A safe harbor where beliefs are respected and kindness prevails.

At the Mercy of the Box

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Girl Opening a Magical Present“Are you serious?” my friend asked the man at the counter.  She had just returned to the post office after he suggested that she come back in an hour because their computer system was down.  And, an hour later, it was still down.

“Yes, Ma’am, it’s still down.  I’m sorry about that.”

My friend looked at him and smiled.  “It’s not your fault,” she replied as she was leaving.  “Enjoy your afternoon.”

She took the 30 lb. box from the counter and returned to her car, and sighed.  This was the second post office she visited that day, as well as a box and ship store.  Of three establishments, none were able to ship the box for her.

The task to which she allotted about an hour of her time ended up taking two days.  When she told me about it, she shrugged her shoulders and laughed.  “When the third store didn’t work out, I knew I was at the mercy of the box.”

My friend didn’t recognize that her intentions had finally come to fruition.  Her life experience had been an immersion course in impatience, which impacted her family, killed friendships and compromised her health.  Once she decided to change her life by asking for patience and calm, she had experience after experience that challenged her: a work promotion and raise that took longer than scheduled, flight delays, getting stuck behind slow drivers, and finally, the 30 lb. box.

She laughed when she finally put together the puzzle pieces: her intentions created the experiences that helped her fulfill her wish.  Because she wanted patience, she created situations that would normally breed impatience, inviting her, over and over again, to make a different choice.  She told me that she now feels a sense of accomplishment and freedom that feel like a miracle!

Have you asked for attributes such as patience or strength and wonder why things suddenly feel like they got tough?  Here’s what you can do to put together the puzzle pieces:

  • IDENTIFY the attribute you are working on in one of these ways:

*Think about what you may have casually asked for in your heart of hearts.  You may have a secret wish in the realm of self-improvement that you may have put it into action without being aware of it; or

*See if there is a pattern of events happening recently that require you to show up more fully in ways that call on you to be patient or strong and trace it back to one of your self-improvement goals.

  • NOTICE when you have an experience that irritates you.
  • CHECK to see if it is calling you to practice the attribute you want to incorporate (such as being patient or strong)
  • ACKNOWLEDGE yourself when you choose to practice patience or strength, understanding that the experiences are a perfect reflection of your self-improvement intentions.

It only takes a little bit of imagination to allow your life to become on purpose, even in ways that initially feel non-preferred.  Once you practice the art of saying, “This experience serves me exactly as-is, even if I can’t yet identify how,” you will connect with your wondrous freedom of choice, reconnect with your creativity, and enjoy your future adventures with some extra pep in your step!

www.janetdthomas.com

It’s Time to Break the Mold

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 Fotolia_51739931_Subscription_Monthly_MMy friends went on a mini road trip with their three month old baby to visit family. They had a terrific time and I enjoyed hearing about it when they returned. After all, with their first child in tow it certainly was a brand new experience. And, they couldn’t be happier.

My friend is totally in love with his baby son. He is hands on and very attentive. He is eager to do whatever it takes to ensure the baby’s safety, health and well-being.

He told me that when the baby was born, he and his wife would feed him every two hours, and then a couple of months later, the baby started sleeping for four hours at night. However, after their mini road trip, the baby reverted to waking up every two hours again. We gathered that it was probably due to his routine being interrupted by the road trip, but whatever the reason, it didn’t matter. They would honor his two hour schedule until he resumed a longer sleep cycle.

For so long I had felt damaged and undeserving. But when my son was a newborn, I would marvel at how beautiful and innocent he was. That was the first time I made the connection that I, too, was once as tiny, vulnerable and innocent. It rocked my world.

When I reconnected with the idea that I was innocent, I unwittingly began my healing journey. I came to realize that the abuse I experienced as a little girl wasn’t my fault. By safely expressing my anger and sorrow, my wounds began to heal for real, and I learned to value myself authentically for the first time ever.

As I healed, my enthusiasm and optimism returned in earnest. I learned how to stop comparing myself to others and honor my own thoughts, feelings and experiences. In short, I reconnected with my own “normal.”

I think about how easy it is to simply accept the routine as it naturally unfolded for my friend’s son. And, I wonder how life would be if we reconnected with our innocence – or blamelessness, goodness, guiltlessness, and purity. What would life be like if we honored our unique timing, and understood that the non-preferred situations in our lives still render us blameless and pure?

By conforming to what we see and experience in the world, we can lose the connection with our own “normal.” We second guess our thoughts and feelings; we see someone else’s success and believe that we’re doing things wrong; and we think that connecting with the idea of innocence is like the kiss of death.

