A safe harbor where beliefs are respected and kindness prevails.

Aloha and Namaste’

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Themes for Life picSteve and I first went to Hawai’i in 2002 and again in 2003. We longed to go back but as we all know, life happens and takes us on what we perceive as detours. I say perceived detours because everything that happened in that 14 year period was important to our personal evolution. I like to think of it as gathering what we needed and going back at just the right time.

We wanted to go back because we are intrigued and inspired by Hawaii. There is a magic about the place. It’s raw beauty has a magnetism to it that leaves deep impressions in your psyche.

On our earlier trips to Hawai’i and Kalani Honua Eco retreat center specifically, we were deep into our studies of Yoga as a philosophy of life. In a “spiritual nutshell” we were studying and living “Namaste”. Namaste is the Sanskrit greeting that means, “the divinity in me acknowledges and respects the divinity in you.”

First you acknowledge your divinity and then you open yourself to see it and respect it in everyone else.

In those same early visits we were introduced to the concept of Aloha.  We found that Aloha is more than an Hawaiian greeting or salutation.  Aloha is a way of life. It is described as “the joyful sharing of life energy in the present.  A life of aloha is living from a heart so full that it reaches out to everyone you meet. Aloha is living with love and compassion for your self and all beings.”  For us there was such a similarity in the meaning of Namaste and Aloha that we wanted to return and experience Aloha as the perfect complement to our Yoga lifestyle.  Namaste and Aloha seemed so aligned and connected. “The divinity in me honors the divinity in you so we can joyfully share our mutual life energy in the present with mutual love and compassion.”

We weren’t exactly sure how to experience Aloha but we figured going back to Kalani and joining their community of volunteers was a good start. Last year in 2015, the timing for a return to the Big Island of Hawai’i seemed right. We applied for a sabbatical from late December to early February of 2016.

Before our acceptance into the program, we went through an interview process with the volunteer office of Kalani.  The volunteer coordinator asked if we had any experience living in community, since part of the program was offering two days of service per week and living in close proximity with the rest of the volunteers who support the retreats that are held there. In that initial interview, she also explained the Aloha way life. The Kalani  volunteer program was looking for individuals who wanted to come together and support each other in their individual growth and evolution while giving service to the greater whole. I shared that  because of being in a relationship for almost 30 years, I felt I had spent most of my life in community.   I also explained that our deep commitment to seeing the divinity in each person was right in line with Aloha.

Soon after we arrived I realized living with one other person for however long it has been, is quite different from living with a large group of people in close quarters day in and day out.  Add to this the remoteness of Kalani, perched on the eastern shore of the Puna Coast of the Big Island, and you have the experience of working, eating and sleeping with a group of 120 with little opportunity for escape!

There are many beautiful nuances to living in community if you just stop to pay attention and let the judgmental mind fade away. Not everyone is going to think the way you do. Motives and reasons for being there are as varied as the shapes, sizes and hair color— that is if you have hair, and plenty of us there did not – both male and female – for some it’s genetics and other’s it’s a choice. The point is, there are many different expressions of life going on in a community of this size. And plenty of opportunities to experiment with the Aloha Spirit.

Take for example, all the “make believe stories” that you create in your mind about other people. You have no facts but your mind has created a hypothesis that “could “ explain the situation but at some point you just start to believe your hypothesis to be fact. Your mental creation become your reality until proven otherwise. Usually your “MBS’s” (Make Believe Stories) as Steve and I refer to them, have no compassion in them and usually turn out to be judgmental and completely wrong.

I love finding out just how wrong I have been about people. It can be hilarious to find out that the reason they don’t say ‘hi’ everyday has nothing to do with me.  Imagine that!  In Don Miguel Ruiz’s The Four Agreements,  agreement number two is, “Don’t take anything personally” and number three is, “Don’t make assumptions”.  These can come in handy when you live with 120 other people.  It is good advice for any of us attempting to increase our mindfulness in our everyday life but living with this many “seekers” makes it necessary for you to take these two agreements to heart and work with them every day. The alternative is you find yourself getting your feelings hurt and living in an insane state of judgment that has you trying to figure out why everyone isn’t like you.

To experience the true spirit of Aloha and Namaste combined I decided to open myself up to compassion by challenging my own MBS’s. Instead of letting my mind make up stories, during our communal meals, I started sitting with the folks who intrigued me. What better way to get to know someone than to break bread together.  My line was, “Tell me about your life….”
I heard great stories about their lives, their hopes and dreams. No more walls, no more stories of the mind. Now there was a heart connection.

