A safe harbor where beliefs are respected and kindness prevails.

What Do You Want To Bloom In Your Life This Spring?

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Fotolia_29701059_Subscription_XXLThe wonderful thing about the changing of the seasons is that it provides opportunities to celebrate different aspects of our lives. Spring is when the light returns, when the weather warms, when we can start to spend more time outside because the days grow longer, when the blossoms burst out of winters barren branches. Life is fresh, young and new.

Most of us have traditions for each season too. For me it is Easter. For my Jewish friends it is Passover. Each religion has its special celebrations. Some of the traditions we repeat every year because they are touchstones to things that made us happy in our childhood. I HAVE to make an Easter basket for my husband every year. I HAVE to color Easter eggs. They are my touchstones to feeling good and there is only one time of year I can do that particular thing.

But this year, I want to start a new tradition. I want to think about and write down what I intend to spring forth for the first time this year for me. I will still do all my old patterns, even though they may not always have the power they once did, but I want to add one new tradition. Here are some things I have been thinking about and I encourage you to make your own list too. A list of possibilities for Spring!

  1. Reach out to make a new friend that has the same hobby or interest that I have.
  2. Plant something I have never grown before.
  3. Pick one activity for just one day that I want to volunteer for, such as working in a soup kitchen.
  4. Plan on a Sunday meal in a restaurant I have never tried, perhaps with a kind of food I have never tried.
  5. Volunteer to walk dogs at the local animal shelter.
  6. Buy or make myself a new piece of jewelry.
  7. Go on a hike at a new location.
  8. Take a Sunday ride to someplace I am curious about.
  9. Go to see a local live performance, of music or theater.
  10. Go wine tasting.
  11. Go to the Lavender fields.
  12. Take a crafting class.
  13. Take a golf lesson.
  14. Take singing lessons.

So now that I have my list, I will pick one of them and plan to do it EVERY year…not just this year. It will be my new Spring Fling! It will be my new touchstone. It might make the other things I ALWAYS do more joyful. I will not pick something because it is “good for me” or because I want to be “good.” I will pick something that stirs a little emotion in me, that “wakes up” part of me that may have been put to sleep by a life experience.

When I entered High School, I LOVED to sing. I wanted to sign up for chorus. But my mother, for a variety of reasons, told me I couldn’t…that if I sang too much when I was young I would get throat cancer. So I stopped singing.

Recently I finally found a church that suites me, after avoiding church all my adult life. They sing there. I sing there. I cry when I sing there! Finally, 50 years later, I have found a touchstone that makes me feel so good that I cry with joy!

This will be an easy habit for you to remember…because NATURE will remind you. The first blossom you see, the first bird making a nest, you will be reminded that there is a “blossom” in you that wants to come forth…drawn out but the light.

Time to find a new blossom for your soul!

Clear The Clutter

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 –  What Is Holding You Back?

Fotolia_35647855_Subscription_Monthly_MAs humans, it is in our nature to experience clarity, calmness and spaciousness all the time. The problem is we’ve forgotten how. It’s my hope that we (re) discover and (re) claim the journey. I know I do, and I am pretty sure you want to remember what life can be like when it sparkles like a diamond inside and out. Yes??? Yes!

Well, let’s put on our amazing designer rubber gloves, roll up our sleeves, get our bright bucket and get to it! Shall we?

Behind the mess that is your stress and your clutter, there is an infinitely spacious clean place one might call stillness, or joy. This is our natural state of being, but we hardly know it because most of us are caught in a tangle of social expectations, family expectations, people pleasing, illness, worry, fear, negative beliefs, material attachments, and endless mechanical “doing.” We go to work under extreme stress, come home to stress, and then start the stress cycle all over again every day. And … it scares the heck out of us; I know it once did me. So how do you break up the clutter inside and out and clean it up for good?

1. Realize clutter comes in many forms.

There’s the obvious physical stuff, of course: the junk that spills out of the closets and the piles that we wade through every day just to get out the door. It’s the stuff we don’t use, love, or need. The stuff that doesn’t have a permanent home or we can’t seem to put away on a regular basis. But there is also the more invisible clutter that gooks up our lives, the result of our unconscious and conscious human behaviors, for example.

~There’s mental chatter, the resident ego barking orders to assure its eternal comfort and safety, the endless loop tapes we play in our mind like “I should,” “I can’t,” “I couldn’t,” “I shouldn’t.”

~There is emotional charge we hold, like when our buttons get pressed, or we have a grudge, or we’re still mad at something that happened a while ago. There is the endless litany of judgments, doom and gloom catastrophizing, the fears that have us going to hell in a hand basket …”any day now.” Wow … that shocked me.

~There’s feeling small, powerless, insignificant, and unworthy and the feeling that I am not good enough.

