A safe harbor where beliefs are respected and kindness prevails.

Dancing With The Angels

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One thing I really like about maturity is the amount of experience you have to pull from. La Ricoeta 045Pull what, you may ask? Well, a treasure of happenings, memories and the opportunity for current happenings to garner a deeper meaning. Let me explain.

Recently, my partner Steve and I were visiting our friends Paul Boynton and his partner Mike Wynne, who live in New Hampshire. The first night we were there I had the most incredible dream. I was standing in front of an old wooden table and on the table was a book stand or lectern that held an ancient manuscript. It must have been 36” by 48 “ and it was old. The paper was yellowed crisp parchment. The script was old English from about the 1400 or 1500’s.

(I know this because I studied Old English script in graduate school so I could actually read it. Coincidence or subconscious bleed through?)

On the pages there were prayers to the 9 levels or choirs of angels— the seraphim, cherubim…………..( I grew up Catholic and have a Catholic education through College.)

In the dream I recited each of the these series of prayers to each level of the angelic hierarchy. It was almost as if I were a magician or alchemist calling on the powers of the angels to assist me with a special intention of service I felt compelled to carry out. I knew in my heart that I needed help. Whatever it was I was trying to accomplish required that I surrender to a higher power or powers to bring about the results needed. Whatever I was doing was not about me. I felt like a conduit of some kind and that I was supposed to call on the benevolent assistance of all the angels but especially Michael and Gabriel.

I woke up and laid there with my eyes closed. I was full of this dream and wondered what it meant. This is not my usual type of dream for sure. I tried to meditate to see if I could gather any meaning from the dream before moving into the world that day. My mind and body were so full of the dream and the crisp details of it that it was difficult for me to empty my mind to just be.

When I opened my eyes there on the wall was a beautiful, ornate Russian Icon of Michael, the archangel, also known as The Protector and the Prince of the Seraphim. I had not noticed it the night before because it was behind the door. So we closed the door and turned off the lights and went to bed.

Wow—- there was one of my archangel friends looking down on me. Had I caught a glimpse of him before sleeping and I just didn’t remember? My mind was trying to make sense of the whole experience. But my spirit was not having it. It spoke to me and said breathe. Sit with what you saw and just be with it

I mentioned the dream to my partner Steve and to Mike that morning. We commented on the uniqueness of it and the fact that the icon was hanging there and watching over us all night.

A few days later, and once back home in Cincinnati, I decided to combine my meditation practice and yoga into one. So I sat in the side yard and enjoyed the beautiful summer breeze as it caressed my skin and I lost my self in the stillness and the delicious void of the space between my eyes. I kept getting the image of wings. Was it because I could hear birds all around me? Hmmm…..

I started my yoga practice and each time I did a swan dive forward into a forward bend, I felt as if I had wings. It was all very cool but I was still not sure what was happening with this.

Then I went into savasana, also known as corpse pose- where you lie still and just let everything go. Almost as soon as I closed my eyes I was in a vision of a memory. It was 1993 or 1994. I was in our retail store, LeftHanded Moon on Court Street in Cincinnati OH. Steve was helping a customer who had come in to shop. She brought her one year old twins—- who were getting a little restless. I offered to hold them while she shopped. I had one boy in each arm and bounced them around a bit. As I always do with small children I danced with them in my arms and I asked them to tell me any secrets they might remember from the time before they were born. I remember distinctly both boys looking right at me and just going on and on in unintelligible baby gibberish. They were telling me!! And I had forgotten the language they were using to tell me. I was so excited and wished with all my heart I could understand.

WOW. That memory was brought back so vividly today. And the meaning was not lost on me.

The babies names were Gabriel and Micheal and born on my birthday— some thirty years later but the three of us share January 13 as our nativity.

Let me say it again WOW!! I am still not sure what all this means but I can tell you that I am paying attention. And you can see why I am appreciating my maturity. However it all comes together— my old english studies, catholic background, the experience with the twins in the 1990’s, it all came together last Monday in a house I had never been to, nestled in the woods of New Hampshire where an image of an archangel hangs on a

wall and as I see it, took the opportunity to speak with me through the symbols of a dream.

