A safe harbor where beliefs are respected and kindness prevails.

Aloha and Namaste’

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Themes for Life picSteve and I first went to Hawai’i in 2002 and again in 2003. We longed to go back but as we all know, life happens and takes us on what we perceive as detours. I say perceived detours because everything that happened in that 14 year period was important to our personal evolution. I like to think of it as gathering what we needed and going back at just the right time.

We wanted to go back because we are intrigued and inspired by Hawaii. There is a magic about the place. It’s raw beauty has a magnetism to it that leaves deep impressions in your psyche.

On our earlier trips to Hawai’i and Kalani Honua Eco retreat center specifically, we were deep into our studies of Yoga as a philosophy of life. In a “spiritual nutshell” we were studying and living “Namaste”. Namaste is the Sanskrit greeting that means, “the divinity in me acknowledges and respects the divinity in you.”

First you acknowledge your divinity and then you open yourself to see it and respect it in everyone else.

In those same early visits we were introduced to the concept of Aloha.  We found that Aloha is more than an Hawaiian greeting or salutation.  Aloha is a way of life. It is described as “the joyful sharing of life energy in the present.  A life of aloha is living from a heart so full that it reaches out to everyone you meet. Aloha is living with love and compassion for your self and all beings.”  For us there was such a similarity in the meaning of Namaste and Aloha that we wanted to return and experience Aloha as the perfect complement to our Yoga lifestyle.  Namaste and Aloha seemed so aligned and connected. “The divinity in me honors the divinity in you so we can joyfully share our mutual life energy in the present with mutual love and compassion.”

We weren’t exactly sure how to experience Aloha but we figured going back to Kalani and joining their community of volunteers was a good start. Last year in 2015, the timing for a return to the Big Island of Hawai’i seemed right. We applied for a sabbatical from late December to early February of 2016.

Before our acceptance into the program, we went through an interview process with the volunteer office of Kalani.  The volunteer coordinator asked if we had any experience living in community, since part of the program was offering two days of service per week and living in close proximity with the rest of the volunteers who support the retreats that are held there. In that initial interview, she also explained the Aloha way life. The Kalani  volunteer program was looking for individuals who wanted to come together and support each other in their individual growth and evolution while giving service to the greater whole. I shared that  because of being in a relationship for almost 30 years, I felt I had spent most of my life in community.   I also explained that our deep commitment to seeing the divinity in each person was right in line with Aloha.

Soon after we arrived I realized living with one other person for however long it has been, is quite different from living with a large group of people in close quarters day in and day out.  Add to this the remoteness of Kalani, perched on the eastern shore of the Puna Coast of the Big Island, and you have the experience of working, eating and sleeping with a group of 120 with little opportunity for escape!

There are many beautiful nuances to living in community if you just stop to pay attention and let the judgmental mind fade away. Not everyone is going to think the way you do. Motives and reasons for being there are as varied as the shapes, sizes and hair color— that is if you have hair, and plenty of us there did not – both male and female – for some it’s genetics and other’s it’s a choice. The point is, there are many different expressions of life going on in a community of this size. And plenty of opportunities to experiment with the Aloha Spirit.

Take for example, all the “make believe stories” that you create in your mind about other people. You have no facts but your mind has created a hypothesis that “could “ explain the situation but at some point you just start to believe your hypothesis to be fact. Your mental creation become your reality until proven otherwise. Usually your “MBS’s” (Make Believe Stories) as Steve and I refer to them, have no compassion in them and usually turn out to be judgmental and completely wrong.

I love finding out just how wrong I have been about people. It can be hilarious to find out that the reason they don’t say ‘hi’ everyday has nothing to do with me.  Imagine that!  In Don Miguel Ruiz’s The Four Agreements,  agreement number two is, “Don’t take anything personally” and number three is, “Don’t make assumptions”.  These can come in handy when you live with 120 other people.  It is good advice for any of us attempting to increase our mindfulness in our everyday life but living with this many “seekers” makes it necessary for you to take these two agreements to heart and work with them every day. The alternative is you find yourself getting your feelings hurt and living in an insane state of judgment that has you trying to figure out why everyone isn’t like you.

