As you’re starting your journey anew are you encountering others in your life who seem to want to tell you about their successes? Their wonderful marriage, their fabulous job, their over the top vacations? Do you find yourself feeling bad because you’re not where they are?
When we start over in some aspect of our lives it’s a natural tendency to think about what we’ve lost. In my case my job and my financial security were gone and I had no idea what I was going to do. Old friends and co-workers who went on and on about what they had triggered feelings of being a failure… and worthlessness. I was not in a good place back then. I started to avoid my friends and co-workers. In doing so I felt more isolated and alone… which of course only added my misery.
It wasn’t until recently that I realized that it was only the people who needed to talk about what they had that were the ones I needed to stay clear of… at least until I was back on solid ground. In so many ways these folks were afraid that what had happened to me would rub off on them or… as I came to learn some of them had a need to make themselves look better and make me seem worse. Still others didn’t really know what I was going through. Many were as uncertain in their own ways as I was in mine. This doesn’t mean they were bad people… far from it. They are just people dealing with their own issues… their way.
The good news is there are plenty of people in your life currently, who do love you, like you, enjoy your company regardless of where your journey has taken you. And there are so many more friends you’ll meet who will only know you for who you are now. Those are the folks you need to surround yourself with. So rather than focusing on what you don’t have you can turn your attention to enjoying life again.
I know it isn’t always easy and we can’t always control the people we run into. What we can do is limit the time we interact with those who aren’t what we need right now and expand the time with those we do. There will come a time when you’re comfortable enough to keep comments in perspective and actually be happy for others. Until then remember that it’s your life you need to build or re-build in a manner that you choose. If you’re starting over this is your opportunity to do so on your terms and surrounded by the people you want in your life. And that is a solid place to start.
With love, Cheryl
Want to have more support in your journey of starting over? Cheryl is hosting a free seminar, Surfing the Emotional Waves of Starting Over, on February 20th from 11am – noon Pacific/2-3pm Eastern. Group and individual coaching programs are also available here.
Cheryl, I love that you are talking about this topic. I know some people you may meet are upbeat, empowered but can also wear you out. It is about balance in life.
Thanks Cindy and you are so right. It is about balance and learning that we can have it!