Our Kalani appointed buddies, Arno and Crystal mentioned our astrology background in their introduction of us to the Kalani Ohana (family) in our first weekly volunteer meeting. This proved  to be another doorway to connection. Ironically, the folks who intrigued and baffled me, asked if they could sit down and discuss their charts. Talk about getting to know someone. The mini chart talks were so rich and lovely. Again, barriers of the mind were replaced with connection between our hearts.

I also noticed a sense of the Aloha spirit in the overall group dynamics.
For example,  there was very little gossip within this group of volunteers. That surprised me. But in this unique microcosm I found most of these people were working for personal growth and transformation which leaves little room for the smallness of gossip and misplaced projections. Instead they were open to learning from each other.

We were all there volunteering our services in various jobs, in this exquisite paradise. The jobs include, housekeeping, kitchen, horticulture, permaculture, maintenance and various administrative positions. In exchange for our service we were supplied with housing, all our meals and down time to sit and really be with ourselves.  I found a majority of the volunteers at Kalani are looking to question their mental perceptions of others and find “their heart voice” that gently nudges them to replace judgement of themselves and those around them with compassion.   Perception is something we can challenge and  change – – at any time.

There were also plenty of opportunities for reality checks in paradise! There were times when a few individuals pushed my buttons or “got under my skin”. Others admitted the same thing. Certain people were “hitting a hot spot” for them as well. How do you maintain Aloha when this occurs?  Well, in this Conscious group of souls, instead of attacking the character or actions of an individual, we discussed what that person was bringing up inside us about ourself. Perhaps  the person who got under our skin, was mirroring some aspect of our nature that we weren’t willing to acknowledge or embrace.  It felt like alchemy as we turned potential gossip and complaining about others into a path for personal transformation.  Aloha/Namaste.

Focusing on our own transformation and allowing others to live their lives without our interference or judgement, moves us closer to our own inner freedom. We start to ask ourselves questions so we can be objective about our problems. Instead of becoming trapped by our emotional reactions and blaming the world outside for why we aren’t feeling fulfilled, we take responsibility for our lives. We awaken to the power of the  Aloha of life.
When you feel anger, judgement, resentment well up inside you about another person, take a deep breath and open your heart to understanding the other person and their behavior. In doing so you allow yourself to move into living in compassion for yourself and all beings. That is when Change happens for the good of all.

Being here on Planet Earth, we live in community. We are given opportunities for growth everyday.  If we look deep into ourselves and slow down our judgmental minds, we begin to shift our view from seeing and labeling to knowing that each person, each soul, is on the same quest for happiness and fulfillment. Can you imagine the delicious freedom you would feel if we all did this? What if you stepped out of your door into your day, knowing you had the love and support of everyone you encountered and you were encouraged to express your uniqueness, find YOUR dream and LIVE it fully.

Hmmm…………..

Kalani Honua- translated, means where Heaven meets Earth. It is so beautiful there that it just might be the original Garden of Eden. Beyond its physical aesthetic there is also a paradise of self-discovery that lives and thrives there. It is not perfect because it is a work in progress.  Each of us is also a work in progress and less than perfect. But with effort and discipline, we can shift our perceptions and open our hearts to ourself and others. We can come to know that Namaste and Aloha live in our hearts.
All of our efforts toward being whole are worthwhile. As we come to know ourselves more fully by questioning our actions and reactions with each other, we shift into a place of inner freedom. If a sabbatical to Hawaii is not possible because of some detours in your life, where can you go or who can you be with that will help you shift into a place of inner freedom. Think about it. Finding answers to that question are worthwhile because you are worth all the efforts you make to be whole and holy.
It is from a place of freedom, understanding and compassion that I bow my head in reverence and say with all sincerity,
“The divinity in me honors the divinity in you so we can joyfully share our mutual life energy in the present with mutual love and compassion.”

Aloha and Namaste my friends.

What I Can Learn from a Dog’s Life?

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Fotolia_33562716_Subscription_Monthly_MI met a lovely little dog yesterday, and her name is Sophie. Sophie is 12 years old, deaf, and just as smart and sweet as can be. When her owner picked her up, Sophie seemed to melt into her arms. Sophie was so completely content and trusting in her owner’s actions, I could actually feel it.

I then learned that Sophie had a traumatic past. Her new owner actually rescued her from near euthanization just one year before. It was such a trip to me because without knowing about her past, it seemed like Sophie and her owner had been together forever, and that Sophie hadn’t experienced one second of fear or pain.

