A safe harbor where beliefs are respected and kindness prevails.

A New You Right Now

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My friend Jeannine comes for her massages early in the morning.   More often than not, Jeanine, Steve and I have a great conversation about the most important things in life—- real down and dirty soul matters before they disappear into the massage treatment room.

I love these conversations and they leave me with so much on which to contemplate and meditate. This week was no exception. The conversation was about “new beginnings” and “starting new”.  Her comment was that everyone is so focused on their “New Year’s Resolution” that they completely forget that today is the perfect time to start a new.  She went on to comment about how after putting all our energy into January 1, if there is a “fall from grace”, for what ever reason, we give up, we throw in the towel, we become depressed.  We failed again so once more, we may say, why try in the first place.

What about today? What about right now?

This time of new beginnings at January 1 is all human made.  Our calendar helps us to track time and make appointments/plans but any day in our life is a great time to start a new plan of action in our life.  Right Now!

What can you change or resolve to do in this moment that will bring about lasting changes for a lifetime? What can you do everyday of your life that will help you stay on track to being the biggest and brightest version of yourself?

To begin with, Fall in love with you!  That’s right. Dedicate time, energy and passion to yourself.

In my meditation workshops, I suggest to my students to start each day by looking themselves in the eyes in the mirror and say, “I love you”.   The secret is to really look, to truly see yourself and be present as you say it.

Some students freak out. “I could never do that. That is so intense.”

It can start out that way.  So maybe start with just looking at yourself – really look at yourself!   In a day or two maybe add a smile.  Then, the next week add, “Hey, I like you.”  Work up to it until there is a full-fledged “I love you” coming to you from you every morning.

When we learn to adore our selves on the deepest of levels, it becomes easier to keep our other resolutions as well.  Our deep caring for Self helps us to be more discerning about how much we take into our being, whether it be food, drink, media, or even other people’s energy for good or for bad.

We begin to make decisions about how we treat ourselves based on our own deep sense of self love.  All this is based on you, no one else. Did you not receive the love you craved as a child?   Or maybe its even missing in your current relationships.  Give it to yourself!  Right now!  Do not wait!

My friend and teacher, Bobbie Corbean, scheduled date nights by herself.  She would go to the opera, a movie, a concert alone—- on purpose. She fixed her favorite meals for just herself.  She always said when she felt disconnected from herself, she knew it was time to take some quality time to be with herself.

How can we truly love another without knowing and passionately loving ourself?  From the words of the Christ, “Love your neighbor as yourself”.  It is implied— “Love yourself” and then all the rest happens. It is a kind of magic!

Let’s take a moment together.  Take a deep breath….. Take one more.   Let yourself relax.  Let your shoulders move down away from your ears.  Now, one more full deep breath.  Now place both your hands on your heart center. Can you feel your heart beat?  If not, its OK.  But feel your hand touching your heart center.  Feel love and compassion for yourself.

If that is difficult, let yourself experience the love you have for someone special, or a pet that loves you unconditionally.  Slowly open your heart to YOU.

You are an exquisite creation of the Universe. You are unique and more lovable than you will ever know.

Keep all this in your heart as you make your resolutions.   Start anew any day and everyday.  Keep it all going by believing in You.  The magic is inside.  The buried treasure you seek is in your heart.

One more deep breath. How beautiful.

How Is It Possible for Hate and Love to Collide?

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Let me be clear: I hated Yoga. I have attended a Yoga class about a half dozen times over the past 15 years, and I hated – absolutely HATED – each and every one of them. The first time I went I hated it, and each time afterwards I went with a friend who asked me to go with them, and I hated it even more.

I would deeply regret being there as soon as the class would start. I was too prideful to simply walk out, so I would stay for the torture and force my body to make as good a showing as I could. No matter what, I would NOT be the one to quit.

From beginning to end, I would be cussing in my head. I kid you not. Every single moment sounded like this, “I can’t believe this sh##, why the fu## am I fu##ing here? This is by far the absolute stupidest thing you’ve ever done, Janet. You know you fu##ing hate this sh##, why the hell did you come, again? Fu## everybody! This is total bullsh##,” and on and on and on. Incessantly.

I hope you now understand that I hated Yoga.

Throughout the years, I have had friends who swear by it. I would share my disdain for it and they would recommend that I just stick with it. I would laugh. “Yeah, right,” I’d tell them.

One of my exercise DVDs has a small section of power Yoga right after the stretches at the start of the video. I would dread doing it, but in my dogged determination to get healthy after having been obese, I would do it. It was only about three minutes of torture, so I endured it. It’s been about one year since I’ve played that particular DVD, so I don’t miss doing that part at all.

