A safe harbor where beliefs are respected and kindness prevails.

Are We There Yet?

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janetthomasI listen to daily updates from my friend who writes plays. She is waiting for producers to get back to her regarding possible interest in one of her projects. She had hoped to hear from them last week, and with each passing day that she doesn’t hear from them, she is convinced they aren’t interested in her project.

I suggested that she take a step back for a moment and consider the idea that they didn’t give her a timeframe on when she could expect to hear back from them. Moreover, it is her OWN expectation regarding their timing that is driving her crazy! Somehow, somewhere she decided that if she hasn’t heard back from them in “X” days or weeks, it means they’re not interested. And that isn’t true at all. The only facts are (1) she submitted a play for consideration, and (2) she hasn’t heard from them yet. And that’s it. Any ideas she has beyond that are of her unique creation and vast imagination until new facts arise (with a phone call to them for an update, or them reaching out to her to tell her how magnificent she is).

The concept of time is so fascinating to me. We may think of time as this finite thing that is measured by the ticks of a clock or in the beautiful lines on our faces, yet we have a personal relationship with it, and it is very malleable. Time will shift to be whatever we decide it will be. In my friend’s case, she set up an expectation regarding time that became suffocating pretty quickly. When she adjusted her timing expectations, she felt much better!

Can you believe that it is already fall? Here it is, another change of season. Where, oh where did the time go, and how did you spend it? Did you spend a lot of it feeling like a prisoner to your personal expectations for the year (like me, lol), or did you find yourself smiling and laughing through it, playing and dancing with whatever your experiences? Now that I have had an enlightened moment about the concept of time and how I personally use it, I have made a conscious decision to loosen my belt a bit when it comes to my expectations, and I feel better already.

After all, why wouldn’t I be okay with my life exactly as it is? What is it that I am expecting that will make me feel better, happier, or more relevant?

Be willing to consider that what hasn’t happened for you as of this very moment is in perfect order. When you allow life to be okay at this very moment, there is great peace in that glorious split second. I have found that for every split second that I feel good and grounded and whole just as I am, it feels like time slows down and becomes simply the experience of “now.”

For now (and every subsequent “now”), not only are you wonderful, you are as worthy and as valuable as the stars in the sky, regardless of how tightly you have drawn your belt or what has or hasn’t happened in your life. The Glorious You transcends any and all barriers, conditions and definitions. The Glorious You is immersed in the goodness of All That Is while you navigate the fertile and creative waters of human existence. And, the Glorious You is timeless.

Right now, and in this season, LAUGH. Right now, and in this season, BREATHE. Right now, and in this season, LOVE. It’s what you do best!

And… my friend heard from a producer today. They are considering next steps. Yaay!

I’m Gay And Where I Live People Hate Me

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Ask-Regina-250

Dear Regina,

I am gay and live in a place where gay people are hated. I am surrounded by people who say they are “religious” but there is no way I can be myself in an environment of such prejudice and hate. Why do people hate, especially those who say they are spiritual? Alex, W. 

Dear Alex,

Following a religion and being spiritual are two different things. Spirituality is the path of personal reflection and investigation to find truth that aligns with love – acceptance, compassion, and non-judgment. People who hate while calling themselves “religious” are spiritually lazy, allowing themselves to be controlled by and hand fed the doctrines of others. Without investigating for ourselves we do not appreciate that everything changes. The natural progression of change includes our understanding that ancient religious texts were written in a time when women had no power, there was no science, no technology, and no questioning authority whatsoever.

Sexuality is now known to be biological in nature. But some people still perpetuate judgment based on antiquated thousand-year old beliefs. Those people have not done the personal investigation necessary to “learn” that science offers new information that was not available when ancient religious texts were written.

Stay true to who you are. You cannot change anyone. People who perpetuate judgment based on ancient beliefs will only change when they question their beliefs with the goal of seeking truth. If you continue to live where you do, then know that by being the best person possible you are an example of what it actually means to live true spiritual values.

Don’t Be So Grown-Up

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Fotolia_48347527_Subscription_XLAre you one of those people who are often told to lighten up or that you are too serious? Do you see others acting in a childish way and roll our eyes thinking, “Some people never grow up”? Do you think, “I didn’t even like cartoons when I was a kid, let alone those ‘adult’ animated tv shows now? (That’s totally me.)

How is it that some of us seem to be so out of touch with fun in our life?

Unfortunately, it’s probably no secret that it stems from something in child hood. Think back. Did you have to be grown up way too early in life? Was there often no time for games, imagination, playing with friends because there were other responsibilities that had to take priority? Maybe that responsibility was not being able to leave your parent alone. Was there no safety in getting lost in fun because then you weren’t paying attention to what was happening in your household? There was only safety in being hyper vigilant.

I often wonder how things would be different for me at this stage if I had learned to live with a little more reckless abandon as a child. If I wouldn’t have been told to “stop wasting film” when I was taking pictures of the every day, simple things that I was able to see beauty in. I wonder how different my life would be if I didn’t let people’s poking fun at my enthusiasm for things bother and shame me into a silent retreat. If I hadn’t been directed to “settle down”, not when acting wild and out of control, but just when I was overjoyed and excited.

