A safe harbor where beliefs are respected and kindness prevails.

What’s Your Love Language?

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shadow love JawDroppingPhotography

The other day I had a conversation with a client who mentioned that the woman he was dating didn’t really even know how to be a good friend, let alone a date. It got me thinking about the “5 Languages of Love” by Gary Chapman.

Chapman based his work on his own longtime relationship with his wife and over 30 years of counseling. He suggests that we fall into one of 5 areas when it comes to how we express emotional love saying, “Each person has a primary love language that we must learn to speak if we want that person to feel loved.” (You can take a short quiz to find out yours at http://www.5lovelanguages.com/)

I shared with my friend that I thought many people today would benefit from taking a look at the 5 basic ways not just as a lover, but as a friend. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if your friend took the time needed to recognize, or was present to, the particular way you liked to be treated, your own love language.

The five basic ways are:

  1. Words of Affirmation – Simply put, if this is your language you like to be told often how much someone loves you, why they love you. You like compliments and words of appreciation.
  2. Gifts – If this is your language you love to receive thoughtful gifts, gifts from the heart. They don’t have to be expensive, they simply need to express how much you were thought of, how much you are cared for.
  3. Acts of Service – You love it when your partner, spouse (or friend) pitches in to help with the dishes, takes the trash out or does your laundry. Anything he/she does to lighten your load is going to make you gaga for them over and over again.
  4. Quality Time – Nothing is more important to you than spending quality time with your friend/lover if this is your language. You look forward to turning the T.V. off, sitting with a cup of tea and sharing a few moments connecting deeply.
  5. Physical Touch – A person whose primary language is Physical Touch thrives on a gentle touch, a warm hug, a pat on the back, and holding hands. Whether it’s a friend or lover, what they crave is physical presence.

Each and every one of us has a particular way we like to be treated that may differ from our partner or friends. It might not be easy, at first, to speak your friend or lovers language, especially if it differs from yours. It makes sense to take the time to understand what sparks the people in your life so you can help them feel more loved. Isn’t that really what we are here for?

Attitude – A Matter Of Choice!

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Attitude

Attitude is a small thing that makes a big difference! – Winston Churchill

Several years ago my husband gave me a beautiful gift: a decorative jar filled with 365 tiny sheets of paper. Each piece had a question. Some questions were deep, others were simple. A year later, I returned the gift in the form of a book titled, “The Blisstory Journal” and offered him many of those same questions to answer.

One of my favorite questions in the book is: “How do you describe your attitude?”

Most of you know by now, my attitude is pretty darn “blissful”, hence the title, “The Bliss Lady”. I remain connected to my inner state of joy quite easily. I’m not perfect at it by any means. In fact, my husband and daughter will testify to that.

Although I do have my moments, it’s how I pull myself out of that spiral that counts! (Notice the word “moments”.) For me it’s simply a matter of choice. I get to choose how I will act or react to whatever crosses my path. Guess what – so do you! We all have a choice, no matter what the circumstance.

As I grow older, witnessing our children blossom into adulthood, I see more than ever the importance of having a grounded attitude. It becomes more important than your education, your income level, and your past perceived failures; certainly more important than what people think of you.

Every minute of every day we are offered a choice regarding what we will do with our attitude. I’ve heard it said that life is 10 percent what happens to you and 90 percent how you react to it. I say, “Life is what happens FOR me and how I react to it is what matters.” Sometimes I need a boost.

Simple attitude boosters

  1. Deep Breathing – Before you react to anything take three slow deep breaths. Of all the tools I’ve learned over the years deep breathing has been the most helpful to me in keeping my “attitude” in check. When I’m feeling extremely reactive I include #2.
  2. Count to 10 – You’ve probably heard that before. Counting aids as a distractor from whatever it is that’s pushing your button with the element of time. The higher you count the less likely you are to react strongly.
  3. Surround yourself in love – When you feel that your attitude is less than joyful take a minute to close your eyes and see yourself surrounded, fully enveloped in the light of love, as if you are receiving a soft, gentle hug.

When it comes to attitude, you always have a choice. So….How do you describe your attitude?

P.S. Click HERE to visit my website to receive a free copy of The Blisstory Journal!

My Four Agreements

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One of my favorite books to reflect with is “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz.  In it, Don Miguel shares what he believes are the 4 principles to practices for personal freedom.  If you’ve never read it, I strongly suggest you do so, especially if you are a parent.  Each one seems simple enough and should have been ingrained in all of us at a young age.