Why I attended a Yoga class last week (for the first time in, literally, 10 years) I’ll never know. But, I went. I was shocked to find that it wasn’t that bad. There were a few times when I wanted to walk out because it got quite difficult for me, but I stayed with it.

The complete and total miracle was that I wasn’t cussing in my head the entire time. I think I may have cussed once or twice, but I quickly moved through it. I actually couldn’t believe the slight feeling of exhilaration I felt towards the end of the class. I think I felt like a total badass because I actually got through it, and dripping sweat from head to toe felt pretty good also. I had thoroughly stretched my boundaries (pun intended).

“Who are you, and what have you done with Janet?” I thought, as I checked the Yoga class schedule a few days later. I was tickled that I planned to go back, and when I did, I had a somewhat rocky start, but soon settled into it. I didn’t feel that sense of exhilaration like the first time. I guess as they say, the first high is the best and it’s downhill from there. But, I felt a happy and badass sense of accomplishment nonetheless.

While listening to the instructor’s voice during class, her words hit home: I made the connection of listening to my breath while moving from pose to pose, trying not to strain and keeping my breath nice, relaxed and even.

I started to get the hang of it. Rather than overachieving like in the past, I was gentle about listening to my body and allowing it to do what it could and taking breaks when I needed them. When I noticed that I was listening to my body, it brought me to a new level of understanding about myself. This was certainly an unexpected revelation.

But today, just today – my fifth Yoga class in two weeks – as I was sweating my butt off, I was grateful that the class was winding down. While settling into a pose, I noticed that I have long legs. And I thanked them for being so strong. Never before had I felt or expressed that. I realized I was connecting with my body in a brand new way.

And that’s when my tears began to flow. At that moment I realized how long I have been disconnected from my body. I already knew that I disconnected from it before first grade after I was sexually violated. I had long since already honored what I did to survive. I had already made peace with the fact that I ate for comfort. I had already become my own best friend during my dogged determination to heal myself.

All these years, no matter what I did, no matter how I had abused my body, it was rolling right along with me. Wherever I was in my mind and spirit, whether hurt, perturbed, annoyed or otherwise, my body reflected my state of mind perfectly. Whether I was overeating, overdrinking, over smoking or otherwise ignoring its needs, it changed according to my actions and choices And, it stayed strong and loyal as if it was a loving puppy waiting for some positive attention from its master.

And in that moment, all of my hard work flashed before me. Every single ounce of pain in my life felt like it was worth it for this one moment of revelation, this one moment of awareness, this one moment of clarity. In recent years my level of gratitude had already been through the roof, and today marked a deeper sense of it that was both humbling and profound.

I could actually feel my body releasing the trauma that was in there. I could hear my spirit guides whisper to me, “This is the fulfilled promise from all of your hard work.” The awareness rippled through my body like a pebble piercing the surface of a lake.

In a flash I understood that everything I had done, all of the strides I had made, all of the focus and attention I devoted to my healing journey, led to this moment of inexpressible alignment, consciousness and understanding. There’s no forcing it and there’s no rushing it. Everything happens in its own time.

I imagine that I will continue attending Yoga classes. While I don’t expect to experience fireworks every time, I look forward to shutting down the stimuli of my day and having focused moments of attention aligning with my body, strengthening the bond we established today.

I am so grateful for having been awakened to the sacred connection between me and my body, and wish you the same joy in whatever way it reveals itself to you. That will be the promise fulfilled from all of your hard work, and I celebrate it with you right now, in anticipation of its arrival.

www.janetdthomas.com

The “IT” Factor: Quiet Courage

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JoshtnRecently I took a risk tolerance quiz. It was a fun refresher for some financial investment work I was doing. I didn’t know this quiz, so I wanted to see how my taste for risk ranked these days. Let it be known that I am in no way what anyone would call a daredevil.

I don’t think any of my friends or family would declare me at all a risk taker. I’ve never spent more than $2 gambling in my many wonderful trips to Las Vegas. I’ve never jumped out of a plane with a parachute on my back. Heck, I can’t even go near an amusement park without feeling nauseous at the site of roller coasters: ugh. Of course, one person’s craziest night out is another guy’s average Monday night at the local pub, so we have some wiggle room for subjectivity.

It turns out that I have a pretty high risk tolerance, and not just financially. This is what I like to call ‘quiet courage’. So what does this equate to my real daily life? The simple answer is: I’m able to go after my dreams, and not worry too much about the downsides where great reward is possible.

The key here is not worrying too much. Of course, like any rational, questionably sane adult, I question things; call that worry if you must. But every great investor knows that to capture your wins (and we all want wins, even if you call it ‘to just be happy’), you must minimize your risk. Risk will always be there, as will all the emotions that come along with it.

