A safe harbor where beliefs are respected and kindness prevails.

When You Don’t Have A Choice

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Fotolia_54804996_Subscription_XXLThere are times in life when you don’t have a choice.  My husband died.  I don’t have a choice but to live without him.  Perhaps you find yourself divorced when you thought you’d always be together or your company chose to downsize and you were suddenly out of work.  There are just times in life when regardless of what we do we find ourselves in a place we never wanted or even thought we’d ever be… even if we saw it coming.

Jack & I had been on his cancer journey for the last 4 years but it was only the last couple months that we realized he was at the end of his life.  It’s easy… and natural to wish this was all a bad dream but instead it is my journey.  There are times it is incredibly hard and other times when it seems surreal but my bottom line is one of Jack’s favorite phrases, “It is what it is.”

If you are finding yourself in a place that you hate, regret or just don’t want to be what you do now or next is totally up to you.  In your heart you know you don’t want to stay in a place of misery yet sometimes you’ll find yourself there.

You’re going to mourn your loss and that’s ok.  I find that a good hard cry lets out all the emotions that need to flow.  You’re going to have times where you ask yourself what you could have done differently.  I call these the “If only’s.”  If only we had or hadn’t done something maybe this would never have happened.  You’re going to get angry.  You’re going to think “why me” even if you never say that out loud.  You’re just going to be sad.  And it’s ok to feel all these things and more.  This is not the time to berate yourself for how you feel… that only makes you feel worse and that’s not what you want.

When however you realize you want a happier life from here on out it’s time to let it sink in that you do have choices, now.  I have the choice to celebrate 36 years of marriage to the love of my life.  I have the choice to say “yes” to friends invitations and to enjoy their company.  I have the choice to make decisions about what I want for my life.  We can be grateful for all of the wonderful times we’ve had in life and for having choices moving forward.

No, we don’t have to like the ending… but if we give ourselves the chance to appreciate our new beginning we can move ourselves into a place of hope and happiness… one step at a time.  You deserve to be happy and it’s your choice to move in that direction.  Embrace it… because you can!

With love, Cheryl

Read more from Cheryl on here blog here.

Love Your Life

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R&S Photo 1This is the inaugural article of “Themes for Life”, a monthly column for Simple Steps, Real Change Magazine. In our column we want to share themes from our lives that we hope will resonate with the overall themes of your life. Life is all about connections – let’s connect! This first article coincides with a big mile-stone in our personal lives. The first week of September marks an important event in our journey together. September 3, 2014, we will celebrate 28 years together. Wow! Now that’s something.

We have shared a lot of adventures in our time together. Early on we sold all of our possessions and back packed through Europe. On our first spiritual quest we moved to Cripple Creek, CO to work for and with the author-astrologer, Linda Goodman. We owned and operated a magical little retail shop in downtown Cincinnati, OH called Lefthanded Moon. For twelve years we ran a manufacturing company that was named for all things beautiful – Vertu. A few years ago we moved to Albuquerque, NM to attend a unique Massage School. Currently we find our call to service as Licensed Massage Therapists, Personal Trainers and Yoga Teachers. We’ve been together through it all – side by side, one picking up the pace when the other was tired or experiencing doubt or fear.   Today, as in the past 28 years, we own only one cell phone; we carry only one wallet and own only one car! Our friends love to tease us about this calling it “THE phone” or “THE wallet”.   How can we do this, you may ask? Well, we are together 24/7.  That’s right! We are literally now, and have been together almost every moment of every day.

We began our relationship as good friends, and as it evolved into a loving partnership, we realized that we really like being together.   We knew in those early days in Cripple Creek Colorado, a remote mountain town of 450 people, we wanted to spend as much time as possible together. At each stage in our relationship we asked the Universe to present us with opportunities to allow us to work and travel together. Wish granted. Early on we worked as bartenders and servers in the same restaurant – we had the same shifts; traveling Europe we were side-by-side from Athens to London; working in Colorado we would sit across from each other at Linda’s kitchen table; in our retail shop, it was always just the two of us; at the manufacturing company, our desks were right next to each other’s and in school for massage we studied and practiced as a team.

