A safe harbor where beliefs are respected and kindness prevails.

New Year’s Expectations

by

Fotolia_71694129_Subscription_Monthly_MWe all hear about resolutions, but let’s face it, most people’s resolve doesn’t have too much foundational support. The path to disappointment is virtually guaranteed. Focusing on expectations gives far more weight to a successful outcome. Charles Dickens was onto something when he created a whole world around some Great Expectations.

Expectations usually get a completely bum rap. Among my own inner circles, I’ve discovered that ‘expectations’ often carry connotations of entitlement and greed and, usually, immediate gratification.

In the broader world, expectations are heavily weighted towards our historical, long-term experience. Most of us carry everyone ELSE’s expectations around with us. Family, friends, peer groups, work colleagues, social groups all exert expectations upon us. From some, like family, these are often vocalized, activated expectations. From most others, these are quieter, sub-conscious or subliminal expectations. I call these passive expectations. Both passive and activated expectations revolve mostly around success, abstinence, relationship dictates, career and job promotion, stability, and all the greater ‘shoulds’ of the world that most people buy into blindly year after year.

Breaking that spell is the principle engagement I undertake with all of my clients. We engage with this through a question-based process that allows all of these tacit agreements to scurry out of hiding into the harsh, glaring light of reality. Often, not only is it not pretty, it’s shocking, alarming and often ends in tears and choked sobs. Some common things I hear daily: ‘I had no idea they impacted me so much!’ or ‘It’s like I’ve not been in control of my own life’ or even ‘I can’t believe I accepted this for so long. I’ve wasted so much time!’

The weight and burden of other people’s expectations has a lingering and profoundly fundamental impact on the regular decisions we make day by day, moment by moment and, yes, year by year.

Let’s start here: What expectations have you been operating under that are not your own? What expectations did your family put upon you for your adult life? What passive expectations do your peer groups quietly encourage for you? What about your daily life doesn’t feel fulfilling, and what expectations might be leading you to continue making those daily choices?

Now that we have considered where our current expectations come from, how do we break the cycle and the evil spell of living under someone else’s expectations? Of course, we must dissolve other people’s expectations by supplanting them at the root with our own glorious, instinctive expectations for ourselves.

And therein lies the magic of wielding expectations. You immediately gain massive personal power by examining and creating keen awareness for your own expectations for yourself. Now, if we’re going to supplant decades-old expectations and agreements, that means we have to ask pretty grand questions to get back to the roots of our beliefs and behavior.

Some key questions to ask yourself as you enter a new year are made better by distinctions:

Not ‘What do I want to accomplish this year?’ but instead ‘What have I always wanted to accomplish?’

Not ‘What does this mean for me?’ but instead ‘What meaning have I always searched for or been giving to this?’ and then ‘How can I choose a meaning that serves me better?’

Not ‘How can I be of better service to others this year?’ but instead ‘What is the purpose of my life, and how have I not been carrying that into everything I do? How can I start activating this moment by moment in my daily routine?’

These powerful distinctions require thought, consideration, and time to get back in touch with the inner child who had vivid dreams and huge expectations for what this life has to offer us.

Most of us enter adulthood with the activated and passive expectations of behaving ‘responsibly,’ and fulfilling basic roles. Most of these are to buoy the fabric of society, and there is certainly a respect that must be paid here.

The price of this agreement, however, is like locking away and throwing away the key on our deepest dreams, drives and creative expression. Depression, after all, is nothing more than the absence of expression.

What is the final piece to make sure that your greatest expectations are met? Complete lack of attachment. We can never know HOW anything will materialize in our lives. The universe/God has a plan that will always be a mystery to our basic five senses. The beauty of engaging with your deepest expectations is that you activate your sixth sense and allow yourself to appreciate how your expectations might be met in daily miraculous ways. Isn’t that reason enough to give thanks for the magic of life?

My wish for you as we go through this holiday season into a new year is this: Don’t live the same year over again this year. Make sure that this year is a completely fresh, dynamic, divinely inspired year that you create for yourself with some damn fine expectations of the best life has to offer. Make it your best year yet!

