Our Mission

Simple Steps is a safe harbor where beliefs are respected and kindness prevails.
- Cheryl Maloney

A safe harbor where beliefs are respected and kindness prevails.

  • Welcome!
    • About
    • Contact Us
  • Issues
  • Experts
    • Chery L. Maloney
      • Reflections
    • Dave Fresilli
      • Vibrant Health
    • Janet D. Thomas
      • Heal For Real™
    • Jon Satin & Chris Pattay
      • Infinite Possibilities
    • Regina Cates
      • Romancing Your Soul
    • Rob Dorgan & Steve Bolia
      • Themes For Life
    • Robbie Adkins
      • A Better Way
    • Shann Vander Leek
      • This Sacred Life
    • Teri Griffin Williams
      • Soul-Cial Living
    • Tony Edgell
      • The Hero Inside of You
    • Victoria Allen
      • Raise Your State
  • Contributors
  • Guest Post

On Living

May 10, 2015 by Cheryl Maloney

 There was a time in my life that I didn’t want to crawl out from under the covers.  I was in a place 6 years ago where I’d lost everything that was important to me, except my marriage, and with it went my desire to do anything. One night I was watching TV when a commercial for antidepressants came on and I realized that’s what my life had become.  I existed.  That’s when I began writing and how Simple Steps came to be.

To say that this year didn’t start out the way I’d hoped is an understatement.  These last years though have taught me so much about myself and the choices I can make.  Yes, I am grieving and I’m OK with that.   There is however a bigger picture.  I’m not hiding under the covers.

Every experience teaches us something new about ourselves and our resilience.   We may not like the lesson but we can celebrate something… even though it may take a little while to do so.  Jack is the love of my life (period).  But my life goes on in this world and he’s in another one.   So while I may be grieving I’m also living.

Yesterday I volunteered at the Humane Society Doggie Dash here in Portland.  Last weekend my friend Jane & I drove out to wine country and explored the little towns, shops & sat on a beautiful deck and had a glass of wine.  Next weekend I’m driving to Seattle to visit friends and enjoy the city.   In June I’m celebrating my 60th birthday with friends in San Francisco.  Life goes on. And we take it at the pace that is right for us.

We find our balance and we move on.  We honor ourselves and make the conscious decision to find happiness again.  And if we fall into a black hole or lapse backward for a while that’s OK too.  We’re allowed to feel the pain just as we’re allowed to feel the joy again.

Anyone who knew Jack & I would say that I’m doing amazingly well in these last 3 months.  I choose to see moving forward as honoring his spirit.  If Jack could die with courage and grace then I can live with courage and grace… even if I have to live without him.
Life may not always be easy… but it’s our to do with as we choose.  What do you choose?

With love, Cheryl

Lack of Attention

May 4, 2015 by Rob Dorgan Steve Bolia

BuddahIt’s late Monday morning and I’m sitting in the lounge of a dealership waiting on my car which is for regular maintenance. I’m expecting to wait for about an hour and a half, so I brought a few snacks, my laptop and my copy of Thich Nhat Hanh’s, “Essential Writings”. Within the waiting room there are another half dozen others, waiting, like me. There is a television on. I’ve positioned myself away from the TV, actually behind it, so as not to see the screen. It is blaring. I even questioned to myself, why is it so loud? The overhead speakers are playing dated music and on top of all this noise, there is the occasional overriding voice of the receptionist, directing calls to the appropriate extensions. For the short time I am there, the TV programs progress from a rambunctious game show, to local headline news, to one of those over-dramatized soap-operas.

While all of this is all going on, I somehow manage to get a little work completed on my laptop which I then tuck away in my bag. I reach for my book. I begin to read, then pause, caught up in the excitement of the Game Show. I direct my attention back to the page, this time, only able to read a couple of lines before I realize I have no idea what I just read – someone just won a “NEW CAR”! So I start back at the beginning of the paragraph. This goes on for about 15 minutes when it dawns on me that the experience in this waiting room, with all the noise, excitement and movement, is exactly what Hanh’s book is describing. This waiting room is an extension, and an excellent example of the antics of the mind – like a monkey swinging from branch to branch, the music, the TV and all the other distractions are exactly how the mind works when it is allowed to be in control. So, as I sit here waiting for my car, I find myself becoming aware of being mindful of the experience that my book is describing.

We, as a population, fill the silence of our days with all kinds of noise and distractions. Why? We do not want to feel alone. We can be so afraid of the silence that exists within us. This fear drives us to surround and bombard ourselves with noise – any kind of noise will do! Noise from multiple sources is preferable, just in case one source goes quiet for a moment, and sometimes, the louder, the better.   Why do we fear the quiet voice of our True Self, the voice, which can only be heard when we are in silence? According to Thich Nhat Hanh, “Almost no one listens to his or her true self. But when we are not ourselves, any freedom we think we have is illusionary. Sometimes we reject freedom because we fear it. Our true selves are buried beneath layers of moss and brick.”   These layers of moss and brick are the opinions, expectations, noise and distractions we invite into our daily lives. Watching TV or movies, listening to music, even reading a book are all ways we occupy our time so that we do not have to experience the sensational quiet of the Self.   We may say that through the books, music, movies and even the TV, we are expanding our knowledge.   Yet, it is only when we allow ourselves to be quiet that we begin to expand our knowledge of our True Self.

