A safe harbor where beliefs are respected and kindness prevails.

Lack of Attention

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BuddahIt’s late Monday morning and I’m sitting in the lounge of a dealership waiting on my car which is for regular maintenance. I’m expecting to wait for about an hour and a half, so I brought a few snacks, my laptop and my copy of Thich Nhat Hanh’s, “Essential Writings”. Within the waiting room there are another half dozen others, waiting, like me. There is a television on. I’ve positioned myself away from the TV, actually behind it, so as not to see the screen. It is blaring. I even questioned to myself, why is it so loud? The overhead speakers are playing dated music and on top of all this noise, there is the occasional overriding voice of the receptionist, directing calls to the appropriate extensions. For the short time I am there, the TV programs progress from a rambunctious game show, to local headline news, to one of those over-dramatized soap-operas.

While all of this is all going on, I somehow manage to get a little work completed on my laptop which I then tuck away in my bag. I reach for my book. I begin to read, then pause, caught up in the excitement of the Game Show. I direct my attention back to the page, this time, only able to read a couple of lines before I realize I have no idea what I just read – someone just won a “NEW CAR”! So I start back at the beginning of the paragraph. This goes on for about 15 minutes when it dawns on me that the experience in this waiting room, with all the noise, excitement and movement, is exactly what Hanh’s book is describing. This waiting room is an extension, and an excellent example of the antics of the mind – like a monkey swinging from branch to branch, the music, the TV and all the other distractions are exactly how the mind works when it is allowed to be in control. So, as I sit here waiting for my car, I find myself becoming aware of being mindful of the experience that my book is describing.

We, as a population, fill the silence of our days with all kinds of noise and distractions. Why? We do not want to feel alone. We can be so afraid of the silence that exists within us. This fear drives us to surround and bombard ourselves with noise – any kind of noise will do! Noise from multiple sources is preferable, just in case one source goes quiet for a moment, and sometimes, the louder, the better.   Why do we fear the quiet voice of our True Self, the voice, which can only be heard when we are in silence? According to Thich Nhat Hanh, “Almost no one listens to his or her true self. But when we are not ourselves, any freedom we think we have is illusionary. Sometimes we reject freedom because we fear it. Our true selves are buried beneath layers of moss and brick.”   These layers of moss and brick are the opinions, expectations, noise and distractions we invite into our daily lives. Watching TV or movies, listening to music, even reading a book are all ways we occupy our time so that we do not have to experience the sensational quiet of the Self.   We may say that through the books, music, movies and even the TV, we are expanding our knowledge.   Yet, it is only when we allow ourselves to be quiet that we begin to expand our knowledge of our True Self.

So, how can we tap into the inner silence? Certainly not by trying but by simply sitting with our eyes closed and the stereo, TV and other people turned OFF!   We cannot get there by trying to get there, because this trying only takes us out – it is an effort that leads us away from our center and the quiet. It was suggested by The Buddha some 2500 years ago and it is now the hottest topic among Neuro Scientist all over the World – Meditation—it is good for our Brain! There are many ways to meditate. They include: sitting quietly and just observing the mind – trying to detach yourself from your thoughts (kind of hard to do because our brain is designed to think – but possible with practice). You can practice Mantra (chanting) or Pranayama (breath exercises). You can practice walking meditation – where you focus completely on the movement of the body or use Guided visual meditations.   There are many paths to the quiet but the most important aspect of any of them is actually making or taking the time to do them. If you feel you have time, then you will make time. If you feel there just isn’t any extra time in your already busy day, well, then you will not do it – it’s really just a decision on your part. If it is important to you, you will find a way. If it is not important to you, you will find an excuse!

Your sitting does not need to be 30 minutes or an hour; it can be as little as seven minutes a day to make an impact on your life, your health and your awareness! Yes! In as little as 7 minutes per day, for at least 21 days in a row, you can begin to change the neural pathways in your brain which will start you on a journey of self-discovery and awareness. Scientist, through the help of magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) have found that people who meditate regularly exhibit a greater capacity for concentration, improved attention, mental flexibility and more emotional control than non-meditators.

Turn the TV and the radio off. Close the book.

We are all seeking inner peace and happiness. The fascinating thing is that it comes from inside while we are seeking it out in the world. Wow. Try something different today. Take a few deep, deep breaths and settle into the silence of your being. You may just find, there is nothing to fear. For inside you, if we go deep enough we can find that river of peace that flows through us with each full and delicious breath. Come on. Give it a try.

