A safe harbor where beliefs are respected and kindness prevails.

Cello, How Are You?

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I’m listening to a classical quartet on my iPod at the moment. I hear the beautiful and melodious cello solo. I played the cello for years… why didn’t I ever sound like that?

I have come to understand that if I ask a question, I will get an answer. And I got it. It takes time and practice to learn a craft. Whether it is playing an instrument, learning a second language, or making consecutive free throws, time and practice will move along the process towards proficiency.

As I listen to the beautiful cello, I recall that I was able to learn to play it pretty easily since I could already read music. But I didn’t progress. I also remember starting many different and exciting things, however as soon as it got to be a challenge, I would quit.

Why didn’t I move beyond a rudimentary level with things? Sure, my parents urged me to practice, but it didn’t help because I’d sit in there and not do it. As I ponder it right now, I think it took a level of intimacy that I wasn’t capable of achieving. I think it took being interested enough to dig down a little deeper inside myself to get over the challenging and tough stuff in order to get better.

I was very fragile emotionally (although I put up a good front that all was well), and needed lots of reassurance. I couldn’t stomach not being good at something. My inner critic was always front and center and I couldn’t stand adding fuel to it’s already raging fire of, “See, Janet, I told you that you suck,” so I didn’t even try. That resulted in so many false starts, I can’t even tell you!

I think now about where I might have been had I faced the tough stuff head on. But that’s of no consequence now, because after having healed emotionally, I now tackle tough stuff all of the time, and with flying colors. I no longer fear it, as I’m confident now that I can rise to the challenge. I also embrace all of my false starts because they allowed me to arrive here, healthy, happy and heartfelt.

If you find yourself shying away from hard stuff, you’re not alone. I recently heard on a documentary (forgive me for not remembering which one!) that we human beings are (1) pleasure-seeking, (2) pain averse, and (3) always look for the path of least resistance. However, think about the concert pianist, the bi-lingual woman or the basketball star. They concentrated on their craft and got better and better. They made the choice to forego the easier and more pleasurable immediate gratification in favor of honing their craft.

To assist you in foregoing the easy stuff to get better in learning your craft, please remember to use your imagination. Envision yourself doing really, really well at your craft. For example, if you are learning to dance, imagine yourself happily flowing with amazing dance moves. Feel the feeling now of being good at it and having tremendous fun while doing it.

Within your own imagination is all of the glorious and fun stuff you see for your future self. Allow your future self to lovingly collide with your present self, take the time to put in the effort, and let the happy feeling carry you through it. When you put in the effort, you will get better and better at what you are doing!

How to Compete and Win Every Time

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Swimming competition in the pool - Stock photos
Swimming competition in the pool – Stock photos

I have a friend who, without exaggeration, is one of the kindest people I know. Which makes it really funny when he talks about the jerk of the day who races with him in the pool.

 He laments that when he swims every morning he likes to be left alone to do his workout in peace. But there’s always a dude who will get into the lane next to him and push off when he does. He wants to race. And just like Pavlov’s dog, my friend races him. He picks up his pace to let the other swimmer know who is boss in the pool. My friend hasn’t lost yet.

I have to laugh, though. I tell him, “If you want to be left alone, just ignore them and continue to just do your thing.” But I know that’s hard.

You see, he can’t help himself. He is compelled to race whoever wants to challenge him. It makes total sense to me. After all, we live in a competitive society. Whether we are keeping up with the Joneses or you have a friend who is a “topper” (i.e., whatever story you tell, he’s got a better one), we are looking to get a leg up on someone else.

I know there are schools who teach that non-competition is the way to go, but so much more will have to happen in order for us to be non-competitive overall. Is it even possible? And, can competition actually be healthy?

Competition: a contest for some prize, honor, or advantage

Because I have learned that, based upon my own priorities, there will always be someone who has “more.” However, when I shift my perspective to think of competition like a golf game, any and all that I do is in the context of stretching my own boundaries. I always seek to improve myself, and to me that is prize enough.

