A safe harbor where beliefs are respected and kindness prevails.

Your True Artistry

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fotolia_816374_Subscription_LA dear friend of mine is a very talented artist. She reaches down, deep within her imagination and paints pictures never before seen. The pictures, stamped with her unique soul print, are magical. I marvel at her final products.

I’m thrilled that she isn’t shy about sharing what she creates; I am one of the first folks she will share them with. And I am so honored when she does.

She constantly asks me if I think her paintings are any good; if they might be good enough to be able to approach gallery owners or art fairs someday. If I had a dime for every time I said, “Yes, you are ready now!” I could retire. But, in my opinion, what’s more important is that she views them with pride simply because she created them. “What does it matter if someone else likes them? Let it be enough that you do.”

My words fall upon deaf ears again and again, but it doesn’t preclude me from continuing to say them. My positive wish is that one day the value she perceives in her paintings will be in tact whether or not anyone else appreciates or purchases them. I hope that someday her joy in creating them will be enough and the approval of others will be icing on a cake that is already very, very sweet.

I recognize that my friend connects with herself while she paints yet doesn’t otherwise. I know for a fact that she has never looked at herself in the mirror with appreciation and encouragement.   Perhaps if she gave herself a “You GO, girl!” from time to time, I think she would find more satisfaction in her daily journey rather than awaiting someone else’s endorsement in order to feel valuable or worthy.

Do you feel as if you are more complete when someone else praises you? Do you often seek others’ encouragement? Nobody knows what to say to you that will melt your heart more than you do. Why wait for someone else to acknowledge you in ways that are meaningful to you when you can cut to the chase and learn to appreciate and encourage yourself first?

Think about all of the times you doubted your ability to survive challenging situations, yet you did. Remember how often you questioned your ability to do something and you did it with flying colors. Isn’t that worth celebrating? Aren’t YOU worth acknowledging? The answer, in my opinion, is a resounding “YES!”

Make a shift today. Today, recall a situation that you didn’t think you’d survive, but you did. Now look at yourself in the mirror. Really look into your eyes. Yes, really. Now, say your name, then say, “I acknowledge you for surviving [that situation].” Say your name again, and say, “I appreciate you for being you. You are stronger and more beautiful than you give yourself credit for, and I acknowledge that in you today.” Look into your eyes for another moment and smile. You deserve it!

Do this at least once every day. It might feel stupid or embarrassing at first, but in time, (and perhaps in not much time at all!) you will feel a wonderfully life affirming shift. Use this simple technique to help you morph from relying on an end result for your happiness to finding true satisfaction and fun in your daily journey. That is where your true artistry lies.

 

Losers to Winners

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87451490I love team sports for the same reason I loved playing the cello in an orchestra.  I love when people come together for a common goal.  In team sports and in team music, a successfully coordinated effort brings everyone together into perceiving themselves as one unit.

Last year I followed a college football team that experienced a head coach change mid-season.  The program was perceived to be a losing one, and the university changed leadership in the hopes of turning things around.

I would have loved to interview a few of the players to see if they perceived themselves as losers.  I would be willing to guess that, given their consistent effort and support from teammates, they knew themselves to be winners.  Having emerged from a storm, perhaps they had come to the realization that, given their trials, each success, no matter how small, was very sweet.

I have a real affinity with that idea, having experienced decades of wanting to be a winner but feeling like a loser.  That is where I lived in my heart and in my head.  And, once transformed, I came to realize that my personal trials were the incredibly fertile soil in which my strength, respect and self-value were cultivated.  I came to understand that a perceived “loser” is a winner-in-becoming, and it’s an internal job.

You are a winner, period.  Ask yourself:

  • What is the value of your success in the midst of your trials?  How did your understanding of success it shift after that experience?
  • How did that trial serve you exactly as-is?  What did you come to understand about your strength and fortitude after having experienced it?
  • Given how you feel now and the insights you have come to understand, in retrospect, and based upon what you have gained, would you change those experiences?
  • What do you want to share with others who may be searching for solace in the midst of trials?

