A safe harbor where beliefs are respected and kindness prevails.

When Pain Runs Your Life

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How much more can you take?  Do you feel like the pain will never go away?  Are you devastated beyond your worst nightmare but know that life goes on even if you hate it right now?  That pretty much describes any life where radical, unwanted and unimaginable, changes dominate the here and now.  What can  you do about it?

If you’ve followed me for any time you know that I am a firm believer that whatever we are going (as horrific as it may be) is something we are meant to experience.  That is not to suggest however that we wanted it or have to appreciate it at this very moment.   In fact I’d go so far as to tell you that I hated my worst challenges. However no matter how much you may struggle and rail against your current condition there will be some point, maybe years down the line, that  you understand the value the experience brought to your life.

“Great”  you may say, “but that doesn’t help me now.”  But what if it did?  What if instead of letting the pain run (and ruin) your life you just let it be?  What if you allowed yourself to experience the pain, nightmare, the challenge, without the judgment or the struggle? If in the midst of your overwhelming grief you said to yourself, “I am going through this for a reason and I’m not going to fight it anymore?”  By allowing yourself to feel the full weight of whatever is overwhelming your life you preserve what little energy you have for something better.  (Like to start living the life you want.)

How much relief would you have by letting it happen and the realizing when you come up for air that you are still standing?  Some fights  you can’t win.  Your spouse walks out or dies, your home goes into foreclosure, your job ends.  You may have fought a good battle all along but you also know when no matter what you do it’s not going to change the ultimate loss.  Feel it, hate it if you must, but stop fighting it and start healing.

It takes time.   I used to say that I lost everything in my life except my husband and then he died.  There comes a point where you have to decide if you’re going to let the pain run your life or you’re going to just stop running.  It’s when you decide to stop the struggle that you begin to heal.

When you’re ready… do this for you.

With love, Cheryl

Reflections – Winter 2014

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It seems like I’ve lived my life on a roller coaster of emotion. Up one day, down the next. Sometimes twisting around curves certain that at the other end is an experience so worrisome that I didn’t even notice where I really was at that given moment.

Whether we’re having the same experience over and over again, or it feels like the other shoe is about to drop, we want off this ride. Where is the peace, the joy, the wonderful life that we are meant to have?

What I’ve come to realize is that when I quit focusing on what isn’t going the way I thought it should, I can actually see what is. We didn’t come here to live the perfect life. We had that before we were born. (Okay, that assumes you believe that you’re a soul having a human experience.) What we have is the ability to experience the miracle of being human, and being human means there is joy and pain, happiness and misery, suffering and relief. None of those conditions are permanent anymore than life is.

If we choose to appreciate the experience, regardless of whether we consider it “good” or “bad,” we discover that life isn’t a roller coaster. It’s an amazing journey and exactly what we hoped for.

Reflections – Fall 2014

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_MG_2725I’ve worn glasses all my life, and last month mine needed to be sent back to the manufacturer to be repaired. At my age seeing anything close up without help is, well, nearly impossible. After all I read and write for a living. So out came an old pair (that I had to dig through boxes to find). Wearing them for a week, it turned out, provided clarity for my life, in spite of my blurry vision.

It’s no secret that I’ve experienced a series of life-changing events. With the exception of my marriage, every other part of my life has been turned upside down in these last five years. What was important to me before . . . in my career, my climbing-up-the-ladder days . . . was gone in an instant. My security, my confidence, my peace of mind were all based on my job and what it enabled me to do.

As I moved through the last few years of turmoil, I judged my now by my past. When I put those old glasses on, it became blatantly clear to me that they didn’t work very well anymore . . . and, likewise, looking at my current life through the lens of my past doesn’t either.

What I thought or did before may have brought me to this point, but it is what I choose to see right now that enables me to be happy, now. And now is all that matters.   Because now is when I can make a difference.

Reflections – June 2014

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Mt-Hood-ReflectionRegret and worry. In my life I’ve had more than my share, and they have robbed me of the ability to enjoy my life.   The funny (ok, sad) thing about regrets and worries is they are self-inflicted. There is no person or thing outside of us that can ever force us to experience them.

If you find yourself falling into that “blue” space of worry and regret, be ok with that. When we allow ourselves to feel what we feel, then we have the ability to release it … to let it go and clear a path to living in the now.

When it comes to enjoying life now … for me at least … it means giving myself permission to set aside the regrets and worries. And by appreciating all the blessings I do have in my life, right now, I realize that there is more to life than what I have allowed to hold me back. Therein lies peace and power.

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