Do you find yourself becoming annoyed or jealous when you think of someone else’s life? If so, it is a perfect opportunity to get to know yourself better. When the comparisons crop up, you can try the following:

  1. Rather than think about the other person’s material possessions, make a list of qualities or a state of being you perceive them to have perhaps because of their possessions (e.g., confidence, happiness, power).
  2. Ask yourself in what ways you are confident (or happy or powerful). Recognize how those attributes are present in your life.
  3. Close your eyes, breathe in deeply, and invite in the level of confidence you perceive the other to have. Imagine them cheering you on as you expand your own level of confidence.

You have the ability to create internal advantages by transforming any sense of competition into a win-win situation. Thinking in metaphysical terms, if we are one, it means that you already have what you believe you lack. When you come across abundance in any form, welcome it as part of your experience. You will find your mood shifting into the realm of optimism and peace when you do that. All it takes is practice, and everything around you can become and expression of your own abundance.

Get Up On Your High Horse

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Fotolia_19719715_Subscription_XXLWe all have a voice. A platform. A way of being able to help and serve others.  You might not think of yourself that way, but it is true.

Believe that you are touching people’s lives and making a difference every single day, in your own way. Whether you realize it, or meant to, or not.

Sometimes we share a personal experience, or a gentle observation about life. Sometimes we turn the mirror back around on someone with a grander, not-so-gentle outlook on another’s current situation.  All of these things, when meant to help and given with an intention of love, can make a positive difference in someone’s life.

This means that in your way, with your true self, you are being of service to the greater good of those whom you are connecting.  Never underestimate your power and ability to make a difference-to have an impact.

Know with certainty that sometimes you must stand from a higher vantage point in order to be able to offer this help.  Many of us fear that we will be seen as a know-it-all, or as standing in judgment of another.  But check in with yourself.  Remember that if your intention is pure and you aren’t standing in judgment, how another perceives it is none of your business.  You do the best you can, with the right frame of mind.

Don’t be afraid to show your true self and offer your personal wisdom.   We go through experiences in this life in order to learn. Sometimes that learning is not just valuable to our selves, but to those that you meet as well. You truly never know how sharing will touch someone and create a positive affect in another’s life. You serve the world by getting up on your high horse when you are not doing it from a place of authority or ego, but instead, a desire to offer something to make someone else’s experience seem a little lighter or clearer.

There are a couple rules of thumb that can help you get your message across in the most loving way. The first is to stop and remember, “Was I asked? Are they asking for my input?” Nothing comes across as being more “high and mighty” than putting in your two cents when it’s unsolicited.

Next ask, “What is my intention in offering this sage advice?” Is it with good intention, love, and gentle awareness? The gentle awareness piece can be key. Can you offer it gently without it coming across as rough, uncaring? Are you about to spit out your superior insights because you are thinking, “you can not really be this dumb?” Because if you are…I’d say take a step back, a deep breath, and mostly, REMAIN SILENT. This is not the time or emotional space to be doling out “how to’s” and “you should’s”.

Which actually brings up an extra side note. If what is about to come out of your mouth includes the phrase “you should” or “you shouldn’t”, I’d ask you to think twice. Should’s are often an indication of a personal perspective that is imposing on someone else’s ability to have their own perspective. It doesn’t mean that you are doing it maliciously, just know that there is often that energy associated with a “should”.

My final point is to go with your gut. As always, check in for a quick moment. Did you just recognize a flash of gloating that this person is coming to you with this particular problem for help? Does the response rolling around in your head make you feel a little tense or make your stomach turn? This could mean a couple things depending on how well you communicate on an emotional level, but you know yourself. So what does it mean for you?

Did a personal story pop into your mind as they were explaining their situation? For me, that’s always an indication that there is a nugget of wisdom in there that is probably beneficial for the other person. So tell your story, even if it isn’t exactly clear how it might relate to them. This is your “gut” talking.

Remember that knights in shining armor sit up on high horses. Being up on your high horse does not always have to have the negative connotation that we often associate it with. The knights were perched up there for a better, clearer line of sight. It offered them extra protection from the messiness that was down below. In this same way, your elevated view when guiding another may not be such a bad thing. It can be to their advantage.

So ride high my friends! You must go off bravely, sharing your wisdom and insight. You never know who may be in need of rescuing.

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