How many times has someone said to you, “It will be ok” and you smiled because if you didn’t they’d keep talking? Do you get tired of well-intentioned friends encouraging you with “This too shall pass?” Do you just want to be left alone to feel what you’re feeling?
There are so many good people who want to help you through whatever you’re going through and you know you can rely on them. However, when we are at an all time low about our lot in life, all of the words of support and encouragement can fall flat. I know because I’ve been in some very low places and despite all the good intentions the voice in my head was just saying, “Yeah, right. You don’t understand.”
If you’re feeling that way I encourage you to go to a place where you can be alone. You need the time to think for yourself, to feel what is causing you pain and then to decide for yourself what you’ll do now or next. If you’re around others their voices will drown out your own especially if they are determined to help you. And right now you need to hear your own voice because it’s the only one you’re going to believe.
In this time of solitude allow yourself to vent out every emotion you have. You’re safe… no one can hear you and you don’t have to worry about what they might think.
I encourage you to give voice to your worst fears. Create the scenario in your head about everything that could go wrong. When Jack was first diagnosed with leukemia and then again with cancer my worst fears were that he would die and I’d be alone, broke and homeless. None of those things have happened but they were real fears to me.
If you did this with a friend they would be the first to tell you that you’re overreacting… and you are but you don’t need them to make you feel bad about yourself. (Even if they are trying to help!)
The point of this exercise is to release the fears rather than burying them. If you try to hide them or avoid them then they are always there and will come out when you need them least. Instead by exposing your fears to the light you can see them for what they are… figments of your vivid imagination.
The interesting thing about our worst fears is that 93% of the time they never come to fruition. Knowing that has helped me focus on a differently likelihood. I’ll bet my life on the lesser outcomes than I’m going to bet on the 7%. Perhaps you’re thinking that with your luck you’ll fall into the exception range. That’s your ego talking. “I’m different, I’m special, I’m the exception to the rule.” This is not a time to let your ego take over because your ego isn’t your friend… it’s your ego and you need to avoid it like you’re avoiding other people right now.
Once you have vented out your fears, sit, do nothing, and enjoy the release of those emotions. In that silence you will hear your soul’s voice… the one you’ll believe when it says to you “We’ll get through this. I have your back.” Your voice is the only one that matters when you’re dealing with your life. Everything that comes from your soul comes from a place of love, kindness and respect. And that is what you need to hear right now. And that is all you need to know. Therein lies peace.
During the 20th century, we had the opportunity to be made fully aware of ALL the different cultures in the world, all the different religions, all the different ways there are to be human. What a rich tapestry we as humans weave! Because of that global exposure, we now see that each culture has its own definition of certain words…really big words, like GOD, LOVE, FAMILY, HONOR, JUSTICE. But beyond our current education/exposure, we each also carry deep inside our consciousness what those words meant to our specific ancestry. Those beliefs are so ingrained it us that we most often aren’t even aware of them.
For some of us, what we believe certain words to mean may be holding us back from a chance to shift away from the beliefs of our ancestors, beliefs that were practical for a completely different time that but no longer serve the modern mind. They are so powerful that we may be avoiding using them or even thinking about them. It can be frightening because on some level, we believe that if we go “against” those rules of order, we will suffer, we will be punished. So how do we feel “safe” in exploring other possibilities? Many of us don’t think about them at all. We in the West live in a very materialist world for the most part these days…so it is just easier to avoid thinking about certain things and get on with our daily commute to work or dinner plans.
One of the words that has always befuddled me is LOVE. We all understand what personal love is…even if we don’t have it at the moment. Parent to child, lover to lover, human to pet dog…you know what I mean. But so many spiritual teachers use the word today with a broader meaning and I find it confusing. They talk about it as a “thing” that exists, outside the personal. That it is a power that connects us all, that it is “All there is.” Huh? How can that be the same thing as what I feel for my husband, my niece? Well, short of coming up with a new and more descriptive word about that “energy that is all that is”, last year I found this description that really solved my quandary, and here it is:
“Love is not a feeling. Love is a spiritual energy.
Love is pure creative energy at its highest level
Love expressed in human form actualizes your Divine Self.”
– Barbara King
I love “actualizes your Divine Self.” I hope you find this helpful the next time you hear someone talking about “love” in this context. Or if you can come up with a better word so the two aren’t confused, please let me know!
Another word I have always had trouble with is GOD. Deep in my thinking, I believe that GOD is an all-powerful being outside myself that can pick and choose who has abundance and joy, and who starves and suffers. Every culture for as long as we have recorded history believes that their GOD controls their lives and they must be honored or even worshiped in some way for personal self-protection.