To experience the true spirit of Aloha and Namaste combined I decided to open myself up to compassion by challenging my own MBS’s. Instead of letting my mind make up stories, during our communal meals, I started sitting with the folks who intrigued me. What better way to get to know someone than to break bread together.  My line was, “Tell me about your life….”
I heard great stories about their lives, their hopes and dreams. No more walls, no more stories of the mind. Now there was a heart connection.

Our Kalani appointed buddies, Arno and Crystal mentioned our astrology background in their introduction of us to the Kalani Ohana (family) in our first weekly volunteer meeting. This proved  to be another doorway to connection. Ironically, the folks who intrigued and baffled me, asked if they could sit down and discuss their charts. Talk about getting to know someone. The mini chart talks were so rich and lovely. Again, barriers of the mind were replaced with connection between our hearts.

I also noticed a sense of the Aloha spirit in the overall group dynamics.
For example,  there was very little gossip within this group of volunteers. That surprised me. But in this unique microcosm I found most of these people were working for personal growth and transformation which leaves little room for the smallness of gossip and misplaced projections. Instead they were open to learning from each other.

We were all there volunteering our services in various jobs, in this exquisite paradise. The jobs include, housekeeping, kitchen, horticulture, permaculture, maintenance and various administrative positions. In exchange for our service we were supplied with housing, all our meals and down time to sit and really be with ourselves.  I found a majority of the volunteers at Kalani are looking to question their mental perceptions of others and find “their heart voice” that gently nudges them to replace judgement of themselves and those around them with compassion.   Perception is something we can challenge and  change – – at any time.

There were also plenty of opportunities for reality checks in paradise! There were times when a few individuals pushed my buttons or “got under my skin”. Others admitted the same thing. Certain people were “hitting a hot spot” for them as well. How do you maintain Aloha when this occurs?  Well, in this Conscious group of souls, instead of attacking the character or actions of an individual, we discussed what that person was bringing up inside us about ourself. Perhaps  the person who got under our skin, was mirroring some aspect of our nature that we weren’t willing to acknowledge or embrace.  It felt like alchemy as we turned potential gossip and complaining about others into a path for personal transformation.  Aloha/Namaste.

Focusing on our own transformation and allowing others to live their lives without our interference or judgement, moves us closer to our own inner freedom. We start to ask ourselves questions so we can be objective about our problems. Instead of becoming trapped by our emotional reactions and blaming the world outside for why we aren’t feeling fulfilled, we take responsibility for our lives. We awaken to the power of the  Aloha of life.
When you feel anger, judgement, resentment well up inside you about another person, take a deep breath and open your heart to understanding the other person and their behavior. In doing so you allow yourself to move into living in compassion for yourself and all beings. That is when Change happens for the good of all.

Being here on Planet Earth, we live in community. We are given opportunities for growth everyday.  If we look deep into ourselves and slow down our judgmental minds, we begin to shift our view from seeing and labeling to knowing that each person, each soul, is on the same quest for happiness and fulfillment. Can you imagine the delicious freedom you would feel if we all did this? What if you stepped out of your door into your day, knowing you had the love and support of everyone you encountered and you were encouraged to express your uniqueness, find YOUR dream and LIVE it fully.

Hmmm…………..

Kalani Honua- translated, means where Heaven meets Earth. It is so beautiful there that it just might be the original Garden of Eden. Beyond its physical aesthetic there is also a paradise of self-discovery that lives and thrives there. It is not perfect because it is a work in progress.  Each of us is also a work in progress and less than perfect. But with effort and discipline, we can shift our perceptions and open our hearts to ourself and others. We can come to know that Namaste and Aloha live in our hearts.
All of our efforts toward being whole are worthwhile. As we come to know ourselves more fully by questioning our actions and reactions with each other, we shift into a place of inner freedom. If a sabbatical to Hawaii is not possible because of some detours in your life, where can you go or who can you be with that will help you shift into a place of inner freedom. Think about it. Finding answers to that question are worthwhile because you are worth all the efforts you make to be whole and holy.
It is from a place of freedom, understanding and compassion that I bow my head in reverence and say with all sincerity,
“The divinity in me honors the divinity in you so we can joyfully share our mutual life energy in the present with mutual love and compassion.”

Aloha and Namaste my friends.

An Unexpected Visit With My Mom

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IMG_2131.JPGI have mentioned my mom Dottie in several of my articles.  Dottie was a huge influence on me – she still is and always will be — but recently I experienced an unexpected visit with a different Mom, one who had always been part of me but that I had forgotten….Let me explain.