What Is Your New Lifestyle?

by

Fotolia_71447773_Subscription_Monthly_MDo you feel like your entire life needs a makeover? (And I am not talking about lipstick and blush.)

We get up in the morning and start our day doing the same ole thing, drinking the same ole coffee, looking at the same ole … well … just fill in the blank. It gets so old, and we actually decrease our vibration by not creating our life with style and keeping it fresh. I know because I have been there more than I can say. I think we get into patterns and routines and think if they work, leave well enough alone. Then we can’t understand why we feel bored or numb and that something is missing.

I know you can relate! Wherever you are in your home right now, stop reading and follow the instructions that are next. I want you to look around. What do you see, what do you feel, what do you want to change or move? Is there anything you want to junk and replace?

Let your creative juices run wild. I am not saying go out and spend a bunch of money and completely redecorate. Sometimes in life it is the smallest adjustments that bring us the greatest joy. Simply moving an object, buying a new book (or even a new tube of lipstick) is all it takes. It is the subtle changes we make every day.

Where can you look to make changes and create your own new style of living? Here are a few I do every month.

  1. I inwardly create and junk what no longer serves me. I might spiff up my Spirituality by buying a new book or learning a new practice. I make sure I spend time with my Spiritual Health Mentor and keep my heart and mind in alignment.
  1. I sweep my house with intention. I start in my bedroom and then continue throughout my home. I am always amazed at what is sitting around, taking up space, that I truly don’t like. I donate those items or have a tag sale, and then I ask myself what I might like to add to this open space. Sometimes it is nothing. When you allow your essence to guide you, you will immediately realize it is truly what your heart desires.
  1. Cleanliness is next to Godliness. This is a great truth. As a child and into my late teens, I can’t tell you how many times my parents would say this to me after seeing my bedroom. Thank goodness I didn’t carry those habits over into my adult life. Our senses have so much to do with how we feel emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. I find that the first of the New Year Winter cleaning is so much more productive than waiting until Spring. I remove the clutter, grab my cleaning supplies and begin my cleaning ritual. When all is clean, I rearrange the furniture and add special fragrance and flowers. Plants are also wonderful for a clean, rejuvenated feeling.
  1. I check out my closets – especially the clothes closet. If I haven’t worn something for 6 months to a year, it’s donation or consignment time. I have been practicing this for over 10 years. It allows me to give unto others and also to take that extra money and buy the hot blouse I’ve been wanting.

These are all very small, basic changes. It will only take a few minutes a day for a month to implement your new style and creations for the New Year. Go slow and steady and the changes will stick. When you start in newness, you reset your entire life, and it is an amazing feeling. It gives you the permission to say “YES” to what you want to create, design and give space to, and it and allows you to stretch and grow who you are. Your energy within and all around you will shift. .

By creating and clearing new space, you are actually telling yourself how much you “LOVE YOU.” Love is your greatest luxury. It sends your vibration soaring. I invite you to create and clear more space and allow your energy to flow with abundance. Create in love and create in truth. And don’t forget to be gentle and kind to yourself.

The Top 10 Foods That Make You Happy Inside

by

Fotolia_72372016_Subscription_Monthly_MDid you know that inside your body there are about 100 trillion cells that when fed correctly will keep you feeling great? And what’s more, not one of these cells is human. They’re in you and they’re on you, but they’re not you.

Yes, I’m talking about the beneficial microbes that live inside you and govern the health of your digestive system. Now, these microbes, called probiotics, have a favorite food, and when they get a steady supply of their favorite food, they multiply, stay strong and protect you from harmful microbes.

A healthy population of probiotics is now recognized as a mainstay for optimal health. When that population gets diminished and the bad guys begin to take over, your health may deteriorate in many ways. Dysbiosis is the term used for an unhealthy, imbalanced ratio of good to bad microbes in the gut. Dysbiosis can cause irritable bowel, leaky gut, diarrhea, constipation, crohn’s, colitis and, believe it or not, even weight gain, cravings and depression.

