A safe harbor where beliefs are respected and kindness prevails.

Starting Over. An Interview with Cheryl Maloney

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Cheryl Maloney is a resilient lady. In addition to her vision, sense of humor, and dedication to create a safe space for people who need it, her resilience and vulnerability consistently keep her close to her followers.

I met Cheryl at an exciting time in both of our lives. We were both hitting a stride, when the power of possibility shined brightly after most of the dust of various transitions had settled. I consider her one of my diamond finds along the journey to my own actualization.

As the New Year 2014 was fast approaching, and Cheryl’s following was growing in leaps and bounds, my gut told me that everyone newly welcomed to the Simple Steps Real Change Community needed to know that vital little bit more about the journey of our esteemed and well- loved founder and publisher. Though her natural modesty initially shied away from a personal interview, I am privileged to share her story with even more people who might take heart from it.

Unsurprisingly, when I sat down with Cheryl to hear the arc of her story, she never disappoints. Having gone through a three year period akin to A Year of Magical Thinking, she boldly created a mission that has contributed solace, inspiration, community and infinite possibility to nearly half a million individuals all around the world.

That’s no small feat in today’s smorgasbord of self-help gurus. But Cheryl will be the first to tell you that she’s no guru, and has little need for them. She’ll tell you instead that it’s time to honor the guru within ourselves. We all have the answers, all the time. Sometimes we just need a little help and wisdom getting the clarity to see what’s been there all the time.

Like many of us, Cheryl found herself in a seemingly unmanageable place in time. She felt confounded and mired in a terrible situation that was mercilessly taxing and soul-challenging. She discovered that the big, classic spiritual and self-help tomes become burdensome instead of helpful. Cheryl’s quest for a simpler answer is a reward for each of us.

Q:

YOU’RE SITTING IN TEXAS, YOUR BASIC SECURITY NEEDS ARE AT RISK … DID THE COMMERCIAL INSPIRE YOU TO SIT DOWN AND START A BLOG?

The blog started before that … shortly after we moved to Texas. I was 53 years old, in a state I had never lived in, and I couldn’t find another job. I was just writing to express what I was going through. I’d never ever written anything other than work documents before.

I was blogging on a website at the time that no longer exists, and pretty much no one was finding it. It wasn’t until my niece suggested that I put this on Facebook that things took off. Even though I stopped just lying on the couch, I found myself looking at what I had lost in my life. And I asked myself,“Is this all there is left to your life?” My family all live into their 90s, and I thought, “Is this how I want to be for another possible 40 years?” So I started reading everything I could get my hands on. I was reading so much, but I could not ingest anything. Everything felt so complex! Finally, I came upon Happy for No Reason by Marci Shimoff. It was all about how to find Happiness again, and how people looked at things differently.

Then it struck me: It’s just got to be simple. There has to be more! And it has to be real. So one day I just strung those things together.

Once I moved to Facebook as SSRC, things steadily crept along. [Laughing] I was literally sitting in a doctor’s office waiting room when my 57th person signed up! I was so excited! It hit me that people are reading what I had to write. It crawled along for months and months, and finally there were 1000 people! 7000 people!

Q:

WAS SSRC BECOMING CENTRAL TO YOUR WAY OF LIFE?

First of all, Jack was doing everything he could to be understanding. He has the patience of a saint. In my darkest moments, he never once said anything like “You have to go back to work.” It was, “Do what you want to do, it’ll be ok. We’ll figure it out. Don’t worry about it.” No-problem- Jack. He was supportive and understanding, and he’s always been that way. We’ll figure it out. We’ll get through it.

And yes, all of my free time was spent writing. It was never about just Train of Thought. It had to be meaningful, so it would tell a story. I committed to blogging daily. It was so important to me that I make a personal connection with everyone on the forum. I sent a message to people on Facebook when my dad was in the ambulance. Some of our readers will remember how I even wrote, “My father is going to die tonight,” and the love and support came back to me! There were so many people out there who’d been through this. All of a sudden, we were talking about praying for help – not religiously, but spiritually. As new readers were coming in, we were doing the same thing. SSRC was becoming a place people could be supported and safe. People needed to feel safe! It’s been an amazing journey.

Q:

WHO WERE SOME OF THOSE FIRST PEOPLE WITH WHOM YOU INTERACTED?

They were regular, everyday people. They were folks who were trying to put food on the table, whose children had died, people whose kids blamed them for the divorce. That’s the connection that’s most important. Everyone is going through something, but we forget about that with the everyday stresses. Most people seem to just be told, “Get over it, and move on.” But people need to be supported. As long as they feel they are alone, they feel like pariahs. The truth is that millions of people are feeling the same things, and you have to allow yourself to feel what you feel. Then you can get past it. You deserve more.

My biggest impact came from a lady in Chicago. Around the time the market crashed, she lost her job, was caring for her mother, and needed to feel safe and secure. I had put a post up on a Saturday morning that said, “If it’s important enough to you, you will find a way.” She exploded! “How dare you say this, you have no idea what it’s like!” And she unloaded on me.

