A safe harbor where beliefs are respected and kindness prevails.

My Lemon Tree Story

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Despite my dedication to self-improvement, I have had a lifetime habit of going into full defense mode when someone seems to be “attacking” me.  As of late, I have looked back at many situations I have found myself in and pondered how I could have handled the situation differently, more constructively for both of us. How could I have done it “better.”  The habit of self-defense really comes from a lack of belief in oneself or, more accurately, a lack of belief in ones personal power.

My Lemon Tree Story

Last spring I purchased a lemon tree and had it planted in my yard.  I waited and waited for the fruit to turn yellow, and it never did.  Then someone suggested it was really a lime tree, as the fruit smelled and tasted like limes!  I had saved the tag from the tree and took it and one of the pieces of fruit from the tree back to the nursery where I had purchased it.  The first young clerk started trying to figure out how to help me, then another clerk came up and said that it indeed was a lime, but to get a credit I had to bring back the tree!

I exclaimed (temper starting to rise) that it was a TRREEEEE, and that it was PLANTED in my yard…that I had paid to have it planted and would have to pay to have it dug up!  She again stated that I would have to bring the tree back for a refund.  I drew a square with my fingers and suggested she get outside her boxed in thinking, and listen to what I was saying…that it was a TRREEEEEEEEE, and was PLANTED in my yard!

My anger started to really rise now.

I stated quite loud that I would never shop there again, and turned to walk out the door…then turned back and said “Don’t you stand behind your products?”  She again stated that for a credit, the product must be returned.  The other clerk chimed in with “That’s how it ALWAYS is!  For a credit, the product must be returned.”

There were other customers there, they saw the whole encounter, and I heard someone smirk.

Was I really being that ridiculous?  I didn’t think so, I thought THEY were ridiculous.

I came home and pondered it, and thought “How could I have handled that differently?”  I decided to call the store and talk to the manager, but before I did, I determined that I would have a positive result, and NOT get mad again.  That was my clear intention.

When I spoke to the manager on the phone, he was quite calm and said he had seen the fruit I had delivered to the front counter, and that it was indeed a lemon.  He described limes as round without a bump on the end, and this had a bump on the end…like a lemon.  I asked how long it took for the fruit to ripen, and he said they usually blossom in February and are ready to harvest the next February…one year later!  I in fact DO have a lemon tree!

How could I have handled it differently?  Well if I hadn’t lost my temper…my “voice of reason,” I could have asked to see the manager right then and the mystery would have been solved.  Everyone would have walked away with a good vibe, a funny story to tell.  Instead, I left a trail of bad energy behind me.

I have studied “how we create our reality” since the 1970’s.  I understand it intellectually, and have spent my life trying to be positive…that is until I get angry!  So now, I am fine-tuning that part of my life.  It isn’t easy I’ll admit.  When anger flairs, logic seems to fade away into a dark corner of my personality.  Time for that to change.

I am grateful for the tree experience because it gave me a chance to really see myself in action.  This is an action that I can modify, now that I see it clearly.  I can’t promise that I won’t loose my temper again, but I believe that with awareness and practice, I can change that lifetime habit.

I believe that “peace” begins at home, right within our selves.  How can we hope and pray for world peace if we can’t even have peace at the local nursery.  The other people who were shopping deserved a peaceful day…as did the clerk who was just doing her job.  You never know what kind of chain reaction an expression of anger will start.  The person who was exposed to my anger might have taken that anger down the road and shared it with someone else…a chain reaction of bad energy.  Does one small incident in one small business in one small town make a difference in the global picture?  We can’t say for sure, but I think our evolving consciousness hints to us that it does make a difference.

If you have a story like this, one where you came back to a situation with a more positive attitude and found a positive result, please share it with me so I can share it with others.  I won’t use your name unless you give me permission, and then only your first name.  Email your story to voiceofyoursoul@gmail.com

We are all in this together, aren’t we!

The Chicken or the Egg?

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JDT1214Many times I have heard that either you are a car person or you are not. I don’t consider myself a car person, yet I can’t count the times that I pined about owning a certain car.