So what do these patterns have in common? Yes, none of them feel good. None of them are attractive or inspiring. They’re real downers. They prevent us from living in present time with joy and spaciousness; they prevent us from seeing through the clutter of life to new beginnings.

Ask yourself, what are some of the “faces” you put on? When you do this, be honest to the core. You are not in judgment. There is no right or wrong. Let it go and watch what happens. Most importantly, remember you are doing this clutter picking up only for you and no one else. Laughter goes a long way when you are clutter busting.

2. Recognize the symptoms of clearing the clutter

~There are many ways that the body, mind and spirit process old stuff that rises to the surface as we clear. This is how the ego copes with the idea of letting go and having to feel “those feelings.”

~Prepare yourself. Don’t allow judgments to lead you off your mission.  Remember: This is the “clutter part” of your mind talking, not the real you! The first step is to try not to give in to all that chatter and noise.

– Celebrate in knowing that when you are clutter clearing, it changes you from the inside out and then from the outside in. You know how you feel when you have cleaned out from underneath your bed, you actually sleep better at night. There are studies related to having a better night’s sleep when we don’t have negative energy underneath us.

So, a few great questions to ask yourself during this process are: “How am I feeling right this minute? How’s my breathing? Am I feeling calmer now than I did before I began clearing the clutter, or am I feeling more jangled and agitated?

A good practice to remember is, do nothing. Just allow. You are not in self judgment; you’re in the spaciousness of self discovery.

3. Resolve that everything needs a place. There are obvious reasons for giving everything a home, of course. Having a place for everything helps us keep things in order and find them again. It helps us get to the car in the morning without tripping over physical and emotional clutter.

~Giving things a home helps us know when we have too much stuff. For example, finding zero space in the bookcase to jam another paperback, or zero coat hangers to hang the new outfit we just bought on sale gives us instant feedback that something has to give or something has to go.

~Housing things properly holds us accountable and keeps us out of the chaos of clutter. But there is more going on here than the obvious. Giving an object that we use and love a dedicated space recognizes its purpose and honors its value to us.

~Creating space for our inner energies and essence needs a dedicated space too. This may be an area of your life you have neglected for a long time. You may have to sweep a few cobwebs out and clean the glass to see clearly. The best way to manage spacious self time is to dedicate a place and time each day for at least 15 minutes and work your way up. You will become your best helper if you follow this as a clearing practice.

Try this on for size: look around and notice if there is something that has not yet been put away. How does this make you feel? How does your body feel, how does your inner self feel? Now, go and find a place for those items that need a home.

After you’ve completed this, ask yourself: How hard was that really? What does it feel like to consciously place this thing where it belongs? How does the room feel now? And, of course … how does your energy, your emotions, feel inside?

As human beings we affect our surroundings all the time: – our homes, our neighbor’s homes, our workplaces, where we shop – in ways you can’t even begin to know. Remember, anything you do every day, no matter how small, gets the energy moving in your spacious life, inside and out. Though there’s no predicting what amazing wonders you’ll discover in the process, one thing I can say is that the more you clear the clutter, the easier, juicier, and more fun it is to live in spaciousness.

Clearing the clutter indicates that all emotional patterns, joyful and otherwise, deeply influence the spaces we inhabit. Negative thoughts and stressful lifestyles create an energetic residue, and depending on how much emotional charge they carry, they can literally “stick” around for years. Happiness, too, leaves its own abundant joys and yumminess.

In the weeks and months to come, notice if your sense of ease, peace, or joy has any effect on your home, a friend, a colleague, or even a loved one. Notice how your state of being affects the world around you, and how the world, in turn, mirrors you back to you. Don’t forget our clearing energies are contagious and we own what frequencies we put out into the world. Always remember to stop and feel as part of your ongoing lifelong spaciousness of clearing.

In With T he Old: A Contrarian’s Approach

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Fotolia_56844810_Subscription_Monthly_MI’ve never liked the idea of Spring Cleaning. First, I have terrible allergies, so cleaning around dust is a physical hell to me. But this, while weighty, is the superficial part of the equation. Far more substantial is the reason why a Spring Cleaning might even be necessary.

What transpired during your winter to create such a mess? Were you homebound and frantically destroying your home? Were you hibernating so deeply that nothing was tended to? Were you in a creative frenzy and paint and chalk and clay are covering your walls?

To me, it seems artificial. While I sympathize with all my friends suffering in the Polar Vortex of 2013/14, we just don’t hibernate any more. Now we simply seem to distract ourselves with Facebook and movies on Hulu or Netflix. Few of us are going to sleep at sunset and rising at dawn to milk the cows, so there’s no reason for your home to be a complete nightmare. Short of depression, of course. And I don’t say that lightly, even if a little tongue in cheek. If wintertime depresses you so, then please take a sunny holiday next year, do some UV tanning or get a better therapist. We must never allow our environments to trap us.

