A safe harbor where beliefs are respected and kindness prevails.

Merry Blissmas

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Fotolia_4948204_Subscription_Monthly_MBlissful living – Everyday!

Over the course of the year we tend to wait until November and December each year to celebrate the abundance of joy and happiness in our lives. Why is that? We celebrate with lavish gifts and too much food.  I say, break it all down over the course of the year to feel more joy and abundance every day of our lives.

Each of us contains within us the capacity to change the world, to make it a better place – by creating and elevating our own level of happiness and by sharing that happiness with others.  As a speaker, I have witnessed other people’s face light up every time I offer the audience an opportunity to share their most joyful moments with the group. Taking control of your own happiness means your positive mood will affect others, especially those closest to you.

In 2010, Harvard Med School’s Dr. Nicholas Christakis and University of California – San Diego’s, Dr. James H. Fowler conducted a study on, “How Social Networks Affect Mood”.  The study suggests that “happiness is influenced not only by the people you know, but by the people they know.”

“Happiness spreads through social networks like a virus”, says Fowler. It can affect people we don’t even know.

The most significant changes found by the doctors were seen in the first three degrees of separation.  The study found that your happiness levels increase:

15% in immediate contacts;

10% in 2nd degree contacts, a friend of a friend

6% in 3rd degree contacts a friend, of a friend, of a friend

Wow!  It is so empowering to know that we all have the capacity to feel more joy simply by knowing happy people.

Fowler said, “We need to think of happiness as a collective phenomenon – If I come home in a bad mood – I may be missing an opportunity to make not just my wife and son happy, but their friends, too.”

To create more inner happiness, that reflects outward, adopt a Merry Blissmas attitude.  Embrace “holiday spirit” living every day of your life. Take baby steps.  Begin learning the habits of happy people, then incorporate some of those habits into your own life.  Studies have shown that it takes a minimum of 21 days to make “something” a habit and that those habits take practice.  Star athletes, musicians, and dancers, practice, practice, practice.

Here are six common practices that just might help you along the way:

  • Be grateful – We ALL have something to be grateful for; like food, clothing, heat, children, snow days, smiles, music, partners, and lovers.  You get the point.  Live with thank you more often. 
  • Savor simple pleasures – When was the last time you sat in a park watching the birds or listening to children play?  Stop for a few minutes every day to enjoy and savor the simple pleasures of life, nature is full of wonder and amazement. 
  • Join in – Be a part of “something”; engage yourself in a cause, a club, a city council, a religious group.  Participate in something you believe in.
  • Love yourself – To truly love anyone, we must love ourselves first.  Create a self-love appreciation list and look at it often.
  • Surround yourself with happy, supportive people – You saw the statistics above, positive energy is contagious.  Your happy level will increase simply by being around happy people.
  • Ease up – Don’t beat yourself up on the off days.  We all have them.  Give yourself permission to feel crabby, angry, frustrated.  Simply allow it to move through you and reconnect with those moments of joy, happiness, and gratitude as quickly as possible.

Live your bliss.  We were born to be happy. Enjoy the trip by being as happy as possible and share that joy with those whose lives you touch.

Merry Blissmas to all and joyful year!

Gratitude Habits

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twWant to get through anything with ease and grace?  Be grateful.

Two of my favorite words are Thank You! It always amazes me how wonderful it feels to say and hear those words.

When I say them, I know that something delightful has taken place in my life. In fact, I wake up every morning with “Thank you” in my head – “Thank you” that I am alive to live another day, no matter what happens.

When I hear them, I know that someone has simply received something – a gift, a thought, a smile.  It might have been from me, or it might have been in a conversation I had the honor of overhearing.  (Sometimes eavesdropping is a good thing.)

Like most of you, I’ve had my share of ups and downs.  Those who know me well, know the “back story” of my life, sometimes ask me how I did it, how I managed to get through it all and still have a smile on my face.  One simple word:  Gratitude.

Replace old habits with new ones to create an attitude within that focuses on what works instead of what doesn’t!

What’s a habit?

According to dictionary.com it’s an acquired behavior pattern regularly followed until it has become almost involuntary – a learned behavior that we’ve repeated so often we don’t even think about it, we just do it.

What we focus on multiplies!

When we focus on what we are grateful for every day, gratitude becomes a natural part of our life, like brushing our teeth.  All habits are formed by repeatedly practicing or living a certain behavior over and over again.

How to make gratitude work for you?

  • Open your eyes in the morning with “Thank you!”
  • Close your eyes at night with “Thank you!”
  • Be grateful for everything in your life – good, bad or indifferent.
  • ·      Be open to seeing something good in every situation. Sometimes you might have to look a little harder than others.
  • Recognize your blessings: the breath you take, even if it’s labored; a sunny day, even when it’s cold; a warm coat, even if it has holes in it; shoes on your feet.
  • ·      Say “Thank you” often.  Pay attention to how many times a day you say “Thank you!”
  • ·      Pay attention to how many times a day you hear “Thank you!”
  • Create your own ABC’s of gratitude.

