A safe harbor where beliefs are respected and kindness prevails.

When being around someone makes you feel bad about yourself

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CLM128As you’re starting your journey anew are you encountering others in your life who seem to want to tell you about their successes?  Their wonderful marriage, their fabulous job, their over the top vacations?  Do you find yourself feeling bad because you’re not where they are?

When we start over in some aspect of our lives it’s a natural tendency to think about what we’ve lost.  In my case my job and my financial security were gone and I had no idea what I was going to do.  Old friends and co-workers who went on and on about what they had triggered feelings of being a failure… and worthlessness.  I was not in a good place back then.  I started to avoid my friends and co-workers.  In doing so I felt more isolated and alone… which of course only added my misery.

It wasn’t until recently that I realized that it was only the people who needed to talk about what they had that were the ones I needed to stay clear of… at least until I was back on solid ground.  In so many ways these folks were afraid that what had happened to me would rub off on them or… as I came to learn some of them had a need to make themselves look better and make me seem worse.  Still others didn’t really know what I was going through.  Many were as uncertain in their own ways as I was in mine.  This doesn’t mean they were bad people… far from it.  They are just people dealing with their own issues… their way.

The good news is there are plenty of people in your life currently, who do love you, like you, enjoy your company regardless of where your journey has taken you.  And there are so many more friends you’ll meet who will only know you for who you are now.  Those are the folks you need to surround yourself with.  So rather than focusing on what you don’t have you can turn your attention to enjoying life again.

I know it isn’t always easy and we can’t always control the people we run into.  What we can do is limit the time we interact with those who aren’t what we need right now and expand the time with those we do.  There will come a time when you’re comfortable enough to keep comments in perspective and actually be happy for others.  Until then remember that it’s your life you need to build or re-build in a manner that you choose.  If you’re starting over this is your opportunity to do so on your terms and surrounded by the people you want in your life.  And that is a solid place to start.

With love, Cheryl

Want to have more support in your journey of starting over?  Cheryl is hosting a free seminar, Surfing the Emotional Waves of Starting Over,  on February 20th from 11am – noon Pacific/2-3pm Eastern.  Group and individual coaching programs are also available here.

Becoming Soul-cial Part II

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give flowersNo act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted. –  Aesop

So, how are you doing on showing up for humanity?  Have you taken the time to incorporate the practice of “Soul-cial Living”, being mindful of the life in and around you?

Being present with kindness and compassion for all beings on the planet can be a challenge at times.  We earthlings are far from perfect, sometimes any storm, big or small, can through us off course.

On January 9, 2014, I shared 14 ways to become more Soul-cial.  In case you missed it, click here.

Below are 14 additional ways to practice.  I’ll share more in my next two features.  You know the saying, practice makes perfect!

  1. Just be kind
  2. Invite a friend out for a meal
  3. Deliver soup and flowers to someone who is not feeling well
  4. Send a client a note or gift thanking them for their service
  5. Put money in a meter that has expired
  6. Say I Love you
  7. Bring treats to the Police and Fire Department
  8. Take a senior citizen for a ride through their old neighborhood
  9. Volunteer at a local animal shelter and bring pet supplies with you
  10. Buy the person behind you a cup of coffee
  11. Let someone in front of you in line
  12. Hug your family and significant other as soon as you them
  13. Give one genuine compliment to everyone you meet
  14. Open doors for strangers, with a smile on your face

Ready, set, GO!

Turning Panic into Progress

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CLmDo you find yourself wanting to just “do” something when everything seems to be falling apart?  When the panic sets in do you freeze up or, if you’re like me, do you find yourself in a frantic state doing everything that comes into your mind in hopes that you can gain control.  It took me a long time to realize that all that doing was my undoing.

When something in our life seems to be out of control… or at least out of our control… our need to be in control kicks into high gear.  There are just some things in life that we cannot control.  An “act of god,” another person’s actions or illness and the decisions of governments, businesses or organizations we aren’t actively involved in… are all examples that come to mind.  Still every one of these changes lives.

In the last five years I’ve dealt with sudden death of a my dad, Jack’s life threatening illness and my company being acquired.  I can’t even begin to tell you how helpless those events made me feel… and how my panic in each case resulted in my taking action that didn’t help. Yes, hindsight provides clarity about the event, however, why not use it to also provide new guiding principles for your life?

What worked?  What didn’t work?  What’s important to you?  These are all good questions to ponder after your panic subsides.  How did your action during these times pan out?  Some worked, some didn’t. If you can take just a few moments of your time to think about it you can set yourself up to have a bit more control when the next event triggers your panic mode.  When you realize what worked and didn’t say it out loud to yourself.  But don’t stop there, add the statement, “When I get into a panic mode again I’m going to stop and remind myself of what I learned from the last time.”

We can learn from absolutely everything we do in life.  Choosing to do so moves you onto solid ground. And from there you can do anything!

With love, Cheryl

Cheryl

Acknowledge and Release

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Fotolia_4114986_Subscription_LI believe I have mentioned this phrase before, but want to share some more thinking about it.  I was “complaining” about a business situation and my husband said “Here’s some advice…if you can’t change it, stop worrying about it!” We have all heard that before, but I want to add something to that thought.

Before you release anything that doesn’t feel good or right to you, you have to shift your feeling about it!  That is the newest level of operating these days as a human being.  So before I released that point of worry, I needed to shift my FEELING about the situation.  So how does one do that?  Here is a simple process you can use, as I did.

  1. Ponder the real and actual effect the situation has on you.  Will it affect your income, your work schedule, your status in the community! Or, is this just about you not having “control.” Many times this step is all you need to do, and you can have a good laugh at yourself for being “upset” about something that doesn’t REALLY affect you. That little chuckle will lift up your vibration to a higher state and you can go on to step 3.
  1. If you realize that the situation really will have a substantial effect on your life, then it deserves to be acknowledged as real, not just a knee jerk reaction.  So now what? If you truly acknowledge it for what it is, you can choose to release it and go on to the next step. Yes, just ask to release it.  You may not feel that exactly at first, but honoring it is a pretty essential step.  Otherwise, it just goes and hides somewhere in your brain/body and will pop up again, perhaps even in regards to a totally different situation.  So even if you don’t really feel it, just ask to have that released from your life’s experience.
  1. This is the most important part.  Now you need to spend time visualizing what you DO want, now that you are clear about what you DON’T want.  Think/feel how it could be different, how the situation could turn around in a positive direction and think/feel how that would be for you.  FEEL it!  This is your creative imagination doing its best work.  This is the potential you have for actually creating your life…for making yourself happier! So imagine the situation to be different that it appears to be, imagine it to be a GREAT outcome for you, imagine that the other people involved are also thrilled with this new direction, imagine it a WIN/WIN situation.  They don’t have to lose for you to win after all!

This is how you take control of your life.  Right there. The more time you spend visualizing what you want…and FEELING it, the sooner “what you want” will appear in your life. And the best part is that you will actually feel better along the way. Having something or not having something isn’t really the point, how you are feeling is the point!  So if something or someone is making you unhappy, you are giving them your energy.  It is draining you of your positive juice!  So recognize it, honor it, release it, then spend time playing with what you want.

If you have your own story to share, please write to me and I will “anonymously” share it.  We all benefit from each other’s stories.  Write me at voiceofyoursoul@gmail.com.

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