Now, in this time, because I see how many different “Gods” are worshiped in how many different ways around the world, I needed a new description. I needed a description that would bring control of my life back to me…at least a little bit! So I came up with this:
G.O.D. Gridwork Of Divinity
If you can imagine a network of energy around the planet…one that glows with life…one that is dynamic, moving, creating. Then imagine that you can “connect” with that grid and feed and receive energy from it. Also visualize that this grid can ONLY carry positive energy in it…nothing negative. Imagine that the energy there is Divine…omnipresent in its beauty and power to protect and manifest. That is a vision or definition of G.O.D. that makes sense to me…that I can participate with, not be dominated by. I am part of it and it is part of me.
If you have a good relationship with your God, this doesn’t take anything away from that…because deep down it is all the same thing.
From in my twenties, I started using the word “Light” as a synonym for both Love AND God! You will see it used more and more…and iN a way I believe that it does represent both Love and God. There is light, and there is darkness or absence of light. I believe in the places where there is an absence of light bad things can happen. I try to flow “light” to every situation I can. Many people are able to “see” energy (light) in living things. I can’t…wish I could, but I can’t…not yet anyway. But I can “feel” it in certain people. I can feel an abundance of light and life or an absence of it, in which case they feel “cold” to me. So is “shedding light” on a situation the same as praying for a good outcome? I kind of think so.
I hope you find these thoughts about a couple of words that have vexed me for a long time helpful. I am guessing that if these words bothered me, they might have bothered a few other people too, so I hope you find this useful.
I would love to hear from you. I feel called to help people connect with their Divine selves so they can make the best decisions in their lives…so that they can be and feel love of the highest order…so they can be their own happiness generators and know that true happiness comes from within, not from an outside source.
Write to me at firstname.lastname@example.org
When I was online recently I viewed a credit card statement and a bold message popped up. It was an alert that my personal information may have been compromised due to hackers, and the credit card company was mailing a replacement card to me. I discussed it with a few of my friends, who mentioned that they too had received the message.
We had a spirited conversation about the lack of privacy these days and how this age of information impacts our personal boundaries. Our lives are now open to observation and scrutiny in ways that are unprecedented. Through the evolution of technology, our personal information, our purchasing habits and preferences are “caught on tape.” I wonder if there would ever be true deterrents to hackers or the restoration of privacy as we once knew. For the time being, though, it sure feels like we will continue in the direction of a boundary-less existence.
As I think about it, it feels like our physical world and how we act in it is now an open book. Does that make us powerless? Out of control? What can we consider sacred about our existence? Well, I submit that what remains truly private and hacker-free about us is our inner world – our daydreams, private thoughts and personal wishes; our individuality and heartbeat; our inner landscape and playground. It is the portion of us that is still hidden and private unless and until we ourselves wish to share it. With it we are ever-powerful because we control it.
For me, reclaiming a wonderful sense of power and control availed itself once I became intimate with my private thoughts, ideas and the ability to maneuver physical existence from the inside out. This intimacy – befriending and honoring ALL aspects of ourselves within our inner world – can actually be considered the next frontier.
Getting familiar with that next frontier may have road blocks, because we are much more familiar with the wonderful and glorious distractions of the physical world. I do remember the days when I would avoid paying attention to my inner world at all cost because it was way too unfamiliar, and I would be afraid. Any time I slowed down and meaningful stuff would pop up that could have used my attention, I’d cover my ears, like, “La, la, la, I can’t hear you!” I remember being so paranoid about my thoughts, like one insidious piece of thinking was going to derail all of the hope and optimism contained in the good thoughts that I had meticulously engineered. Again, I’d be covering my ears, like, “La, la, la, bad thoughts, I can’t hear you!”
When I surrendered to my own authenticity and simply told the truth to myself about how I felt, my self-judgment lifted and my thoughts returned to optimism easily and effortlessly. I came to realize that my thoughts are things that I have, they aren’t who I am. I also began to envision that my thoughts are like clouds in the sky that are always moving and shifting. It is now automatic to embrace everything that I think and feel without a compelling need to censor, judge or disown.
I discovered that I began to truly honor myself after I learned how to dialogue with, acknowledge and appreciate the aspects of myself I had previously feared and judged. Now that the fear and judgment are gone, I have a pretty good time just hanging out with my thoughts. I keep myself very entertained, actually; it’s even more fun than browsing the internet.
In the spirit of true self-regard, are there portions of yourself that you DON’T want to honor? Shine your light on them. Let your mantras be, “I hear you,” and “I got it.” Remember that aspects of you long for the same acknowledgment and understanding that you seek from others, so consider giving yourself that acknowledgment and understanding first. When you do, you will unveil your innate passion, your hidden power, immense love and unbridled joy. So here’s to honoring yourself in ALL ways, and enjoying a true hacker-free existence!