A safe harbor where beliefs are respected and kindness prevails.

Plugging in Brightly for the Holidays

by

CHAre you hearing “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” going through your head and thinking about the holidays? (Those store carols have a way of taking over your brain!)  My brain thinks “It’s the most STRESSFUL time of the year” when I realize we have just finished with Halloween, and it is only the first of November. While this can be a fun and fulfilling time, it can also be a time of great challenge. Stress is higher during the holiday season than during any other time of the year.

We (especially women) often feel the most pressure to plan, shop, cook, decorate, and coordinate seasonal rituals, gifts, mailings and parties. We try to do too much for too many people in too little time. The holidays may also remind us of losses of loved ones, friends, homes, marriages, health and jobs that stir sad feelings. No wonder some of us start the season aglow with anticipatory joy, only to end up weeks later feeling awful. Exhaustion, depression, sleeplessness, poor appetite, overeating, illness and irritability are all signs of stress. When do we know how to stop? Yikes!!!

Stress doesn’t have to be part of your holidays. Taking simple positive actions now to plan the upcoming season will reduce pressures and increase your enjoyment of what can be a lovely time of year. What’s more, you can arm yourself with quick practices to remove stress when you’re in the midst of the most hectic days. Is there a better way to live through the holidays so that you plug brightly into the “fun and fulfilling” part and lessen the “stressful” part? You bet there is! Here are ten ways I reduce my holiday stress while humming along in bliss!!!

TEN WAYS TO REDUCE HOLIDAY STRESS

1. Get enough sleep. You may wonder how this fits especially when you have a long list of things to do for the holidays. However, this truly is a simple step to a stress-free holiday. Lack of sleep leads to fatigue, which in turn reduces your ability to cope with the holiday demands.

2. Find time to exercise, even if it’s only for a few minutes. Exercise helps to increase your energy level and reduce stress.

3. Nourish yourself. In other words, take time to eat properly. In the rush to accomplish all the things planned for the holidays, you may tend to skip meals in order to get more done. You need fuel to continue on with holiday cheer.

4. Plan ahead so that you are prepared for what’s coming up. The last thing you need is unscheduled interruptions to your day. If something unplanned comes up that can wait until later, do not be ashamed to politely refuse or reschedule.

5. Set and stick to a holiday budget for things that are on your lists to do and buy. It’s easy to overspend over the holidays which can lead to stress. Once you set your budget, your decision making will be easy and less stressful when it comes time to make your holiday purchases.

6. Shop early to avoid the holiday crowd. Try shopping over the Internet and skip the hassle of crowded shopping malls, parking and the frustration of standing in line.

7. Prioritize what you want to accomplish over the holidays. Stick with the most important first, and you’ll get those things done that are most important to you.

8. Simplify your life. If you can make things easier for yourself, do so. It saves you from stress, and it works. A lot of things don’t have to be elaborate, especially with decorations and food preparation.

9. Reduce your expectations. High expectations usually equate to higher probability of stress when things don’t work out. Don’t try to do too many things or expect too much from others; take the holiday time to relax. Find little self soothers to pamper yourself throughout your day.

10. Plan to give service, and think of someone’s needs other than your own. This charitable spirit will help you be more appreciative of what you already have and remember what the holiday is really about. Having compassion for others softens our Spirit and lends its way to awakening your heart within.

Expectations are the biggest stress: those that others have placed on us and those we impose on ourselves. Our schedules fill up, and our pocketbooks become empty. Expectations of how the holidays should be keep us from enjoying a time of simpler, more meaningful joys. There is such a simple solution to the holiday stress blues, just say “no “and give yourself the gift of compassion. Let someone else do a project, let the bakery do the cookies, have someone wrap your gifts and have a party when decorating the tree, the more the merrier. Plan now and kick back and enjoy some egg nog!

Change Brings Opportunity

by

teriYes!  Change brings opportunity.  My husband, who has lived in over 50 houses in his 51 years of age, says that to me on a regular basis.  It’s one of the reasons we get along so well; we are committed to embracing change instead of fighting it.

When we are deep in the middle of change sometimes we can’t see where the opportunity lies.  The process may seem daunting and fearful.  How can we stay open to change instead of fighting against it?  Here are 8 ways to embrace change and make it work for you!