What does it all mean? I am not sure. but as I finish this article the words- “in my soul I believe I can change the world” are being recited. So how does the Universe talk to us? In so many ways. We just have to have to have our eyes, our ears, our conscious and our subconscious and our Heart open to all possibilities. So in those moments when you feel less than connected to The Universe or Creation or whatever term you use, close your eyes, take a deep breath and ask to be connected and to feel a part of the experience of being alive. Then sit back and pay attention.

The definition of an angel is “a pure spirit created by God”. That is each and every one of us.

I am grateful for all the experiences of my life. I invite you to be also.

Here’s to the mystery and power of love that will have us all change the world.

Love Your Life

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R&S Photo 1This is the inaugural article of “Themes for Life”, a monthly column for Simple Steps, Real Change Magazine. In our column we want to share themes from our lives that we hope will resonate with the overall themes of your life. Life is all about connections – let’s connect! This first article coincides with a big mile-stone in our personal lives. The first week of September marks an important event in our journey together. September 3, 2014, we will celebrate 28 years together. Wow! Now that’s something.

We have shared a lot of adventures in our time together. Early on we sold all of our possessions and back packed through Europe. On our first spiritual quest we moved to Cripple Creek, CO to work for and with the author-astrologer, Linda Goodman. We owned and operated a magical little retail shop in downtown Cincinnati, OH called Lefthanded Moon. For twelve years we ran a manufacturing company that was named for all things beautiful – Vertu. A few years ago we moved to Albuquerque, NM to attend a unique Massage School. Currently we find our call to service as Licensed Massage Therapists, Personal Trainers and Yoga Teachers. We’ve been together through it all – side by side, one picking up the pace when the other was tired or experiencing doubt or fear.   Today, as in the past 28 years, we own only one cell phone; we carry only one wallet and own only one car! Our friends love to tease us about this calling it “THE phone” or “THE wallet”.   How can we do this, you may ask? Well, we are together 24/7.  That’s right! We are literally now, and have been together almost every moment of every day.

We began our relationship as good friends, and as it evolved into a loving partnership, we realized that we really like being together.   We knew in those early days in Cripple Creek Colorado, a remote mountain town of 450 people, we wanted to spend as much time as possible together. At each stage in our relationship we asked the Universe to present us with opportunities to allow us to work and travel together. Wish granted. Early on we worked as bartenders and servers in the same restaurant – we had the same shifts; traveling Europe we were side-by-side from Athens to London; working in Colorado we would sit across from each other at Linda’s kitchen table; in our retail shop, it was always just the two of us; at the manufacturing company, our desks were right next to each other’s and in school for massage we studied and practiced as a team.

RS-Brad-SmithThis type of relationship is not for everyone. And even with all our togetherness, the most important component in our relationship is allowing each other to grow and develop as an individual. With a full sense of individuation, we come together to build and nurture the partnership.   We are together physically, emotionally and spiritually most of the time. But we still need and crave “me time”.   There is a relationship each of us has with ourself that needs as much nourishing and attention as any outside relationship in our life – maybe more!

Early in our relationship, when we were developing our personal spiritual practices, we discussed the possibility of reincarnation. It was then we decided to start our meditation practice so we could find each other faster the next time around. This may sound a little childlike. That’s OK. We work to keep a sense of childlike qualities in our relationship, like being open, honest and trusting.  Our practices have helped us! They help us to see, the deeper we love ourselves and the more we acknowledge our unique spark of creation and feed that spark, the more we find we are alive, happy and whole. Our journey together led us to a deeper understanding of Self Love. Without this Self-Love, our relationships dissolve into a co-dependency that leaves our Souls hungry for something deeper. The hunger is for a connection with Self first and foremost. Self-Love is a learned behavior. We need to foster and nurture it throughout our lives. We believe it is one of our greatest quests in life.