One of the best and fastest ways to get your insides feeling happy again is by feeding your little friends, these probiotics, the stuff that makes them thrive. Technically, the stuff that makes them thrive is called “prebiotics,” but to your probiotic microbes, they are their manna from heaven. Prebiotics are actually specific fibers found in plant foods. Your body doesn’t actually digest these fibers; however, your good bacteria happily ferments them and creates all kinds of beneficial nutrients. And all you have to do is eat the foods rich in these fibers, or you can supplement them.

Here is a list of the Top 10 Prebiotic rich foods:

  • Chicory root
  • Jerusalem artichoke
  • Dandelion greens
  • Guar seed
  • Garlic
  • Onions
  • Leeks
  • Asparagus
  • Broccoli
  • Cabbage

As you can see, the age-old recommendation of “eat your vegetables” doesn’t get any less true. Now you have yet another very important reason to get your 5 to 9 daily servings. Obviously, some of these foods are not on everyone’s daily diet. So you can always supplement with any of the prebiotic products available. They will contain either inulin, FOS, (Fructo-Oligo-Sacharrides) or PHGG (Partially Hydrolyzed Guar Gum). Actually, all are just the fancy names for the specialized fibers that make up prebiotics.

So which is better: to get prebiotics from your diet or from supplementation? Well, if you got them from your diet, it would certainly mean you’re eating lots of vegetables … and that’s a good thing. However, your probiotic friends don’t really care. So in the end, it’s a matter of practicality and your specific need. Even though chicory and Jerusalem artichoke contain a very high concentration of prebiotic fibers, they are not very practical as an everyday food item.

Chicory = 64% prebiotic fiber by weight

Jerusalem artichoke = 32% prebiotic fiber by weight

Asparagus, broccoli, cabbage = 5% prebiotic fiber by weight

As you can see, the vegetables you are more likely to eat have a low fiber content. You need at least 8 to 12 grams of prebiotic fiber per day. That translates into about 2-6 servings of raw vegetables and 3 to 9 servings of cooked vegetables. If you can get more, it’s recommended. So, depending on your vegetable consumption (fruits contain some prebiotic fiber at lower concentrations), supplementation may not be a bad idea.

Typically, a recommended single dose in a concentrated supplement is 4 grams. If you have a digestive illness or condition of some kind, then supplementation becomes a little more important. If you have an inflammatory condition like IBS, crohn’s disease or colitis, then you have to be careful about the type of fiber you use. Your sensitive gastro-intestinal tract does not tolerate gritty, harsh types of fiber. It’s the new kid on the block that I mentioned before, PHGG, that is recommended for inflammatory conditions of the gut. What’s more it’s odorless, tasteless and has no grit.

It really is true that keeping your friendly microbes well fed will keep you happy inside in more ways than one. And the key to all this inner happiness is good nutrition for both you and your 100 trillion friends.

Using Personal Branding To Be The Best YOU

by

With Ease & Grace!

Fotolia_63567114_Subscription_Monthly_MSo that you can know why I write for you today, I’d like to share my story with you – my journey of self-discovery.

In 1979 I moved with my family to this country from Iran because of the revolution. We came with two suitcases, thinking we’d stay for two weeks. We stayed a lifetime. I went to law school because I wanted to help humanity AND because I felt that if I was a lawyer, then I would fit in and be accepted and respected more. I practiced for 15 years as a successful securities lawyer. One day I realized I was wealthy, miserable and no longer helping humanity. My days of making a difference as a lawyer were over. I quit my job as a lawyer within a month.

As a spiritually-minded business person, I began to listen to the Universe and my intuition, and through a series of miracles, I ended up finding my natural talents and gifts.

During the first two years of my “retirement” as a lawyer, I saw an ad in a community college catalog that read, “What do Oprah, Bill Gates and Warren Buffet Have in Common?” The answer was said to be that they were all practicing their natural talents. So I went to the workshop and discovered that my natural talent is in personal brand management for others. At first, I was in denial. I had a natural talent? My life was not all about being a lawyer? I could define myself differently? I could see myself differently and more broadly?

From this workshop, my horizons opened and I devised a number of programs highlighting others’ talents and abilities, wrapping it in a “personal brand” package. Initially I had no idea how these gifts would work in coming together. For the past seven years I have been running a personal brand management company. We work with individuals and companies to unearth their uniqueness, communicate this to their target audience, and then manage all perceptions.

