A safe harbor where beliefs are respected and kindness prevails.

What If This Is The Last Time?

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RD1I feel very fortunate to have my best friend and partner all in one person. It is a gift, yes, but it also means I have to be totally honest with Steve about everything. That’s what you do with best friends – confide – right? You tell your best friend all the annoying things your spouse does. Because Steve is my best friend, I really think about whether or not to mention the few little things he does that get under my skin. They are actually my issues, not his, right?

We had the wonderful opportunity of living with my mom, Dottie, for the last eight years of her life. We moved in with her after a health crisis that the doctors thought was the beginning of the end – saying we would have her for a year or two – but I guess that goes to show what cutting out cigarettes after 60 years and what a new diet of organic foods can do to extend your life. She bounced back and thrived. Although the journey was incredible, and the three of us had a blast together, there were times when I felt myself ready to snap or roll my eyes at her for being overly concerned about what I saw as trivial or her wanting to continue to do something the same way she had for 80 some years, when I knew better.

Most of the time with Steve and my mom, I would stop myself and say, “What if this were the last thing I got to say to them? Would this be what I would want to say?”

I started this habit when I thought I would only have Dottie for a short time. I started saying to myself, “If this were the last time …”It can sound heavy but it wasn’t/isn’t. It just made me stop and think.

We are rarely given the opportunity “to know”when something is for the last time. But when we are given the chance to know – you really pay attention. Your deep awareness takes over, and the trivial does not get a chance to interfere.

Fast forward eight years. Dottie had an episode with her lungs that put her in the hospital overnight. She seemed fine as we left the hospital that evening. The next morning they called to say she was having issues breathing, and they did not think she would pull out of it. In that moment I wondered if this would be the last day. But how could I know? I wished I could know.

As we rushed to the hospital, I felt a shift in my awareness. I told myself to stop the “what ifs”and be in each moment. When I got to her side, she motioned for me to take the oxygen mask off. Looking me in the eyes, she said in a whisper, “This is the day I am going to die.”I must admit that it took my breath away. But knowing Dottie, if anyone could pick their exit day, it would be her. I took a deep breath. I bent down and asked, “Do you know what time?”She shook her head no.

But I got an answer to my question. Yes, this was going to be the last day. It was almost 24 hours later that she took her last breath. But we, along with my brother Dave, stayed with her the entire time. One of us was always holding her hand, singing to her, saying the rosary, telling her how much we loved her. And even in her weakened state, I could hear her say back to us each time, “I Love you too.”

When the grief would well up inside me, I would say, not yet. You still have her. Be here. Open your eyes. Feel her skin, her hair. Be in the moment. As intense as it was, it was also so beautiful and life altering.

So I have been saying it even more. “What if this is the last time?”Again I don’t say it to bring up sadness. It is not about getting lost in the emotion of sadness. It is about bringing my awareness into the moment. It helps me to look into the eyes of the one I am speaking with. It has me look at each student in my yoga class and acknowledge them. It opens me to discernment, so I save my criticism for the things that REALLY matter. There are times when we must speak our truth. But many times our criticism is based on the fact that someone’s actions or words set us off because they are not doing it our way or the way we think they “should.” Anytime we think or say “should,”it is our expectations being reflected on to someone else.

“What if this is the last time …”is my way of bringing myself back to the moment I am in. It brings me into the NOW. My friend Cindy is dealing with aging parents and the natural tendency to start the grieving before anyone has moved on. You find yourself grieving because they are not the “way”they used to be or how you remember. We talked about it when her Mom went through a recent health crisis. We all age if we are fortunate enough to do so. All humans have aging in common. So be with them as they are Now. Don’t mourn how they used to be. That’s useless and just breaks your heart over and over. Acknowledge the natural process of things and open your awareness to the NOW. Be with them here. Maybe you let a few things roll off your back. Maybe you have to take a deep breath and allow them to be their eccentric selves. In the grand scheme of things, what does it matter? If it were the last time, what would you do or say? Pause. Pay attention as if there are no tomorrows. Don’t hope for more time or opportunities or blindly count on it; make use of the ones you have right now. Don’t stop yourself from reaching for their hand. Keep saying I love you even if it is never said back to you. If it is the last time, make sure you lived it true to your heart. Let your heart be free. Be kind. That kindness finds its way back to you.

I learned so much from my Mom. I am still learning. I have great gratitude that she gave me the experience of “knowing it was the last time.”I used that moment, that day, all the time to make my life richer and more meaningful.

It’s funny now how I find myself smiling at the little things about Steve that once bothered me. I open my Awareness, and I have gratitude for having him around. I find myself looking at him to capture every detail as if I might not get another opportunity. Live each day, each moment, as if it’s the only one you’ve got. That’s what is important. Namaste’

 Rob Dorgan

Creating Happiness Through Health

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DF1Imagine what it would feel like to live a life of happiness, health, and well-being. Can you do that? Can you close your eyes and let yourself go to a time and place where you feel amazing vitality, strength, and a true sense of peace and happiness?

