A safe harbor where beliefs are respected and kindness prevails.

Are You Dressed For The Weather?

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beautiful girl freezing in winter parkDuring my morning mediation I read something that will inspire me to start the day. Lately, I have been reading a page or so of Thich Nhat Hanh’s writings. Two days in a row, I read a quote that stirred me, “Everyday we touch what is wrong, and as a result we become less and less healthy. That is why we have to practice touching what is not wrong—inside us and around us.”

I realized that just a few years ago I started every day with looking at what had to be done and worrying about how I was going to do it. “There isn’t enough time” “I don’t want to do these things”  “I wish I had more down time or time for myself.”

Today I thought, how did I get out of bed with all that negative chatter and intensity. I realize my meditation and morning centering— somehow filling myself with something positive— is making a difference on how I look at my day and my life.

It is the difference between being dressed for the weather and not. Going out in the morning on a brisk day in just your t-shirt and shivering or going out with a warm sweater and scarf. With  just the t-shirt you worry about hypothermia or fixate on the  constant thought of “I am cold”. With the sweater and scarf, you can take a deep breath and enjoy the feeling of the sun on your face.

For years I was going outside everyday in a t- shirt or less. I felt so vulnerable and many times during the day I was shivering- metaphorically.  I was so fixed on what was wrong in my day and life that I forgot to acknowledge the Miracle of my own existence.

“Hey you” ( speaking to myself)— “your heart is beating, your eyes are open, your body is functioning, you are breathing and you can see all the wonderful colors of life.”

Maybe there is intensity in your life. Maybe there is a lot to do. But slow it down and decide for yourself what is really necessary  and what isn’t.  Is there some way you can simplify your life in just one small way today? All this worry and anxiety is affecting your life center —- your heart.

Give yourself a break.  For me  to give myself a break I started a daily meditation practice. It has helped me immensely. It is not solving my problems but it gives me the space to look at them differently and make healthier decisions for myself. It gives me a space to work through them.  If meditation is not a possibility for your mindset at this time, read something inspirational or sit down and write yourself a love note.

“Dear me, I really do like you. Actually I love you. We are in this together and I am glad. We make a great team. Let’s keep growing and evolving and staying open to all the possibilities there are in life. “

Surrounding yourself in some way with LOVE every day of your life, from you to you—works.
It takes some time for it to take hold. Be patient. But keeping doing it.

Hanh says, “ When we take one conscious breath, aware of our eyes, our heart, our liver…
we are transported to Paradise right away. Peace is available. We only have to touch it.”

Rob Dorgan/Steve Bolia

*Source: Thich Nhat Hanh Essential Writings.

Profoundly Human

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LonelinessFor the last 10 days I’ve been training for my job, far away from my home.  At some point I had to become gainfully employed to support myself.  I know it was the best thing for me to do.

I feel lucky that my instructors are fun, kind and compassionate people.  They’ve made this trip more bearable because being away from home is just not what I wanted or needed so shortly after Jack’s death.  But life goes on and sometimes we have to pull on our big girl (or boy) pants and go on with it.

Being in a hotel room has amplified my sadness.  I can’t pick up the phone or Skype with Jack about my day, laugh about teaching an old dog new tricks or even complain about the heat.  We use to talk about everything and like any long-married couple we understood each other. But I can’t talk to him… and my loneliness is heartbreaking even to me.  So I cry.

The truth is that I am OK with my tears, with my sadness and even with being alone.  I had a wonderful marriage to the love of my life.  I was blessed and am blessed for having Jack in my life for 36 years.  What I am experiencing now is, well, just part of life.   And isn’t that why we are here in the first place?  To have this physical experience?  There was never a promise that this life would be all roses and sunshine anymore that it would be all doom and gloom.

I need to glean every bit of experience that I can in this lifetime and my pain is part of that.  I don’t have to like it but somehow I’m going to figure out how to appreciate it.  At some point I’ll be grateful for all of it… the tears, the sadness, and the loneliness… even if at the moment I cuss the seemingly unfairness of it.

As I sit here, alone,  at this moment my promise to myself is that I won’t stop living because I’ve loved and lost.  I will live because I was blessed to have Jack in my life and to witness the courage of his life.   I will live because that is what I came here to do. I will be happy again because I know that is the choice I will make for me.  All of this makes me profoundly human.  And I’m OK with that too.