Fourteen years ago Steve and I went on a retreat to the Big Island of Hawaii.  We stayed at an Eco-Retreat Center called Kalani Honua, meaning, The Harmony of Heaven and Earth in Hawaiian.  It was a magical time and we went back once more a few years later to experience the same magic. The last time as we pulled away from the property we cried. It is the only time either of us could remember crying at the end of a vacation.

The experience of those magical days are etched clearly in our memory.  We pulled our red Mustang convertible to the end of the Kalani driveway and waved our hands, as we walked to “The Point”- a secluded, yet accessible jut of land right across the Red Road at the entrance to Kalani. It overlooks a wide expanse of the Pacific Ocean.  We waved goodbye, threw some kisses then climbed into the car and pulled onto the Red Road.   And we cried – hard – as we headed towards the airport..

We talked about that departure many times over the last decade.   We also talked about returning to Kalani at some point for an extended stay.

Fast forward to New Year’s Eve 2015.

After many years of “life” happenings, we decided to take the leap. In May of 2015, we  applied for a Sabbatical at Kalani.  We wanted a 5 week stay to recharge, rejuvenate, relax and get creative about our lives. We asked to come the last week of December to the first week of February.   And we were accepted.  Yes!!!

The past 12 years we spent New Year’s on Key West, another Island. It was hard to change that pattern as we knew the staff at the Guest House so well.  We knew the other guest, the places to eat…….it was easy to relax immediately on arrival with so much familiarity.

But we both knew we needed something different. We needed to shake things up and to challenge ourselves to spark our creativity.

Enter Kalani.

We knew it would be completely different as we would be unplugging from our life for 5 weeks and going to the middle of the Pacific Ocean, where California is 2500 miles away and Japan is  4100 miles away.  We would be 10 or more hours and 5 times zones away from home.

As the departure day from Cincinnati got closer, we got nervous.  To uproot ourselves and move into somewhat unknown territory is not the easiest thing to do for two Earth Signs (a Capricorn and a Virgo).  In spite of that, we felt there was a reason, something was pulling us to Hawaii and to Kalani or The Puna Coast specifically.

We arrived late to Kalani on a Tuesday night.  It was dark when we got to our room.  We were very tired from a long day of travel.  Kalani is an eco-retreat, which tries hard to keep the footprint we are all making, as small as possible. It is earthy and rustic in its simple elegance and charm.
Being tired, we were not so receptive to its simple charm on the first night- it was more like, “What the ______ have we done?”

Our inner “princesses” where making an appearance. We realized the expectations which where in our heads where not meeting with reality in our arrival moment.

But even that first night we could hear beyond the coqui frog’s mating song, to the lullaby of the crashing waves on the nearby black cliffs.  She was calling to me. She – the Ocean – my different mom!.

The next morning was spent in orientation to the Kalani property and a few other logistical things regarding our stay.  The following day, we worked a full day in our first volunteer housekeeping shift.  It wasn’t until about 4 pm Hawaii time that we got to walk out to The Point to see “Her” with our own eyes.   As we entered the canopied sanctuary they call The Point, I spontaneously said out loud – “we’re back!”  And just as spontaneously, I began to cry.  Not just streaming tears but deep, full sobs as I felt I was back with someone dear who I had not seen in a long time and for whom I had great longing.

I was surprised at my own reaction at first but I went with it. I let the tears come and I let the ecstasy of our reunion flow through me in a series of inner waves.  It was magic.

Two days later we made our way to the near-by black sand beach, Kehena. To get to this little gem, you have to climb down a steep rocky natural lava staircase which takes some effort and a certain degree of mindfulness.  Once on the beach you are surrounded by the black cliffs, the lush deep green foliage and the coarse black sand.   Steve and I laid down our towels.  I perched on a nearby tree stump to do some writing – but, I was distracted.  I wanted to get in the salty water – “Her”.  I closed my journal and coerced Steve to go in with me.