How long does it take for a habit to form?  Who knows. There are too many variables.  It doesn’t take long though to know we want to be happier; sometimes we simply choose not to act.

Focusing on gratitude takes your attention off of the lack or negativity in your life and puts the focus on what’s working, what’s positive and joyful.  Remember, what we focus on multiplies, thus gratitude raises our vibration to our own place of joy.

 

Change Brings Opportunity

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teriYes!  Change brings opportunity.  My husband, who has lived in over 50 houses in his 51 years of age, says that to me on a regular basis.  It’s one of the reasons we get along so well; we are committed to embracing change instead of fighting it.

When we are deep in the middle of change sometimes we can’t see where the opportunity lies.  The process may seem daunting and fearful.  How can we stay open to change instead of fighting against it?  Here are 8 ways to embrace change and make it work for you!

1. Take baby steps. Make small changes.  Break big changes into small steps.  For example:  if you are moving, plan ahead by packing early in 30 minute segments – start in one area and pack for 30 minutes.  Making slight progress makes you feel much better.

2. Stay flexible and go with the flow.  Be like the tide.  Sometimes it’s high, sometimes it’s low but it’s always flowing.

3. Adapt a Pollyanna attitude.  Find the good in the moment.  A break up leaves you available to find your perfect match or get that dog you always wanted.

4. This too shall pass. Change happens which means things may make you feel overly stressed.  Remember a time in your life that was extremely hectic and have faith that you will eventually get through to the next moment; you will adapt to this new change.

5. You are not alone.  You don’t have to cope with change on your own.  Reach out to friends, family or colleagues for support or keep a journal to share your feelings for strength and relief

6.  Take time to adjust.  Give yourself time to accept the change that is happening in your life.

7.  Be Prepared.  Don’t let unexpected surprises rock you.  Stress and change are a part of life.  The better equipped you are to maneuver through them, the less likely they will through you off kilter.

8.  Change brings opportunity.  Henry Ford said, “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.”  Sometimes change and a little stress can open our eyes to new ideas, new opportunities and new ways of living our lives.  Be open to the possibilities.

My story is not unlike many of yours.  I’ve had my share of tragedy and triumph, of ups and downs, of loss and heartache.  Sometimes I’ve seen deep despair.  By practicing the suggestions above and much more, I’ve learned to embrace the moment and not let fear or sorrow stop me in my tracks.  As REO Speedwagon suggests, I’m learning to roll with the changes!

“Oh, you got to learn to roll with the changes (got to, got to, got to, got to…)
Keep on rollin’ (got to keep on)
Keep on rollin’
Oh, you got to learn to, got to learn to, got to learn to roll”

Stepping Up to Fear

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TeriWilliams
“Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it.” – Bill Cosby

Could facing your fears really be that easy?  In most cases, I say YES loud and clear.

There is nothing that keeps us stuck more than fear.  It can be paralyzing both physically and emotionally.

Believe it or not there was a time that I was so afraid to speak in front of a group that I had to hire people to do it for me.  I would literally make myself sick.  Talk about NOT practicing what you preach.

When my father died, I wrote part of the eulogy – for my sister to read at his funeral.  I couldn’t do it, even for him, the man that constantly told me,“If you want to get anywhere in life, you have to stick your neck out”.  (After all, he was a turtle.)

When my son was a little boy (ok, he’ll always be my little boy).  Seriously, when he was 11, I took on the role of Pack Master for his school district.  That meant I had to speak to over 100 parents on a regular basis.  Nope!  Not me.  I coerced one of my friends to partner with me.  I did the writing and she did the speaking!  It was a great plan until she got sick.  With trembling knees I stepped up to the podium and read my speech.  Guess what – it was warmly welcomed.  I didn’t die, no one laughed at me, well maybe a little, I didn’t trip and fall; I’m still here to write about it.

Hindsight is a great teacher. What I realized was that I had been facing fears my whole life – MY WHOLE LIFE!  When you think about it, I bet you have too.  We all have a story around fear.

After that night, I made a list of all the ways I had stepped up to fear in the past.   Some were big fears, and some were little fears.   Here’s what part of my list looked like, and here’s what I did:

  • Fear of dogs after being bitten more than once – I have 2 dogs, really big dogs
  • Fear of being alone – I spend time alone – a lot
  • Fear of change – I embrace it
  • Fear of speaking – I host a radio show and give motivational speeches before hundreds of people
  • Fear of sobriety – I don’t drink (maybe that should be facing my demons)

There’s a lot more where that came from.  You get the picture.  Sometimes I take giant steps, and sometimes I take baby steps – I keep stepping into them and come out shining on the other side.

So when I read that quote from Bill Cosby, I shook my head up and down with a resounding YES.

Almost everything we do begins with a choice.  Simple as it sounds, you can choose to step past your fear and step into your greatness.

May I suggest you begin by imagining yourself as Gandalf the White Wizard – tell your fear “Thou shall not pass!”

 

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