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Who’s Holiday?

December 1, 2014 by Robbie Adkins

Fotolia_46730219_Subscription_XXLIt is “Starting to Look a Lot Like Christmas,”…or Hanukkah…or Kwanzaa…or…” for much of Western Civilization. That can mean a rise in the level of joy and happiness, and it can also mean a rise in the level of anxiety. So let’s see if we can diffuse a few of those thoughts in advance of them catching you off guard.

There are so many other cultures/celebrations. Who is right?

If you look back as to how each culture got to where it is today, how they evolved, it is easy to understand how rich the variety of human nature is in expressing itself with celebrations at specific times of the year. We only get into trouble when one group thinks they got it more “right” than the other groups. So be at peace with cultures that are different than yours. We all celebrate love of our families and are grateful for what we have. The fact that there are so many different ways to celebrate just confirms that it is truly part of human nature to do so.

Will I have enough money to buy presents for everyone?

There are SO MANY ways to express how much you appreciate your family and friends. That is really what you are doing with holiday gifts. Think back to what you got as a gift last holiday. Most of us can’t even remember. What we DO remember are those special gifts that someone made for us. It could be food or a craft item or a poem. Those are the gifts we actually remember because they touch us at a deeper level, so get creative in your gift giving and relax about the money.

Here is something to think about in giving gifts to your children. The one Christmas that stands out from my childhood was the one that was the most fun for my father. He had found a bunch of battery operated toys at the local hardware store. I don’t believe they were expensive at all, but it was the 1950’s so they were new and exciting. During the days before Christmas, our dad took every friend that dropped by our house out his car so that he could share his delight at his purchases hiding in the trunk. The joy he shared was as important as the gifts themselves. We could see from the window that there was something magical about our gifts.

The magic carried into Christmas morning when we were finally able to open those treasures. Keep in mind that the kids are watching YOU as they open their gifts. If you are excited, they will be too. They pick up on your emotional reaction to the gifts you give them.

I don’t have a “love” to share the holiday with.

None of us, no one, not anyone is really alone. There are so many level’s of “love”, and personal love often isn’t a joyous as it looks from the outside. So reach out for a level of connection that is available to you, to everyone. Love after all does come in degrees.

The upside of the expansion of the Internet generally and social media specifically provides opportunities for many, many people to connect on SOME level that they didn’t use to have available to them. I like to play games on the Internet and connect with people all over the world as if they were sitting right across the table from me…well its not QUITE the same as being in the same room, but I still feel the connection. What ever you are interested in, there is a group or person available to you on the Internet.

There are many clubs and groups and places of worship that offer gathering places too. It just isn’t possible that all humans will match up with a partner exactly at the same time…just not possible. So if your present condition isn’t what you consider ideal, don’t let your attitude about it hold you back from opening to a new, perhaps less intense but still valuable connection.

Mid winter celebrations have been held by all cultures for centuries. A time to gather together, take a rest from our toils, and say “Thank You” for what we have. If you start to feel anxious during these holidays, try to touch into that ancient feeling. Find a new way to connect that you hadn’t thought of before. We truly are a global family and you are a member.

We are all lucky that we have each other…and that is worth celebrating!

Thanksgiving Anew

November 17, 2014 by Robbie Adkins

Fotolia_51963380_Subscription_Monthly_MIn the last year, my husband lost his last immediate family member. Most years, our Thanksgiving was spent with his parents or sister, and now they are all gone. For a moment, for this first year, that left an empty feeling in us about this holiday…usually so full of family sharing and catching up…and laughter…and good food.

We don’t have children so there is no connection there…and for many who do have children, they start to go off with their spouses families as time goes by…so that isn’t always an available connection that can be counted on.

At first I was sad as I have big emotional expectations for that particular day. It my childhood, it was always a very happy day with no punishment or arguing. It was good to process that not having immediate family to share it with was a real loss, a genuine grief. I started wracking my brain to think of ANYONE we could invite to spend Thanksgiving with us so I could fill my house with the smell of a roasting turkey. But there are some events that must be genuine and can’t be “recreated” with a new cast of characters. So, what to do.

My brother has been going to an in-law’s house for the last several years with a HUGE group of people we didn’t really know. That didn’t feel like something we wanted to do. Technically we are distant family, but that is not the same as being with people who you know, that you have spent years with.

Then it occurred to me that we could go to the local soup kitchen and serve food to the homeless. THAT felt awesome…genuine good feeling…not recreated feelings. I asked my husband and to my surprise he thought that was a good idea! So the energy shifted. The sadness had to be processed to make way for a new light, a new joy. fotolia_23798303_Subscription_L

I think at this holiday time of year it is important to be honest with ourselves so we can move on to a new experience. If it makes you sad, then be honest with yourself about it, then let it go, and think of something NEW to do for this holiday that would make YOU feel good. The idea of serving people who needed a meal felt very, very good.

As it turns out, my brother is going to have Thanksgiving at his house this year, so we have a place to go after all. But even if we hadn’t had that offer, we were ready for a NEW Thanksgiving. Also I happened to see a cooking show about roasting just a turkey breast with gobs of herbed butter under the skin, so I plan to do that the day after Thanksgiving so we can have left over turkey…the BEST turkey!

The important thing about this special day is to be thankful for what ever we have in our lives. It may even be less that what we used to have, or more. But being in a state of gratitude, no matter where you have your meal, or with whom you have it, is really what this day is about…and it feels awesome. Enjoy!

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