RS-Brad-SmithThis type of relationship is not for everyone. And even with all our togetherness, the most important component in our relationship is allowing each other to grow and develop as an individual. With a full sense of individuation, we come together to build and nurture the partnership.   We are together physically, emotionally and spiritually most of the time. But we still need and crave “me time”.   There is a relationship each of us has with ourself that needs as much nourishing and attention as any outside relationship in our life – maybe more!

Early in our relationship, when we were developing our personal spiritual practices, we discussed the possibility of reincarnation. It was then we decided to start our meditation practice so we could find each other faster the next time around. This may sound a little childlike. That’s OK. We work to keep a sense of childlike qualities in our relationship, like being open, honest and trusting.  Our practices have helped us! They help us to see, the deeper we love ourselves and the more we acknowledge our unique spark of creation and feed that spark, the more we find we are alive, happy and whole. Our journey together led us to a deeper understanding of Self Love. Without this Self-Love, our relationships dissolve into a co-dependency that leaves our Souls hungry for something deeper. The hunger is for a connection with Self first and foremost. Self-Love is a learned behavior. We need to foster and nurture it throughout our lives. We believe it is one of our greatest quests in life.

We’ve learned many things about life and living over the past three decades. One of the many things we learned from Linda Goodman was about numerology (the study of the power and the spiritual vibration of numbers, as presented by Chaldean-Hebrew Kabala). We celebrate our anniversary on the 3rd. In numerology that means our anniversary and our relationship, vibrates to the number 3. Three is described as representing idealism, higher education, foreign travel and religion. Three is the number of optimism, movement, expansion – and the Holy Trinity of the Body, Mind and Spirit.   On first read about the number three in 1989, we hoped this would come to pass. One of the many gifts of maturity is to have the opportunity to look back. As we ponder the last twenty-eight years, we realize these words…Idealism, Movement, Expansion and the Holy Trinity of Body, Mind and Spirit really do describe our relationship – it captures the essence of our lives together – seeking truth and freedom at every turn.

Our individual journey and quest for Self-Love enabled us to create our relationship of idealism, movement and expansion. Through our practices we know the companionship we hold with our Self, is what leads us to truth and opportunities for self-growth and understanding. So enter again the number three. The trilogy we are experiencing is Steve – Rob and then SteveRob. Whether or not there is a significant “other” in your life, you always have the opportunity to romance the Self and Love Your Life.

If there is no outward three in your life, create your own inner trilogy. In numerology, the number one represents creativity, protection, benevolence. ONE is the number of original action, the initiating bases of all other numbers. There cannot be a 2 or 3 without the 1.

How do you romance your Self?

Take some time each morning to be with you. Do this in meditation, yoga or journaling.

Look in the mirror each day and tell yourself, “I love you”. If in the beginning, you find this declaration of love difficult, start by winking or smiling at yourself.

Eat food that is nutritious, drink lots of water, take walks, move your body. Make the effort to quiet the ego voice so you can hear the Me voice.

Create your own trinity of Body, Mind and Spirit.

We have much gratitude for the longevity of our relationship and all the opportunities for growth it has afforded us. We also have gratitude for our individual journey and our romance with our SELF.

The love most of us seek outwardly is actually a buried treasure in our own heart. Dig for gold friends. You are richer than you know right now in this moment.  Love Your Life!

What If Can’t Is Just A Misspelling?

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Fotolia_58396711_Subscription_Monthly_MIs your vocabulary filled with “can’ts?”  Do you come up with one reason (aka excuse) after another of why you can’t live the way you want to?  Are you discouraged because you believe you can’t have what you want?

What if your “can’ts” are just a typo?  What if you really can?

Can’ts exist because you’ve erroneously decided that you can’t do or have something… and in doing so you’ve squashed your own hopes and dreams.  No one else does that for you… you do it to you.  The cool thing is that you CAN do the exact opposite and  be just as successful at doing as you have been at “can’ting”… if you want to.

For years I told myself I’d never be as successful as my boss, my best friend or even my sister.  The funny thing was I didn’t really want to be what they were.  I didn’t want to be a corporate employee.  I didn’t want to be a nomad and I sure didn’t want to be miserable.  Somehow though I saw myself as less than… but it wasn’t until I realized I didn’t want to be them that I realized I could be the person I wanted to be.

