A safe harbor where beliefs are respected and kindness prevails.

Shifting Up From Judgment to Discernment

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Most of us fear being judged on some level.  It doesn’t feel good at all, and depending on how much emotion is attached, it can feel really awful.  Most of us, however, tend to do it to other people or events.  While we can’t easily control being judged by others, we can learn to shift what we do ourselves in our daily situations and that can improve the quality of our lives.  It doesn’t mean that you just “accept all that comes your way.”  What it means is that you stand back and try to see what is motivating you to decide if something is right or wrong for you, shifting from judgment to discernment.  Following are some steps you can take to do that, but first let me explain the difference between the two.

Let’s say you are an interior designer. Your client is color blind, but knowing that green will represent “healthy and organic” for his new store, has decided that he wants all the items in a particular room to be green. He can’t see the difference between green and blue. Your job is to select only green items, using your ability to discern between the two colors. There is no emotional judgment involved in this; it is just a simple matter of observation and choices.

But let’s say your mother always dressed you in green when you where a child and everyone in school made fun of you. Now when you look at something that is green, it inspires a negative emotional judgment about the color. It puts your emotional body into negative vibration mode and out of sync with the rest of you. It takes you away from your higher source. If that happens and you are aware of it happening, you have to work at bringing yourself back into balance or spend the rest of the day “out of sorts.”

So if you find yourself “not liking” something, step back and evaluate what is going on with you, what is the reason for the reaction. Ask yourself:

1. Is this opinion based on prior experience about this subject?

2. Does the situation evoke a twinge in my belly?

3. Am I thinking about what OTHERS would think of choosing or not choosing the situation?

4. Have I rationally thought about the pros and cons of this subject?

Too often we have to make snap decisions, and there may not always be time to go through these questions, but if you practice when you have time to ponder something, it will in time become second nature to you and you will run through the questions in a flash of a second. If your answer was “yes” to 2. or 3., it is likely that you are in a state of being judgmental, or having an emotional reaction to the situation that might have nothing to do with the current situation.  So what is wrong with that you ask? You might just make the wrong choice.  You might let some past experience stop you from what could be a very good experience for you…now, with this new situation…not the old one in your emotional memory banks.

When you are pointing your finger at someone else in judgment, energetically you are pointing THREE fingers back at your self. Being more tolerant of people or situations that aren’t living “up to your standards” will not draw those types of people toward you. Not being tolerant just might!  We are learning how our own energy draws certain things to us and repels others. So if you are in a state of being emotionally judgmental, you are going to attract people that are also in that state around you…inviting them to judge you.

Our emotions play a very important role in our lives, as long as they are in balance.  Feeling love and joy are very positive experiences to be sure.  If you are feeling anger or fear, those feelings may be protecting you from something about to cause you harm.  What is good for us to learn is if what we are feeling, be it love or fear, is really about the situation immediately in front of us or about something that happened in our past.  Thinking that you are “in love” with someone who reminds you of a past love can match you up with the wrong person.  If you are in a state of fear, lets say of being fired from your job, if that fear stems from a previous experience when you were actually fired, not this situation, you may react inappropriately and actually get yourself fired again!

Don’t be discouraged if learning to master this “discernment” about your emotions takes some time. But taking the time to try to see the difference can’t help but make your life better, help you make better choices. Just think about it next time you are in a state of judgment.  Run through these four simple questions and see what is really going on with you.  We all have this ability, we just have to

 

The Solution. One Resolution.

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I do not have a list of New Year’s resolutions. For too many years I set myself up declaring all the things I was going to change about myself, yet did not stick with long enough to actually achieve the change I wanted. Then I would spend the next eleven and a half months beating myself up for not keeping the resolutions I made.

 This year join me in breaking the habit of making a long list of resolutions. Let’s identify one thing to concentrate on, to make a consistent part of our new 2014 life style. For example, let’s focus on cleaning up and maintaining clean spaces within our homes and outer environment to enhance the universal flow of energy around and through our body, other people and pets, and the objects surrounding us.

