A safe harbor where beliefs are respected and kindness prevails.

The Simple Secret To A Consistent Brand: Keep it Honest

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In brand development, I always talk about the “two C’s”- clarity and consistency. Clarity refers to your ability to know who you are. If you don’t know yourself, you can’t share well with anyone.

Once we do know who we are as individuals, only then can we put ourselves out there so the world can know us, too. As such, I have lots of respect for everyone that musters up the courage to do a deep-dive inward and go through a self-awareness process to find their clarity.

Personally, when I stopped practicing securities law after fourteen successful years, it was tough wrapping my mind around who I really was. It took me a long, long time to have clarity that I wasn’t only a lawyer, but a woman on a mission to be of service to others using my natural talents around branding. I went through some serious soul-searching to get there-and I’m happy that I did.

The next “C” is consistency. Once you are clear on “who” you are, now how are you going to consistently share this message with others? Keep in mind the ability of those around you to “get” your consistent message. In a world that is over-texted, over-tweeted and over-caffeinated, it takes way more than one interaction for us to register on anyone’s radar. This applies to whether you are looking for a job or a date.

Consistency is very important because it is the key to others remembering and recalling us, the way we want them to do so. Consistently sharing ourselves is the area where most of us tend to stumble.

So how do we go about showing up in our world consistently?

The answer is very simple and comes from one of my favorite teachings, A Course In Miracles (ACIM). The key to being consistent is being honest. As stated in ACIM, Honesty does not apply only to what you say. The term actually means consistency. There is nothing you say that contradicts what you think or do; no thought opposes any other thought; no act belies your word; and no word lacks agreement with another. So, in ACIM, honesty is not what we think it would be. It is not just about behavior or words. It refers to the consistency of what we do or say– with what we think.

I think the key here is to be consistently honest with myself first. That means I have to take a good, hard look at myself honestly – at the good AND bad habits, acknowledge it all, and be willing to consistently give up the bad habits.

Have you ever been in a situation where you’ve actually had to “keep straight” what version of a story you told people because things starting to get confusing?   I know I have. It had to do with the fact that I wasn’t being honest about the situation with myself in my mind. The result was I had trouble consistently sharing a message about it to others.

When I’m not being consistent with how I want others to know me (and my brand), I get frustrated with myself. I know it’s about changing my thoughts to ring true to who I really am and how I want to be seen and heard by others. I feel very disappointed in myself that I’m not being honest enough with myself to show up in a way I want others to know me. I work very hard to not take it out on others at that point. After all, it’s not their problem – it’s mine.

What does this mean for you? Stop and think for yourself:

  • How often do you over-think something in your life to the point of stress and strain and resistance? Does it leave you feeling honest with yourself?
  • How often are you really consistently honest with yourself and willing to look and acknowledge the good and the bad habits you have? Stay self-aware and start with one easier instance.
  • What if you were honest with yourself – had all your thoughts be consistent and your actions just followed naturally? You could then be “straight” with people and relax knowing you are showing up as the consistent and clear brand that you are deep down.

Seem simple but not easy? I guess it really is as the saying goes– honesty is the best policy. I’ve learned over my life that it’s the path of least resistance all around. Give it a try. I know you can do it. I’m your biggest fan.

How to Embrace Your Personal Declaration of Independence

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In the spirit of July as we celebrate American independence, I think about personal independence and what it entailed for me. Sure, it is a big subject because the idea of personal independence is just that — personal. It means something different to each of us.

In my case, I yearned for acknowledgment, approval and acceptance. Also, I felt that I needed to be something other than who I was to get it. Therefore, I created very specific ideas of how I should act, what I should look like and what I needed to achieve to be deemed worthy of other people’s acceptance.

Talk about struggle! I was like a pinball, bouncing from persona to persona based upon who I was trying to please at the time. Actually, I had no way to win. My notion to act saintly (in order to be acceptable to others) was impossible to achieve. My standard of what was beautiful wasn’t my own, and was impossible for me to achieve. My sense of what it meant to be accomplished wasn’t my own, and was impossible for me to achieve.

Depression: aligning with non-preferred situations and feeling helpless to change them. – Author Unknown

Depression and I were really good friends. I felt trapped inside my head and heart because of my unrealistic expectations. After decades of spinning my wheels, being stubborn and trying to be someone and something I was not, I had a total breakdown.

Breakdowns get a bad rap, in my opinion. To me, having a breakdown means that what I have been doing — over and over again to receive what I think I want — isn’t working. When I get to the point where I’ve had enough, that is when I am willing to consider new ideas. Open. Receptive. Willing. That is when a breakthrough becomes possible. Breakdowns create breakthroughs.

In breaking through, I stopped focusing on other people’s definitions of beauty, success and acceptability and turned within to explore my own definitions of them. I explored what I appreciated about myself, exactly as I was. I started acknowledging what I do well, and spoke kindly to myself.

In time, I found that I was lighter in my head and heart. In time, I found an inner peace and joy emerging softly. And in time, by clearing myself of unrealistic expectations I found my freedom. I embraced and enjoyed my personal declaration of independence, and I’ve been dancing and singing ever since!

My heartfelt wish is for you to determine what personal independence means for you. My heartfelt wish is for you to be acceptable to yourself. My heartfelt wish is for you to break free from the chains of others’ expectations that you have adopted for yourself. My heartfelt wish is for you to be able to look in the mirror and know that a strong, amazing and magnificent person cheerfully gazes back at you.

