A safe harbor where beliefs are respected and kindness prevails.

Detox From Negative Thinking

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detox from negative thinkingWhat is the first thing you think of when you awaken? What is the last thought you have before you go to bed? Those are two of the first questions I ask my clients when they are in a funk.

Choosing to be soul-cially conscious, to live a more blissful life, takes work. How we begin and end each day sets the tone for our daily lives.

Abraham-Hicks said, “You have the ability to pivot under any and all conditions. But most of you are habitual in nature, and your patterns are so well entrenched that at times the fastest path to the joy you seek is for you to take your pivot as you sleep. By reaching for good-feeling thoughts before you go to sleep and then experiencing the benefit of the quiet mind that occurs while you sleep—and then upon awakening, immediately turning to good-feeling thoughts—you can accomplish the ultimate Pivoting experience.”

Whether you are spiritual/religious or not, every minute gives you an opportunity to count your “blissings”, those little (sometimes big) things in life that bring a sense of peace, joy and contentment.

Studies have shown that by practicing being grateful we experience lower levels of depression and stress, we are more optimistic about the future, we exercise more, we are more likely to reach personal goals, and we increase our capacity for compassion and forgiveness, including forgiving ourselves.

Additional research shows that in as little as 21 days we can form long-lasting habits. A habit is merely pattern of behavior that we have either consciously or subconsciously adopted.

We are creatures of habit. You can create a new habit and detox from negative thinking by beginning and ending each day with a joyful, positive thought, one that includes gratitude for the abundance in your life.

The first and last words I say to myself everyday are very simple:   “Thank you, God, I am breathing, I am alive, and I am connected to something”.

For the next 21 days, I challenge you to begin a new habit of detoxing from negative thinking by waking up and falling asleep with a grateful heart! One simple thought could be all it takes.

Your True Artistry

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fotolia_816374_Subscription_LA dear friend of mine is a very talented artist. She reaches down, deep within her imagination and paints pictures never before seen. The pictures, stamped with her unique soul print, are magical. I marvel at her final products.

I’m thrilled that she isn’t shy about sharing what she creates; I am one of the first folks she will share them with. And I am so honored when she does.

She constantly asks me if I think her paintings are any good; if they might be good enough to be able to approach gallery owners or art fairs someday. If I had a dime for every time I said, “Yes, you are ready now!” I could retire. But, in my opinion, what’s more important is that she views them with pride simply because she created them. “What does it matter if someone else likes them? Let it be enough that you do.”

My words fall upon deaf ears again and again, but it doesn’t preclude me from continuing to say them. My positive wish is that one day the value she perceives in her paintings will be in tact whether or not anyone else appreciates or purchases them. I hope that someday her joy in creating them will be enough and the approval of others will be icing on a cake that is already very, very sweet.

I recognize that my friend connects with herself while she paints yet doesn’t otherwise. I know for a fact that she has never looked at herself in the mirror with appreciation and encouragement.   Perhaps if she gave herself a “You GO, girl!” from time to time, I think she would find more satisfaction in her daily journey rather than awaiting someone else’s endorsement in order to feel valuable or worthy.

Do you feel as if you are more complete when someone else praises you? Do you often seek others’ encouragement? Nobody knows what to say to you that will melt your heart more than you do. Why wait for someone else to acknowledge you in ways that are meaningful to you when you can cut to the chase and learn to appreciate and encourage yourself first?

Think about all of the times you doubted your ability to survive challenging situations, yet you did. Remember how often you questioned your ability to do something and you did it with flying colors. Isn’t that worth celebrating? Aren’t YOU worth acknowledging? The answer, in my opinion, is a resounding “YES!”

Make a shift today. Today, recall a situation that you didn’t think you’d survive, but you did. Now look at yourself in the mirror. Really look into your eyes. Yes, really. Now, say your name, then say, “I acknowledge you for surviving [that situation].” Say your name again, and say, “I appreciate you for being you. You are stronger and more beautiful than you give yourself credit for, and I acknowledge that in you today.” Look into your eyes for another moment and smile. You deserve it!

