A safe harbor where beliefs are respected and kindness prevails.

What’s Your Love Language?

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shadow love JawDroppingPhotography

The other day I had a conversation with a client who mentioned that the woman he was dating didn’t really even know how to be a good friend, let alone a date. It got me thinking about the “5 Languages of Love” by Gary Chapman.

Chapman based his work on his own longtime relationship with his wife and over 30 years of counseling. He suggests that we fall into one of 5 areas when it comes to how we express emotional love saying, “Each person has a primary love language that we must learn to speak if we want that person to feel loved.” (You can take a short quiz to find out yours at http://www.5lovelanguages.com/)

I shared with my friend that I thought many people today would benefit from taking a look at the 5 basic ways not just as a lover, but as a friend. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if your friend took the time needed to recognize, or was present to, the particular way you liked to be treated, your own love language.

The five basic ways are:

  1. Words of Affirmation – Simply put, if this is your language you like to be told often how much someone loves you, why they love you. You like compliments and words of appreciation.
  2. Gifts – If this is your language you love to receive thoughtful gifts, gifts from the heart. They don’t have to be expensive, they simply need to express how much you were thought of, how much you are cared for.
  3. Acts of Service – You love it when your partner, spouse (or friend) pitches in to help with the dishes, takes the trash out or does your laundry. Anything he/she does to lighten your load is going to make you gaga for them over and over again.
  4. Quality Time – Nothing is more important to you than spending quality time with your friend/lover if this is your language. You look forward to turning the T.V. off, sitting with a cup of tea and sharing a few moments connecting deeply.
  5. Physical Touch – A person whose primary language is Physical Touch thrives on a gentle touch, a warm hug, a pat on the back, and holding hands. Whether it’s a friend or lover, what they crave is physical presence.

Each and every one of us has a particular way we like to be treated that may differ from our partner or friends. It might not be easy, at first, to speak your friend or lovers language, especially if it differs from yours. It makes sense to take the time to understand what sparks the people in your life so you can help them feel more loved. Isn’t that really what we are here for?

Attitude – A Matter Of Choice!

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Attitude

Attitude is a small thing that makes a big difference! – Winston Churchill

Several years ago my husband gave me a beautiful gift: a decorative jar filled with 365 tiny sheets of paper. Each piece had a question. Some questions were deep, others were simple. A year later, I returned the gift in the form of a book titled, “The Blisstory Journal” and offered him many of those same questions to answer.

One of my favorite questions in the book is: “How do you describe your attitude?”

Most of you know by now, my attitude is pretty darn “blissful”, hence the title, “The Bliss Lady”. I remain connected to my inner state of joy quite easily. I’m not perfect at it by any means. In fact, my husband and daughter will testify to that.

Although I do have my moments, it’s how I pull myself out of that spiral that counts! (Notice the word “moments”.) For me it’s simply a matter of choice. I get to choose how I will act or react to whatever crosses my path. Guess what – so do you! We all have a choice, no matter what the circumstance.

As I grow older, witnessing our children blossom into adulthood, I see more than ever the importance of having a grounded attitude. It becomes more important than your education, your income level, and your past perceived failures; certainly more important than what people think of you.

Every minute of every day we are offered a choice regarding what we will do with our attitude. I’ve heard it said that life is 10 percent what happens to you and 90 percent how you react to it. I say, “Life is what happens FOR me and how I react to it is what matters.” Sometimes I need a boost.

Simple attitude boosters

  1. Deep Breathing – Before you react to anything take three slow deep breaths. Of all the tools I’ve learned over the years deep breathing has been the most helpful to me in keeping my “attitude” in check. When I’m feeling extremely reactive I include #2.
  2. Count to 10 – You’ve probably heard that before. Counting aids as a distractor from whatever it is that’s pushing your button with the element of time. The higher you count the less likely you are to react strongly.
  3. Surround yourself in love – When you feel that your attitude is less than joyful take a minute to close your eyes and see yourself surrounded, fully enveloped in the light of love, as if you are receiving a soft, gentle hug.

When it comes to attitude, you always have a choice. So….How do you describe your attitude?

P.S. Click HERE to visit my website to receive a free copy of The Blisstory Journal!

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