Actually, someone had told Sophie’s owner that it takes dogs six months to forget trauma. Whether or not that’s true, I love the way that idea sparks my imagination. Here’s what’s delicious about it to me – why can’t I (or can I?) be dog-like in that way? What if I gave myself six months to grieve/be pissed/hurt about my non-preferred experiences and then move on, healed, renewed and better than ever?

In my case, I was a pro at holding on to resentment and hurt. After experiencing my own trauma as a little one, I held on to it for decades. I kept all of it secret, and my pain jumped from back burner to front burner at different times, but it always stayed with me.

I used to think that if I started to cry, I’d never stop because my pain was so deep. To me tears equaled death. However, once my choice became face the pain or die (yes, I went to the cliff’s edge), facing my pain didn’t kill me, it ultimately freed me! By facing it, I mean safely releasing my anger and hurt (with harm to none, including myself) without judgment.

It felt like I found the formula to release hurt and reconnect with my good feelings (and, by the way, this formula isn’t new, nor is it a secret). I use this formula all the time. Sometimes I “get over it” very quickly, especially when it’s a minor annoyance. And even when I give myself six months (or however much time I think I need) to get over the bigger hurts, invariably I move through them more quickly.

One time I was particularly heartbroken and I allowed my pain to just be. It was simmering inside of me. I let myself feel it without judgment. I felt a pang in my heart for months. Then one day it just bubbled to the surface. I was driving my car, and the song “Since I Fell for You” came on, and my feelings came to a head.

It felt like a dagger pierced my heart. I started crying. And crying. Then I stopped crying. And then I started crying again. I played that one song over and over again whenever I was in my car. Sometimes I would scream, other times I would cry, talk aloud and even laugh. Whatever my emotions needed to express, I let them out safely. I was “in it,” if that makes sense.

I played that one song for about a week. I immersed myself in it and just let my emotions out. All of them that had something to say – about my heartbreak, him, myself, and whatever else – got their turn.

I could literally feel the cloud over my heart lifting. My pain was diminishing and I started to feel a sense of lightness again, or perhaps I lightened up first, which, in turn, soothed my pain. Whatever it was, it happened gently and naturally. My emotions simmered down around my breakup and pretty much went away for good.

I didn’t need to play the song over and over anymore. Actually, I got sick of it. I was done grieving! From that moment on, whenever I think about that breakup, it is now simply a fact. It was an event that had occurred in my life, and now without pain attached to. Actually I was (and am) very grateful for the relationship. I keep with me what I learned, liked and disliked about it, and I continue to let it teach me more about myself. It is very, very cool.

Something tells me I’m not alone when it comes to holding on to painful experiences. Suffice to say, to transform it in six months or less for me means immersing myself in the pain (emotionally speaking) until it naturally heals. I’d still live my life while doing it. I’d still work every day, enjoy my family and friends, and allow my feelings to ebb and flow without judgment and with harm to none, including myself. I would acknowledge and embrace my unfulfilled expectations, and that’s how I break (what feels like) a spell of sadness that I’m under.

Now, when it comes to smart, sweet and trusting little Sophie and those six months, I read that because dogs totally live in the moment they don’t remember past trauma unless something happens that triggers it. I’m thinking that perhaps Sophie’s current environment is so peaceful that she is just completely chilled out. There’s no longer fear and pain, just love.

If only it were that simple for humans – to have a peaceful and trigger-less environment in order to forget all the pain. My experience is that it doesn’t happen that way… I used to find triggers regardless, even if they were only in my mind and I’d relive painful experiences over and over again.

But what if we allowed ourselves to feel the pain with the intention of getting through it rather than avoiding, judging or trying to ignore it? Why not embrace hurt and sadness, giving them some attention just as we would a more pleasant and likable aspect of ourselves? After all, they do coexist. We can feel pain alongside joy, curiosity, etc.

What if you face your pain and tell yourself the truth about how you feel about it with harm to none, including yourself? What if your triggers only summoned the memory of the event with no pain attached to it? I believe it is possible for you, and possible to live each moment, having been enriched by all of your non-preferred experiences.

At all times, I wish you Sophie’s unwavering contentment and love!

What Age Are You In Your Heart?

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IMG_0760Yesterday we were having a conversation with our friend Nina as we wrapped up our Key West Healthy Living Retreat. The conversation was about birthdays. Some people love them, some people dread them but most of us reflect a little deeper when there is a “zero” involved.

There might be some excitement about “20” as we feel we are “coming of age” but after that there is the intense feeling of time running out as we climb to 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, 90….

I wrote all those decades out because I have friends and clients in them all. And the ones at the top of the ladder look at the ones below as “kids”.