Known in Asian cultures as Qi (Ch’i) or “life-force,” this stream of energy is the underlying reason why we feel positive and peaceful when our space is neat and clean. When our room is a mess or our home or car is disorganized, we feel stress and chaos. This belief is similar to the one I was exposed to as a child in the phrase, “cleanliness is next to godliness.”

Today I realize that being clean pertains mostly to my behavior, thoughts, and deeds. But I have also learned that when my outer environment is neat and orderly, that organization spills over into my inner environment. Less clutter means less distraction, so my energy can be more focused and productive.

To improve our mood and sense of well-being, let’s clean out our home and maintain clean spaces. This is especially important since we live in a world where collecting seems to be a widespread obsession. The chaos and stress of being surrounded by so much stuff can be emotionally and physically distressing.

At home pick up every object and ask yourself how you are impacted by it. Does an item store unpleasant memories? If so, doesn’t keeping it around make you feel uncomfortable? Taking an emotional inventory of your possessions shifts something inside you. Releasing many of your things will cause change in some long-held patterns about what really matters and makes you content.

Part of loving ourselves is caring about how our environment feels and looks. There is a deep sense of balance derived from taking time to organize and clean out closets, drawers, bookshelves, tabletops, and cabinets. We determine whether the items in our home have a purpose and a place. We give away, donate, recycle, or sell any excess. Through the effort of cleaning up our home, office, and car, we can dramatically lessen distractions and improve our sense of well-being, balance, and inner peace.

Another advantage of cleaning up our outer environment is greater inner awareness and respect for our shared outdoor space. While we may have a home with a yard that we own or rent, the entire planet is our home and residence to billions of other people, animals, and plant life. It is a heart-responsibility to care about how our actions impact the planet and delicate balance within the natural world.

For example, in Los Angeles, owners must pick up after their pets—it’s a law. I was out walking my dog when I overheard a woman comment that she did not need to pick up after her dog because its droppings were good fertilizer. There was a time I thought my dog’s poop was just fertilizer too; that is, until I took the time to learn and care about the environmental and public health safety reasons behind the law.

The Environmental Protection Agency classifies pet waste as a pollutant, just as our own bio waste is considered an agent for both viral and bacterial diseases. So, pet droppings are not good fertilizer. Even if we do not live near a body of water, animal poop can get washed into storm drains and end up in faraway streams, rivers, and groundwater.

Assessing and purging applies not only to our personal property but to the beautiful planet we call home. Take inventory of how you can properly dispose of paints, chemicals, printer cartridges, batteries, cell phones, computers, plastic bags, and other things in your everyday life that can negatively impact the natural world.

Let’s make our 2014 resolution to maintain clean spaces for everyone on the planet and all life that calls Earth home. The small actions we take do make a big difference.

Starting Over, Starting New

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I am so fortunate to live in a part of the country where I experience seasonal changes. Each Season, each Moon and Sun cycle, each Equinox and Solstice, each ebb and flow have been opportunities to start anew, to learn more about who I uniquely am and to celebrate with flow and creativity. What nature has taught me the most is that every moment is new. Wow … every moment is new. I have chills putting this into words. What a miracle to live moment by moment in newness, and from our Rhythms.

This past year as I have been observing and living in rhythm with nature, it has become very beneficial to my health and well-being. Living in harmony with nature is not a new idea, it is one of the foundations of Eastern Medicine and was also the basis for health before society became too busy and stressed to feel the body’s rhythms. Fighting or not listening to our rhythms throws us out of balance into a state of dis-ease.

As we go into the New Year, by observing the changes that take place during the winter season, we can attune ourselves to a healthier winter. Leaves have fallen off the trees providing nutrients for the soil, plants pull their sap and nutrients back into their roots, days are shorter, life slows down, some animals hibernate, nature withdraws into itself, the earth rests. Winter is a time of regeneration.