This comes to the crux of the issue for me. “Out with the Old” is what most people seem to say about springtime. But what was Old about Wintertime? If you read my last article, you’ll remember that I always encourage taking the holiday spirit with you into the New Year, and not letting that sense of wonder, fun and pure joy dissipate. If that’s the case, there would be no reason for getting rid of the old, or cleaning out your home of its wintry heaviness.

What is the problem with the Old? Did all of the nostalgia of the holidays and, hopefully, the joy surrounding it allow you to delve too far into the past? Did it throw off the balance of the present? Did you have too much fun?

Here’s the key. I’ve been doing a lot of scientific research lately about how we create our own reality. Mostly, it comes down to maintaining awareness in our daily lives. Self-awareness is the next step where we can gain some perspective of our current situations and start making real, conscious decisions about whether or not we’re happy being in these situations. Once awareness is actively engaged, we can start to really LIVE in the present.

The only reasonable next step is simple: Purpose. We are called all of the time to live our Purpose. Many of us choose to ignore the call. Some of us only respond to bits of the call, the ones we were raised with or that seemed to be pre-programmed into us. That is, the ones that are simply comfortable to us. Many of you reading this are seeking a fuller purpose, and I congratulate you. Fulfillment, perhaps even Enlightenment, is what you choose to discover. What is your Purpose then?

And this is what rubs me wrong about “Out with the Old.” We are, all of us, evolving. Hopefully, we are growing wiser from our experiences, making strong, better decisions and experimenting more with creating our own realities instead of perpetuating humdrum routines. The “Old” must be celebrated, and built upon. I don’t ever want to throw it out, unless of course it’s holding me back.

But one season in the year (i.e. Spring) is not an indication that something is stopping my evolution. Ok, you might call it a reminder. I would reply that it is still artificial. If you don’t want to clean because it’s Spring, then don’t. Continue to read, cook, ski, hike – whatever it is you love to do. The only time that you must undertake something like this is when you are sincerely called to do so, by your inner higher power, because it deeply serves your Purpose.

And for the love of Life, don’t throw out the Old. Unless it truly doesn’t serve you. Celebrate the
Old, thank the Old, learn and grow from the Old. And let that provide you the roots to stay completely, fully present.  In with the Old, I say, and keep doing what you love to do today. Happy Spring.

Living In Fear? Find Solitude

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Fotolia_6337787_Subscription_LHow many times has someone said to you, “It will be ok” and you smiled because if you didn’t they’d keep talking?   Do you get tired of well-intentioned friends encouraging you with “This too shall pass?”  Do you just want to be left alone to feel what you’re feeling?

There are so many good people who want to help you through whatever you’re going through and you know you can rely on them.  However, when we are at an all time low about our lot in life, all of the words of support and encouragement can fall flat.  I know because I’ve been in some very low places and despite all the good intentions the voice in my head was just saying, “Yeah, right.  You don’t understand.”

If you’re feeling that way I encourage you to go to a place where you can be alone.  You need the time to think for yourself, to feel what is causing you pain and then to decide for yourself what you’ll do now or next.  If you’re around others their voices will drown out your own especially if they are determined to help you.  And right now you need to hear your own voice because it’s the only one you’re going to believe.

In this time of solitude allow yourself to vent out every emotion you have.  You’re safe… no one can hear you and you don’t have to worry about what they might think.

I encourage you to give voice to your worst fears.  Create the scenario in your head about everything that could go wrong.  When Jack was first diagnosed with leukemia and then again with cancer my worst fears were that he would die and I’d be alone, broke and homeless.  None of those things have happened but they were real fears to me.

If you did this with a friend they would be the first to tell you that you’re overreacting… and you are but you don’t need them to make you feel bad about yourself.  (Even if they are trying to help!)

The point of this exercise is to release the fears rather than burying them.  If you try to hide them or avoid them then they are always there and will come out when you need them least.  Instead by exposing your fears to the light you can see them for what they are… figments of your vivid imagination.

The interesting thing about our worst fears is that 93% of the time they never come to fruition.  Knowing that has helped me focus on a differently likelihood.   I’ll bet my life on the lesser outcomes than I’m going to bet on the 7%.   Perhaps you’re thinking that with your luck you’ll fall into the exception range.  That’s your ego talking.  “I’m different, I’m special, I’m the exception to the rule.”  This is not a time to let your ego take over because your ego isn’t your friend… it’s your ego and you need to avoid it like you’re avoiding other people right now.

Once you have vented out your fears, sit, do nothing, and enjoy the release of those emotions.  In that silence you will hear your soul’s voice… the one you’ll believe when it says to you “We’ll get through this.  I have your back.”   Your voice is the only one that matters when you’re dealing with your life.  Everything that comes from your soul comes from a place of love, kindness and respect. And that is what you need to hear right now.   And that is all you need to know.  Therein lies peace.

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