We’ve learned many things about life and living over the past three decades. One of the many things we learned from Linda Goodman was about numerology (the study of the power and the spiritual vibration of numbers, as presented by Chaldean-Hebrew Kabala). We celebrate our anniversary on the 3rd. In numerology that means our anniversary and our relationship, vibrates to the number 3. Three is described as representing idealism, higher education, foreign travel and religion. Three is the number of optimism, movement, expansion – and the Holy Trinity of the Body, Mind and Spirit.   On first read about the number three in 1989, we hoped this would come to pass. One of the many gifts of maturity is to have the opportunity to look back. As we ponder the last twenty-eight years, we realize these words…Idealism, Movement, Expansion and the Holy Trinity of Body, Mind and Spirit really do describe our relationship – it captures the essence of our lives together – seeking truth and freedom at every turn.

Our individual journey and quest for Self-Love enabled us to create our relationship of idealism, movement and expansion. Through our practices we know the companionship we hold with our Self, is what leads us to truth and opportunities for self-growth and understanding. So enter again the number three. The trilogy we are experiencing is Steve – Rob and then SteveRob. Whether or not there is a significant “other” in your life, you always have the opportunity to romance the Self and Love Your Life.

If there is no outward three in your life, create your own inner trilogy. In numerology, the number one represents creativity, protection, benevolence. ONE is the number of original action, the initiating bases of all other numbers. There cannot be a 2 or 3 without the 1.

How do you romance your Self?

Take some time each morning to be with you. Do this in meditation, yoga or journaling.

Look in the mirror each day and tell yourself, “I love you”. If in the beginning, you find this declaration of love difficult, start by winking or smiling at yourself.

Eat food that is nutritious, drink lots of water, take walks, move your body. Make the effort to quiet the ego voice so you can hear the Me voice.

Create your own trinity of Body, Mind and Spirit.

We have much gratitude for the longevity of our relationship and all the opportunities for growth it has afforded us. We also have gratitude for our individual journey and our romance with our SELF.

The love most of us seek outwardly is actually a buried treasure in our own heart. Dig for gold friends. You are richer than you know right now in this moment.  Love Your Life!

What If This Is The Last Time?

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RD1I feel very fortunate to have my best friend and partner all in one person. It is a gift, yes, but it also means I have to be totally honest with Steve about everything. That’s what you do with best friends – confide – right? You tell your best friend all the annoying things your spouse does. Because Steve is my best friend, I really think about whether or not to mention the few little things he does that get under my skin. They are actually my issues, not his, right?

We had the wonderful opportunity of living with my mom, Dottie, for the last eight years of her life. We moved in with her after a health crisis that the doctors thought was the beginning of the end – saying we would have her for a year or two – but I guess that goes to show what cutting out cigarettes after 60 years and what a new diet of organic foods can do to extend your life. She bounced back and thrived. Although the journey was incredible, and the three of us had a blast together, there were times when I felt myself ready to snap or roll my eyes at her for being overly concerned about what I saw as trivial or her wanting to continue to do something the same way she had for 80 some years, when I knew better.

Most of the time with Steve and my mom, I would stop myself and say, “What if this were the last thing I got to say to them? Would this be what I would want to say?”

I started this habit when I thought I would only have Dottie for a short time. I started saying to myself, “If this were the last time …”It can sound heavy but it wasn’t/isn’t. It just made me stop and think.

We are rarely given the opportunity “to know”when something is for the last time. But when we are given the chance to know – you really pay attention. Your deep awareness takes over, and the trivial does not get a chance to interfere.

Fast forward eight years. Dottie had an episode with her lungs that put her in the hospital overnight. She seemed fine as we left the hospital that evening. The next morning they called to say she was having issues breathing, and they did not think she would pull out of it. In that moment I wondered if this would be the last day. But how could I know? I wished I could know.