What about you?  What if you dropped the “t” and decided you can:

  • Be happy
  • Take a risk just to see how it works out
  • Decide every morning to do the best you can do
  • Bless the people around you
  • Be grateful for what you do have

And if you do all of those things you’ll also realize that you can take the steps necessary to live your dream, to love without conditions and be a blessing to the world.

You CAN do or be whatever you decide you CAN do!

Three Choices Determine Your Happiness, Health & Wellness

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Three choices will determine your outcome of happiness, health and wellness. Fotolia_44473554_Subscription_XL

Every moment of the day we are making choices. Do we get up out of bed on time, do we eat a healthy breakfast, do we focus on what we want to achieve, do we make the best choices for creating the life we dream of?

Making choices that move us towards our desires instead of away are something only we have control over.  No one else can force us into our decisions. It is, as it always has been, our responsibility. Now for some that seems like a heavy burden to carry, however I would gently suggest it is a gift.

You truly don’t want someone else making your choices for you. If you allow this you are in effect giving them your power, and you now become a servant to their decisions.

So what are these three choices? Let’s take a look at them one at a time. As we discuss each choice I want you to think about the choices you made today and see what category they fall into. Then I want you to consider the outcome of your choices and how they will affect you whether in a day a week, a month, or a year.

My mentor Paul Chek taught me this and it awaken within me how great our choices can affect our lives. It gave me an appreciation of the power of choice, and the responsibility to take full advantage of this power. So now I share it with you.

Our optimum choice in any situation is one that takes into consideration the greater good of not only my desires but also everyone it will affect. An optimum choice is the best choice to bring about results towards our goals and desires. An optimum choice will always be supported by your intuition. Your higher self will tell you the optimum choice.

Once you start truly following your inner voice you will realize you are always doing the right things. Yes there will be times when the optimum choice means having to do more work and not cutting corners or taking the easy way out, but as we will discuss, those less than optimum choices come with consequences, and usually don’t save us any time or effort.

Our second choice is a sub-optimum decision to handle something. We know right away this is not optimum because our inner guidance is already telling us this is a short cut, which doesn’t feel right. Now most of us try to ignore this guidance and make reasonable excuses why we shouldn’t have to make the best choice. Low and behold these sub-optimum choices almost always come with a painful lesson, which teaches us “You should have listened to me in the first place and you would have avoided all this frustration”.

How about making a commitment to yourself to start eating healthy. The optimum choice when going out to dinner with friends is to order a quality meal and only eat small portions while skipping desert and all the wine. Instead we decide “heck no, I am out with friends and it to hard to make the optimum choice so I’m just going to enjoy myself and eat what I want”. With this sub-optimum choice comes the consequences of weight gain, low self-esteem, creating a pattern of failure in the sub conscious, a hangover from too much alcohol, and let’s throw in some day after digestive problems. All this due to one sub-optimum choice. Now just multiply this through your days and see where you are causing your desired results to get off track.

The good thing about sub-optimum choices is they teach us a lesson so we can then correct our decision-making the next time.

The last choice is one of apathy or indifference. Due to overwhelm, pain, or just laziness many times we decide not to decide. We choose not to choose. We say” the heck with it, I not going to do anything”. What we need to realize is that even when we decide not to make a choice we are making a choice. So you cannot escape the process. The only difference is with optimum and sub-optimum choices you are taking responsibility to handle a situation while with indifference you are ignoring your responsibility. When we ignore an issue it will always come back to bite us. Sometimes big, sometimes small and in most cases it is just postponing the inevitable pain of a now bigger more pressing issue, which will take much more effort to resolve.

So you see it is always best to make the optimum choice even though there will be times when it is challenging. One thing I promise you is this. Optimum choices will always create a sense of strength and confidence, and rightness of character within you, and as you continue to make those optimum choices your results will exponentially increase until you reach your goals.

I wish for all of you Vibrant Health!

Want to work with David? Want to know more about David’s lifestyle? Visit him at www.HolisticHealth-Fitness.com

 

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