A safe harbor where beliefs are respected and kindness prevails.

The Perfection of Our Stories

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Fotolia_32439455_Subscription_XLWe are all unique walking collections of stories. Our stories help give shape to our lives. They are the results of experiences that surprise, comfort, and sometimes even torment us. Best of all, our stories are what connect us to others. The challenge we face is that sometimes our stories start to run the show. Instead of making the most of our stories as points of connection, we allow our stories to use us mercilessly, and disconnect us unnecessarily.

Storytelling is a timeless tradition that goes back to the start of civilization, visible now in cave paintings around the world. Little has changed since then. We live our lives, and tell our stories in the form of narratives or jokes or teachings, often in the hopes that future generations know where they came from and so they won’t make our same mistakes. If we’re really wise, we ask as many questions as the stories we tell. But there’s no denying that stories are how we make sense of what has happened to us, and also how we share the essence of ourselves with others. Because our stories are our history, they are perfect, because we are perfect, no matter how flawed our experiences.

Sharing our stories is all about vulnerability. The words that we choose to share with one another are by their very choice reflections of how we were raised, where we’ve come from, who we are now, and even where we aspire to go. When we unleash those words to others, we are sharing ourselves in such a wonderful, vulnerable and open way, that other people cannot help but recognize themselves in our words and then connect with us. Or when our stories don’t have enough points in common, this may be a reflection of how we don’t connect. Storytelling, by virtue of its need for vulnerability, is vital to connection.

How do you tell stories? What did you do, where did you go, who did you see, why were you whatever you were? How did all of those experiences make you who you are today? The big questions of our lives are wrapped up in our stories, what we choose to share, or not share. Think about the stories you chose to share over the course of the last week versus those that you actively chose not to share. They are the foundation of the connections we attempt to seek from others. Therein lies your power, your purpose and ultimately your destiny.

So when does storytelling become a trap? We choose to share stories that limit our connections to each other, rather than create deeper connections. We choose stories that limit our own vulnerability, and keep us from being fully present. Let me give you an example: I have one regular acquaintance Carla who always jokes through sarcasm and one-upmanship. Almost every conversation is based around a story of how her experience was better than whatever anyone else just shared. Or otherwise how much worse it was, and therefore more amazing, making for a better story. Carla’s stories always create distance. They may elicit some funny jokes or words of fascination, but they almost never create a bond of shared experience. Can you think of a time when your stories achieved the same undesired, even if unintentional, result?

Carla is letting herself get used by her stories. Like all of us, Carla has options. She might simply stay present with the people around her. She can listen to and acknowledge other people’s stories, and respond to those stories without diminishing them. But more often than not, she doesn’t choose a benign course. She chooses to let her own stories blow everyone else’s out of the water. Carla allows her stories to put her on a pedestal, high above the connections happening around her. In those moments, her story is running her. It’s a pretty lonely place to be, and she’s the first to admit it.

Complaining is another common way of allowing our stories to run our lives. I had the great privilege of growing up around many elderly folks, well into their 80s, 90s and even 100s. Their wisdom and warmth was often so generous. But there were also plenty who told stories of nothing but their ailments. My grandmother, while adorable, often fell victim to this. If we had the time to call over, the first ten minutes of conversation were about all of her current ailments, doctors’ recommendations for each, and how all of these were impeding her regular routines. Her stories were endless. Does this sound at all familiar? Clearly, people who do this have great need for a sympathetic ear. But this type of story does little but cut off our own curiosity about others, and what’s happening in their lives. It not only hinders our connection, but doesn’t allow other people’s experiences to put ours into perspective. The connections stay limited because it’s about the stories, not about who we really are.

Curiosity is the easiest antidote to the trap of letting our stories run us. Wondering what is happening around us offers us a constant perspective. Allowing ourselves the curiosity to ask questions – a vulnerable act itself – and to be with those stories, to respond respectfully and honestly, these are where connections are born and become profound. Our comfort zones are usually far more flexible than we give ourselves credit for. We have a huge capacity to process the stories told to us throughout the course of a day, and fully reach out to the people who are sharing. This can be a great reminder to us that it’s always as much about the other person as it is about us, as often as we forget that. Seek out others stories by liberating your curiosity, and expand your own experience.

Listening is another key to connection, and will help you avoid falling into your own storytelling traps. What are people’s stories telling you? Ask yourself what is the meaning behind their story. How deeply are they sharing? Can you share in kind? You will find this type of listening and connecting builds your friendships better than you expected because you shared an important story at the right moment, when you were both vulnerable and open-hearted.

