A safe harbor where beliefs are respected and kindness prevails.

In Search of the Silver…

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Fotolia_51964560_Subscription_Monthly_MWe have been told all our lives to “Look for the silver lining in every cloud.”  We have heard it so much that it has lost a lot of its power. We are in the habit of saying that to people to cheer them up, not that we always believe it to be fact. But the time has come to really put this concept into action, because we now know the real benefit is that we shift our energy to a higher place, a better place for ourselves when things seem to go wrong…SEEM to go wrong that is! Let me expand what this can mean for year in 2014…a new era that requires new thinking.

It is really recycling energy. Physicists are all pretty clear now that form follows thought.  A simple example is this:  You decide you need a desk so you go and purchase one.  There is a fire in your office and the physical desk burns up.  But your thought is still present, that you need a desk, so you replace the physical desk.  This may be an oversimplification of the concept, but it is certainly one we can all understand.

So when something physically disappears in our life, it COULD be that there is a new energy, a new physical item that you are now ready to have.  But to get it, the old one has to depart…at first feeling like a loss.

Let me give you a few examples that I personally experienced over the holiday season, 2013

Loss: The weekend before Christmas and my planned Christmas Eve Turkey dinner, my oven/microwave quit working.  After the second repair guy came, he determined it needed a new computer card, which of course wouldn’t arrive until the following week because of the holidays. We were hosting a family that had just lost two parents so I wanted the evening to be perfect for them, comforting.

Gain: I learned that I could make an awesome turkey dinner on the BBQ. The silver lining was that we all felt closer for having to “rough it” together. Of course loosing an oven can’t even begin to compare with loosing your parents, but that fact that we huddled together with this challenge was a great diversion, a temporary break for the months of stress ahead for them dealing with this loss. I am actually grateful that the oven didn’t work…I believe it made us closer. I hope that I didn’t just give up was comforting to them…that I cared.

Loss: The following Friday, on my way to get supplies for the roast beef dinner we had planned for 10 friends for Saturday, my used car that I had purchased a year before broke down!

Gain: The good news was that I was close to home and I found a new mechanic that could work on this kind of car.  I had previously believed that I had to go to the dealership in the next town to service my car, but this mechanic and his wife were LOVELY people so now I have a new, more personal care taker for my car.  I now have more knowledge about my car.  I was waiting for my “smart car” to tell me when it needed servicing, but its brains MAY NOT HAVE BEEN RESET by the dealer.  I was relying on a source that may not have been “awake”. What could have been a VERY expensive problem was solved and my stress level about my car maintenance dissolved.  Whew, less subconscious stress….another bit of silver!

Loss: The weekend after Christmas, my oven and microwave still didn’t work and I had to prepare a full prime rib dinner, complete with fish for those who didn’t eat meat, for our annual get together with 10 good friends. I researched how to do a roast on our rotisserie on the BBQ, but the times for roasting ranged from 2 hours to 6 hours!  How could I plan the full meal to come together at the same time, at a time my guests were ready, with such a time range?

Gain: During the day while spending time with my guests and fussing and stressing about our dinner that evening….the proper preparation of a costly prime rib… they all said “Next year we will just get pizza because you work to hard on this gathering every year!  This group of friends are gourmet eaters and I NEVER would have thought to serve them pizza.  Instead every year I work myself into exhaustion to make a perfect meal and now I don’t have to do that any more.  They ALL said that it was about spending quality time together.  It wasn’t about the food as I thought.

We also discussed that my stress level is raised by my need for perfection and teased me about it into laughter the rest of the day and evening!  I often escape stress with a cocktail, but this time, with the encouragement of my girlfriends, I didn’t have anything to drink until we sat down to a PERFECT dinner. We all had a great time and, the prime rib was awesome on the grill! And next year I have permission to order pizza

Loss: On New Years Eve my husband’s glasses broke in half, and he has a very difficult prescription.  He really can’t function without his glasses. He had a back up pair but has to hold his head still while wearing them.  Not easy for him!