My mission is, while appreciating the oneness of humanity, to highlight for others their specific talents and abilities in order to bring greater joy and success to all areas of their lives. This is how I do my part to cultivate a world of love and kindness where I promise through my example that no one is forgotten and everyone is appreciated.

People often ask me what is personal branding.  It seems the term “personal branding” is as foreign and confusing to people as is the substance behind the term.

Simply put, personal branding is what people say about you behind your back.  What do people remember about you when you are not there?

At some point in our lives we’ve all tried to describe someone, who is not with us at the time, by saying things like, “She/He is the one with that great … posture, curly hair, smile, deep voice, height, green suit, etc.  Or else, “She/He is the one … who was grumpy, wouldn’t look me in the eye, had that really short skirt on, had that weird laugh, couldn’t describe her business.” You get the picture.

50% of what you do is substantive (i.e. you are an architect so you draft, or you are a dentist so you fill a tooth).  The other 50% is what we perceive about you – this is your personal brand. It’s all about the subconscious processing of information we do each and every day. Our perceptions don’t always have to make sense. They are emotional and based on feelings, not on facts and content.

Why is this true?  Your personal brand, as perceived by people, is infectious.  People want to be around those who make them feel good. You attract what you put out into the world. Joy and happiness sells anything well! It’s that easy!

Self-confidence is at the heart and soul of 99% of our issues in what we project to the outside world. Over the years my research has shown that there is a direct inverse correlation between our stress and our self-confidence. The higher your stress, the lower your self-confidence and the less your personal brand resonates with others.

Everyone has some sort of self-confidence issue. We are human, after all. The issues just manifest differently for us individually. At the heart of our personal branding work is building self-confidence in everyone so they shine internally and externally and leave a great first impression and, thus, a great personal brand.

Part of resonating your genuine personal brand is accepting your quirks and eccentricities. We all have quirks and we all want to hide them.

Perhaps the biggest “why” question here is why can’t we “own” our quirks? I think the short answer is partly lack of self-awareness and partly fear.

No one wants to be different and stick out.  We all strive to fit in. If I think back to a time when I really tried to fit it, I am taken back to high school.  I hated high school. I was always so different and didn’t really fit in.  It was hard being me.

I stuck out for so many reasons: I had olive complexion when it seemed everyone else had blonde hair and light eyes;  my first and last name was hard to pronounce (it wasn’t like my name rolled off the American tongue like “Jane Smith”); while my parents were very flexible with me and tried to “go with” the culture and mentality of midwestern/Indiana thinking, we still had different customs and rituals; and we lived in the most affluent suburb of Indianapolis, making it harder to be “cool” and fit in.   Most importantly, I always felt quirky because I could never ever understand why all those other high school kids rebelled all the time – drinking, smoking, sex, parties.  Were they suffocating at home, somehow?

Regardless of what I thought and how hard I tried, I was hiding who I really was.  I wasn’t even self-aware enough to know why I was hiding.  Looking back at my list above, I now relish my olive complexion, my first and last name and my background and nationality. I use it as part of my unique selling proposition and story to stand out and be genuine and different.  It works!

What if you decided for just one day to really “own” your quirks, be proud of the eccentricities and not deny any of it?  Would the world stop?  Who cares if someone doesn’t “like” or “accept” you?  Do they matter more in this world than you (and your happiness)?  I doubt it.

I get the fear factor. I lived it and live it every day.  However, our personal brand growth is grounded in being self-aware enough to feel the fear and doing “it” anyway – whatever your “it” is.  I promise you it is much easier than you think it to be. In fact, it is simple.

In this economy, we don’t always have control (or feel we have control) of our destiny. Well, I’m telling you that YOU are the only one in charge of your personal brand and YOU have complete control over your life and happiness. It can be filled with ease and grace and joy. The process doesn’t have to be hard. It is rather simple – if you believe.

So just for one day, I ask you to be self-aware, own your quirks and see what happens. If you love to eat licorice, go for it! If you like to decipher license plates, go for it! If you love the Smurfs, go for it!  Just remember to tell us all about it so we can be your biggest champ, respect you and get to know your real personal brand.

Feedback