A safe harbor where beliefs are respected and kindness prevails.

A New You Right Now

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My friend Jeannine comes for her massages early in the morning.   More often than not, Jeanine, Steve and I have a great conversation about the most important things in life—- real down and dirty soul matters before they disappear into the massage treatment room.

I love these conversations and they leave me with so much on which to contemplate and meditate. This week was no exception. The conversation was about “new beginnings” and “starting new”.  Her comment was that everyone is so focused on their “New Year’s Resolution” that they completely forget that today is the perfect time to start a new.  She went on to comment about how after putting all our energy into January 1, if there is a “fall from grace”, for what ever reason, we give up, we throw in the towel, we become depressed.  We failed again so once more, we may say, why try in the first place.

What about today? What about right now?

This time of new beginnings at January 1 is all human made.  Our calendar helps us to track time and make appointments/plans but any day in our life is a great time to start a new plan of action in our life.  Right Now!

What can you change or resolve to do in this moment that will bring about lasting changes for a lifetime? What can you do everyday of your life that will help you stay on track to being the biggest and brightest version of yourself?

To begin with, Fall in love with you!  That’s right. Dedicate time, energy and passion to yourself.

In my meditation workshops, I suggest to my students to start each day by looking themselves in the eyes in the mirror and say, “I love you”.   The secret is to really look, to truly see yourself and be present as you say it.

Some students freak out. “I could never do that. That is so intense.”

It can start out that way.  So maybe start with just looking at yourself – really look at yourself!   In a day or two maybe add a smile.  Then, the next week add, “Hey, I like you.”  Work up to it until there is a full-fledged “I love you” coming to you from you every morning.

When we learn to adore our selves on the deepest of levels, it becomes easier to keep our other resolutions as well.  Our deep caring for Self helps us to be more discerning about how much we take into our being, whether it be food, drink, media, or even other people’s energy for good or for bad.

We begin to make decisions about how we treat ourselves based on our own deep sense of self love.  All this is based on you, no one else. Did you not receive the love you craved as a child?   Or maybe its even missing in your current relationships.  Give it to yourself!  Right now!  Do not wait!

My friend and teacher, Bobbie Corbean, scheduled date nights by herself.  She would go to the opera, a movie, a concert alone—- on purpose. She fixed her favorite meals for just herself.  She always said when she felt disconnected from herself, she knew it was time to take some quality time to be with herself.

How can we truly love another without knowing and passionately loving ourself?  From the words of the Christ, “Love your neighbor as yourself”.  It is implied— “Love yourself” and then all the rest happens. It is a kind of magic!

Let’s take a moment together.  Take a deep breath….. Take one more.   Let yourself relax.  Let your shoulders move down away from your ears.  Now, one more full deep breath.  Now place both your hands on your heart center. Can you feel your heart beat?  If not, its OK.  But feel your hand touching your heart center.  Feel love and compassion for yourself.

If that is difficult, let yourself experience the love you have for someone special, or a pet that loves you unconditionally.  Slowly open your heart to YOU.

You are an exquisite creation of the Universe. You are unique and more lovable than you will ever know.

Keep all this in your heart as you make your resolutions.   Start anew any day and everyday.  Keep it all going by believing in You.  The magic is inside.  The buried treasure you seek is in your heart.

One more deep breath. How beautiful.

How to Cut Animosity and Achieve Self Love

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One of my talented and sensitive friends talks about a client who is hard to please. The first time she cut his hair, he complained about it. She was certain he wouldn’t return, but he did. At his next visit he expressed dissatisfaction again. And yet, he would keep coming back to her for haircuts.

He was also flaky. He would text her to call him and then not return her call. She didn’t want to continue cutting his hair because every time she saw him, she’d end up feeling badly about herself in some way.

It’s like, “Mr. Grumpy, if you don’t like the way she cuts your hair, stop going to her!” But, obviously he liked going to see her. Perhaps he’s just a glutton for punishment, or he might be someone who is only happy when there’s something to be unhappy about. Who knows?