1. Take baby steps. Make small changes.  Break big changes into small steps.  For example:  if you are moving, plan ahead by packing early in 30 minute segments – start in one area and pack for 30 minutes.  Making slight progress makes you feel much better.

2. Stay flexible and go with the flow.  Be like the tide.  Sometimes it’s high, sometimes it’s low but it’s always flowing.

3. Adapt a Pollyanna attitude.  Find the good in the moment.  A break up leaves you available to find your perfect match or get that dog you always wanted.

4. This too shall pass. Change happens which means things may make you feel overly stressed.  Remember a time in your life that was extremely hectic and have faith that you will eventually get through to the next moment; you will adapt to this new change.

5. You are not alone.  You don’t have to cope with change on your own.  Reach out to friends, family or colleagues for support or keep a journal to share your feelings for strength and relief

6.  Take time to adjust.  Give yourself time to accept the change that is happening in your life.

7.  Be Prepared.  Don’t let unexpected surprises rock you.  Stress and change are a part of life.  The better equipped you are to maneuver through them, the less likely they will through you off kilter.

8.  Change brings opportunity.  Henry Ford said, “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.”  Sometimes change and a little stress can open our eyes to new ideas, new opportunities and new ways of living our lives.  Be open to the possibilities.

My story is not unlike many of yours.  I’ve had my share of tragedy and triumph, of ups and downs, of loss and heartache.  Sometimes I’ve seen deep despair.  By practicing the suggestions above and much more, I’ve learned to embrace the moment and not let fear or sorrow stop me in my tracks.  As REO Speedwagon suggests, I’m learning to roll with the changes!

“Oh, you got to learn to roll with the changes (got to, got to, got to, got to…)
Keep on rollin’ (got to keep on)
Keep on rollin’
Oh, you got to learn to, got to learn to, got to learn to roll”

Mirror, Mirror

by

Fotolia_50834522_Subscription_LAll that I see in this world is a reflection of who I am. This concept is growing in acceptance throughout the new-thought community.  Joshua, the source of the Seventh Major Understanding, shares this belief.  He teaches that everything, without exception, that appears “out there” is a reflection of our inner being. Joshua resolutely asserts that there is only one being here. He urges me to look “out there” as if I am looking in a mirror, and he persistently challenges me to be honest about my reflection.

I confess that some things I see in the mirror of life are not pleasant or appealing. It is hard to accept that conditions I find sorrowful and behaviors I find repugnant are a reflection of who I am. The urge to deny some of what I see as a part of my being is strong. I want to assign the face of shadow to others—not me. It’s easy to own the gentle, loving and beautiful reflections of my soul. Like many others, I resist accepting that I am less than peaceful, joyful, loving and kind.

Joshua reminds me it is time to transcend our habits of separation. Now is the time to accept that I’m responsible for ALL that I see “out there.”  I shall not look blindly in the mirror any longer. Joshua offers comfort by telling me that many things I see in the mirror are exaggerated. I am not as ugly or as gorgeous as I judge myself to be. He assures me that I have the power here and now to change ALL that I see; yet, I only have this power to change when I accept that IT IS ME. I only have the power to change myself. Moreover, he reminds me to be playful in my creation and to have fun. Taking this reality too seriously is erroneous in his view, and the imagined burden becomes stressful and overwhelming.

To keep my adventure of growth playful and within my scope, all I must do is be the change I wish to see. As I change, the world changes. It is that simple, and I am that powerful. When I remember that the only thing I must change is me, stress floats away with the tide. For example, if I want to influence change regarding global peace, I vow to resolve internal conflict without applying force, coercion, abuse, intimidation and so forth. These internal practices are exaggerated on the global stage and acted out by nations as terrorism and war. When I master peaceful conflict resolution internally, I may expand this practice to my family and my community. It all begins with me.

Consider this insightful story: The following words were inscribed on the tomb of an Anglican Bishop in Westminster Abbey approximately 1100 AD. When I was young and free and my imagination had no limits, I dreamed of changing the world. As I grew older and wiser, I discovered the world would not change, so I shortened my sights somewhat and decided to change only my country. But it, too, seemed immovable. As I grew into my twilight years, in one last desperate attempt, I settled for changing only my family, those closest to me, but alas, they would have none of it. And now, as I lie on my deathbed, I suddenly realize: If I had only changed myself first, then by example I would have changed my family. From their inspiration and encouragement, I would have been able to better my country, and who knows, I may have even changed the world.