Steve Bolia

You Can Get A Lot Done In An Hour

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(It took less than that to write this post.)

writers blockBelieve it or not there are times in my life when I can be quite the procrastinator. I bet most of you reading this have had your moments. The past few months I have been struggling with writer’s block. I’m not sure if it’s the beautiful weather, the lunar cycle, or what, but I have had a hard time shaking it. So when deadlines hit I procrastinate, putting it off until the very last minute. (If Cheryl Maloney, Publisher of Simple Steps Real Change Magazine, is reading this, she will verify that!) Some say that this “condition” is more of a “writing procrastination” than writers block. Either way, it’s time to practice what I preach and move on.

What would I tell a client or one of my children that might be procrastinating about anything?   Stop! Okay, to most people who would be too easy. In that case, I offer them the following 7 tips, which, by the way, I have begun to re-practice myself!

7. Timing – Allow yourself ample time to do the thing you need to do. (For me it was less than an hour!) Set the timer. When the timer goes off, get up and walk away. (Just like they do on the cooking shows.)

6. Trigger – What’s the trigger that’s causing your procrastination? Why are you avoiding it? Is it a fear of failure, self-doubt, and feelings of not good enough? Look at past successes to help you eliminate those triggers.

5. Perfectionism – Release the notion that it “has to be perfect”. Sometimes your “okay stuff” is your publisher’s perfect piece. Let someone else do the edits; that’s probably what they get paid for.

4. Space – Create or find a comfortable space to write in, a space that inspires you. Maybe it’s nature, maybe it’s a coffee shop, and maybe it’s your kitchen table. Try a few places out and see where you connect the best, where you get the most done.

3. Prioritize – Tackle the hard stuff early. Make a list beginning with the most challenging or daunting task and start there. Once it’s complete you will feel a genuine sense of accomplishment which might make diving into the rest a little more enticing.

2. Eliminate distractions – Close the door and leave our phone in the other room. Don’t even think about opening email, Facebook or any other type of Soulcial Media platform, until you’ve finished your task. In fact, make that a reward of sorts. Remove as many distractions from our surroundings before you begin.

1. Just do it! That’s right, like the Nike ad suggests. Just do it! Jump in. The sooner you get it done, the better you will feel!

As you can see, these suggestions apply to almost any area of your life that you might be procrastinating about something. When none of these work, eat chocolate. J

 

The Art Of Tolerance

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fotolia_18012764_Subscription_LWhile camped out on the shores of Lake Michigan to write and relax, I became acutely aware of my environment. I wasn’t cradled by the sound of the waves crashing on the shoreline, or delighted about the warming sun on my body. I wasn’t basking in the pleasure of writing at the beach on a delightful spring day. I was triggered.

The art of tolerance escaped me. I was irritated with the chatty couple who decided to set up camp close to me, when they had miles of people-free shoreline. I became overstimulated by a barking dog in the distance; A gorgeous Golden Retriever having the time of her life playing fetch, hoping for one more swim to retrieve her tennis ball. My personal space was invaded. I judged the couple. I seethed about the barking dog and his clueless master. I found myself wondering, why me?  Why couldn’t I simply go to the beach and be left to write in peace?

The cosmic joke of this experience is that no matter how much I love my personal space and privacy, I am not alone on this planet. The roads will always have traffic. Dogs bark. People do, what people do. Yet I often expect others to honor my personal space, be mindful of  their actions and aware of their surroundings. The art of tolerance is a curriculum calling for my attention.  I still have much to learn about cultivating patience. Can you relate?

In hindsight I see that I had several options that day. I could have picked up my things and moved away from the cozy couple and happy dog. I could have noticed the distractions and let them go. I could have put my ear buds in and listened to Florence and The Machine or a guided relaxation. And… How much space do I really need? What might happen if I re-framed the trigger of a barking dog to something that emotes fun and playfulness?

I choose to become less reactive and will practice letting things slide. One thing is certain, walking on the path of patience and learning the art of tolerance will take a lot of practice. Thankfully I have the tools I need to exhale, learn from experience, and move forward with loving kindness.

I will always prefer silence and natural sound.  The crashing waves lull me to relax on the beach. The chatty couple and barking dog, not so much. No matter what kind of environment I prefer, the lifestyle I choose is one with community. Communities are not always quiet and relaxing. The real world is full of people, barking dogs, and blowing horns. Being alive is noisy.  So noted.

               I choose to be a student of the art of tolerance…

  • What triggers you?
  • How do you care for yourself when you are over-stimulated?
  • What do you do when you observe yourself judging others?

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