 Kahlil Gibran once wrote,

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain. Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter’s oven?

I invite you to consider that your own trials and tribulations are gifts for you to unwrap.  Rather than endeavor to forget them, engage your imagination to think about how they have served you.  Once you get the gifts from each of them, they will truly and softly meld within the beautiful tapestry that is your life, and enrich your self-understanding that can only catapult you forward.  All the things you desire to be are already with you.  The practice of shifting from loser-to-winner status brings your wishes to you.

I sit in the bleachers, cheering you on!

Shedding Old Clothes

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Fotolia_34553939_Subscription_Monthly_MI remember when I was in fifth grade.  One day before lunch ended, I opened the door to my classroom and found that the room was empty.  I was surprised.  This was the first time ever that I was in the room by myself.  With nobody else around, it was pleasantly calm and quiet.

I walked over to my teacher’s desk and took a good look.  After all, it was the only place in the entire room I hadn’t really had the opportunity to inspect, until now.  I looked inside the drawer and found her grade book.  It was right on top.  I opened it where it was paper clipped and saw all of our names with the lineup of test grades next to them.  I looked for my name, and saw my grades, A, A-, B+, A+, A-, A … For a test we had taken just the day before, I saw, “B-“ next to my name.  B minus?  What???  That wouldn’t do.

I quickly looked for a pencil on her desk.  My mind raced.  “Would I erase it?  Would I cross it out?  No, that would be too obvious.”  I decided to put a tiny mark on it to change the minus sign to a plus sign.  It now read “B+.”  My face was hot and my body was tingling as I quickly put the book away.  I never got caught for that, nor did I confess, but it didn’t matter.  I was on edge about it for a long time.  I tortured myself about being stupid, being a liar and a fake, and, therefore, non-deserving of anything good in life, ever.

For decades I hid my dark and troubled spots. I was extremely hard on myself. I was a pro at chastising myself, which almost landed me in my grave.  Do you remember the character “Pig-Pen” from the Charlie Brown comic strip?  That was me: pretending that everything was okay and normal even though there was soot all around me.

In my healing journey, rather than beat myself up, I flipped a switch by honoring what I did to survive.  I came to understand that by pretending my non-preferred experiences and my responses to them didn’t exist, I kept them firmly in place.  I learned that by honoring what happened and describing my experiences without judging them allowed me to transform then release them.

To Clean = to rid of impurities; to purify.

When it came to changing that grade way back when, I came to understand that by getting good grades, I received praise and love I didn’t feel otherwise.  I also felt that if my performance slipped, I wouldn’t receive praise and love.  I doubt that my parents would have withheld their love, yet at the time I couldn’t risk even the thought of getting negative attention because I couldn’t face the humiliation.

I also came to understand that my perfectionist nature (which I’d be willing to bet I was born with) went into overdrive once I was sexually violated as a little girl.  And finally, I understood that my constant self-chastising represented my fervent desire to be a good person.

In contemplating the glorious cycles of nature, springtime pulsates with the idea of renewal – of making a fresh start.  When it comes to spring cleaning, I love the idea of ridding my closet of old clothes.  The old clothes I speak of are not those I wear.  For me it’s more about transforming non-preferred experiences so that I can shed old thoughts and ideas that no longer serve me, therefore creating space for the new and wonderful stuff I desire.

By stripping away the action itself (changing the grade) and seeking out the positive wish underneath (the desire for praise and love), I purified that experience.  I was able to give my fifth grader what she so desperately needed – praise and love.

Here is the formula I use for shedding old clothes.  Ask yourself:

What happened?  What did you do or say that was non-preferred?  What was your positive wish underneath your original response? It will typically be that you wanted understanding, acknowledgement, and/or love.