We’ve talked about it and can’t figure out why Mr. Grumpy keeps coming back. She could just cut to the chase and ask him why he keeps coming back if he’s unhappy with the way she cuts his hair, but that would be too easy. Sometimes she prefers to bear a burden or take one for the team than put someone else on the spot.

Another choice she could make is to stop cutting his hair altogether, but she’d rather work through a challenge than slam the door on it. I look forward to seeing how it goes. Perhaps one day when he walks in she will be detached enough to allow him his grumpiness while she stays in her optimism. That’s the positive wish, anyway.

So we talked at length about that challenge. Exactly how could she use this opportunity to stay in her optimism? I have heard it said that for anything someone says to us that hurts our feelings, it takes us hearing at least seven positive things about ourselves to counteract that hurt. So, just to get back to neutral takes some doing for us! (By the way, I believe it has to do with our neuropathways being set that land in a certain place, such as a habitual thought we may have about ourselves being no good in some way. I don’t have a source to cite, so if you know of this research or information, feel free to drop me a line).

So we decided to conduct an experiment. It was her task that whenever she sees Mr. Grumpy, she will:

  1. Notice when her mood starts going south.
  2. Identify the habitual belief she has about herself when dealing with him (such as: “I’m not a good hair stylist”).
  3. Tell herself seven good things about herself, such as:
    • “I love being a stylist”
    • “I am excellent at what I do”
    • “I am kind”
    • “I am caring”
    • “I am a good friend”
    • “People love to come see me”
    • “I am thoughtful”

As she stays diligent about checking in with herself in this way, maybe when Mr. Grumpy walks in the door she will immediately associate it with pouring extra love on herself. She can be free – she can release her attachment to wanting Mr. Grumpy to change while she reconnects with her optimism whenever she wishes! We’ll see how it goes.

Do you feel badly about yourself when interacting with certain people? Since you cannot change them, why not take control by being extraordinarily kind to yourself? You deserve that.

If you are willing to say at least seven nice things to yourself when you’re feeling badly (and yes, be creative and make it fun!), you will find yourself feeling better… and faster!

Give Your Love A Green Light

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_Fav_0270[1]“As one grows older, one becomes wiser and more foolish.” – Francois de La Rochefoucauld

I’m enjoying the heck out of getting older.  I enjoy it because life is getting simpler for me. I have gotten used to how my mind works.  I accept the fact that I am practical and introspective. I know which foods agree with my system and which don’t.  I know what clothes look best on me for my body type.  I accept that I am a workhorse.  I can identify how other people’s energy impacts me. I am happier when I accept others as they are. And, being uncomfortable by stretching my boundaries to express myself, embracing new things and considering new ideas don’t equal death anymore.

In other words, as a result of getting older, I feel as if I am a bit wiser.

As a result of becoming wiser, I am also becoming more and more foolish when it comes to the idea of love.  I am more open about letting my love flow. I cry at weddings.  I dance when someone hits the big jackpot on a game show. I cheer when someone explodes with happiness for whatever reason.

I love love.  I love the idea of love.  I love expressions of love.  I love writing about love.  I love exploring ways that we can receive more and more love.  I can tell by their actions and demeanor when people feel loved.

Ever since I was a little girl I have believed that love is our essence.  Because I believe that our essence is love, to show love, to express kindness, to be open, and laugh and play is our natural state.  Just watch young children for a while and you will see plenty examples of it.

Recently I had a shift in perspective about love, and it hit me like a lightning bolt. It has to do with flow reversal.

I used to think that outward expressions of non-love where the ones that compromised me. For example, when I was little and someone would call me “fat” it hurt my feelings. To me, it meant that I wasn’t good enough, which meant that I was unlovable. It felt like something that was happening externally was bringing me down.

I have now come to realize that it’s actually the other way around. When someone called me fat, which qualified as a “non-preferred situation,” I shut off my innate feelings of love for and acceptance of that person.