I have embraced the New Year and Winter Rhythms. Winter should be a time of personal growth, a time to go within, a restful break, a time to replenish energy for the start of the “growing” season, Spring. The shorter days that winter provides should be used as an opportunity to get more rest, sleep and dreams. Personal growth requires a lot of quiet time and solitude. Solitude is always an interesting period in our lives. It can be a time of independence, loneliness or a time of reflection and growth, the choice is ours. Winter is the time to go within. Time spent alone has the ability to open creativity. It allows us to become our real selves, true to ourselves. A time to explore who we really are, our strengths and weaknesses. We are all complete as we are, but we don’t usually realize it.

No one can provide true happiness for another person. True joy and happiness come from within when we take the time to be ourselves, to discover who we are. If we use this quiet time to reflect on the past, but not cling to it, we are able to see where we are and where we may be heading. We realize how we’ve changed, what we’ve learned and how we’ve grown by past experiences. Sometimes the smallest steps in our development are created by the hardest lessons of the past. Recognizing difficult times as just that allows us to release and forgive, to move on. Obstacles along our path provide a stopping point, a time to slow down and reflect. We are all given the strength to remove or move around the obstacle.

When we take time to be introspective, we ask, What is important to us? What do we choose to create? Who am I? These questions are vital for a life that expresses peace and deep connection. Winter gives us hope that what we create can be different. Strange that in Winter’s seeming dormancy lie the seeds of great change and newness. So here we are at Winter, with her unique rhythms. Obviously we can feel that life has slowed down within us and around us on the outside. What are a few ways we can keep in rhythm with all that we are and want to explore? 

This is my creative newness list for keeping in and with the rhythms of Winter. I know I could add many more items to my list, but these are my top ten loves and joys. Creating a list makes me feel at home within my own being. It is a fresh start. A new beginning to discovery.

1. Winter walks, finding moments of gratitude

2. Making my own teas through nature’s goodness

3. Aromatherapy and essential oil healing

4. Writing cards to be delivered by mail

5. Visiting family and friends, building stronger relationships

6. Preparing for Spring planting

7. Watching a snowfall by the window in the darkness

8. Creating new recipes and baking

9. Going to my cabin for a day every week

10. Making a new checklist for staying healthy and thriving

When you create a list, you want to be sure that whatever you put on your list are things that make you feel connected to your joys, your essence, your truest self. They need to feel effortless and nourishing. This isn’t another to-do list. This is a list that brings you to delicious moments you savor and can’t do without.

Allowing ourselves to move with the rhythms of Winter, we are not idle. Anything but. We know that in every relationship (with our self, others, nature, seasonal rhythms) there is a time for activity and a time for reflection. Reflection can be hard work if we do it right. We should ask intentional questions of ourselves, delve deeper than we have ever gone before. Understand who we are and our connection to life. It is in this way that the newness and creativity are vibrant and vital. Nature has the balance of its rhythms down to an art. I hope you can do the same!

Enjoy the Winter …

 

Navigate Through Life-Changing Transitions

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Hand and butterfly hand painting, tattoo, over a blue skyThe intention of this article is to guide you through the four stages of every transitional cycle and provide you with strategies to support you as you move through each moment of your experience. Begin the New Year with a deeper understanding of the four stages of life-altering transformation.

Whether you have made the choice or have been forced to significantly alter your life, understanding how to navigate your transition will save you from the discomfort of twisting in the wind. This is it. This is your one and only precious life. You can’t afford to waste a moment looking over your shoulder. Take the lead and navigate through your change with awareness, honesty and as much grace as you can call up.

The first stage of any significant transition begins with some pain and discomfort. You know a radical change is coming, but you might not be sure what to do about it. Chances are you will be down in the dumps. You may feel frightened, angry, uncertain, or like you’re reeling out of control. During my career transition, I remember feeling completely lost in a fog and freaked out by the fact that the ideals around which my whole former life had been built were no longer acceptable.

During this challenging first stage, I recommend staying with your regular, comfortable routines. When you are swimming in a black hole of uncertainty, the best thing you can do is create a nurturing luscious list focused on self-care. Try to cut back on extraneous commitments at home or work, and take the time to be gentle with yourself.