When it comes to the little ones we can effortlessly honor their timing and their innocence, yet it is beyond challenging to merely acknowledge our own. It’s as if we are clay — molded into society’s desired shape and form for us to the point where we may forget who we really are.

For example, when your feelings are hurt, I’d be willing to bet you have a, “I shouldn’t feel this way” inner dialogue to some degree. Generally speaking, the word “should” infers that the right way to do something is “out there” in the world somewhere, and is not in harmony with how you are feeling naturally. So, you ignore or judge how you feel in search of the “right” way to feel.

When you ignore or judge how you feel, you miss the opportunity to connect with yourself in an authentic way. If you are being authentic, you will acknowledge what is so for you. When you re-align with that, watch your intuition and clarity sharpen!

We must continue to break the mold of conforming to what we view as “normal.” It is time to destroy the myth that you can find happiness outside of yourself. It is time to reconnect with your innocence and self-trust. It is time to embrace your non-preferred experiences, not as a victim but as the strong and victorious person that you are.

You were born with everything you need in order to thrive on the planet. You were given the tools to gain strength and wisdom from your non-preferred experiences, and to honor yourself in the midst of them. You have the ability to reconnect with your sound judgment, good timing and beautiful innocence. May you enhance your connection to your authentic self this year and always.

It’s Time To Crack The Code

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Fotolia_70982363_Subscription_Monthly_M“I’ve got to find the gift in this situation. What is it?”

“How do I manage my stress in this situation? “How!” “What am I missing?”

That was my brain for about a month. I was thinking over and over again about what I could do to reduce my stress levels when it came to the computer and telephone system at work. I am the one who would contact the techs who maintained the system, but during that month, it seemed like every day something was malfunctioning. And folks’ tempers and patience were being tested with every glitch, and I found my stress level rising and rising. One particular issue was ongoing and I became stressed beyond belief.

“What is the gift?” “What is it?” “What am I missing that will help me deal with this better?”

For decades I have lived under the premise that all of the non-preferred situations in my life serve me somehow, I just have to figure out how they serve me, exactly as-is. This way of living helped me crack the code on the abuse I experienced. It also helped me enjoy permanent weight loss, shift clinical depression and enjoy healthier relationships.

 As I found myself in a serious arm-wrestling match with a temperamental computer network, I knew that there was a way for me to crack the code on this particular recurring stressful experience. There was a life-enhancing gift in it that I hadn’t yet discovered. I knew that once I discovered the gift in it, my stress would go away because I got what I needed to understand from it.

And, my breakthrough happened during a conversation with a friend, who had high expectations of people and constantly found herself in a state of disappointment. I could relate because I remember when I used to place my well-being in the hands of others. I remember expecting things from other people and feeling disappointment when things didn’t turn out the way I wanted.

I came to the conclusion that, in order to curb my disappointment, I needed to change my expectations of others. That way, when folks would keep their word and follow through without my expecting anything, I’d be delighted. I came to understand that we are all doing the best we can at any given time and we are not perfect. We can’t be all things to all people, and the best we can do is to be a wonderful friend to ourselves.

When I shared that philosophy with my friend, that’s when my own light bulb went on. I realized that I was expecting the computer network to run flawlessly, and when it didn’t, I was disappointed. Therefore, it was my own expectation that created my stress!

I thought about it. Computers are not perfect, and function beyond my control. They break down, they get hacked, underlying circuits have interruptions; there’s a lot that can go wrong. So, all that time when I was expecting the system to run perfectly, I was expecting it to do something it was not designed to do.

I cracked the code, and shifted my perspective. I now expect the network to mess up. That way, when I get a call that something is malfunctioning, I smile rather than stress, because I expected to get that call. With that, my stress is G-O-N-E, and the only thing that changed in that scenario was me. I’m back in my own driver’s seat again, happily balanced and peaceful. Thank you for the gift, wonderful and imperfect computer system. Now you can break down and I will take it in stride!

Here we are at the New Year, and it is wonderful to contemplate how we can make simple steps for real change. It is time to transform disappointment into freedom and joy, and this is how I invite you to explore doing it:

Understand that when you are disappointed, it simply means that you have unfulfilled expectations. You are expecting someone or something to do what it is not designed to do. When you release your expectations – when you accept things (and people) to be naturally imperfect rather than trying to control the uncontrollable (remember the popular definition of insanity?), your disappointment levels will go way, way down.

The next time you are disappointed, ask yourself how the situation serves you exactly as it is. Check to see what your expectations are, and what you expected to get out of it. If you find that your expectations are unrealistic, it is an opportunity for you to reaffirm your own ability to be at peace without that thing or person acting as you expected. And when you do that, you will find yourself becoming lighter, and more in control of your own happiness.