Do this at least once every day. It might feel stupid or embarrassing at first, but in time, (and perhaps in not much time at all!) you will feel a wonderfully life affirming shift. Use this simple technique to help you morph from relying on an end result for your happiness to finding true satisfaction and fun in your daily journey. That is where your true artistry lies.

 

Dealing With Loss

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Fotolia_1527412_Subscription_LThere is no easy way to deal with the loss of a family member or close friend. It just plain hurts and feels like it always will. Our family is going through this now and in pondering what I could write that would be helpful to others in this situation, I realized how many different aspects there are to this subject.

First, do you believe in some kind of “afterlife?” A very large part of our population walked away from traditional religion because much of it doesn’t “fit” with modern times. That was true for me when I couldn’t get answers that made sense … such as why native people’s never exposed to my religious teaching would not be admitted to “Heaven”… or even worse, if they were exposed and didn’t choose our version of God, they would go to Hell…where it is really hot and you suffer for the rest of eternity. Huh? But the fear of such consequences is so deep in us that, even if we walked away from our family’s teachings, on some level we are still subject to those beliefs. Most of the time it doesn’t matter what we have chosen to believe…until someone dies. Then, who does one turn to for an understanding of the process?

Many will share words of kindness. That is human nature and that is a lovely aspect of human nature indeed. But that doesn’t help answer questions about where your loved one goes when their spirit leaves the body. For me, even though I did walk away from my family religion, I never stopped searching for answers. There are many of us that have spent our lives doing that, with the sincerity of true seekers. So for all my research, I truly do believe there is an afterlife for the souls of the departed. I believe the soul drops the personality of the life they were living along with the body, and they become the essence of who they are … pure spirit in the process of evolving. I don’t believe that the “other side” is a place where you are rewarded or punished for your life’s deeds. I believe you connect with your soul family there. But how does it “feel” for them.

Next one has to try to understand the difference between the personality and the soul. Wow, that’s a big one, but lets give it a try. The personality is made up of many emotions and opinions…love, hate, passion, fear, joy, anger, revenge, pity, compassion, disappointment, frustration, etc. It is at the level of the personality that beliefs like “An eye for an eye” come from. Now try to image being in a state without such emotions … not emotionless, but rather being in a state of pure positive energy and viewing all human interaction from a higher place, your higher self, and without judgment about the behavior of others … sort of Saint like. That is the soul level in my humble opinion.

Finally, if you can believe that we each have a soul, that there is someplace for that soul to go when you die, a good and comforting place with family there to welcome you, it makes the personal loss of your departed loved one easier to bare. The loss is still real … they are no longer here to talk to, to plan things with, to see on vacations, or to watch grow old along with you. They are just plain gone from your life and the more you loved them, the bigger the hole they leave behind. But if you can consider what I have described above, perhaps at least that is comforting…knowing that they are OK, in fact, they are great. Then let your healing process begin.

I do sincerely hope this is helpful. It is meant to be. So many people are experiencing loss right now, with missing airplanes and sinking boats…tornadoes and mud slides. Their pain is so real but in time most will heal from their loss. I believe what I have written here to be true, not just a “feel good band-aid.” It is the result of a lifetime of study.

Now go out and hug someone you appreciate! It will make you feel better even if you haven’t just lost someone!

An Experience Of A Moment:

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rearviewmirrorA few weeks ago my partner and I made a long drive from Cincinnati, OH to Greenwich, NY. We were going to a retreat center to present a weekend workshop named, “Personal Training for the Body & Soul”. We began our journey about 8:00am with our car loaded with suitcases, briefcases and enough food to make the long 12 hour ride – stopping only for gas and bathroom breaks! The day was pleasant but chilly – big heavy clouds passed by along the way, some gave us bursts of snow, others sprinkles of rain. The drive took us north towards Cleveland then east to Albany then north again to Greenwich.

