The Chicken or the Egg?

Many times I have heard that either you are a car person or you are not. I don’t consider myself a car person, yet I can’t count the times that I pined about owning a certain car.

It actually began when I was a little girl. My parents would take us on drives through different neighborhoods, and when we were in the fancy ones with the fancy cars, I would “ooh and aah” at them. I believed that if you owned that car, it meant that you were strong, confident and successful. I yearned for those qualities because I felt quite the opposite. I felt weak, I lacked confidence and I didn’t have a clue about what being successful felt like.

I held that belief for years… decades, actually. I truly believed that if I had that car, it meant that I, too, was strong, confident and successful. And the day came where I actually got the car. Very soon I discovered that not only did I not feel strong, confident or successful while driving it, I actually felt awful. Never in my life did I feel that lost. Or lonely. Or disillusioned. It was still the same old me, driving the shiny, new car of my dreams.

It was just another notch on my belt – one more thing that I thought would transform me into the strong, confident and successful person I aspired to be. Other things I vehemently pursued that I believed would transform me were weight loss, a good job, cool friends, a nice house, just to name a few. And I achieved them. But, despite the new stuff, I was still the same… old… me.

When nothing worked, when I hit bottom, nothing mattered anymore. And in deciding to live rather than die, I decided that I wanted to do it right. No more pretending that I felt good, no more hiding behind the “stuff.” I rolled up my sleeves and healed for real.

I came to understand a principle that is near and dear to my heart: physical wounds require physical remedies and internal wounds require internal remedies. If I cut my finger, for example, I may require some antiseptic and a bandage. That is a physical wound with a physical remedy. If I have a broken heart, well, healthy tears of grief and time will heal it.

Before understanding this principle, there I was, all my life, attempting to fix my internal wounds – loneliness, disenfranchisement and low self-esteem – with physical remedies: cars, jobs, food and the “stuff” we accumulate in life. And it didn’t work because by definition, it couldn’t work!

What did work? Going internal worked. I finally started using internal remedies for my internal wounds. I faced my past. I learned to describe the painful events in my life without judgment, and feel the pain of them, also without judgment, which then brought about healing.

I acknowledged what I had to do to survive. I commended myself for being so strong in the midst of so much pain. All the love I wanted from the world and didn’t get, I learned to give to myself. It took courage and determination. It was hard at first, but in time I started feeling better and better.

My dream car had been repossessed. My cool friends were gone. I sold the house. Yet, I was soaring. I felt great strength and massive confidence. I was free because I freed myself on the inside. And from there, I attracted new toys, but I no longer looked to them to fix me. I had finally landed firmly in the driver’s seat of my own life!

Do you expect to feel better, safer or happier once you get that “thing?” If so, ask yourself what you really want; what is it that you are really seeking internally by having whatever it is you want to attract physically.

Knowing now that physical remedies won’t heal internal wounds, here is your opportunity to learn to cut to the chase. Whatever it is you think you will feel once you get that thing, be willing to feel that way right here and right now. If you think that more money in your bank account will help you feel more secure, you desire the feeling of security. To get it, use your imagination. For example, you can close your eyes and imagine that roots are growing from the bottom of your feet into a loving Mother Earth, who wraps her loving arms around you at all times. Be willing to feel safe and secure. Breathe it in.

If you think that having that particular girl or guy in your life will help you feel special, use your imagination. Tell yourself all of the things you yearn to hear from that special someone. Nobody knows exactly what to say that will melt your heart better than you do. Don’t hold back… give it to yourself. Be willing to feel special, here and now. Breathe it in.

Understand that your subconscious mind doesn’t know whether something is occurring physically or virtually, the feeling is what matters; the feeling is what is recorded. So, why wait? Why wait for the physical thing to feel how you want to feel? You have the power, here and now, to feel all of the glorious things you want to feel. And when you do, on the inside first, not only do you transform yourself, you are actually prepping yourself to receive that which you desire physically.

Now is your opportunity to reverse the chicken and the egg. Rather than needing the physical stuff to feel better, your strength, confidence and joy is what will actually magnetize that fun physical stuff into your life!

You are powerful. You are dynamic. You have the ability, here and now, to transform your life into the magical one of your imagination.