As always, Cheryl

It’s Not About What We’ve Lost

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JACKCJ1The sound of Jack’s voice, his presence in the room, being able to tell him what I discovered… just being able to talk to him.  There are just no substitutes for what I miss the most.  I have wonderful friends and family… but calling them to talk about seeing my old neighborhood or that I had lunch at Pei Wei just isn’t as satisfying as having the conversation with Jack.  (And I know they understand that.)

It’s hard not to cry every time I miss what I had with him.  That doesn’t mean I’m focusing on all I’ve lost.  It means I miss my husband.  But then that shouldn’t surprise anyone… including me. As I sit here in a hotel room in Dallas, Texas.  I feel profoundly alone.  And I am… compared to what my life was.

I don’t feel sorry for myself.  Everyone in this life has or will go through some life changing event. And at this very moment according to the world clock nearly 111,000 people have died today. I’m not alone.  Some may have died suddenly and their loved ones are reeling from the shock.  Some suffered like Jack did and their family feels gratitude that the suffering is over.  For all of the people who died there are millions of us who are dealing with living after their deaths. We are not alone.

We can miss what we’ve lost without living in the past.  We can be sad because we won’t be able to hear their voices.  We can cry because we are alone.  But none of that means we’re living for what we’ve lost.  It just means we’re grieving… and that’s a part of life.

Tonight I’ll cry because I need to.  Tomorrow I’ll get up and drive south to visit my family and be grateful for their love and kindness.  I’ll give thanks for what I have and I’ll give thanks for what I had. And my life will go on.

We go on because as Jack would say, “It is what it is.”  And I know if our roles had been reversed he’d feel the way I do now.  But just like him I’ll have the courage to keep putting one foot in front of the other, do the best I can and give thanks for every day, for every moment, of my life.  And that’s where we can all find our peace.

With love, Cheryl

At the Mercy of the Box

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Girl Opening a Magical Present“Are you serious?” my friend asked the man at the counter.  She had just returned to the post office after he suggested that she come back in an hour because their computer system was down.  And, an hour later, it was still down.

“Yes, Ma’am, it’s still down.  I’m sorry about that.”

My friend looked at him and smiled.  “It’s not your fault,” she replied as she was leaving.  “Enjoy your afternoon.”

She took the 30 lb. box from the counter and returned to her car, and sighed.  This was the second post office she visited that day, as well as a box and ship store.  Of three establishments, none were able to ship the box for her.

The task to which she allotted about an hour of her time ended up taking two days.  When she told me about it, she shrugged her shoulders and laughed.  “When the third store didn’t work out, I knew I was at the mercy of the box.”

My friend didn’t recognize that her intentions had finally come to fruition.  Her life experience had been an immersion course in impatience, which impacted her family, killed friendships and compromised her health.  Once she decided to change her life by asking for patience and calm, she had experience after experience that challenged her: a work promotion and raise that took longer than scheduled, flight delays, getting stuck behind slow drivers, and finally, the 30 lb. box.

She laughed when she finally put together the puzzle pieces: her intentions created the experiences that helped her fulfill her wish.  Because she wanted patience, she created situations that would normally breed impatience, inviting her, over and over again, to make a different choice.  She told me that she now feels a sense of accomplishment and freedom that feel like a miracle!

Have you asked for attributes such as patience or strength and wonder why things suddenly feel like they got tough?  Here’s what you can do to put together the puzzle pieces:

  • IDENTIFY the attribute you are working on in one of these ways:

*Think about what you may have casually asked for in your heart of hearts.  You may have a secret wish in the realm of self-improvement that you may have put it into action without being aware of it; or

*See if there is a pattern of events happening recently that require you to show up more fully in ways that call on you to be patient or strong and trace it back to one of your self-improvement goals.

  • NOTICE when you have an experience that irritates you.
  • CHECK to see if it is calling you to practice the attribute you want to incorporate (such as being patient or strong)
  • ACKNOWLEDGE yourself when you choose to practice patience or strength, understanding that the experiences are a perfect reflection of your self-improvement intentions.

It only takes a little bit of imagination to allow your life to become on purpose, even in ways that initially feel non-preferred.  Once you practice the art of saying, “This experience serves me exactly as-is, even if I can’t yet identify how,” you will connect with your wondrous freedom of choice, reconnect with your creativity, and enjoy your future adventures with some extra pep in your step!

www.janetdthomas.com

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