Items on your luscious list might include: inspirational reading, watching a magical sunset, choosing fresh-cut flowers for your desk or dining room table, playing on a swing set, soaking in a hot bath, listening to great music, practicing yoga or Tai Chi, playing outside with your family, preparing a tasty meal, or writing in a gratitude journal. Joyful activities like these help to balance out the stress and anxiety of a significant change.

While you’re nurturing yourself through your discomfort, remember that nurturing is not running away from your reality. Look in the mirror, and be honest about what’s happening inside. Accept the fact that you’re suffering, but don’t accept that your suffering is permanent. Ask yourself what really separates where you are from where you want to be. Honesty is key to healing and flowing through a monumental change.

The second stage of transition involves deep introspection. You may start to withdraw from the world, retreating into a safe and private emotional space. Initially, this might be a way to protect yourself from the pain and uncertainty you’re feeling, but this retreat can also allow you to begin to let go of old patterns and behaviors which stand in the way of your positive transition. You may feel contemplative, curious, spiritual, detached, or highly emotional – sometimes all at the same time.

Writing your thoughts in a journal is a good activity to try at this stage, especially if you’re feeling withdrawn and are having trouble talking to the people around you. If you’re still unclear about where you’re really going, try making a simple compare/contrast chart. Fold a piece of paper in half, and label one column “Want” and the other “Don’t want.” Then, fill in the blanks. Knowing what you don’t want is just as important as knowing what you do. It helps you set boundaries and build a solid foundation for your ideas.

Another helpful suggestion is to spend time in nature, soaking up the beauty of your surroundings. Plan to take a walk along the beach, hike in the woods, or visit a local park. Allow yourself plenty of time to heal from the pain and anguish of the first transitional stage.

Remember that the second stage of transition is about healing and nurturing your mind, body and soul, but it’s also a time for examination. Find the activities that keep you focused, not distracted, and don’t be afraid of the deep work. Becoming who you really are means surrendering to change.

The third stage of transition is a big shift from the first two. It’s filled with positive energy and includes research and exploration in the outer world. When you reach this stage, you are finally starting to feel like you have some direction. You’ve gotten an inkling of what the real nature of your upcoming transition might be. You are ready and eager to move forward, and you are curious about all the new possibilities. You become secure, optimistic, and confident. You are uncovering a new path and ready to walk through the doors of a ripe new opportunity. In this stage you will want to explore the Internet, read about new topics of interest, and continue to write in your journal.

Your discovery period is also the perfect time to explore new connections and talk with trusted confidants. Immerse yourself in the discovery of anything that interests you. Sometimes, even things that are unrelated on the surface can work themselves into your new path in unexpected ways. Allow yourself to play on a brand new playground!

When you have navigated the first three stages – fear and discomfort, going internal, and exploring new frontiers – you are ready to move into the magical stage of creative renewal.

The fourth stage of transition is a good time. When you reach the creative renewal phase, your vision has become clear, and you’re ready at last to create life on your terms. You are highly energized, committed, and optimistic. You are also determined to make significant changes quickly. Things seem to flow quite naturally for you. Mentally and physically you feel unstoppable because you know that everything is possible.

When you experience your creative renewal, allow yourself to be in the flow of the moment. Allow your plans to unfold without force. Become enamored of your new path, hang loose, and enjoy the magic carpet ride! I declared my new path almost eight years ago on New Year’s Eve while surrounded by my friends and family.

Each stage of a significant transition can last from a few weeks to several months. Honoring and caring for yourself, and allowing the process to unfold naturally, will help you move through the difficult stages of transition quickly.

I have navigated the choppy waters of an enormous career and lifestyle transition and have successfully reinvented myself – but I couldn’t have done it without the love and support of my family, friends, and a couple of world-class coaches. No matter what stage of transition you’re in, don’t be afraid to reach out for support. You don’t have to go through your experience alone!

Creating your life on your terms is really about allowing for grace through your next transition.

  • What stage of transition are you experiencing right now?
  • How long have you been in this stage?
  • What do you need to do right now to honor the stage you are experiencing?

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