Stories are invitations to get to know us better. We always have copious amounts of stories to choose from, if we are conscious of how rich our lives have been. Listen deeply, and respond wholeheartedly.

Remember to keep your stories in check. When you find them protecting you, elevating you above others, controlling others by keeping them subjected to your complaints, find the awareness to stop the cycle of the story. Your stories will use you to keep you centered solely on yourself. Remain confident in your perfect stories to allow moments to be about the other person. Take the power of your curiosity and listening to connect deeper.

We are after all not our stories. Our stories are just momentary reflections of where we’ve been and what we’ve experienced. When we are fully present, fully generous, and fully alive, we are so much more than the sum of our stories.

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Stepping Up to Fear

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TeriWilliams
“Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it.” – Bill Cosby

Could facing your fears really be that easy?  In most cases, I say YES loud and clear.

There is nothing that keeps us stuck more than fear.  It can be paralyzing both physically and emotionally.

Believe it or not there was a time that I was so afraid to speak in front of a group that I had to hire people to do it for me.  I would literally make myself sick.  Talk about NOT practicing what you preach.

When my father died, I wrote part of the eulogy – for my sister to read at his funeral.  I couldn’t do it, even for him, the man that constantly told me,“If you want to get anywhere in life, you have to stick your neck out”.  (After all, he was a turtle.)

When my son was a little boy (ok, he’ll always be my little boy).  Seriously, when he was 11, I took on the role of Pack Master for his school district.  That meant I had to speak to over 100 parents on a regular basis.  Nope!  Not me.  I coerced one of my friends to partner with me.  I did the writing and she did the speaking!  It was a great plan until she got sick.  With trembling knees I stepped up to the podium and read my speech.  Guess what – it was warmly welcomed.  I didn’t die, no one laughed at me, well maybe a little, I didn’t trip and fall; I’m still here to write about it.

Hindsight is a great teacher. What I realized was that I had been facing fears my whole life – MY WHOLE LIFE!  When you think about it, I bet you have too.  We all have a story around fear.

After that night, I made a list of all the ways I had stepped up to fear in the past.   Some were big fears, and some were little fears.   Here’s what part of my list looked like, and here’s what I did:

  • Fear of dogs after being bitten more than once – I have 2 dogs, really big dogs
  • Fear of being alone – I spend time alone – a lot
  • Fear of change – I embrace it
  • Fear of speaking – I host a radio show and give motivational speeches before hundreds of people
  • Fear of sobriety – I don’t drink (maybe that should be facing my demons)

There’s a lot more where that came from.  You get the picture.  Sometimes I take giant steps, and sometimes I take baby steps – I keep stepping into them and come out shining on the other side.

So when I read that quote from Bill Cosby, I shook my head up and down with a resounding YES.

Almost everything we do begins with a choice.  Simple as it sounds, you can choose to step past your fear and step into your greatness.

May I suggest you begin by imagining yourself as Gandalf the White Wizard – tell your fear “Thou shall not pass!”

 

How to Start an Exercise Program

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Starting an exercise program begins right from where you presently are, even if that means you begin on the couch.

DFTNThe first step is to dream big.

Visualize how amazing you will feel with a healthy, fit and happy body! What does that look like for you?

Cut out photographs, make a collage, create a dream board… the more the better. The point is to really start living the dream of total fitness in your mind. Then you can move that vision into your body through the actions that evolve from your imagination.

You create your own dream, your why, and your purpose.

Starting an exercise program begins right from where you presently are, even if that means you begin on the couch. You want to make your dream a reality in your mind in order to create health and fitness in your life.

This dream becomes your north star, your road map to your destination.

Now you are ready to create your plan! Ask yourself what is the “who, what, where, when” of your plan.

Who will you work with? A DVD program, a trainer at the gym, an instructor-taught class, or maybe even working with a group of friends?

I highly recommend working with a qualified, skilled coach/trainer. A truly qualified coach possesses all of the knowledge, motivation and resources you will need to achieve your goal to complete fitness. They are not usually the trainers staffed at your local gyms, and so it might take a bit of looking to find the right wellness coach for you.

I recommend seeking out a CHEK Practitioner, in your area. This can be achieved by going online to www.chekinstitute.com, and looking under“find a Practitioner.”