When you find yourself disappointed when people don’t do what you expect or want them to do, understand that they are doing the best they can at any given time. It is not their job to make sure that you are happy, that is your job. And all that takes, on your part, is a shift in perspective, and your non-preferred situations can be the bearers of tremendous gifts and clarity.

May this be the year that you become skilled at cracking the code in your life. Be willing to get the gifts waiting for you all year round!

Give Your Love A Green Light

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_Fav_0270[1]“As one grows older, one becomes wiser and more foolish.” – Francois de La Rochefoucauld

I’m enjoying the heck out of getting older.  I enjoy it because life is getting simpler for me. I have gotten used to how my mind works.  I accept the fact that I am practical and introspective. I know which foods agree with my system and which don’t.  I know what clothes look best on me for my body type.  I accept that I am a workhorse.  I can identify how other people’s energy impacts me. I am happier when I accept others as they are. And, being uncomfortable by stretching my boundaries to express myself, embracing new things and considering new ideas don’t equal death anymore.

In other words, as a result of getting older, I feel as if I am a bit wiser.

As a result of becoming wiser, I am also becoming more and more foolish when it comes to the idea of love.  I am more open about letting my love flow. I cry at weddings.  I dance when someone hits the big jackpot on a game show. I cheer when someone explodes with happiness for whatever reason.

I love love.  I love the idea of love.  I love expressions of love.  I love writing about love.  I love exploring ways that we can receive more and more love.  I can tell by their actions and demeanor when people feel loved.

Ever since I was a little girl I have believed that love is our essence.  Because I believe that our essence is love, to show love, to express kindness, to be open, and laugh and play is our natural state.  Just watch young children for a while and you will see plenty examples of it.

Recently I had a shift in perspective about love, and it hit me like a lightning bolt. It has to do with flow reversal.

I used to think that outward expressions of non-love where the ones that compromised me. For example, when I was little and someone would call me “fat” it hurt my feelings. To me, it meant that I wasn’t good enough, which meant that I was unlovable. It felt like something that was happening externally was bringing me down.

I have now come to realize that it’s actually the other way around. When someone called me fat, which qualified as a “non-preferred situation,” I shut off my innate feelings of love for and acceptance of that person.

In other words, I was blocking my own outward flow of love.  Basically it feels like I was actually saying, “I feel pain because of something you said to me, therefore I will withhold my love from you,” or “You just did something that blocks my flow of love to you,” which is different than, “You hurt my feelings and you don’t like me in the way I thought you did, therefore I am unlovable.” Flow reversal.

I realized that, if my essence is love, my hurt didn’t stem from what someone else did to ME, my pain actually came from cutting off MY OWN flow of love TO THEM. I see that when I tried to punish other people, I was actually only punishing myself. And THAT is what impacts my own state of health and well-being.

I have come to understand that when I keep the love flowing, I am healthier and happier. When I focus on that idea, I feel liberated. I feel more in control of my overall well-being, and able to positively influence my physical, emotional and spiritual health.

As a result of this new way of thinking, when I’m not feeling up to par, I scan to see from whom I am withholding love and why. Many times it ends up being that I am withholding love from myself because of some unrealistic expectations I have.

In other words, now that my perspective is, “Please don’t do anything that prevents me from loving you the way I want to,” all I have to do is check in to see who or what hurt my feelings, or if I am holding on to unrealistic expectations. I can ask myself (and keeping my inner child in mind), “What happened and why did I shut down?”

Once I express my sadness, disappointment, anger, or hurt with understanding and acknowledgment, I find that I am refortified and my love starts flowing again.

If you are willing to explore this flow reversal, ask yourself:

 “Where am I holding back my love, and why?”

“Where am I shrinking on the inside rather than blossoming?”

“Why am I grouchy right now?”

When you allow these questions to help you identify where you are blocked, release your emotions safely in order to give your love the green light to flow once again.

I invite you to reconnect with your deeper flow of loving others by loving yourself first. This is your secret. Allow yourself to be foolish! Check in to see where you are withholding love from yourself, and be willing to have a breakthrough. Ask yourself, “What happened?” and listen patiently, just as you would with a young child. View yourself with a kind word and gentle touch and invite in the healing.

It is time to restore your overall sense of well-being. You have a unique way of breathing fully. Laugh! Sing! Dance! Cry! They are cleansing and can help you reconnect with your optimism.

And, when you give your love a green light, you lift your vibration, boost your immune system and reconnect with your unique ability to shine.

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