Gain: Believe it or not, he was able to get an eye exam on New Years day and came home with a new pair of glasses.  For him, the good news was that his previous prescription was WAY off so now he has a correct prescription…and a correct pair of glasses. His life got better for the glasses breaking and at this time, the cost didn’t break the bank!

Through all these situations that in the past would have wound me up like a top, I just stayed calm and KNEW that all was well…I kept looking for the replacement energy.  I just kept busy looking for the silver lining instead of stressing about so many things breaking.  And look at how many things I learned!  The “things” can be repaired or replaced.  The lessons I will have for life.

The world around us is shifting and we need new ways to cope, to adjust, to stay on top of the quicksand.  If you need a “silver lining” reminder, get yourself a small piece of silver jewelry, or a silver bookmark, or silver toothpick!  If you can stay in that positive place, you will suffer less and, as in my case, even find awesome gifts.

Happy New Year everyone!

Reflections – January 2014

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Screen Shot 2013-12-29 at 7.48.49 PMFor so much of my life I remember looking forward to New Year’s Eve. It was the day to reflect and celebrate that I’d made it through another year of life.  I looked at New Year’s Day as a chance to start over. What I know now is that all those symbolic events actually occur every day. We don’t need to wait for a holiday anymore than we have to wait for someone or something to “make” us happy. Yes it’s true that there are circumstances beyond our control.  It is however our attitude about those circumstances that we have control over.  When we stop to realize that our happiness and our misery are all self-created then we realize that every moment is a new opportunity. This New Year… If you want to make a resolution… make the resolution to become acutely aware of the power you have… every moment.

Celebrate the Process of Change

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 “We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but we rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.” –Maya Angelou

Change is the constant companion of life. Some changes result in major transformations while many of our changes are minor. It is important to recognize that change of every type is a source of stress. Even exciting new beginnings create stress responses in the body. With this knowledge, it is advantageous to learn how to embrace the steps of change. Learning to make transitions smoothly reduces stress. Resisting and fighting change magnifies stress. The choice is ours.

Some changes are planned and desired, such as weddings, graduations, promotions, retirement, and so forth. What many of us overlook is that these new beginnings are also endings. One way of life is ending so a new way of life may begin. All beginnings mark the end of something. Even changing a habit requires that something must end.

There are endings that we don’t desire, for example, being fired from a job, loss of our health, loss of a home, the death of a loved one, and so on. Although it may be challenging to see in the moment, these endings mark new beginnings—a new way of life. Every change, large or small, includes an ending as something new begins.

I gained in depth knowledge regarding the process of transformation while serving as a certified hypnotherapist. There are three primary components involved in transformation; they are: what is ending, what is beginning, and the adjustment to the change. The challenge in managing transition is that all of these phases are occurring simultaneously. In most cases, you don’t have the luxury of handling one step at a time. In successful transformation, there is a dance moving us from one foot to another. Loss, adjustment, and new beginnings are interwoven.

Here are a few pointers that may help you move through changes in your life. First, recognize what is ending and do your best to honor the loss. This process may be long when the loss involves death or other significant life changes. Grief is a process that requires awareness, and it includes more than one phase. Realize that we grieve losses of many types. For example, welcoming the first child into the family is a joyous occasion. However, the couple loses the pleasure of focusing exclusively on each other. Even though the baby is welcome, the couple must adjust to changes in their relationship.

Second, allow time for mental and emotional adjustment to change. This adjustment period may be uncomfortable, and it could appear unproductive. For an unknown amount of time, depending upon circumstances, you are redefining, or perhaps even reinventing your identity. Consider the transition that occurs upon graduation. Your identity as a student suddenly ends, and the new lifestyle of career building begins. While you were a student, you developed a familiar routine around your identity. When school ends, a significant identity transition occurs. For a brief time, you may struggle to find yourself and develop new routines.

