A safe harbor where beliefs are respected and kindness prevails.

Co-Weaving New Life

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Fotolia_53935659_Subscription_Monthly_MIt was one of those moments: the kind of moment when you are fully present and witnessing an experience, knowing that something really big is happening.  At our cabin on Johnson Lake, we have a steep grass slope that leads to the water. I was mindfully taking conscious and careful baby steps down the hill as I had hundreds of times before. One quick slip and I heard the dreadful, spine-chilling “CRACK!” and went down. I didn’t cry or laugh as I normally would with a sprained ankle or clumsy fall. I went into a hyper-alert, adrenalin-induced, emergency-medical-response mode.

Everyone else in the boat and on the patio heard the gruesome break as well. They came running. “Get some ice and ibuprofen,” I directed when my family asked what I needed and what they could do to help. “And, get those cedar planks above the washer that we grill fish on. We can use them for a splint.” The ice and ibuprofen came quickly. My cedar planks were vetoed for soft, rolled-up towels and Press and Seal plastic wrap.

The Emergency Room doctor was impressed with my family’s creative ingenuity.

After cutting off the wrap and examining my leg and ankle, he said he thought I broke my ankle. I said, “Maybe, but I know my shin bone is broken.” He touched my leg again and said, “No, I think it’s your ankle.” The ex-rays came back and we were both right. I had a spiral fracture on my left tibia and a break on both sides of my ankle.

When a fracture of the bone occurs, the body leaps into action to begin the healing process. There are three important stages in healing a fractured bone. First is the inflammatory phase, second the reparative phase, and third the remodeling phase. I think the second is particularly interesting. The reparative phase begins about two weeks after the fracture occurs. In this stage, proteins begin to consolidate into what is known as a soft callus. This soft, new bone substance eventually hardens into a hard callus as the bone “weaves together” over a six to twelve week period. The genius within the body repairs itself. I often sat with my leg elevated in a heavy, full-leg cast imagining and visualizing the bones weaving together.

I am in awe of how the Designing Intelligence of Creation continues to do its thing – assisting my body to weave new bone. How magnificent. The body has such an extraordinary and complex design. My body knows exactly what to do. I simply have to sit back, rest and allow it to do its thing.

Now, twelve weeks later, I wait for the day when I am able to take my first NEW steps forward on my leg, I am grateful for life’s genius. The lessons from this experience have been invaluable. Life gave me “a break.” It’s been a time of pause, reflection, healing, and surrender – “a weaving of the new” in so many ways. I have learned to literally partner with and trust the Designing Intelligence more completely. In doing so, I have been immersed in the creative flow of the Universe.

The same Intelligence that heals my bones also has my back and desires to co-create more fully with me. The same Intelligence that weaves new bone also holds the material of Creation together – my experiences, relationships, nature, humanity, earth and the cosmos. I am not separate from this Divine Intelligence. The Intelligence is in me and I am in it. I am not separate from the weaving. I am part of it. I am a co-weaver neatly interlaced within Creation.

As I move forward, each new step is entwined with the consciousness of this interconnected reality. The new me listens even deeper for guidance and direction as I practice attuning to the Intelligence. As I surrender to the co-creative process, I midwife and steward new projects, knowing they come through me, but not of me. I align with the highest good of Creation and trust that the expression of my individual threads is unique and an integral part of the fabric of life. The new me shares my gifts in synergistic play with others to bring forth this new, unitive consciousness and a new world. The more I honor the wisdom and power of the Designing Intelligence, the more resources and opportunities come to me – naturally… organically.

Now, I’m on the precipice of another one of those moments, knowing that something really big is about to happen.   I am preparing to leap forward, trusting the Designing Intelligence and saying, “Yes!” to what presents. The world looks very different now. It is alive and supportive and interactive. I have an intimate relationship – a sacred union – with the Designing Intelligence that has healed my bones. With gratitude, I will put my best foot forward and delight as Creation continues to create through me. There will be no more careful baby steps. For it is time to leap into full co-creation. With the assistance of my incredible intelligence partner, I am co-weaving new life.