As we rushed to the hospital, I felt a shift in my awareness. I told myself to stop the “what ifs”and be in each moment. When I got to her side, she motioned for me to take the oxygen mask off. Looking me in the eyes, she said in a whisper, “This is the day I am going to die.”I must admit that it took my breath away. But knowing Dottie, if anyone could pick their exit day, it would be her. I took a deep breath. I bent down and asked, “Do you know what time?”She shook her head no.

But I got an answer to my question. Yes, this was going to be the last day. It was almost 24 hours later that she took her last breath. But we, along with my brother Dave, stayed with her the entire time. One of us was always holding her hand, singing to her, saying the rosary, telling her how much we loved her. And even in her weakened state, I could hear her say back to us each time, “I Love you too.”

When the grief would well up inside me, I would say, not yet. You still have her. Be here. Open your eyes. Feel her skin, her hair. Be in the moment. As intense as it was, it was also so beautiful and life altering.

So I have been saying it even more. “What if this is the last time?”Again I don’t say it to bring up sadness. It is not about getting lost in the emotion of sadness. It is about bringing my awareness into the moment. It helps me to look into the eyes of the one I am speaking with. It has me look at each student in my yoga class and acknowledge them. It opens me to discernment, so I save my criticism for the things that REALLY matter. There are times when we must speak our truth. But many times our criticism is based on the fact that someone’s actions or words set us off because they are not doing it our way or the way we think they “should.” Anytime we think or say “should,”it is our expectations being reflected on to someone else.

“What if this is the last time …”is my way of bringing myself back to the moment I am in. It brings me into the NOW. My friend Cindy is dealing with aging parents and the natural tendency to start the grieving before anyone has moved on. You find yourself grieving because they are not the “way”they used to be or how you remember. We talked about it when her Mom went through a recent health crisis. We all age if we are fortunate enough to do so. All humans have aging in common. So be with them as they are Now. Don’t mourn how they used to be. That’s useless and just breaks your heart over and over. Acknowledge the natural process of things and open your awareness to the NOW. Be with them here. Maybe you let a few things roll off your back. Maybe you have to take a deep breath and allow them to be their eccentric selves. In the grand scheme of things, what does it matter? If it were the last time, what would you do or say? Pause. Pay attention as if there are no tomorrows. Don’t hope for more time or opportunities or blindly count on it; make use of the ones you have right now. Don’t stop yourself from reaching for their hand. Keep saying I love you even if it is never said back to you. If it is the last time, make sure you lived it true to your heart. Let your heart be free. Be kind. That kindness finds its way back to you.

I learned so much from my Mom. I am still learning. I have great gratitude that she gave me the experience of “knowing it was the last time.”I used that moment, that day, all the time to make my life richer and more meaningful.

It’s funny now how I find myself smiling at the little things about Steve that once bothered me. I open my Awareness, and I have gratitude for having him around. I find myself looking at him to capture every detail as if I might not get another opportunity. Live each day, each moment, as if it’s the only one you’ve got. That’s what is important. Namaste’

 Rob Dorgan

I Choose Happiness

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RobdorganIn 2011 my partner and I left our jobs of 12 years to start a new life adventure. We both worked for the same manufacturing company and it was time to either buy the company or move on to something new. Before we took the positions we had seriously considered going to massage school. We had even shopped around and decided on a holistic school in New Mexico. We originally took the jobs at our friend’s business thinking that we would stay long enough to make the tuition with a little cushion. But as we like to say, “Life Happened.” The jobs were challenging and rewarding. Then we took care of aging parents. Before we knew it we were there for 12 years.

So facing 50 and beyond we felt it was time to try something new and follow our hearts to be of service in the holistic arts. Wow! I had no idea how comfortable I had become with a steady pay check and security as I saw it. As the time came for our amicable departure, I started to freak out. I became disoriented and very unsure about what we were doing and questioning whether or not I could do the next step— school.

I had this low grade fear that just hung on me like a ball and chain. My mind was constantly thinking about it no matter what I was doing. Interesting to me and my partner, was the fact that I had always been the one pushing us to do something different, take chances and jump head first, but now, I was immobilized. I was not able to access happy at all in my life because I was living in Fear with a capital F.