I offered one example of how I may be the change I wish to see in the world. The first step requires removing my blinders when I look in the mirror. I need to courageously accept that all that I see in my world exists to some degree within me. I grow beyond the practice of blaming the mess I see “out there” on others. There is only one being here.

Considering all of Joshua’s teachings, I arrive at this intention of growth: I look in the mirror of my reality without denial and fear. I am wholly unafraid of my entire reflection. All events and my relationships are a mirror of my thoughts, beliefs and expectations. No part of my reflection is good or bad. The judgment I apply to others is truly a reflection of who I am. The way I judge you defines me—not you. When this is forgotten, I fall asleep and believe that we are separate from each other. I appreciate you for being the mirror so I may look deeply into my soul. I gladly hold the mirror for you, too. I thank you for the reflection of my being so I may see my hidden beauty and my denied shadow. I play my way into a new reflection of ALL that I am.

Change Begins by Accepting What Is

by

Fotolia_45645673_Subscription_XXLAfter two months at a job selling advertising for a small, family-owned newspaper, I was fired. There was no warning. There was no indication my performance was less than acceptable. In fact, I had received praise for increasing ad revenue. It did not make sense that I was abruptly terminated. Regardless of how much I wanted to identify the reason, no one in the company returned my calls. I became angry and depressed. Without accepting the reality that sometimes things happen with no logical explanation, I was stuck, unable to move on. For the next few months I did little to find a new job. 

Many years ago I dated an alcoholic. I did not recognize the condition in the beginning, but over time it became clear as the incidents of intoxication began to add up. After each occurrence there was an apology, a request for forgiveness, and a promise it would not happen again. No matter how much I wanted the drinking to stop, it did not. No matter how much I prayed for follow-through on the promise to seek help, there was none.  I chose to believe what was promised, rather than accepting the repeated actions as proof of what was actually true. The result is that I stayed in the abusive relationship far too long.

A family I am acquainted with lost a child to a tragic accident. Before the accident, the father was a pillar of strength. He was also kind, compassionate and had a positive outlook on life. That changed. Over the next few years he sank deeper into depression, clinging to what he thought should, would or could have been. Blame was cast, lawsuits were filed and a focus on revenge erased the memories of his once joyful life. Without the ability to forgive and deal with the tragedy, he was not able to be thankful for the joy life still held for him. He died a frail and bitter man unable to move on.

How much precious time do we waste wanting other people or situations to be different from how they are? Positive change begins by honestly looking at how unreasonable it is to suffer under the false impression that we have the power to control or manipulate other people or the negative, frustrating, inconvenient or heartbreaking situations we encounter in life.

Maybe someone leaves us for another or just ends the relationship. We have two choices. We can be angry, dwelling on what we think should be, but isn’t. Or we can mend our heart by learning from the experience, feeling our sadness and picking ourselves up to move on. We choose to exchange a fantasy of the past and what “should be” for the opportunity to create a better “what is” reality in the present. This same formula works with whatever situations life throws at us.

Traffic jams and other delays are a frequent part of life. We do not receive the job we badly want and need. We realize we are in relationship with an abuser. We become conscious we are the one with a problem. The people and pets we love are sometimes taken away from us through illnesses or tragic accidents.

Relationships end. Our affection for another is not reciprocated. We slip and break an ankle. Our car is damaged by a hit-and-run driver. We lose our wallet or keys or our purse is stolen. Our luggage becomes lost or our flight is delayed or cancelled. We are diagnosed with cancer. Our parents become ill or their behavior radically changes. Someone is rude to us.

No amount of anger, yelling, worry or desire for revenge changes what is real in the moment at hand. Only by accepting the present circumstance for what it is, rather than what we think it should, would or could be, do we help ease the stress and upset that comes from the misconception that we can control or change people and the uncontrollable and unchangeable situations of life.

            When something happens in life that upsets your plans, take a deep breath. Slow down. Count to five. Relax into the truth that only by accepting what is real in the present can you take the necessary action to leave an abusive relationship. Or rebound from losing a job. Or seek help for an addiction. Or deal with an illness. Or appropriately honor the memory of a loved one.

Change begins when you accept what is, so you can begin to create what you want to be.

Feedback