What type of exercise makes you feel good: Pilates, yoga, weights, boot camps, martial arts, Zumba, boxing? You get to pick.

Where are you performing your fitness routine? Will you be working out at home, a gym, or a studio?

When is the best time of day for your workout?

Most importantly, you must remain focused on the big picture. Visualize how amazing you are going to feel with this newly created health and fitness.

Of course, it is important that you consult your doctor before starting any exercise program. But don’t worry. This can actually be fun! A good doctor will recommend a full exam that includes checking your weight, height (which you can then use to determine your BMI – body mass index), blood pressure, heart rate, cholesterol, and fasting glucose levels. Your doctor can then discuss with you the option of slowly weaning you off any possible medications for diabetes, high blood pressure, cholesterol, ect.) It is always a good position to know where you are starting in your health program, so you can reassess how you are progressing along the way.

Start your exercise program at a low level. Don’t overdo it in the beginning because the body needs time to adjust. Your joints need to stabilize, and your muscles need to adapt to new movement patterns. In this way you will progress in a manner that proves safer and faster. This will allow you to progress through your exercise regime in a way that doesn’t cause pain, which could result in injuries that slow your progress.

It might also be helpful to have a support group of friends that are consistent and committed to making similar lifestyle changes. Even if you’re new in town, there is information to be found online that will direct you to a local group in your area.

Here is an important tip: don’t do diets!

Yes, they are everywhere. You cannot escape them on the television, radio or even online. Yes, they will most probably allow you to take the weight off in the beginning, but once you begin to stray or stop these programs, the weight most certainly will return, with a few more bonus pounds added.

The best way to eat is the most simple and effective way. Eat only real food that you prepare yourself. Ingest quality proteins, fruit, vegetables (grown mostly above ground), and quality fats from your proteins. Now this is general, and we have not discussed portion sizes, but you can go to my website and get all this information at www.holistichealth-fitness.com

Becoming aware of what works for you will help you the most in achieving a healthy lifestyle. This includes understanding what food, exercise and healthy routines you are most receptive to. The more aware you become, the easier it is to get results without stumbling around trying everything out there.

In my first article, I spoke of the Six Fundamentals of Health: paradigms, breath, hydration, exercise, nutrition and sleep. Each one of these components is part and parcel to you creating the healthy, happy, vibrant body and life you desire.

Create the plan that works for you. What times in the day work best for you to exercise? How much time do you have? Set a schedule and make a calendar so you can check the days off.

Because of my schedule, exercise needs to be done first thing in the morning. If you have kids, this could also be the best time to exercise. Completing your workout before your family and the resulting demand on your time arise reduces conflict in the morning routine.

For your schedule, exercising might mean taking forty minutes during your lunch break to take a class, or exercising after work before you go home. You decide what works best for you. It may be a combination of the three.

When it comes to food, getting your shopping done all at once helps with time.

When I go shopping, I purchase most of the foods I need all at once. I also take advantage of my local farmers market. This provides me the opportunity to buy all of my vegetables for the week, and sometimes even all of my meats. I usually purchase a whole chicken, a few pieces of red meat, and a big piece of salmon. As soon as I get home I cook the meats. I decide whether to bake or grill a dish, or sometimes I will slow-cook the meat in a crockpot. I also cut about a two-quart Tupperware bowl full of mixed vegetables that will last me about five meals. Once the meats are cooked, they go into the refrigerator in separate Tupperware containers. Each night I prepare the following day’s meals and snacks along with making that night’s dinner.

I have a nice insulated food pack that I carry with me to work. This way I always have my food with me.

When it comes to water consumption throughout the day, it can be just like food. If you don’t have it with you, you won’t drink it. So go get yourself a liter bottle (or larger if you can find one), and make it a container that is fun for you. Choose one in your favorite color, or with a clever design. Do your best to drink water throughout the day. Most everyone should be drinking half their body weight in ounces every day.

Achieving total health really is all in the planning. So give yourself permission to sit down and figure out your plan before you start. Having most of it in place will go a long way in accomplishing your goals, and a lot less stress will be involved.

Go to www.holistichealth-fitness.com and start reading through the blogs. Check out all the websites and articles on the Library media page. You’ll find everything from water to breathing right there!

I am always here to help and support you.

I wish for all of you Vibrant Health!

From Completion to Attraction

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joshtn copyIf you’re like many Americans, your annual spring cleaning has been completed, and you now have improved space and time for the light, airy luxuries of summertime. But what if you took it one step further and gave your entire life a good healthy spring cleaning? I’m talking about the exercise of Completion.

