A safe harbor where beliefs are respected and kindness prevails.

What’s Your Love Language?

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shadow love JawDroppingPhotography

The other day I had a conversation with a client who mentioned that the woman he was dating didn’t really even know how to be a good friend, let alone a date. It got me thinking about the “5 Languages of Love” by Gary Chapman.

Chapman based his work on his own longtime relationship with his wife and over 30 years of counseling. He suggests that we fall into one of 5 areas when it comes to how we express emotional love saying, “Each person has a primary love language that we must learn to speak if we want that person to feel loved.” (You can take a short quiz to find out yours at http://www.5lovelanguages.com/)

I shared with my friend that I thought many people today would benefit from taking a look at the 5 basic ways not just as a lover, but as a friend. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if your friend took the time needed to recognize, or was present to, the particular way you liked to be treated, your own love language.

The five basic ways are:

  1. Words of Affirmation – Simply put, if this is your language you like to be told often how much someone loves you, why they love you. You like compliments and words of appreciation.
  2. Gifts – If this is your language you love to receive thoughtful gifts, gifts from the heart. They don’t have to be expensive, they simply need to express how much you were thought of, how much you are cared for.
  3. Acts of Service – You love it when your partner, spouse (or friend) pitches in to help with the dishes, takes the trash out or does your laundry. Anything he/she does to lighten your load is going to make you gaga for them over and over again.
  4. Quality Time – Nothing is more important to you than spending quality time with your friend/lover if this is your language. You look forward to turning the T.V. off, sitting with a cup of tea and sharing a few moments connecting deeply.
  5. Physical Touch – A person whose primary language is Physical Touch thrives on a gentle touch, a warm hug, a pat on the back, and holding hands. Whether it’s a friend or lover, what they crave is physical presence.

Each and every one of us has a particular way we like to be treated that may differ from our partner or friends. It might not be easy, at first, to speak your friend or lovers language, especially if it differs from yours. It makes sense to take the time to understand what sparks the people in your life so you can help them feel more loved. Isn’t that really what we are here for?

Attitude – A Matter Of Choice!

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Attitude

Attitude is a small thing that makes a big difference! – Winston Churchill

Several years ago my husband gave me a beautiful gift: a decorative jar filled with 365 tiny sheets of paper. Each piece had a question. Some questions were deep, others were simple. A year later, I returned the gift in the form of a book titled, “The Blisstory Journal” and offered him many of those same questions to answer.

One of my favorite questions in the book is: “How do you describe your attitude?”

Most of you know by now, my attitude is pretty darn “blissful”, hence the title, “The Bliss Lady”. I remain connected to my inner state of joy quite easily. I’m not perfect at it by any means. In fact, my husband and daughter will testify to that.

Although I do have my moments, it’s how I pull myself out of that spiral that counts! (Notice the word “moments”.) For me it’s simply a matter of choice. I get to choose how I will act or react to whatever crosses my path. Guess what – so do you! We all have a choice, no matter what the circumstance.

As I grow older, witnessing our children blossom into adulthood, I see more than ever the importance of having a grounded attitude. It becomes more important than your education, your income level, and your past perceived failures; certainly more important than what people think of you.

Every minute of every day we are offered a choice regarding what we will do with our attitude. I’ve heard it said that life is 10 percent what happens to you and 90 percent how you react to it. I say, “Life is what happens FOR me and how I react to it is what matters.” Sometimes I need a boost.

Simple attitude boosters

  1. Deep Breathing – Before you react to anything take three slow deep breaths. Of all the tools I’ve learned over the years deep breathing has been the most helpful to me in keeping my “attitude” in check. When I’m feeling extremely reactive I include #2.
  2. Count to 10 – You’ve probably heard that before. Counting aids as a distractor from whatever it is that’s pushing your button with the element of time. The higher you count the less likely you are to react strongly.
  3. Surround yourself in love – When you feel that your attitude is less than joyful take a minute to close your eyes and see yourself surrounded, fully enveloped in the light of love, as if you are receiving a soft, gentle hug.

When it comes to attitude, you always have a choice. So….How do you describe your attitude?

P.S. Click HERE to visit my website to receive a free copy of The Blisstory Journal!