It actually began when I was a little girl. My parents would take us on drives through different neighborhoods, and when we were in the fancy ones with the fancy cars, I would “ooh and aah” at them. I believed that if you owned that car, it meant that you were strong, confident and successful. I yearned for those qualities because I felt quite the opposite. I felt weak, I lacked confidence and I didn’t have a clue about what being successful felt like.

I held that belief for years… decades, actually. I truly believed that if I had that car, it meant that I, too, was strong, confident and successful. And the day came where I actually got the car. Very soon I discovered that not only did I not feel strong, confident or successful while driving it, I actually felt awful. Never in my life did I feel that lost. Or lonely. Or disillusioned. It was still the same old me, driving the shiny, new car of my dreams.

It was just another notch on my belt – one more thing that I thought would transform me into the strong, confident and successful person I aspired to be. Other things I vehemently pursued that I believed would transform me were weight loss, a good job, cool friends, a nice house, just to name a few. And I achieved them. But, despite the new stuff, I was still the same… old… me.

When nothing worked, when I hit bottom, nothing mattered anymore. And in deciding to live rather than die, I decided that I wanted to do it right. No more pretending that I felt good, no more hiding behind the “stuff.” I rolled up my sleeves and healed for real.

I came to understand a principle that is near and dear to my heart: physical wounds require physical remedies and internal wounds require internal remedies. If I cut my finger, for example, I may require some antiseptic and a bandage. That is a physical wound with a physical remedy. If I have a broken heart, well, healthy tears of grief and time will heal it.

Before understanding this principle, there I was, all my life, attempting to fix my internal wounds – loneliness, disenfranchisement and low self-esteem – with physical remedies: cars, jobs, food and the “stuff” we accumulate in life. And it didn’t work because by definition, it couldn’t work!

What did work? Going internal worked. I finally started using internal remedies for my internal wounds. I faced my past. I learned to describe the painful events in my life without judgment, and feel the pain of them, also without judgment, which then brought about healing.

I acknowledged what I had to do to survive. I commended myself for being so strong in the midst of so much pain. All the love I wanted from the world and didn’t get, I learned to give to myself. It took courage and determination. It was hard at first, but in time I started feeling better and better.

My dream car had been repossessed. My cool friends were gone. I sold the house. Yet, I was soaring. I felt great strength and massive confidence. I was free because I freed myself on the inside. And from there, I attracted new toys, but I no longer looked to them to fix me. I had finally landed firmly in the driver’s seat of my own life!

Do you expect to feel better, safer or happier once you get that “thing?” If so, ask yourself what you really want; what is it that you are really seeking internally by having whatever it is you want to attract physically.

Knowing now that physical remedies won’t heal internal wounds, here is your opportunity to learn to cut to the chase. Whatever it is you think you will feel once you get that thing, be willing to feel that way right here and right now. If you think that more money in your bank account will help you feel more secure, you desire the feeling of security. To get it, use your imagination. For example, you can close your eyes and imagine that roots are growing from the bottom of your feet into a loving Mother Earth, who wraps her loving arms around you at all times. Be willing to feel safe and secure. Breathe it in.

If you think that having that particular girl or guy in your life will help you feel special, use your imagination. Tell yourself all of the things you yearn to hear from that special someone. Nobody knows exactly what to say that will melt your heart better than you do. Don’t hold back… give it to yourself. Be willing to feel special, here and now. Breathe it in.

Understand that your subconscious mind doesn’t know whether something is occurring physically or virtually, the feeling is what matters; the feeling is what is recorded. So, why wait? Why wait for the physical thing to feel how you want to feel? You have the power, here and now, to feel all of the glorious things you want to feel. And when you do, on the inside first, not only do you transform yourself, you are actually prepping yourself to receive that which you desire physically.

Now is your opportunity to reverse the chicken and the egg. Rather than needing the physical stuff to feel better, your strength, confidence and joy is what will actually magnetize that fun physical stuff into your life!

You are powerful. You are dynamic. You have the ability, here and now, to transform your life into the magical one of your imagination.

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