So, how can we tap into the inner silence? Certainly not by trying but by simply sitting with our eyes closed and the stereo, TV and other people turned OFF!   We cannot get there by trying to get there, because this trying only takes us out – it is an effort that leads us away from our center and the quiet. It was suggested by The Buddha some 2500 years ago and it is now the hottest topic among Neuro Scientist all over the World – Meditation—it is good for our Brain! There are many ways to meditate. They include: sitting quietly and just observing the mind – trying to detach yourself from your thoughts (kind of hard to do because our brain is designed to think – but possible with practice). You can practice Mantra (chanting) or Pranayama (breath exercises). You can practice walking meditation – where you focus completely on the movement of the body or use Guided visual meditations.   There are many paths to the quiet but the most important aspect of any of them is actually making or taking the time to do them. If you feel you have time, then you will make time. If you feel there just isn’t any extra time in your already busy day, well, then you will not do it – it’s really just a decision on your part. If it is important to you, you will find a way. If it is not important to you, you will find an excuse!

Your sitting does not need to be 30 minutes or an hour; it can be as little as seven minutes a day to make an impact on your life, your health and your awareness! Yes! In as little as 7 minutes per day, for at least 21 days in a row, you can begin to change the neural pathways in your brain which will start you on a journey of self-discovery and awareness. Scientist, through the help of magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) have found that people who meditate regularly exhibit a greater capacity for concentration, improved attention, mental flexibility and more emotional control than non-meditators.

Turn the TV and the radio off. Close the book.

We are all seeking inner peace and happiness. The fascinating thing is that it comes from inside while we are seeking it out in the world. Wow. Try something different today. Take a few deep, deep breaths and settle into the silence of your being. You may just find, there is nothing to fear. For inside you, if we go deep enough we can find that river of peace that flows through us with each full and delicious breath. Come on. Give it a try.

Steve Bolia

Say Something

May 2, 2015 by Cheryl Maloney

people, relationship and love concept - close up of womans cupped hands showing red heartFor the longest time when Jack was sick I didn’t want to tell anyone… mostly because he never wanted anyone to see him as anything but who he was.  He didn’t want to be defined or treated differently because he had cancer.  I respected his wishes… it was his life.  In his last few weeks he agreed to see people… because he knew they needed to see him and say their “good byes.”  There was never anything easy about this time for those who came to visit but it meant so much to him that they did come.  He couldn’t speak much in the end but as his wife I could tell that these visits helped him realize that he made a difference in this lifetime… and he did.

This week I received and e-mail telling me that an old friend just found out he has terminal cancer. Though I hadn’t spoken with him in 16 years I dialed his number and was overwhelmed to hear his voice again.  Coming through all I’ve been through these last few years I wanted to tell him that I was sorry for what he and his family were and would be going through.  He didn’t know about Jack and maybe knowing that helped him to understand why I reached out to him.  In the years we knew each other he was a trusted friend and a larger than life inspiration who I respected and admired. I never told him that… but I needed to (for me) and I wanted him to know.

It’s hard to know what to say at times like these.  If you speak from your heart you will always say the right thing.  Jack didn’t need anyone to feel sorry for him and I’ve never wanted anyone to pity me for losing him.  But knowing someone cares always, always helps.

There are three people in my life who by knowing them have made me a better person… and inspired me to be more than I am at this moment.  One has died, one is dying and one has no idea.

Say something.  Tell the people who have meant or mean something to you that you care… before you can’t.

With love,
Cheryl

Riding the Waves of Pain

April 27, 2015 by Cheryl Maloney

You’re going along on an even keel and something comes over you like a stabbing knife to the heart.  You lose you breath, fall to the ground (or the closest chair), and the tears just flow.  There is no way to stop the pain. Do you know the feeling?

From the time Jack was diagnosed until now my days and nights have been filled with those waves.  The fear of losing him has been overwhelming these last few years.  Then the last few weeks of his life was the calm before the storm because my only focus was on helping him.  There was little time to think about my pain… I just wanted to prevent his pain.  Then when he died the waves turned into a tsunami and there was nothing I could do.  I was consumed with my grief… and of course who wouldn’t be.

I’d like to say the worst is over and to a certain degree that is true.  I can go through my day to day life and from outward appearances I’m doing pretty good.  Even I think I’m doing better than I thought I would be.  The truth is life goes on and we have to.

Yet in the moments of silence, walking into an empty house, driving or sitting alone in the bedroom we shared, a sneaker wave will crash down on my head and I curl up in a ball and just cry.  (OK I don’t do that when I’m driving…)

There is no fighting these strong emotions when they hit us.  Resisting them in an effort to “buck up” and be strong does nothing but cause them to build up and back up.  And that just makes the next time that much worse.  Let them flow.  Let the waves crash over you and if you don’t resist them they will move off and dissipate.  I’ve tried resisting and I’ve not resisted.  This is the time when doing nothing is better than doing anything.   Let it happen.

By allowing your true emotions to flow you are honoring yourself.  This IS how you feel.  Give yourself the chance to heal by letting go of the need to contain your emotions.  Nothing is gained by a festering wound.  And above all respect yourself by acknowledging what you’re going through is a human experience and you are after all… human.

When you let it all happen and come out the other side of the wave of pain, stop, and acknowledge you did come through it.  Take inventory of yourself and realize you’re OK.   It from this new place that you’ll come to appreciate your own resilience.  Life gave you the worst it has to offer and you’re still standing. Celebrate that!  We have to take our success where we can get them right and when you’re on the other side of your worst nightmare give thanks for the dawn.

With love, Cheryl

« Previous Page
Next Page »

Feedback

  • Lisa Masciadrelli on On Living
  • robsteve1108 on Embracing The Memories
  • carol on Lack of Attention
  • Peter on Lack of Attention

Copyright © 2025 · Beautiful on Genesis Framework