A safe harbor where beliefs are respected and kindness prevails.

On Living

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There was a time in my life that I didn’t want to crawl out from under the covers.  I was in a place 6 years ago where I’d lost everything that was important to me, except my marriage, and with it went my desire to do anything. One night I was watching TV when a commercial for antidepressants came on and I realized that’s what my life had become.  I existed.  That’s when I began writing and how Simple Steps came to be.

To say that this year didn’t start out the way I’d hoped is an understatement.  These last years though have taught me so much about myself and the choices I can make.  Yes, I am grieving and I’m OK with that.   There is however a bigger picture.  I’m not hiding under the covers.

Every experience teaches us something new about ourselves and our resilience.   We may not like the lesson but we can celebrate something… even though it may take a little while to do so.  Jack is the love of my life (period).  But my life goes on in this world and he’s in another one.   So while I may be grieving I’m also living.

Yesterday I volunteered at the Humane Society Doggie Dash here in Portland.  Last weekend my friend Jane & I drove out to wine country and explored the little towns, shops & sat on a beautiful deck and had a glass of wine.  Next weekend I’m driving to Seattle to visit friends and enjoy the city.   In June I’m celebrating my 60th birthday with friends in San Francisco.  Life goes on. And we take it at the pace that is right for us.

We find our balance and we move on.  We honor ourselves and make the conscious decision to find happiness again.  And if we fall into a black hole or lapse backward for a while that’s OK too.  We’re allowed to feel the pain just as we’re allowed to feel the joy again.

Anyone who knew Jack & I would say that I’m doing amazingly well in these last 3 months.  I choose to see moving forward as honoring his spirit.  If Jack could die with courage and grace then I can live with courage and grace… even if I have to live without him.
Life may not always be easy… but it’s our to do with as we choose.  What do you choose?

With love, Cheryl

The Slolution

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Young woman in dress looking out the windowI have no idea what ever possessed me to type “Slolution.”  It’s obviously not a real word but something called me to write it.  Even though I don’t know why I wrote it I do know exactly what it means.

The simple definition for “Slolution” is….  Slow Solutions.  The act of figuring out what is next in your life without the stress of having to know the answer right now.   In the past I would have moved very quickly to figure out a solution.  It may have not been the best in the end but I took action!  Unfortunately those moving too fast decisions weren’t always the best… or the lasting ones.

Lately my need for instant results or gratification is gone.  When we go through the worst life has to offer we really don’t care much about the stuff we use to obsess over.  For me if there needed to be an answer I was going to find it and find it fast.  Now it’s more along the lines of … “If it happens, it happens.”  It’s not that I don’t care I just have a very different perspective since Jack died.

The “slolution” for me means that I don’t have to be in charge and I don’t have to think it’s my responsibility to control an outcome.    I don’t have all the answers for life’s questions.  They’ll come in time… slowly… and they will solve my problems if I let them.

If we just give up the need to control the outcome and allow the solution to come to us in its own good time we’ll know when it’s right.  But in the meantime we can forget the churn of trying to know it all and know it all now.

That for me is worth more than having the answer now. I’ve had enough stress in my life… Haven’t you?  Are you willing to take it slow (er?)  Join me!

With love, Cheryl

At the Mercy of the Box

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Girl Opening a Magical Present“Are you serious?” my friend asked the man at the counter.  She had just returned to the post office after he suggested that she come back in an hour because their computer system was down.  And, an hour later, it was still down.

“Yes, Ma’am, it’s still down.  I’m sorry about that.”

My friend looked at him and smiled.  “It’s not your fault,” she replied as she was leaving.  “Enjoy your afternoon.”

She took the 30 lb. box from the counter and returned to her car, and sighed.  This was the second post office she visited that day, as well as a box and ship store.  Of three establishments, none were able to ship the box for her.

The task to which she allotted about an hour of her time ended up taking two days.  When she told me about it, she shrugged her shoulders and laughed.  “When the third store didn’t work out, I knew I was at the mercy of the box.”