What I Learned When the Lights Went Out

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(and my dogs)

When the lights go out - Soulcial Living

Weather wise, the last few weeks have been a little crazy here in the Midwest. We’ve had more rain and severe thunderstorms than we’ve had in years. (Kind of interesting after the crazy winter we had. That’s another article.)

These storms caused incredible damage from flooding, fallen trees and downed wires. Although we were blessed to avoid the tree and water damage, we did lose power for a few days. That seems like a nuisance compared to my mom and brother who lost all of the belongings in their basements and that same brother had a 125 year old tree land smack down on the middle of his roof causing the structure of his house to be stressed and compromised.

So what did I learn (or re-learn I must say) when the lights went out? A few simple things that we often take for granted.

  1. Always be prepared – By having at least a days’ worth of fresh coffee grounds and a French press ready. When the power’s out the last thing you want is to be without your morning cup of java! Water helps and so does food. We ate a lot of PBJ’s.
  2. You can live without electronics – I know you’re thinking WHAT? It’s true. If I can do it, anyone can. Instead of picking up my iPad, I picked up the book on my night table. Instead of jumping on Facebook I actually had heart-felt conversations with my mom and my husband. <3
  3. Be nice to your neighbors – That’s right! When it’s really dark out its good to know you can count on the people next door, especially when they have things that you don’t, like a generator.
  4. It’s just stuff – Having experienced the loss of most of my belongings in a devastating house fire, this one is a little easier for me to connect with than some people. The truth is, material things can be replaced and if they can’t, you’ll always have the memory. Because ….
  5. Friends and family are what really matter – (along with those great neighbors) who better to spend your time with then the people (and animals) you love most? Whether the lights are on or not doesn’t really matter.

As the hours turned into days I watched my dogs very closely. They were not phased one bit. As long as they had food, water, play time, a place to nap and were able to hang out with us, they were happy. Which reminded me that we always have a choice on how we are going to look at things, no matter how long the lights are out. Or, as my husband says, no matter how dark it gets you can choose light! Blissings!

 

 

Forgiveness Through Ho’oponopono

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Bees Ho Oponopono JAW Dropping PhotographyReady to forgive?

Forgiveness frees us to live in the present with greater ease and joy. Yet saying I’m sorry and asking for forgiveness can be two of the hardest things we will ever do. Equally as difficult can be forgiving others.

As a shamanic practitioner, one practice I have found to be very effective is the ancient Hawaiian practice of the Ho’Oponopono. Joe Vitale writes about this practice in his book, “Zero Limits”, written with master Ho’oponopono teacher Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len. Dr. Hew Len used the practice to heal mentally ill criminal patients on a hospital ward.

The only purpose in your life and mine is the restoration of our Identity—our Mind—back to its original state of void or zero (Buddha), of purity of heart (Jesus) and of blank (Shakespeare) through nonstop cleaning.

Based on the simple understanding that everything in nature is interconnected through subtle energies and that we can never truly separate ourselves from the whole, the Ho’Oponopono provides neutrality and clearing when seeming wrongs have taken place. In ancient teachings it was offered to “make right” with the ancestors; to correct those seeming wrongs that had occurred in a life or lifetimes, either intentionally or unintentionally. It is not a religion, it is simply a practice that offers neutrality and unconditional love for anyone and anything. Don’t we all just want love?

By realizing the connection to all life, all beings, we can admit our own responsibility and make the correction through processing the Ho’oponopono like a mantra until it feels like the cycle is complete.

To begin working with the Ho’oponopono:

Visualize an infinite source of love and healing flowing from source, through you, connecting you with the earth.

In your mind see the person or scenario that you do not feel aligned with and begin chanting, silently or out loud, “I’m sorry, please forgive me, I love you, thank you”.

Repeat the chanting until you no longer feel an emotional attachment to the situation. This may take several rounds of the chant or it may take only a few.

The beauty of this practice is its simplicity. It can be offered in any situation in life where you do not feel in complete alignment.

Several weeks ago a client called me asking me for support with a family issue she was having. Not wanting to overstep her family’s boundaries I suggested she begin the Ho’oponopono for each family member. I also suggested she use Google to seek more information on it. Within just a few days both her and her family found resolution – peace and forgiveness. Coincidence? I think not!

To connect with Teri visit TeriGriffinWilliams.com.

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