Whether the transition you are making is major or minor, be gentle with yourself as you move through the adjustment phase. The renovation period is often a time of insecurity. Sometimes we want to go back to the way things were before the change. If we didn’t initiate the change, we may feel angry and defiant. We might deny the need for the change. We might feel disconnected from others or ourselves. The good news is that this phase will pass. One tool that helps us through our momentary instability is to recognize the power inherent in renewal. Ask yourself, who am I in the present? Who do I want to be? Then, breathe deeply and remember that change serves us in many ways.

Next, remember what is beginning. Every ending and every change marks a fresh start. Find the creativity and inspiration present in each transformation. Feel the joy and excitement of change. This phase of transformation is a healthy celebration of what is arriving. Planned and unexpected transformations offer the opportunity for extraordinary growth. Remember that every moment offers the chance for a new beginning. To foster the creative spirit within, remind yourself that my life begins today.

In conclusion: change happens, adjustment takes time, resistance is stressful, and acceptance is helpful. In the face of major change, accept that you have closed a chapter of your story, or even a book, and you are starting fresh. Above all, be as mindful as possible in each phase of the transition dance. Be like the caterpillar: The process of transformation brings forth your untold beauty.

 

 

Easy Does It

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_-4I simply adore the concept of the New Year.  Just the idea of it brings hope, happiness and the promise of a new day.  I used to be the queen of New Year’s resolutions.  I was adept at creating lofty goals for myself.  I was going to lose 50 pounds (overnight); I was going to be more fun to be around; I was going to stop being so introspective and just enjoy life.  I would resolve to be thin, smarter and have more money.  I would imagine creating ways of living that were so far away from where I was.

I now realize that if I was successful in achieving my New Year’s resolutions it meant that I would be someone else.  I wouldn’t be myself.  None of my resolutions incorporated the idea of honoring or accepting who I was.

I suppose it is common for many of us to want to be someone other than ourselves, and there’s certainly no better time to start than at the dawn of a new year.  Yet, once I healed for real, something unexpected happened – I didn’t want to be anyone other than myself.  It was delightful!  And when it happened, I discovered that my resolutions gently and effortlessly evolved to be simpler and more attainable.  I gained the ability to create a tangible plan of action to achieve my goal rather than simply thinking with self-sabotaging broad strokes in the hopes of achieving an unattainable goal.

Take a good look at your goal for this year.  Does your goal allow you to embrace who you are right now?   Does your proposed improvement feel like a warm and nurturing blanket around you?  Is your goal manageable?  Will your improvements or refinements be in alignment with accepting yourself?  Are you willing to be gentle with yourself as you incorporate a new habit or two?

The beauty of looking at your goal from these points of view allows you to get a real good glimpse of the state of your personal union.  And when you assess, simply observe it without judgment.  Your observation might be something like, “Ah, I’m feeling really jazzed about it and can already imagine my cool and adventurous journey to get there.”  Or, it could be similar to this, “I am kind of agitated about it because I want it RIGHT NOW!”

Either way you understand where you are in your relationship with yourself.  If you find that there’s something you believe is truly lacking, imagine yourself already having it … a lot of it.  Allow yourself to feel energized.  Pretend that all you think having that thing in your life will bring you is already present.  Your ability to imagine it, to understand it, to know it and to feel it is in your power, here and now.  By shifting your resonance, here and now, you allow yourself to achieve that feeling, now.

When you are feeling jazzed and excited about your goal, easy does it.  Be patient.  You can manifest your goal by doing something in support of it just today, then   to your “just today” on the next day, and on the following day.  Staying present and doing your best “just today” gives you the ability to take nice, easy and gliding steps in achieving what you want.  It honors and supports you.  The adage to under-promise and over-deliver can be such a wonderful gift to give to yourself.

Beginning anew is inherent within us and is reflected so beautifully in our world.  With our renewing cycle of night following day following night, we are gifted with the opportunity to begin anew at any time.  When you decide, truly decide, to begin anew and take one lovely bite-sized step just today, you can find yourself effortlessly and lovingly manifesting what you desire.  Any day can be the beginning of your new year, with all of the hope, happiness and promise that it brings.

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