This is where it all starts. Right from where you are. No matter what is going on in your lives. Right here, right now, is the time to start the process of creating health and happiness for tomorrow.

What do you have in your life that you can be thankful for right now? There is so much you can’t even imagine. You just have to recognize it and stop rejecting it. Being present in this moment for what you do have will begin to bring more experiences into your life to be thankful for.

Yes, I am talking about gratitude. Since our time together is focused on health, fitness, and wellness, I will speak in those terms.

Maybe you don’t have the energy, body shape, health, or sense of well-being you are desiring; however, you still have plenty to be grateful for. See what you do have to work with as a gift, and take and mold yourself into someone spectacular.

Can you walk? Can you move your body? Are you able to put food on the table that is nutritious? Can you schedule time for exercise, meditation, and family? Do you have someone who will support and encourage you? (Yes you do; I am just a phone call away!)

Part of creating happiness in your life is creating health and fitness in your body.

When your body is strong and filled with vitality, you feel so much more confident and self empowered. You have the energy to step beyond the day’s normal activities and start following your passions.

When your body is healthy and strong, you are capable of so much more, and your spirit guides your thoughts into the expression of your full potential.

It is so true: “When you have your health, you have everything. When you do not have your health, nothing else matters at all.” Augusten, Burroughs

I have personally worked with many very successful people who were in such a state of pain and physical dysfunction that they could not see clear to feel happy or grateful for all that they had. Their lack of health pulled them down into fear and despair. Yet as we worked together, and as they began to create health and wellness, their enthusiasm for life returned, and they realized how precious health is to happiness.

Happiness comes out of a healthy spirit, mind, and body. We must give ourselves the spiritual, mental/emotional, and physical nutrition needed so we can radiate happiness from every cell in our body.

Spiritually, we must recognize we are the universal consciousness, or God, and we are here to live a life of abundance, happiness, and health. Then we need to claim this for ourselves by believing it and knowing we are capable of anything we can imagine.

Mentally/emotionally, we must focus our attention on knowing and feeling ourselves as that which we desire to be. When our thoughts and emotions drift towards the negative, we should recognize this and refocus our attention on our desires.

Physically, we must give our bodies abundant deep breathing, plenty of clean water, nutritious foods, the right amount of exercise, and plenty of sleep.

Happiness comes with a simple recipe: Love yourself enough to give your spirit, mind, and body what it needs in order to be healthy and to flourish.

By doing so, you will live a life that most will only dream of.

You deserve this, you know? You deserve to be happy, healthy, and well. No one outside of yourself can give this to you. You not only hold the key, but you are the key.

Unlock your potential of happiness, health, and wellness by starting today.

I am here to help you on this journey.

I wish for you Vibrant Health!

David E. Fresilli

Funky Town Won’t Last

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JT2I was in such a funk last week. My consistent mindset of gratitude and enjoying each moment had eluded me. It’s like something clicked that got me out of my usually balanced and optimistic self.

All week I immersed myself in the energy of impatience. The things I want to achieve, while in motion, aren’t happening fast enough, or so I thought. I felt like because what I think I want hasn’t happened yet, then I need to do more, need to work harder, need to do something different.

Living in that energy last week — by concentrating on the idea that “things aren’t working,” I truly manifested that. Things didn’t work. My relationships weren’t as flowing and enjoyable as usual. My sleep was interrupted and less rejuvenating. My mind was spinning in different directions.

By the end of the week, the energy it took for me to remain in a heightened state of dissatisfaction had wiped me out! In my state of exhaustion, I finally threw up my hands and surrendered. All I can say is, “Thank goodness.” When I surrendered, my spinning mind slowed down. And when it did, my usually balanced and optimistic self reemerged, like going outside to greet the sun after a heavy storm.

I learned a lot from my impatience immersion week. I realized that my impatience took me out of the power of living in the moment. Being impatient suggested that my life is out of balance, and it isn’t. Everything is perfect, exactly as-is.

The mindset of allowing things to be okay exactly as-is, and living in the moment keeps me in my body. It keeps me calm and joyous and connected to love. I had so immersed myself in the mindset of impatience, I cut off the love. When I cut off the love, I don’t function well at all for it is the love that fuels me.

When I stopped spinning for a moment, I asked myself the following questions. When I did, I started feeling better, almost immediately:

  1. What have I accomplished while being impatient? How did it serve me exactly as-is?
  2. What will I enjoy once I get what I want? Can I feel it now, even for a split second instead of waiting?
  3. What is working really well for me today (or, what’s going well today?)
  4. Would I want to replace what is going well in my life right now with that other thing?

If you find yourself living in Funky Town when thinking about yesterday or tomorrow, it means that your own voice has jumped out of your body and the critical voice has taken charge. When you find that this is the case, ask yourself one or two of the above questions and watch your mind spin for a minute. Don’t sugarcoat anything or pretend; allow yourself to spin – it is like riding an ocean wave. It won’t last, and it will resolve itself! You can then feel yourself coming back home inside yourself.