What are Don Miguel’s “Four Agreements”?

~Be Impeccable with your word

~Don’t take anything personally

~Don’t make assumptions

~Always do your best

Teri WilliamsAfter reading “The Four Agreements”, I came up with my own personal list of principles. My personal agreements, as well as Don Miguel’s, are the foundation for living a soul-cially conscious life and have increased my capacity for love, for joy, for bliss. These personal agreements help me to better serve humanity in every way.

tgw personal four agreementsWhat are my Four Agreements?

Live with gratitude. You may have heard me say this before. Make gratitude a way of living. The first thing I do when I wake up in the morning and the last thing I do before sleep is thank the universe for another breath, another day. If being grateful doesn’t come easy to you, begin practicing it slowly, gently, without judgment. Sometimes you might have to look a little harder than others.

Practice Generosity of Spirit. Give of yourself freely, without expectation of anything in return, tangible or intangible. Real generosity is a quality of the spirit that is motivated by love and resides deep within your soul. Give of your time and your talents, especially if you can’t give money. Simply give love and a smile. Sometimes that’s all we have and sometimes that’s all someone needs.

Move your energy. Everything is energy; where and what we put our energy into expands, sometimes beyond measure. When that energy is not moving, it becomes stagnant. Tune in to what both your body and your mind need to thrive, to feel alive, and move your energy in that direction.

Choose Bliss – Live Soul-cially. Yes, we have a choice. Make a conscious choice to create more moments of joy and bliss in your life. What we focus on multiplies. Simply decide to focus more on what’s working in your life and what feels good. You will notice the difference it makes, not just in your life, but the life of those around you.

What are your Four Agreements? Ask yourself what are the most important virtues, characteristics or traits you need to live in harmony with life, to live soul-cially!

“Be-ing” Not “Do-ing”

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being not doing

Recently one of my colleagues suggested that I didn’t seem to have many “hang ups” or issues around self-esteem, jealously, or power struggles with my peers. I said, “Well, I’d like to think that’s true; it’s not!”

I’m human; I have my moments like everyone else. (You may have heard me say that before.) I’m the youngest of six kids. Feelings of jealousy and lack were definitely present when I was young. The key word in the first sentence is “moments”. Through mindfulness practices I have learned to keep those feelings contained to moments.

What I love about Mindfulness and Buddhist teachings is that they offer the practice of being “present”, something I work at daily, sometimes hourly. For me, mindfulness means participating in life as it is, seeing situations and “things” as they are NOW, without judgment. Mindfulness means “be-ing” not “do-ing”

The practice of being present reminds me to live in this moment. It doesn’t mean that I ignore the times that feelings of lack, unworthiness or jealousy appear in my mind it simply means I recognize that those feelings are here. Sometimes I might take it further and ask myself what they are here for or what I might need to look at for healing within myself in order let those feelings move on. Sometimes it means I say to me, “That’s an old pattern or issue, that’s not my life now.”

We have become so used to “do-ing” and fixing that we forgot about “be-ing”. You can start “be-ing” mindful more often by incorporating some of the following practices into your life:

  1. Pay attention to your breathing. Sense the flow by being aware of the sound of your breath and the rise and fall of your chest and belly.
  2. Notice what you are doing while you are doing it and tune into whatever it is that you are doing. If distractions arise, notice them and come right back to what it is you are doing. When you are doing something, just do it. When doing dishes, do the dishes, when eating, eat.
  3. When walking, pay attention to where you are and what sensations might be going on in your body. Let thoughts of where you are going or what’s next on your to do list simply fade away.
  4. Practice listening to yourself and others without judgment. Focus on what someone is saying, without anticipating what your response will be.
  5. Spend time in nature. This could be at a park, a zoo, or simply in your own backyard; watch the leaves, the birds, the flowers, and the bees.
  6. Begin a mindfulness meditation practice by listening to guided mindfulness meditations or creating your own. Find a quiet place to sit or lay down comfortably; focus your mind on the present moment; be aware of your thoughts, without judgment, be willing to stop focusing on them and release them. As they appear you might say to yourself, “hmm – ok, I have this thought; now I let it go”.
  7. Take time to simply be. Release the need to constantly do something. Allow yourself to simply sit, lie down or stand without an agenda.

We tend to see things through our ego, through a biased mind, based upon our habits and emotions. When we can begin to practice “be-ing” instead of “do-ing”, our life easily and effortlessly becomes more joyful, the essence of Soulcial Living!

For meditations and more visit the resource page at TeriGriffiWilliams.com.

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