Completion is one of the fastest ways to make space for new and better things to enter your life, and certainly to attract some richer wholeness.

Have you wondered why it’s so hard to start new things, lose those last pounds, get better work, make more money, enjoy more leisure time? I’ll practically guarantee that you are juggling so many incomplete things in your life that there is no room for anything better to come into the picture.

You probably have a good understanding already of Closure, commonly described as the resolution of a relationship or its issues in a person’s life, not to mention the contentment that comes with it. Completion is much like closure, but it’s all about the outstanding or unfinished stuff in relationship with yourself. And I say stuff because it encompasses all manner of things that you may have left incomplete: experiences, tasks, lists, projects, conversations, plans, goals, and so on. The amount of incomplete stuff with which we live clutters up our lives to no end. And what happens then? New stuff has a much harder time to enter the picture.

Without going into any highfalutin or complex science, suffice it to say that physicists have proven that the entire universe and everything in it create a vacuum. Everything forms a unified whole. So following this, new things can only come or happen when old things fall away or disappear. Something must go for the vacuum to allow space for new things. This forms one of the bases of attraction.

Much of my coaching practice is based around attraction. A lot of my clients are creative types by nature, people for whom ideas, thoughts and the creative process hold a lot of importance. When I start working with them, the first thing we do is make a list of all of the incomplete items that are hanging over their heads. And invariably after a week or two, it never fails that finishing a few of these items is followed very soon after by a surge of creativity and productivity.

The same consistently holds true for all of my clients, and often comes in the softer signs of extra time, greater peace of mind, less worry, less stress, even more money. One client started completing lots of loose ends after moving across the country, and landed a job she never had any realistic expectation of getting after interviewing months before. Some like to talk about coincidence, but what was the visible and quantifiable change throughout it all? She made a whole lot of room in her life, and something came to fill the void. And she moved right back across the country for her job of choice.

Completion works on a lot of levels of attraction too. First there is the visible level of literally getting rid of things and making actual space in your environment. Next there is the time that is created by completing projects that consume your planning, that keep you anchored in the planning stages without the bigger actions that move your goals, hopes or dreams forward.

The most valuable levels that Completion works on, though, are the non-visible ones, the levels of your spirit. For example, my parents have been discussing cleaning out their basement practically since they moved into their new home, roughly six years ago. They have spent so many hours discussing, arguing over, wondering about, and worried about all of the ‘stuff’ in their basement, all of that time could have been put to richer use, doing the things they love to do. Wasting their conscious time on this incomplete project diverts their positive energy into this soul-sucking topic. Our conscious energy, our life energy that propels us forward, that keeps us excited about our activities and relationships, is the level that Completion works most richly on.

The tried and true way to embrace Completion is to be methodical, and have some fun with it at the same time. First, remind yourself why Completion will serve you. Make a list of all of the new things that you want in your life: more quality time with your family, spouse, kids; money for better vacations; new appliances, gadgets, even toys for your home and leisure time; time to volunteer, meet new people, make new friends, engage in a worthy cause; a new, more satisfying career, job or workplace; the list goes on to encompass your wildest imaginings. Once you have a clearer idea of how much richer you want your life to be, then you can make a master list of Completion.

Sit yourself down in a quiet place, and write down 20 things in your life that are incomplete. I bet that it will be faster than you think when you really consider all of the things you’ve been talking about and wanting to do something about, but haven’t yet taken the time. Once you have 20, make yourself giddy and write another 20 incompletions down. It might feel like a stretch, but I bet you can get there, even if they are very minor things. Maybe they’ll even get bigger and bigger, like ‘start my new consulting business’ or ‘amass a six month emergency fund,’ things that might seem really challenging, but that you’ve been thinking about. Get onto the page absolutely everything that you’ve been thinking about but is not yet complete.

Now get to work. And for heaven’s sake, make it fun. Put on your favorite music, invite over an interested good friend or two, and clean those closets and attics and garages, get the repairs taken care of, finish planting your vegetable garden, pay back your friends, write the end to that short story, finish those recipes for that cookbook you’ve been talking about. Take action!

Then see and feel the results. Celebrate what you’ve achieved. Wonder what you might start once you’ve completed all of that old stuff. Start attracting all of the items on your new list. Completion is a massive step in attracting the life that you imagine and deserve.

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