We kept with the plan and moved from our Kentucky home to New Mexico to study massage and natural therapeutics. I had something to focus on which was a great relief. The school experience was fantastic. We had never been in school together. We excelled not only in the program but with each other. We bonded even more deeply in our personal relationship. We saw new dimensions of each other that just opened our hearts up wide.

It really seemed like I had turned a corner. I was “my self” in New Mexico. Ten months later, with degree in-hand, we returned home. The cloud descended thicker and heavier than ever and the fear returned. Sure, we had new skills but no clients and very little money coming in. I felt like a negativity sponge. There was no silver lining in anything. For the first time in my life I seriously considered antidepressants. I was not happy. Nor did I see myself being happy in the near future.

Two days before Christmas and one week before our vacation to Key West in 2012 I jumped for a pull up bar at the gym. I was still recovering from the flu and had ignored my intuitive voice that morning that told me to skip the trainer and let myself heal. I jumped. I missed with the left arm and did not let go fast enough with the right arm. POP! I pulled the bicep tendon right off the bone. I knew it was something major. My right arm looked very different from the left – not to mention the discomfort and the very concerned look on my trainers face. It was at that very moment I heard a voice inside my head say, “you have to change this course you’re on.” I knew exactly what the voice meant. I had a choice. I knew I was pulling negativity to me. I saw only dark so I was manifesting dark.

In the 24 hours between seeing my doctor and the surgeon. I observed a tug of war in my mind and body between deciding to be happy or unhappy. I cried a lot that day. I was scared of where I was headed. I realized that I wanted so badly to be happy. I missed loving life. I felt that this was a cross-road. I got on the internet, with the help of my good arm and pulled up every positive thinking, inspirational website I could find. I started reading books that encouraged me. Within hours I felt a shift. There was still a struggle inside me between the martyr and the part of me that wanted to be truly happy. But at least I felt two sides instead of just the bleak dark cloud I had lived in for two years.

I opened myself up to possibilities. I found a juicing site where the guy was talking about what vegetables to juice for a quicker recovery. So we bought a juicer and tons of vegetables. The first surgeon I saw was not a specialist with my injury but he got his colleague to see me that very day. He was exactly who I needed. I not only wanted my bicep fixed I wanted to be 100% so I could get my massage business off the ground, keep up with my yoga practice and still work out.

I told my friends that I needed help. I needed them to be up and positive and to spoon feed me the same. I had to cut a few people out of my life. I was honest. I did not have the time or energy to deal with the power of being unhappy. You know who I am talking about— the people you have around that no matter what is going on they are just miserable. I felt for them because I had been there. But I wasn’t strong enough at that point to help anyone. I needed to help myself first and foremost.

My life for those two years had been a perfect storm for bringing on unhappiness. Major life changes have us face our selves and our fears. My wake up call was a physical injury that put my new life as a massage therapist, yoga teacher and personal trainer on hold for more than three months. But I started to look at it as an opportunity to learn other things. I took my meditation practice to a completely different level. I had always made excuses for not meditating longer because of time. Now time was all that I had. Meditation helped me take a deeper journey of self discovery. How had I become so unhappy in the first place? What were the fears that were holding me back? How did I lose the sense of who I am and what I am capable of doing?

My journey to choosing happiness had me turn off the TV, abstain from almost all media and surround myself with everything that encouraged me to live and grow stronger in body, mind and spirit. There is no vaccine against negativity but a prescription of love, goodness and a strong dose of living in the “Happy” can turn your life around. Our lives are how we perceive them. Our perception is influenced by what we take into us. So breathe deep and take in all the goodness you can find. Limit your intake of negativity. Strengthen your relationship with yourself by deepening the love you have for YOU. The people in your life will benefit from it too because the happier you are and the more you love you—— the more love you have to share. Believe it! You can do it too. Namaste.

Rob Dorgan

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