In other words, I was blocking my own outward flow of love.  Basically it feels like I was actually saying, “I feel pain because of something you said to me, therefore I will withhold my love from you,” or “You just did something that blocks my flow of love to you,” which is different than, “You hurt my feelings and you don’t like me in the way I thought you did, therefore I am unlovable.” Flow reversal.

I realized that, if my essence is love, my hurt didn’t stem from what someone else did to ME, my pain actually came from cutting off MY OWN flow of love TO THEM. I see that when I tried to punish other people, I was actually only punishing myself. And THAT is what impacts my own state of health and well-being.

I have come to understand that when I keep the love flowing, I am healthier and happier. When I focus on that idea, I feel liberated. I feel more in control of my overall well-being, and able to positively influence my physical, emotional and spiritual health.

As a result of this new way of thinking, when I’m not feeling up to par, I scan to see from whom I am withholding love and why. Many times it ends up being that I am withholding love from myself because of some unrealistic expectations I have.

In other words, now that my perspective is, “Please don’t do anything that prevents me from loving you the way I want to,” all I have to do is check in to see who or what hurt my feelings, or if I am holding on to unrealistic expectations. I can ask myself (and keeping my inner child in mind), “What happened and why did I shut down?”

Once I express my sadness, disappointment, anger, or hurt with understanding and acknowledgment, I find that I am refortified and my love starts flowing again.

If you are willing to explore this flow reversal, ask yourself:

 “Where am I holding back my love, and why?”

“Where am I shrinking on the inside rather than blossoming?”

“Why am I grouchy right now?”

When you allow these questions to help you identify where you are blocked, release your emotions safely in order to give your love the green light to flow once again.

I invite you to reconnect with your deeper flow of loving others by loving yourself first. This is your secret. Allow yourself to be foolish! Check in to see where you are withholding love from yourself, and be willing to have a breakthrough. Ask yourself, “What happened?” and listen patiently, just as you would with a young child. View yourself with a kind word and gentle touch and invite in the healing.

It is time to restore your overall sense of well-being. You have a unique way of breathing fully. Laugh! Sing! Dance! Cry! They are cleansing and can help you reconnect with your optimism.

And, when you give your love a green light, you lift your vibration, boost your immune system and reconnect with your unique ability to shine.

Every Soul Is Whole…

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No matter how wounded the human being…

When I was 21 I was briefly locked up in a psychiatric hospital. I had become severely depressed. At least that is what I was told I was. Deep inside I knew my depression was the result of no longer being able to outrun the personal issues I had struggled with all of my life. Without anyone to confide in and nowhere to turn for help, I retreated inward as an act of desperate self-preservation.

At the time I considered life too unbearable to continue. So the answer as “professionals” saw it was to medicate me and slap a variety of labels on my condition. That only served to further distance me from a real solution to my underlying problem – self-acceptance and self-love.

While I cannot speak for everyone, I have learned many things about the variety of reasons we get lost in the limitations of our mind. With our lives moving at ever faster speeds we are often too quick to reach for a drug, or to give up on ourselves, or to isolate ourselves in an attempt to cope, or to want someone else to fix our broken lives.

For me, healing began in earnest when I stopped looking for answers to heal myself from someone or something outside me. As long as I continued to give my power to other people to fix my life, my life remained broken. Their support and advice was good, but in the end, to truly heal, I had to take the actions necessary to move myself past the pain, loneliness, and lack of self-respect. That required letting go, and letting that part of me I cannot see and cannot touch, take over.

While one size does not fit all when we speak about moving past depression and traumatic issues, I feel it is important to remember that our soul (the spirit/heart that we are) is the motivating power behind self-change. Soul houses self-love, self-respect, and determination, all of which are necessary to successfully get us through life’s hard spots. So while physical and emotional trials are very real, the same is true of our soul’s willpower to move us past them. Our soul is the higher, wiser part of us with the strength of character to overcome any challenge or change any negative habit.

For me, and countless others who have taken our power back from abuse, addiction, bad relationships, and other negative life situations, we want to be of encouragement. You are truly powerful to overcome anything in your life because your soul is whole, no matter how wounded your human being.

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