Yesterday as we spoke to Nina, Steve asked her, “How old are you in your heart?”  Without hesitation she said, “ In my 30’s.” Chronologically, she is older but in her heart she is as old as she feels.

Nina is retired from her first profession. She recently moved to an Island and changed her life dramatically. She reduced her stress, exercises her body, mind and soul regularly and now works with an attitude of love for life rather than working to find a life she loves.

Even with all this, she was having some issues with an upcoming birthday. It is understandable. Although our calendar and birthdays are man-made ways of categorizing time, they are milestones in our lives that give us cause for pause. In astrology, your birthday is considered your personal New Year. The sun is back to the place it was on the very day you were born and took your first breath. It is a great time, a natural time to pause and reflect.  It’s a time to ask yourself, “Where have I been and where am I going?”

Taking a little personal time each birthday to reflect and either set your course or reset your course, can make facing a “zero” year less intimidating. It can make facing any birthday less intimidating.  It is when we live in denial of time and the inevitable that we eventually “freak out”.

In Tantric Yoga Philosophy it is said that five things cause us suffering as humans: Ignorance, Ego, Attachment, Aversion and Fear of Death.

BINGO!!!  Birthdays can activate all of them if you think about it.

Ignorance – when we don’t know or acknowledge that we are more than our bodies and that our spark of divinity is eternal.

Ego- – when the fear of getting older is about loss of youth rather than the celebration of our new role as we become a wise elder.

Attachment— to our life.   Aversion— to its inevitable evolution—see Ego above.

Fear of Death- For many of us- this is the unspoken bogey man for sure. And that comes down to being afraid of the unknown.

Who knew birthdays had so much deep stuff buried beneath them. But they do.
We can help each other out with the “birthday dilemma”.

Never ask any one their age. Ask them how old they are in their hearts.

Do not send birthday greetings with tombstones or the color black as the most prominent feature. That doesn’t make anyone feel good.

Ask each other what “newness” we are adding to this phase of our life and what negative thoughts we are going to leave behind.

Celebrate what you have learned through your life and plan for the next adventure.

Take time to reflect on the goodness you have experienced and all the incredible people and experiences you have had and are still having.

Allow your self to be shining example of how to continue to Live Life Fully rather than merely just existing.

Our generations are the vanguard of change about living life fully and with as much meaning as we can handle. Most of us have the advantage of being able to work on raising Consciousness like no other generation before us.

Let’s encourage each other to live our life and forget our age.

Let’s raise each other up with each birthday milestone to see our lives as having purpose no matter what man-made number we are celebrating.

We can help and encourage each other the most by teaching through example as we experience and  express our lives fully through our heart as well as our head.

Happy Happy Birthday to us all.

Getting Through Overwhelming Grief

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If you’ve ever suffered the loss of a loved then you understand that there are times when getting out of bed or up off of the floor seem impossible.  It doesn’t matter if it’s a day after their passing or months later grief takes over and there seems to be absolutely nothing you can do about it.  What you’re experiencing is not only natural, but in my opinion, a necessary part of healing. That doesn’t mean however it’s easy.

Easy isn’t word in my vocabulary when it comes to my grief.  Grief comes in waves. Sometimes it’s a gentle ache and other times it knocks me to the ground, literally, and I find myself sobbing in a corner of the room.

I use to tell myself that I needed to be strong.  I am alone now and Jack isn’t physically here to help me through this.  Not long after his death, in the middle of a crying jag, I realized that feeling this pain was an important part of the healing process.  After all how could I pretend to be strong when I was standing alone for the first time in decades?

We have the right to feel every moment and the very depth of our grief.  Losing the love of your life, a child, a parent or a best friend, irrevocably changes your life.  They are no longer a part of what you’ll experience from this point forward and that hole in your heart if huge.  The key however is in recognizing all of that.

Rather than trying to buck up and be strong I tell myself, as my tears flow, that I need to have this experience.  I need to feel the grief to its fullest.  Yes, it drains me and yes, I come through it feeling down and blue… but I come through it and so will you. It’s when we fight it or berate ourselves for being overwhelmed by it that our energy gets tied up in feeling bad about ourselves instead of feeling bad because our loved one died.   Can you see the difference?

Grieving has everything to do with the loss.  That is natural and honest and necessary.  Berating ourselves is a choice and one that is unnecessary and hurts us even more.

So when you are on the floor next time say to yourself, “I need to feel every part of my grief.”  Let the tears flow and the pain overwhelm you.  As it starts to abate, even just a little, remind yourself that this is all part of your healing and a natural part of life.  You will get through it… as you need to for you.

With love, Cheryl

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