These acts, and unfortunately many that are much worse, are like a shot of poison straight to the vein leading to a child’s soul. They teach you that there’s no place for acting like a child, no time for fun.

But as we get older, and if we are lucky, we realize that fun is a cure to an unhappy life. And this means some of us must learn to be able to act like a child again. We must learn to have a feeling of safety & confidence in it.

So where do you begin? We all too often hear about getting in touch with our inner child. But what does that actually mean and how do we do it?

First there needs to be some healing that takes place. As I mentioned above, their needs to be a mending that can allow for a sense of safety while “acting out” in fun. Then, you must take time to really listen to your self. Think about things you liked doing when you were a kid. What were the things you were doing when you got in trouble for “getting carried away”? Is there something that you have secretly really been yearning to do? Do you ever watch small children and while you are observing them at play, find yourself beaming from ear to ear? These are all indications of places you might want to start experimenting with this idea of having fun. It can be anything from building a sand castle to racing down a slide; coloring in a coloring book or blowing bubbles. Nothing is too simple.

What is your favorite type of humor? Find YouTube videos, or movies, or shows on demand that make you laugh out loud and commit to at least one night a week indulging in this laughter therapy.

If you are really feeling bold, attempt to do something that seems absolutely ridiculous and absurd for you to even attempt. A painting class. Karaoke. A belly dancing class. Once you take the pressure off of yourself to do these things well and just allow yourself to have the experience, you will find that you can actually have fun. And you will start to be more daring at these attempts which you know would have only proved to be embarrassing to your old you.

Your path to reclaiming fun in your life may take longer than you had hoped. You may need to just start with skipping doing the dishes immediately after dinner, and going straight for ice cream and a walk in the park. (Some of you are thinking, “let’s not get crazy now?!”) But the key is to start trying-in the right places, alone, or with the right people.

Soon you will start to forget. Forget that fun is not allowed or is frowned upon. Forget that being caught having fun once gained disapproval and a withdraw of love. You will forget that you are always supposed to be a grown-up and that fun is for children.

Funky Town Won’t Last

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JT2I was in such a funk last week. My consistent mindset of gratitude and enjoying each moment had eluded me. It’s like something clicked that got me out of my usually balanced and optimistic self.

All week I immersed myself in the energy of impatience. The things I want to achieve, while in motion, aren’t happening fast enough, or so I thought. I felt like because what I think I want hasn’t happened yet, then I need to do more, need to work harder, need to do something different.

Living in that energy last week — by concentrating on the idea that “things aren’t working,” I truly manifested that. Things didn’t work. My relationships weren’t as flowing and enjoyable as usual. My sleep was interrupted and less rejuvenating. My mind was spinning in different directions.

By the end of the week, the energy it took for me to remain in a heightened state of dissatisfaction had wiped me out! In my state of exhaustion, I finally threw up my hands and surrendered. All I can say is, “Thank goodness.” When I surrendered, my spinning mind slowed down. And when it did, my usually balanced and optimistic self reemerged, like going outside to greet the sun after a heavy storm.

I learned a lot from my impatience immersion week. I realized that my impatience took me out of the power of living in the moment. Being impatient suggested that my life is out of balance, and it isn’t. Everything is perfect, exactly as-is.

The mindset of allowing things to be okay exactly as-is, and living in the moment keeps me in my body. It keeps me calm and joyous and connected to love. I had so immersed myself in the mindset of impatience, I cut off the love. When I cut off the love, I don’t function well at all for it is the love that fuels me.

When I stopped spinning for a moment, I asked myself the following questions. When I did, I started feeling better, almost immediately:

  1. What have I accomplished while being impatient? How did it serve me exactly as-is?
  2. What will I enjoy once I get what I want? Can I feel it now, even for a split second instead of waiting?
  3. What is working really well for me today (or, what’s going well today?)
  4. Would I want to replace what is going well in my life right now with that other thing?

If you find yourself living in Funky Town when thinking about yesterday or tomorrow, it means that your own voice has jumped out of your body and the critical voice has taken charge. When you find that this is the case, ask yourself one or two of the above questions and watch your mind spin for a minute. Don’t sugarcoat anything or pretend; allow yourself to spin – it is like riding an ocean wave. It won’t last, and it will resolve itself! You can then feel yourself coming back home inside yourself.

Keep in mind that your Higher Self is in control and knows what is best for you. Understand that your life is a perfect reflection of your inner world. If something isn’t present that you would like to have present, trust and honor that. There are gifts in the moment that you have yet to unwrap.

One of my favorite lyrics by the band U2 comes from their song “It’s a Beautiful Day.” The line goes, “What you don’t have you don’t need it now.” I invite you to use that phrase as a gentle reminder to yourself whenever you find yourself anxious, worried, or out of the present moment.

Know that everything is okay, right here and right now. If nothing changes, you are okay and will continue to be okay. You can especially feel it when you remain in your good thoughts and acknowledge your sense of well-being. Allow your mindset of gratitude to keep you in the moment.

And finally, to the question of would you want to replace what is going well in your life right now with something that doesn’t yet exist physically … feel good now. Enjoy what is working in your life right now, and believe that you don’t have to choose … it is possible for you to have it all!

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