We walked out to where the water came up to about mid thigh and then back in to sit in the shallow water to feel the waves wash over us.  Instantly, I was a little kid again.  Actually I was more a baby-child of about 2 or 3 years old – I was being held.  The waves got a little rambunctious and knocked us over.  It was rolling us around- back and forth.  I was covered in black sand.  I was overcome with spontaneous, uncontrollable deep laughter. It was the laughter of a child being lovingly moved around by its Mom.  A slight tickle and caress.  I let go.  I rolled. I laughed. Again I let the ecstasy of this nurturing love move through me.  Ahhhhh………..

This sense of being cared for by mother earth, in all Her forms but especially this salty embryonic fluid of the ocean, had erased any doubts I may have had about being here.

The love I felt from the sounds of her waves and her touch were more nurturing than anything I can possibly describe.

I am from the mid-west.  There is no ocean.  It’s not like I grew up with Her caressing me daily. What is it about Her that calls me, calms me and nurtures me?  My good friend and teacher, Bobbie Corbean, used to say, “My spirit needs to get to the ocean. I need a shot of the ocean water and sun on my face”

Nature is our ultimate mother.  She doesn’t subtract anything from the relationship I have with my Mom Dottie.  As a matter of fact our relationship with nature adds to all of our personal human relations. We can go back into nature when we need to feel we are being held, nurtured and loved unconditionally.

I am now coming to realize that being in and with nature, in her many forms, is a necessity for me.   She brings a sense of calmness to me. I feel like wounds I may not even be aware of, are being healed.  Is there stuff in our DNA which we inherit from our ancestors that needs to be released by a personal connection to nature?

I still ponder these thoughts and my spontaneous crying and laughing as I came back to Her presence.   Sitting with Her and in Her, in stillness and in silence, I feel love. I do. I feel love.

Steve and I can hear Her from our room at Kalani. Yet we find ourselves wanting to be closer to Her so we walk to The Point frequently.  Many times we don’t speak.  A few days ago, after sitting there for about 5 minutes, I started to cry again.  My best friend Steve, pulled me to his shoulder. My control freak inner self, let myself be comforted by him and Her. I had a deep long healing cry.  About what, I am not sure. Afterwards I felt better.  There were no words.

I share this with you because I am surprised at what is happening here in Hawaii, at Kalani Honua— meaning where Heaven and Earth meet.   I suggest that you plan an unexpected visit with your Mom— Mother Nature.  She holds us when we are weary.  She smiles when we are in ecstasy.  She loves us unconditionally, always.

Wherever you are in the world, find a place to be with Her and get quiet.  Imagine yourself being held and loved to the depths of your being—— and then know it to be true.

Peace

The Experiement

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IMG_1041I am not a scientist but I am conducting an experiment.

I have been living with a limited sense of myself for most of my life. I am not sure where the deep sense of insecurity and self doubt came from but I am exhausted by it.

Yogic philosophy, Enneagram and Astrology, all tell me that my deep sense of personal growth is contingent on me letting go of my control issues and deep seeded insecurities.

I keep reading about it and playing with the idea but I think its time to do the experiment 100%.

If I let go, really let go, I am told that I will be able to channel the energy of the Universe and I will Know Truth. I will be more relaxed and I will feel a deeper connection with everything- the Universe, with humanity.

Sounds like bliss right? So why am I not doing it? This is a very good question.

One student said to me last night, “I think I am afraid to ask for what I really want because once I start that process there is no going back.”

Right on !!

My friend, teacher and fellow yogi, Sianna Sherman calls it “the magnetic point of radiance”, when we dare to follow our truth, when we dial in, listen deeply, go for it and then surrender. Let go of any clinging to the outcome and just go for it!

Once we move away from the Known to the Unknown or into the area of possibilities, we open up to an energy we may never have experienced. Maybe we feel like we won’t be able to handle it or that we are not worthy.

But you know what? We won’t know until we try.

What stops most of us is not a lack of desire to be free and liberated but rather the anxiety and self doubt that resides in the deepest corners of our being. We all have that nervousness that holds us back.

Isabel Hickey says,
“Nervous tension is the person in the body, giving the body a hard time”

Amen Isabel!!

Sound familiar? The reason it is said that happiness is an inside job, is because we have to give it to ourselves. No matter what our outside circumstances may be—- we have to let go of that inner control of the self with the small “s” and let the S-elf with the BIG “S” teach us to fly.

So the experiment starts today. I am looking for my core values and what it is I truly want to do in my life and I am going to go for it 100%.—- not 90 or 95% but full on.

