  constant thought of “I am cold”. With the sweater and scarf, you can take a deep breath and enjoy the feeling of the sun on your face.

For years I was going outside everyday in a t- shirt or less. I felt so vulnerable and many times during the day I was shivering- metaphorically.  I was so fixed on what was wrong in my day and life that I forgot to acknowledge the Miracle of my own existence.

“Hey you” ( speaking to myself)— “your heart is beating, your eyes are open, your body is functioning, you are breathing and you can see all the wonderful colors of life.”

Maybe there is intensity in your life. Maybe there is a lot to do. But slow it down and decide for yourself what is really necessary  and what isn’t.  Is there some way you can simplify your life in just one small way today? All this worry and anxiety is affecting your life center —- your heart.

Give yourself a break.  For me  to give myself a break I started a daily meditation practice. It has helped me immensely. It is not solving my problems but it gives me the space to look at them differently and make healthier decisions for myself. It gives me a space to work through them.  If meditation is not a possibility for your mindset at this time, read something inspirational or sit down and write yourself a love note.

“Dear me, I really do like you. Actually I love you. We are in this together and I am glad. We make a great team. Let’s keep growing and evolving and staying open to all the possibilities there are in life. “

Surrounding yourself in some way with LOVE every day of your life, from you to you—works.
It takes some time for it to take hold. Be patient. But keeping doing it.

Hanh says, “ When we take one conscious breath, aware of our eyes, our heart, our liver…
we are transported to Paradise right away. Peace is available. We only have to touch it.”

Rob Dorgan/Steve Bolia

*Source: Thich Nhat Hanh Essential Writings.

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