Keep in mind that your Higher Self is in control and knows what is best for you. Understand that your life is a perfect reflection of your inner world. If something isn’t present that you would like to have present, trust and honor that. There are gifts in the moment that you have yet to unwrap.

One of my favorite lyrics by the band U2 comes from their song “It’s a Beautiful Day.” The line goes, “What you don’t have you don’t need it now.” I invite you to use that phrase as a gentle reminder to yourself whenever you find yourself anxious, worried, or out of the present moment.

Know that everything is okay, right here and right now. If nothing changes, you are okay and will continue to be okay. You can especially feel it when you remain in your good thoughts and acknowledge your sense of well-being. Allow your mindset of gratitude to keep you in the moment.

And finally, to the question of would you want to replace what is going well in your life right now with something that doesn’t yet exist physically … feel good now. Enjoy what is working in your life right now, and believe that you don’t have to choose … it is possible for you to have it all!

The Positive Power of the PAUSE

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BL3Are you aware of your self-talk? It’s that little voice inside that is babbling to you and guiding your choices and actions. Are you telling yourself your life is fun, adventurous, and joyful? Or do you hear yourself say life is hard, a struggle, and a pain in the you know where? The tricky part is that sometimes this voice is deeply buried, and we are not even conscious of it. Dr. Rick Hansen, psychologist and meditation teacher, wrote a book titled “Buddha’s Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love, and Wisdom.”He explains what’s possible when we PAUSE and become conscious of our self-talk.

“What modern science is enabling us to do is fantastic and unprecedented because this has never happened before in human history. By neuroscientists peering into the brain, we are starting to increasingly understand the circuits of happiness, love, and wisdom so that we can light up those circuits ourselves. And the way the brain works is, when you light up circuits, you actually strengthen them. There is a saying in neuroscience that ‘neurons that fire together, wire together.’So by stimulating the neuro-basis of happiness, love, and wisdom, you strengthen it so you become centered there and feel increasingly happy, resilient, confident, and caring for others.”

He goes on to say that PAUSING for 30 seconds and actively focusing on positive things will help to rewire the circuit of happiness, love, and wisdom. I loved it that he said 30 seconds. Simple steps can make a big difference. Imagine, only a half minute of intentional focus each day can increase pleasure and happiness.

That focus combined with surrounding yourself with more positive media is helping. Magazines like this one are converting a media focused on sensationalism to a media focused on a sensational and wonderful life of peace and happiness. As we get positive input in places where negative images, news stories, and information have lived, we will be able to create greater health, attract healthier relationships, and nourish our planet.

PAUSE is necessary for us to master and recognize our self-talk. When we stop to notice the voices and become aware of our thoughts, we begin to hear deeper voices. My friend Gerald shared a childhood story with me that illustrates this point with nature. He would go down by the river and sit quietly, communing with the insects and the bugs. He said the longer he quietly sat there, the more different kinds of insects would appear until he was surrounded by spiders, frogs, ants, etc. People who commit to silent meditation retreats will have the experience of more and more inner wisdom being revealed as the days of quiet go by. As you practice the 30-second PAUSE, you will get proficient at accessing the deeper voices and the resulting pleasure.

Another place to reinforce those happiness neurons is by changing what you write in your journal. Consider what your journals contain now. Are they filled with dramas and traumas and all the struggles that you wrote down to process the struggle? To stay on the path of positivity, keep gratitude journals. Keep journals about all your victories. Writing about what’s working well, talking about what’s working well, and thinking about what’s working well creates the intention for things to work well, and then it is easier to manifest things working well.

I’m going to be totally honest with you here. I have had a few days in the last couple years when finding something in my life that felt like it was working well was very difficult. So I’m not here to say that your goal should be a life of perfect pleasure 24/7. Choosing the way of pleasure is the consciousness I live in, and I have even been able to find moments of pleasure when I experience the severe physical pain of Rheumatoid Arthritis. Pain, which contrasts with pleasure, allows you to appreciate painless pleasure. Experiencing the highs and lows creates extraordinary times as long as you return to noticing what works well.

“Eighty percent of what you tell yourself, you believe.”This quote is from my radio guest, Marci Lock. She is President of MarciLock.com and Everlasting Fitness. Marci’s story of losing 70 lbs in three months, with results lasting over six years, has motivated her to become a transformational coach who speaks and teaches her clients how to change their self-talk to boost positive beliefs. When you notice what is working in your life, your belief system changes right along with it.

In order to practice these ideas, I invite you to do the following for at least 2 weeks.

WRITE down 12 things that went well at the end of the day before you get in bed.

Here is a sample list of mine:

  • I’m able to take such a nice deep breath.
  • I love the way my bangs fall right on my forehead.
  • I am feeling good about my exercise.
  • The new lotion is working on my red spots.
  • Made a basket throwing Kleenex in the trash.
  • My chili relleno casserole was a hit.
  • I completed chapter 5 today.
  • My half-hour nap came at just the right time.
  • I washed my sheets today, and they feel wonderful.
  • I felt sexy and hot in my halter dress.
  • My car started and has been so reliable getting me where I need to go.
  • My client base is expanding.

Keep it Simple!

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