Now, replay the event in your mind, but instead, act or respond in a way that gives you the understanding you seek.  If the event involved someone else, imagine the other person giving you what you are asking for (in the form of your positive wish).  See and feel yourself receiving the understanding, acknowledgement, and/or love that you needed at the time.

Be creative. Understand that your subconscious mind doesn’t know whether something is occurring physically or virtually, the feeling is what it records.  As you replace the old hurts with acknowledgment, understanding and love, you allow them to transform, thus lovingly shedding your old clothes to don new ones.

Experiences will continue to emerge from the shadows to receive light and transformation, and you will know how to do it.  You have the ability to appreciate each moment rather than thinking that you need to fix everything in order to be deserving.  May you come to understand that you are lovable anyway; that you are free to heal, to laugh, to love, and to express yourself, soot and all.

 

 

Hacker-Free?

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98312695When I was online recently I viewed a credit card statement and a bold message popped up.  It was an alert that my personal information may have been compromised due to hackers, and the credit card company was mailing a replacement card to me.  I discussed it with a few of my friends, who mentioned that they too had received the message.

We had a spirited conversation about the lack of privacy these days and how this age of information impacts our personal boundaries.  Our lives are now open to observation and scrutiny in ways that are unprecedented. Through the evolution of technology, our personal information, our purchasing habits and preferences are “caught on tape.” I wonder if there would ever be true deterrents to hackers or the restoration of privacy as we once knew.  For the time being, though, it sure feels like we will continue in the direction of a boundary-less existence.

As I think about it, it feels like our physical world and how we act in it is now an open book.  Does that make us powerless?  Out of control?  What can we consider sacred about our existence?  Well, I submit that what remains truly private and hacker-free about us is our inner world – our daydreams, private thoughts and personal wishes; our individuality and heartbeat; our inner landscape and playground.  It is the portion of us that is still hidden and private unless and until we ourselves wish to share it.  With it we are ever-powerful because we control it.

For me, reclaiming a wonderful sense of power and control availed itself once I became intimate with my private thoughts, ideas and the ability to maneuver physical existence from the inside out.  This intimacy – befriending and honoring ALL aspects of ourselves within our inner world – can actually be considered the next frontier.

Getting familiar with that next frontier may have road blocks, because we are much more familiar with the wonderful and glorious distractions of the physical world.  I do remember the days when I would avoid paying attention to my inner world at all cost because it was way too unfamiliar, and I would be afraid.  Any time I slowed down and meaningful stuff would pop up that could have used my attention, I’d cover my ears, like, “La, la, la, I can’t hear you!”  I remember being so paranoid about my thoughts, like one insidious piece of thinking was going to derail all of the hope and optimism contained in the good thoughts that I had meticulously engineered.  Again, I’d be covering my ears, like, “La, la, la, bad thoughts, I can’t hear you!”

When I surrendered to my own authenticity and simply told the truth to myself about how I felt, my self-judgment lifted and my thoughts returned to optimism easily and effortlessly.  I came to realize that my thoughts are things that I have, they aren’t who I am.  I also began to envision that my thoughts are like clouds in the sky that are always moving and shifting.  It is now automatic to embrace everything that I think and feel without a compelling need to censor, judge or disown.

I discovered that I began to truly honor myself after I learned how to dialogue with, acknowledge and appreciate the aspects of myself I had previously feared and judged.  Now that the fear and judgment are gone, I have a pretty good time just hanging out with my thoughts.  I keep myself very entertained, actually; it’s even more fun than browsing the internet.

In the spirit of true self-regard, are there portions of yourself that you DON’T want to honor?  Shine your light on them.  Let your mantras be, “I hear you,” and “I got it.”  Remember that aspects of you long for the same acknowledgment and understanding that you seek from others, so consider giving yourself that acknowledgment and understanding first.  When you do, you will unveil your innate passion, your hidden power, immense love and unbridled joy.   So here’s to honoring yourself in ALL ways, and enjoying a true hacker-free existence!

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