To assist you in getting there, I have some suggestions:

  1. Honor what you did to survive: If you know that the underlying intention for all you have done was to receive acknowledgement and acceptance, know that to be true and give yourself a break. You were doing the best you could at the time.
  1. Accept your thoughts: Understand that you think up to 60,000 thoughts every day, and they are like clouds in the sky. Don’t get too hung up on how you should The truth is, you think how you think, and whatever you are thinking is going to shift momentarily anyway.
  1. Celebrate your uniqueness: Comparing yourself to others is like comparing a tulip and a rose. Stay in your own body and mind and know that you are divine in origin and expression.

If none of these suggestions resonate with you, that’s fine! Be willing to receive clarity on what tools can help you break free from unrealistic expectations, and you will find them.

As you greet the second half of the calendar year, wake up each day and commit to being a good friend to yourself. As you do this just a bit each day, your clarity will increase and your personal declaration of independence is right around the corner. Get your dancing shoes ready!

At the Mercy of the Box

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Girl Opening a Magical Present“Are you serious?” my friend asked the man at the counter.  She had just returned to the post office after he suggested that she come back in an hour because their computer system was down.  And, an hour later, it was still down.

“Yes, Ma’am, it’s still down.  I’m sorry about that.”

My friend looked at him and smiled.  “It’s not your fault,” she replied as she was leaving.  “Enjoy your afternoon.”

She took the 30 lb. box from the counter and returned to her car, and sighed.  This was the second post office she visited that day, as well as a box and ship store.  Of three establishments, none were able to ship the box for her.

The task to which she allotted about an hour of her time ended up taking two days.  When she told me about it, she shrugged her shoulders and laughed.  “When the third store didn’t work out, I knew I was at the mercy of the box.”

My friend didn’t recognize that her intentions had finally come to fruition.  Her life experience had been an immersion course in impatience, which impacted her family, killed friendships and compromised her health.  Once she decided to change her life by asking for patience and calm, she had experience after experience that challenged her: a work promotion and raise that took longer than scheduled, flight delays, getting stuck behind slow drivers, and finally, the 30 lb. box.

She laughed when she finally put together the puzzle pieces: her intentions created the experiences that helped her fulfill her wish.  Because she wanted patience, she created situations that would normally breed impatience, inviting her, over and over again, to make a different choice.  She told me that she now feels a sense of accomplishment and freedom that feel like a miracle!

Have you asked for attributes such as patience or strength and wonder why things suddenly feel like they got tough?  Here’s what you can do to put together the puzzle pieces:

  • IDENTIFY the attribute you are working on in one of these ways:

*Think about what you may have casually asked for in your heart of hearts.  You may have a secret wish in the realm of self-improvement that you may have put it into action without being aware of it; or

*See if there is a pattern of events happening recently that require you to show up more fully in ways that call on you to be patient or strong and trace it back to one of your self-improvement goals.

  • NOTICE when you have an experience that irritates you.
  • CHECK to see if it is calling you to practice the attribute you want to incorporate (such as being patient or strong)
  • ACKNOWLEDGE yourself when you choose to practice patience or strength, understanding that the experiences are a perfect reflection of your self-improvement intentions.

It only takes a little bit of imagination to allow your life to become on purpose, even in ways that initially feel non-preferred.  Once you practice the art of saying, “This experience serves me exactly as-is, even if I can’t yet identify how,” you will connect with your wondrous freedom of choice, reconnect with your creativity, and enjoy your future adventures with some extra pep in your step!

www.janetdthomas.com

Surviving Our Worst Nightmares

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Fotolia_39873238_Subscription_XLFor the last few months I’ve been living my worst nightmare.  For most of that time Jack didn’t want anyone to know.  He never wanted his life to be about having cancer and I respected his wishes. When he died though I was grateful for the support of family and friends who grieved with me and held me up when I just wanted to curl up in a ball and die too.

Every day is different.  I am grateful for the life I had with Jack and I know that focusing on all the good things will always make me feel better than thinking about my loss.   The days though that I spend alone are the roughest because I do think about all I’ve lost and of all the things I have to do alone now.  And it’s hard… very hard.

When I’m around others my grief doesn’t go away but I am able to focus on something else if only for a little while.  It is those times that enable me to realize that I will survive despite the intense pain and sorrow I feel.

What I’m learning is to allow myself to feel every emotion I have and to let it all out in a manner in which I feel safe and comfortable.  Sometimes that is when I’m alone. Other times it’s when I’m with those friends and family who are also grieving.  Once I let it all out the weight is lifted off my shoulders at least for a little while.  It is then that I can see beyond the now… and there is hope in being able to do so.

Being distracted by anything enables me to begin living my life again.  And I feel better when I do.  I’ve even laughed a time or two.  Jack would never wanted me to endlessly mourn his passing and I don’t want to stay there either.  For me that means that I need to move beyond my grief… at my own pace… and to allow myself to experiencing whatever comes my way.  It means saying “Yes” to new adventures and “No” when that is right for me.

Whatever I do honors both Jack & me because it’s always been about the choices we make.  I’m choosing to find a happier place in life despite living my worst nightmare at the moment.  And I know that Jack would be proud of me for doing so.  So along with having hope there is peace in that knowledge.  That makes happiness possible again… and it also means I will survive my worst nightmare.

And you will survive yours too. When time has passed and we’ve moved beyond the here and now we’ll be able to look back and acknowledged our strength.  Then we can make yet another choice… to not just be a survivor… but to thrive.  To find the joy in life.   Because joy is there… waiting for us to be ready to live in it.

With love, Cheryl

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