A safe harbor where beliefs are respected and kindness prevails.

Sometimes It’s About Wanting The Pain To Stop

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Do you really want to be happy? Or do you just want all the misery to stop? I use to think these questions were really about the same thing but as I’ve worked through a great deal of stress these last few years I realize they are not.

When we face the challenges of life we live in a place that is so far removed from happiness that it’s hard to see ourselves ever being happy again.  It’s like living paycheck to paycheck and believing the gurus who tell you to visualize yourself living on the yacht and never having to work again.  It is so far removed from your reality that while you may repeat the affirmation you don’t believe it.  And when you don’t believe something you’re not going to make it happen.

Sometimes the best we can hope for is that the pain stops or at least eases up.  That doesn’t mean it’s all we deserve or all we’ll ever have but at this moment it’s what we need most.   When you’re in this place of stress you don’t have to add to it by thinking that you have to be happy, successful, wealthy… or anything else that seems so far away from reality to you.

Stop fighting the pain and quit railing against the unfairness of it all.  Instead decide that you’re OK with where you are at this moment.  That decision alone will ease your stress just a little… but enough to realize you’re not in as much pain.  When you can feel that relief you can also see more possibilities and in time happiness will come back into view.

With love,
Cheryl

Moving On At All

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Reflections by Jack Maloney
Reflections by Jack Maloney

I have always tried to be strong… but I’m not.  Somethings in life are just inconceivable even when you realize they are staring you down.  When we experience the things that cut us off at the knees its hard to think straight let alone be strong.  At one point as Jack’s life was winding down I lay crying in bed and for the first time he said to me in his weakened voice, “No more tears!”  But I couldn’t stop crying…

When I thought I couldn’t cry any more… I’d cry again.  In my heart though I knew Jack didn’t want me to mourn his death. He wanted me to move on with my life.  He wanted me to cherish our good times and put the bad times and his dying behind me.  As I sit here and write this I remember his courage in the face of death yet I’m still crying.

I miss him.  I miss sitting in the living room, side by side, comfortable in our silence.  I miss him starting his day off reading photography blogs because I knew whatever nugget he gleaned from them would be implemented in a photo.  I miss him chopping up vegetables and us cooking together.

I don’t miss his suffering and I’d would never have wanted him to stay with me and suffer.  And the end of his life was all suffering.  I don’t want to remember the suffering.  When I have a bad memory of the last few weeks of his life I stop myself and shift my thoughts to a better time.  Reliving that pain serves no purpose for me… and now it is all about my life and moving on.

I know for me moving on doesn’t mean that I leave Jack or his memory behind.  He remains embedded in my soul.  I have to take what he has given me and use that strength to create what my life is to become.  Some call it finding “new normal” but there is nothing “normal” about all this, yet.

My life isn’t over because my husband died.  Instead a new life is beginning.  My family has longevity which means I could live another 30+ years… almost as long as Jack & I were married.  That’s a long time and I know I don’t want to stay in my sadness for the rest of my days.

We each get to decide what we want for whatever time we have left on this earth.  We each get to take a step forward… or to pause and gain our strength.  It is our choice to make.  Whatever you choose to do… do it for you, for your happiness, for your own soul. Because at the moment that’s all you need to do.

With love, Cheryl

Are We There Yet?

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janetthomasI listen to daily updates from my friend who writes plays. She is waiting for producers to get back to her regarding possible interest in one of her projects. She had hoped to hear from them last week, and with each passing day that she doesn’t hear from them, she is convinced they aren’t interested in her project.

I suggested that she take a step back for a moment and consider the idea that they didn’t give her a timeframe on when she could expect to hear back from them. Moreover, it is her OWN expectation regarding their timing that is driving her crazy! Somehow, somewhere she decided that if she hasn’t heard back from them in “X” days or weeks, it means they’re not interested. And that isn’t true at all. The only facts are (1) she submitted a play for consideration, and (2) she hasn’t heard from them yet. And that’s it. Any ideas she has beyond that are of her unique creation and vast imagination until new facts arise (with a phone call to them for an update, or them reaching out to her to tell her how magnificent she is).