Shedding Old Clothes

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Fotolia_34553939_Subscription_Monthly_MI remember when I was in fifth grade.  One day before lunch ended, I opened the door to my classroom and found that the room was empty.  I was surprised.  This was the first time ever that I was in the room by myself.  With nobody else around, it was pleasantly calm and quiet.

I walked over to my teacher’s desk and took a good look.  After all, it was the only place in the entire room I hadn’t really had the opportunity to inspect, until now.  I looked inside the drawer and found her grade book.  It was right on top.  I opened it where it was paper clipped and saw all of our names with the lineup of test grades next to them.  I looked for my name, and saw my grades, A, A-, B+, A+, A-, A … For a test we had taken just the day before, I saw, “B-“ next to my name.  B minus?  What???  That wouldn’t do.

I quickly looked for a pencil on her desk.  My mind raced.  “Would I erase it?  Would I cross it out?  No, that would be too obvious.”  I decided to put a tiny mark on it to change the minus sign to a plus sign.  It now read “B+.”  My face was hot and my body was tingling as I quickly put the book away.  I never got caught for that, nor did I confess, but it didn’t matter.  I was on edge about it for a long time.  I tortured myself about being stupid, being a liar and a fake, and, therefore, non-deserving of anything good in life, ever.

For decades I hid my dark and troubled spots. I was extremely hard on myself. I was a pro at chastising myself, which almost landed me in my grave.  Do you remember the character “Pig-Pen” from the Charlie Brown comic strip?  That was me: pretending that everything was okay and normal even though there was soot all around me.

In my healing journey, rather than beat myself up, I flipped a switch by honoring what I did to survive.  I came to understand that by pretending my non-preferred experiences and my responses to them didn’t exist, I kept them firmly in place.  I learned that by honoring what happened and describing my experiences without judging them allowed me to transform then release them.

To Clean = to rid of impurities; to purify.

When it came to changing that grade way back when, I came to understand that by getting good grades, I received praise and love I didn’t feel otherwise.  I also felt that if my performance slipped, I wouldn’t receive praise and love.  I doubt that my parents would have withheld their love, yet at the time I couldn’t risk even the thought of getting negative attention because I couldn’t face the humiliation.

I also came to understand that my perfectionist nature (which I’d be willing to bet I was born with) went into overdrive once I was sexually violated as a little girl.  And finally, I understood that my constant self-chastising represented my fervent desire to be a good person.

In contemplating the glorious cycles of nature, springtime pulsates with the idea of renewal – of making a fresh start.  When it comes to spring cleaning, I love the idea of ridding my closet of old clothes.  The old clothes I speak of are not those I wear.  For me it’s more about transforming non-preferred experiences so that I can shed old thoughts and ideas that no longer serve me, therefore creating space for the new and wonderful stuff I desire.

By stripping away the action itself (changing the grade) and seeking out the positive wish underneath (the desire for praise and love), I purified that experience.  I was able to give my fifth grader what she so desperately needed – praise and love.

Here is the formula I use for shedding old clothes.  Ask yourself:

What happened?  What did you do or say that was non-preferred?  What was your positive wish underneath your original response? It will typically be that you wanted understanding, acknowledgement, and/or love.

Now, replay the event in your mind, but instead, act or respond in a way that gives you the understanding you seek.  If the event involved someone else, imagine the other person giving you what you are asking for (in the form of your positive wish).  See and feel yourself receiving the understanding, acknowledgement, and/or love that you needed at the time.

Be creative. Understand that your subconscious mind doesn’t know whether something is occurring physically or virtually, the feeling is what it records.  As you replace the old hurts with acknowledgment, understanding and love, you allow them to transform, thus lovingly shedding your old clothes to don new ones.

Experiences will continue to emerge from the shadows to receive light and transformation, and you will know how to do it.  You have the ability to appreciate each moment rather than thinking that you need to fix everything in order to be deserving.  May you come to understand that you are lovable anyway; that you are free to heal, to laugh, to love, and to express yourself, soot and all.

 

 

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