A safe harbor where beliefs are respected and kindness prevails.

It Starts With You

by

Treating others as you want to be treated does not mean waiting for them to go first. – Regina Cates

Regina BannerOne day I heard a woman screaming at someone on the street in front of my apartment. I went outside. She was upset because she thought that a van was too big and she could not get past it in her car. She was letting the driver have it saying he should not be driving down the street. I watched as he stopped the bus, got out and patiently directed her safely past.

As she went by I overheard her say, “You are so irresponsible I just can’t believe it.” And I heard him say, “Have a blessed day ma’am.”

I went downstairs in time to catch the driver before he got back into the van. I held up my hand and gave the man a big high-five.

“Have a blessed day sir,” I said as he briefly took my hand in his. “You too,” he said with a huge smile.

The fundamental principle of all world religions is to do unto others as you want others to do unto you. Here is the part our ego just can’t seem to come to grips with. We cannot control how other people behave. That means we do not have any control over anything or anyone but ourselves. If we allow our ego to lead, by waiting for other people to treat us with respect and courtesy before we extend respect and courtesy to them, we’ll wait forever. However, by not ego-boxing we don’t stoop to the same level of their negative behavior.

That is the enlightened action that keeps us peaceful and loving just like the bus driver. We choose to treat others as we want to be treated by volunteering to go first.

For more from Regina check out her podcast.  Click the image below.

Regina Sundays

What It Means To Set Boundaries

by

There is a difference between asking for what you want in relationship and setting boundaries. Asking is expressing your feelings and desires. Setting boundaries is protecting them.  – Regina Cates

Regina BannerIn making some of the final preparations to publish my book I went to Google and did a search of several key phrases and terms I felt confident were original to me. I wanted to be certain my writings were indeed mine. I did not want to claim something someone else wrote, even if they were similar through an honest but unintended coincidence.

On the very first search I was surprised to find several of my original writings that I’d posted on Facebook on a woman’s Blog Spot page. She took my quotes verbatim but failed to attribute them to me as author. It was an example of blatant plagiarism because she had given credit to several well-known authors for their work. Each of my writings went without proper credit which gave her readers the impression they were original to her.

I wrote bringing the matter to her attention. I requested she remove all of my original writing from her site or give me credit. She was embarrassed claiming it was simply an oversight but agreed to comply with my wishes. In this case I clearly asked for what I wanted and she honored my wishes. But had she refused I would have been forced to take further action.

Asking for what we want in relationship and setting boundaries in our lives will not always be limited to family, friends, and those close to us. Regardless of the association we have with other people, no matter how distant or familiar, we must stand up for what is morally, ethically, and spiritually correct. To do so we must not be afraid to set boundaries with people who cross those lines.

No, it is not easy and it will not necessarily make us popular with those whose negative behavior is being challenged. But shining a light on unacceptable behavior is still the right action. One of the most important things to remember about setting boundaries is that our actions teach. If we clearly state what is unacceptable in relationship we are teaching others about appropriate behavior and how we value and respect ourselves. If we do not set boundaries because we do not want to rock the boat, or we feel we are protecting others by not speaking up, or we believe that challenging someone will make our life worse, we are teaching that abuse and mistreatment are okay. They are not.

For more inspiration from Regina check out her podcast.  Click the image below.

Regina Sundays

 

Money Does Not Make You Rich, Character Does

by

Regina Banner

I was standing at an intersection waiting to cross and noticed a young homeless man pushing a shopping basket filled with his belongings. He had a beautiful dog with him. Then I saw an older, well-dressed man approach the young man and his dog.

The man knelt down to pet the dog. The young man was beaming, the dog’s tail was wagging so fast I thought it would fly off, and the older gentleman was smiling from ear to ear. When he stood up I saw him hand the young man some money. They exchanged a hand shake and with one last pat on the dog’s head the man turned and walked away.

When I crossed the street I caught up to the gentleman and said, “That was a very cool thing to witness. Thank you so much for what you did.” He smiled. I smiled. For several days I had a wonderful feeling for having witnessed such a sweet and loving act.

It was obvious the well-dressed gentleman had money. Money alone did not make the man’s actions noteworthy. Maya Angelou said, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

It takes a person of integrity to give the attention and kindness the man bestowed on the young man. Regardless how much money the older man has he is certainly rich in admirable character because of how he made the young man and his dog feel.

For more from Regina check out her podcasts.  Click the image below.

Regina Sundays

Agree or Agreeable?

by

Regina BannerI do not believe it is possible for us to agree with everyone all of the time about everything. I do believe it is possible for us to stay agreeable people when disagreeing. – Regina Cates

One day at the gym I witnessed a full-blown ego-battle between two staff people. It began when I overheard the sales director arguing with someone on the phone. Suddenly he slammed the receiver down, hanging up on the caller. The person immediately called back to complain to the general manager.

Without regard to other employees or to the members of the gym, the general manager proceeded to scream at the sales director from across the room. He screamed back. Everyone in the gym overheard the bitter exchange that included steady streams of profanity from both sides.

One of my favorite quotes is that of Albert Einstein, “Problems cannot be solved at the same level of awareness that created them.” No matter how other people behave it is always our choice to fall victim to our impulsive ego’s demands to be defended, or to be proven right, or to get someone to fall in line. We also have the choice to take a deep breath, count to five and lead with our responsible heart to stay calm, open, and focused on remaining agreeable in the midst of a disagreement.

The next time you find yourself disagreeing with someone, stop and take a deep breath. The goal is not to angrily force them to see your side. Anger does not result in clear communication. Anger does not solve disagreements. Anger does not lead to staying agreeable to find a peaceful, mutual solution to our disagreements. Remember, anger blinds us to any other view but our own.

Challenge your energy into listening to their point of view. Really hear what they are saying. Possibly their view will make sense. And, maybe their position is purely emotion without rational or factual substance. If there is merit to their comments then you can work to find common ground. If not, by staying open to hear them you will have brought the higher level of awareness necessary. Being the one who stays agreeable to listen, allows you to walk away without the stress that comes from butting your head against the wall of another person’s ego. It does not mean you agree with their point of view. You have simply chosen to take the higher road by not engaging with anyone who thinks it is productive to be disagreeable when disagreeing.

For more from Regina check out her podcasts.  Click the image below.

Podcast Cover

Feedback