The concept of time is so fascinating to me. We may think of time as this finite thing that is measured by the ticks of a clock or in the beautiful lines on our faces, yet we have a personal relationship with it, and it is very malleable. Time will shift to be whatever we decide it will be. In my friend’s case, she set up an expectation regarding time that became suffocating pretty quickly. When she adjusted her timing expectations, she felt much better!

Can you believe that it is already fall? Here it is, another change of season. Where, oh where did the time go, and how did you spend it? Did you spend a lot of it feeling like a prisoner to your personal expectations for the year (like me, lol), or did you find yourself smiling and laughing through it, playing and dancing with whatever your experiences? Now that I have had an enlightened moment about the concept of time and how I personally use it, I have made a conscious decision to loosen my belt a bit when it comes to my expectations, and I feel better already.

After all, why wouldn’t I be okay with my life exactly as it is? What is it that I am expecting that will make me feel better, happier, or more relevant?

Be willing to consider that what hasn’t happened for you as of this very moment is in perfect order. When you allow life to be okay at this very moment, there is great peace in that glorious split second. I have found that for every split second that I feel good and grounded and whole just as I am, it feels like time slows down and becomes simply the experience of “now.”

For now (and every subsequent “now”), not only are you wonderful, you are as worthy and as valuable as the stars in the sky, regardless of how tightly you have drawn your belt or what has or hasn’t happened in your life. The Glorious You transcends any and all barriers, conditions and definitions. The Glorious You is immersed in the goodness of All That Is while you navigate the fertile and creative waters of human existence. And, the Glorious You is timeless.

Right now, and in this season, LAUGH. Right now, and in this season, BREATHE. Right now, and in this season, LOVE. It’s what you do best!

And… my friend heard from a producer today. They are considering next steps. Yaay!

Still Searching For Rainbows

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glassofrainbowWe are all being challenged at the moment to stay positive no matter how things appear around us. This attitude, this looking at the glass half full, is what will carry us through these times of change.

So, picture a glass half full, with a rainbow ending right in it!

Too Pollyanna for you? Well just try it. Get a photo of a rainbow and put it behind a glass of water, half full! What does that do for you…well at least it should be worth a chuckle! It would be even funnier if someone came in and caught you doing it…caught you looking for the rainbow in the half full glass!

I ask you to wonder, are we all a bit afraid to show optimism now? When so many have lost so much, all over the world? Perhaps just a little. Sometimes expressing optimism activates a tirade from someone you know, someone who you care about. Fear of that can perhaps cause us to be reluctant to express it.

If that is how you sometimes feel, then become a closet optimist on those days!

People will sense the positive energy coming from you. Even if you don’t share WORDS of optimism, if you spend a little time each morning thinking about:

  • Something you are grateful for in your life
  • Something you dream might happen to you (like winning the lottery!)
  • Appreciating what you have, not what you don’t have
  • Appreciating the friends that you do have (even if they are glass half empty people)
  • Appreciating the weather if it is good, or the farmers market if you can go, or the phone call you got from someone you wanted to talk to …

You get the idea. Then don’t share it with anyone but see if you light up the faces of the people you encounter during the day…even just a tiny little bit … just by emanating a slightly more positive energy. If they don’t smile when they see you, it may be something going on with them…you don’t always get a “sign” that you are shining positive energy. In fact, sometimes it can really irritate people to see you happy when they are not.

But do it anyway.

You may help that person without their realizing it. You may help them question why they are irritated with your happiness. You may shift their energy up just a tiny bit. You can’t be “positive” because you want proof that you are a good person. You just have to do it because it feels good to you and hopefully feels good to those you encounter during the day.

Keep it in the closet if you like, but open up the door just enough to let that rainbow in! Oh, and then drink the water!

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