My friend didn’t recognize that her intentions had finally come to fruition.  Her life experience had been an immersion course in impatience, which impacted her family, killed friendships and compromised her health.  Once she decided to change her life by asking for patience and calm, she had experience after experience that challenged her: a work promotion and raise that took longer than scheduled, flight delays, getting stuck behind slow drivers, and finally, the 30 lb. box.

She laughed when she finally put together the puzzle pieces: her intentions created the experiences that helped her fulfill her wish.  Because she wanted patience, she created situations that would normally breed impatience, inviting her, over and over again, to make a different choice.  She told me that she now feels a sense of accomplishment and freedom that feel like a miracle!

Have you asked for attributes such as patience or strength and wonder why things suddenly feel like they got tough?  Here’s what you can do to put together the puzzle pieces:

  • IDENTIFY the attribute you are working on in one of these ways:

*Think about what you may have casually asked for in your heart of hearts.  You may have a secret wish in the realm of self-improvement that you may have put it into action without being aware of it; or

*See if there is a pattern of events happening recently that require you to show up more fully in ways that call on you to be patient or strong and trace it back to one of your self-improvement goals.

  • NOTICE when you have an experience that irritates you.
  • CHECK to see if it is calling you to practice the attribute you want to incorporate (such as being patient or strong)
  • ACKNOWLEDGE yourself when you choose to practice patience or strength, understanding that the experiences are a perfect reflection of your self-improvement intentions.

It only takes a little bit of imagination to allow your life to become on purpose, even in ways that initially feel non-preferred.  Once you practice the art of saying, “This experience serves me exactly as-is, even if I can’t yet identify how,” you will connect with your wondrous freedom of choice, reconnect with your creativity, and enjoy your future adventures with some extra pep in your step!

www.janetdthomas.com

Surviving Our Worst Nightmares

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Fotolia_39873238_Subscription_XLFor the last few months I’ve been living my worst nightmare.  For most of that time Jack didn’t want anyone to know.  He never wanted his life to be about having cancer and I respected his wishes. When he died though I was grateful for the support of family and friends who grieved with me and held me up when I just wanted to curl up in a ball and die too.

Every day is different.  I am grateful for the life I had with Jack and I know that focusing on all the good things will always make me feel better than thinking about my loss.   The days though that I spend alone are the roughest because I do think about all I’ve lost and of all the things I have to do alone now.  And it’s hard… very hard.

When I’m around others my grief doesn’t go away but I am able to focus on something else if only for a little while.  It is those times that enable me to realize that I will survive despite the intense pain and sorrow I feel.

What I’m learning is to allow myself to feel every emotion I have and to let it all out in a manner in which I feel safe and comfortable.  Sometimes that is when I’m alone. Other times it’s when I’m with those friends and family who are also grieving.  Once I let it all out the weight is lifted off my shoulders at least for a little while.  It is then that I can see beyond the now… and there is hope in being able to do so.

Being distracted by anything enables me to begin living my life again.  And I feel better when I do.  I’ve even laughed a time or two.  Jack would never wanted me to endlessly mourn his passing and I don’t want to stay there either.  For me that means that I need to move beyond my grief… at my own pace… and to allow myself to experiencing whatever comes my way.  It means saying “Yes” to new adventures and “No” when that is right for me.

Whatever I do honors both Jack & me because it’s always been about the choices we make.  I’m choosing to find a happier place in life despite living my worst nightmare at the moment.  And I know that Jack would be proud of me for doing so.  So along with having hope there is peace in that knowledge.  That makes happiness possible again… and it also means I will survive my worst nightmare.

And you will survive yours too. When time has passed and we’ve moved beyond the here and now we’ll be able to look back and acknowledged our strength.  Then we can make yet another choice… to not just be a survivor… but to thrive.  To find the joy in life.   Because joy is there… waiting for us to be ready to live in it.

With love, Cheryl

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