Ohio’s farmland was spotted with areas of snow but it was mostly brown and muddy – the land was “in-waiting”. Every once in a while there was a fleeting sign of spring – a small bunch of wide flowers here and a forsythia with just a hint of yellow there.   The landscape of Upstate New York began pretty much the same, with rolling hills of snow and mud – then came the acres and acres of vineyards as we passed through the Finger Lakes. Driving further east, the snowy fields became the norm and as the sun peeked from behind the passing clouds the landscape took on a glittering shimmer. How wonderful!

East of Buffalo, the New York Thruway cuts between the passing hills creating walls of stones and dirt along the side of the road. Some of these man-made cliffs were up to 30 or 40 feet high and most of them (especially along the south side of the east bound lanes) were dominated by thick frozen waterfalls of ice. As we passed, the ice reflected blue, green, yellow and gold. They were spectacular and grand. While our view was fleeting, because we were passing them at 70 miles per hour, they still demanded our attention.

As we drove further east and now past Syracuse, we were delighted and treated by the sight of thousands (and I really mean thousands) of Geese.   Each skein of Geese was in the familiar wedge formation – some with 10 or 12 Geese, others with 20 or more. They were all flying in the same direction, perhaps looking for a place to light for the night. For miles, their formations filled the sky.

At some point along our drive, my partner took advantage of the situation and reclined his seat, closed his eyes and allowed the smooth rocking of the moving car to lull him to sleep. I turned off the radio and turned my attention to all that surrounded me – the highway, the traffic, the quiet farms, the geese, the changing light, the ice waterfalls and the sound of Rob’s sleeping breath. I found myself so interested in everything that was within sight and sound. But nothing was able to hold my attention for too long – remember we were moving through our scene at 70 miles per hour. But in those quick moments of my attention to what was passing by, I found that nothing else mattered. I had no time to dwell on any one thing for too long for it was very soon replaced by something new and interesting.

When Rob awoke from his hour or so nap, I talked with him about my experience while he slept. I told him that only after his waking did I realize that there were times in that hour when I could not remember what I had just seen or driven by. I told him of my experience of focusing on so many different sights and sounds that I felt I was present with everything. I explained that I had seen many details of the cars and farm houses only to forget about them almost as quickly as I saw them. I had felt totally “there” in that hour. It was a very interesting feeling – and this interesting is good.

Because of my experience on the drive, I found myself during the weekend retreat, stopping and saying to myself, “Pay Attention”, “Look into the eyes of the person who you are talking with,” “Are you really listening?” (Well at that moment, I guess I wasn’t because I was asking myself these questions, Ha!) Overall, I found that I was. I had made the effort – I wasn’t thinking of what I might say to contribute to the conversation, I wasn’t thinking about what time it was or about what was next on our schedule. No, I was there.   I reflected back to a book by Dan Millman, “Way of the Peaceful Warrior” when Socrates would ask Dan, “What time is it?” and the correct answer was “NOW” – “Where are you?” “Here”. How true!

By being in the “now” over the weekend, I found that the days were long and enjoyable – the evenings were sweet and relaxing. As Rob tells his meditation students, “you have all the time in the world.” This is what I have found to be true.

Many of us fill our days with so many things, so many gadgets, so many thoughts of ‘I like this’ or’ I don’t like that’ and our personal landscape zooms by at 70+ miles per hour. What happens is that we really don’t give anything very much attention and just as the landscape zooms by, so does our lives. No matter how fast the landscape might be moving, make sure you are concentrating on what you see in front of you. If the pace is too much, take your foot of the gas pedal and find the speed at which you are truly present—- in the NOW.

I invite you to slow down and really begin to pay attention.   What color are the eyes of the person across the table from you? Do you see your surroundings? Are you hearing the sounds of the birds? Turn off your cell phone. Take a walk through a park. Make each moment a special occasion, for it is! This very moment is the only thing that is for sure.

Peace,

Steve Bolia

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