Perhaps that’s where I differentiate myself from people who either don’t take action, or are deeply scared of action to the point of moving like molasses. From personal experience and (even more so) from the experience of others, I know that risk is always there. Let me repeat that: risk is always there. We just learn how to minimize it, to manage it, to handle it, to comfortably live with it. This is a matter of mastering my emotions, so that my honest choices can take come forward. In my mind, that’s the edge, and it’s what I work with most deeply with all of my clients. They then get the greatest rewards in terms of jobs and financial income.

For many of us, security is our #1 driving force. Yes, everyone has a need to feel secure. But when it’s your primary need, and you’re not conscious about it yet, this influences all of your decisions in ways that you cannot even imagine. Once you become aware of it, you can then balance out your need for security with those other needs that your soul has: fulfillment, growth, contribution, love & connection.

When you are stuck in security, instead of just going on that day trip to wine country, or donating your time to a new charitable organization you’ve always thought about giving to, you’ll start to seek the ways that this new experience will threaten your security. The question your habituated, un-mastered mind puts to you is: ‘How is this going to disrupt my days/habits/comfort?’ And before you know it, you’ve found all the answers, and talked yourself out of doing something that likely could have given you far more satisfaction, joy and connection than just maintaining your security status quo.

How do we get stuck in security in first place? As with most things, without changing the world and reconditioning all of society, the answer to this is likely beside the point. You might like to think that it’s your social demographic or generation or economic background. But those are just easy excuses. People from all walks of life respond to the fire in their bellies daily, and overcome – if that’s the right word – the conditions that might have been imposed upon them to move beyond their need for security.

I don’t believe you ever need to overcome anything. Wherever you started in life is the place in which you get to contribute. You’ve become the absolute best tool for the growth and progress of that place, because it’s yours and it knows and loves you, even if it forgets that some times. I come from good, ethical people, who are exceptionally imperfect, like all of us. I’ve had challenging conversations that shaped my original community’s opinions, beliefs and – best of all – feelings, through the years. And don’t kid yourself, they’ve shaped mine for the better too.

Which only leaves the fire in everyone’s bellies! That’s all any of us have. What are we passionate about? What are our dreams? What gives us our truest fulfillment? Most often, we’ve just lost track of that. We’ve gotten lulled to sleep by society’s norms – often fatally, like a lobster put into the cosy warm water in the lobster pot. Before you know it, your life was lived ‘normally’ and you get to the end wondering, ‘Is this all there was?’

When the meaning of our lives comes solely from security, problems come calling. While we all deserve joy with family and friends, imagine how much more you might have created and contributed if you responded to that fire in your belly! And I know that everyone has it, even if they pretend that they’re just ‘a simple person, living my life,’ as I hear people say until they start to ask some great questions that release some amazing, impeccable answers!

Simple people do extraordinary things every day, risky things. But they are not necessarily extraordinary or risky to that person, just to you and me if we haven’t done them yet. We can do extraordinary things every day too. And this is all it takes: a little conditioning, a little habitual encouragement to try new things, things that you really want to do. Things that you’ve always wanted to do. Things that give you huge joy, huge connection, and fun.

Little by little, you realize: ‘hmm, maybe my security is not in jeopardy! Maybe what I thought was unsafe is really just untested. Maybe all those stories my grandmother told me about going out into the world were just her fear, not mine’ (don’t even get me started on the job my family’s old-world Italian grandparents had on later generations!).

Here’s the truth: we are never really without security. Not at heart, not deep deep down, where it matters most. We are all resourceful, we just forget about this. We’ve mastered tying our shoelaces and driving cars and paying bills, things that would be challenging to every 2-year-old. But we’ve gotten experience, we came through. Most of us have come through some truly difficult, challenging, heart-wrenching experiences, and still we live and wake up and smile and find joy with ourselves and others.

So when you find yourself getting stuck in your old idea security – and it happens at the most inconvenient of times! – just stop, take a deep breath, and remind yourself: ‘Hey, I give myself credit for learning and enjoying things I never thought I could do before! I’m grateful for all the connections that I get to create every day.’

Take a moment now to remind yourself, and write down your It Factor. Ask yourself: What have I always wanted most? What makes me smile more than anything else? What makes me laugh and feel warm and connected to other people? What gives me a sense of giving to other people so that I feel so satisfied and generous? Why did I end up on this earth to give? Dig deeper, because it’s all there for you to take! Go out, have some fun, and claim your own It Factor today.

Josh Ubaldi is a business coach, entrepreneur & quiet risk-taker living in Los Angeles, CA. Please share with him your experiences of security and fulfillment here.

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