Join me!

We inspire each other the most when we live our lives and our purpose at 100%.

I will let you know how it goes. Share your experiences with me.

Come on! Let’s go!!

 

Be Fearless- The Holidays Cometh

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Fotolia_47522910_Subscription_Monthly_MIn the Northern Hemisphere we have entered the time when the light is dwindling and the night is getting longer. Many of us feel a pull to hibernate or cocoon. We are moving a little slower and our focus is drawn inside as we spend more time indoors. The overall tendency is to pull inward. We feel this contraction because it is the natural cycle of our year and it mirrors the natural cycle of the Human life.

And then there are the Holidays! What ever Holidays you celebrate, we are called to be more social at parties, bring family together for good or for bad, shop if you participate in gift giving, and maintain the rhythm of our normal daily life as well.

There are some people who just LOVE the Holiday season. Enjoy! And then there is the rest of the world. I have pondered this for many, many years and wondered why a sense of dread falls on many of us instead of experiencing the joy and fellowship that this time of the year is said to represent.

Well…. there are a lot of expectations, spoken and unspoken. For many it means spending beyond their means, spending time with people they do not find uplifting and running themselves into exhaustion. And each year many of us just grit our teeth and endure it. We hold our breath until it’s over and hope that it won’t come so fast the next time.

Lately, I have been bombarded by the concept of fearlessness in my yoga studies. I think it applies here as we approach the Holidays. Again, if you love the Season and are full of Joy in all its traditions, be grateful. For those who are less than joyful about the coming Season be Fearless.

Ask yourself why you continue traditions that no longer serve you? Is it out of guilt or fear? Are you worried about approval and acceptance from people in your life?

It is one thing to be able to do something for someone because it makes them happy and you are neutral about doing it or better yet enjoy it. It is another thing to continue to do something that tears you down or effects your soul negatively.

Our journey is about taking care of the Self. You have to be healthy and happy to be able to give anything to someone else, especially LOVE.

There are a couple ways to approach being fearless at this time of the year.

You can go through the season as usual but change your perspective. Look at all the people and situations as an opportunity to grow and expand. Be in yourself with open awareness and compassion. You might find that the annoying relatives are not quite as annoying.

Or if enough is enough, start to change the traditions and start new ones. The first year of this approach is the hardest. But you might find some of the people in your life will be grateful that you spoke up.

 If the Gift giving is a financial burden on you, let people know. Reconnect with the true meaning of the Season— and enjoy time together.

My partner and I live in a house that’s been in my family for about 110 years. My brothers have spent every Christmas Eve of their lives here. After my mom passed, it was not easy for me to continue the exact same traditions. I tried the first year and it was too painful. So we agreed to shift it. We don’t do a sit down dinner or exchange gifts. Instead we do heavy appetizers and have included a few friends of the family. The Energy is Shifted. My mom’s presence is still there (especially through her eggnog) but we have made this new tradition work for us. We have joy and no pain.

As a result, my brothers and I stopped giving gifts and started planning a dinner out in February. We extended our time together by planning another event and the cost of dinner is much cheaper and less stressful than buying gifts. Our time together has become the gift we give and the whole process is more meaningful.

For some it might be that you have to separate from your family and traditions altogether if they are tearing you down rather than building you up. In this case, fearlessness is going with what your Soul needs. We must fan the flames of our divinity because ultimately that is what sustains us.

I came across this quote from Brother Priyananda of the Self Realization Fellowship founded by Paramahansa Yogananda (author of Autobiography of a Yogi) that helps me focus on my journey to fearlessness.

 “Fear is of the ego. Fearlessness is of the soul. When we give in to fear and worry we are subject to moods, negativity and self-centeredness. We are trapped in our own fearful thoughts and reactions- subject to maya or delusion. Our soul is not able to express its true divine nature, remaining behind the prison bars of the ego.”

So be fearless and begin to create traditions that fill you with Joy and Happiness. Fear is our ego worried about approval and acceptance— fearlessness is about being true to who you are and what your soul needs to thrive.

You can be kind and fearless at the same time. Approach this season from your authentic Self. You will find a sense of relaxation in knowing, that no matter what, you are where you need to be and have what you need to be fully present in the moment. With that knowledge —- Relax.

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