I stepped back and realized that I had a choice. I could say “Get over it,” like everyone else, or I could take a different position. So I responded: “There’s nothing here to negate what you’re going through. When you’re ready to get to that point of living your dream, you WILL find a way.” We ended up talking on the phone for over an hour, and we laughed. She changed my perspective that day, adopting this attitude of gentleness and kindness. We’re all going through something. There are degrees and steps. There’s a journey.

Q:

WHAT DID YOU DISCOVER DURING THOSE YEARS IN TEXAS?

I had always been a positive person and bounced back in 24 hours if anything happened to me, as far as anyone else was concerned. But internally,

I was completely obsessive: a worrier! I spent so much time worrying about the things that I didn’t want to happen. And every one of them came to pass. I was focused on not having enough money, and that is exactly what happened.

As soon as I stopped doing that, it all went away. I no longer focus on what I don’t have. I focus on the fact that I can pay my bills every month. That may be the Huge Lesson. Real discovery is the willingness to see all the possibilities, and not just what is in front of your face.

Q:

WHAT DO YOU MISS ABOUT THE WOMAN IN THE CORNER OFFICE WHO DROVE THE BMW AND THE PORSCHE?

I don’t miss anything … is that true? Yes, I don’t miss that person. I’m grateful that I lost pieces of that person, because that person was arrogant, and that I found who I am really am. It was all a front before. None of that stuff means a hill of beans. Relationships with people matter most to me now. I can’t tell you I miss any of it. I’m even glad I lost it, though I wish it could have come a different way. 

Q:

WHAT DO YOU SAY TO PEOPLE WHO CLAIM: “PEOPLE CAN’T CHANGE”?

If you believe they can’t, they never will in your eyes! We don’t let people change.

When we go through life-altering challenges, we’re either wiser or waiting for another lesson. There will be another lesson if we didn’t get it the first time.

Q:

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE SSRC TO LOOK LIKE IN FIVE YEARS?

Right now, SSRC is a safe harbor where people can come and just be, come to feel support and understanding and kindness and love, and not feel pressured, ostracized, condemned – all those negative feelings because people disagree with them. I’ve created a place where everyone’s beliefs are honored. That is what I want Simple Steps to continue to be.

In five years, I believe it will be the place where everyone comes for kindness and support, a place where positivity rules. If people are looking for positivity, they’re going to go to SSRC. My vision is to help create a positively focused world. The mission is to help people see their own magnificence, their own beauty, they’re own potential.

Q:

WHAT IS THE GREATEST LESSON YOU’VE LEARNED SO FAR?

It’s that every person is doing the best that they can.

Q:

WHAT IS YOUR SECRET TO KEEPING IT SIMPLE?

I truly believe that if we break up what we see as complicated into its smallest parts, we’ll realize there is a simple path right in front of us. And we take that path one simple step at a time.

Q:

WHAT’S AT THE END OF THE PATH?

What end? There is no end! [Laughing] It’s like asking “How do I get out of the box?” There is no box. There is no end to life. 

The Solution. One Resolution.

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I do not have a list of New Year’s resolutions. For too many years I set myself up declaring all the things I was going to change about myself, yet did not stick with long enough to actually achieve the change I wanted. Then I would spend the next eleven and a half months beating myself up for not keeping the resolutions I made.

 This year join me in breaking the habit of making a long list of resolutions. Let’s identify one thing to concentrate on, to make a consistent part of our new 2014 life style. For example, let’s focus on cleaning up and maintaining clean spaces within our homes and outer environment to enhance the universal flow of energy around and through our body, other people and pets, and the objects surrounding us.

Known in Asian cultures as Qi (Ch’i) or “life-force,” this stream of energy is the underlying reason why we feel positive and peaceful when our space is neat and clean. When our room is a mess or our home or car is disorganized, we feel stress and chaos. This belief is similar to the one I was exposed to as a child in the phrase, “cleanliness is next to godliness.”

Today I realize that being clean pertains mostly to my behavior, thoughts, and deeds. But I have also learned that when my outer environment is neat and orderly, that organization spills over into my inner environment. Less clutter means less distraction, so my energy can be more focused and productive.

To improve our mood and sense of well-being, let’s clean out our home and maintain clean spaces. This is especially important since we live in a world where collecting seems to be a widespread obsession. The chaos and stress of being surrounded by so much stuff can be emotionally and physically distressing.

At home pick up every object and ask yourself how you are impacted by it. Does an item store unpleasant memories? If so, doesn’t keeping it around make you feel uncomfortable? Taking an emotional inventory of your possessions shifts something inside you. Releasing many of your things will cause change in some long-held patterns about what really matters and makes you content.

Part of loving ourselves is caring about how our environment feels and looks. There is a deep sense of balance derived from taking time to organize and clean out closets, drawers, bookshelves, tabletops, and cabinets. We determine whether the items in our home have a purpose and a place. We give away, donate, recycle, or sell any excess. Through the effort of cleaning up our home, office, and car, we can dramatically lessen distractions and improve our sense of well-being, balance, and inner peace.

Another advantage of cleaning up our outer environment is greater inner awareness and respect for our shared outdoor space. While we may have a home with a yard that we own or rent, the entire planet is our home and residence to billions of other people, animals, and plant life. It is a heart-responsibility to care about how our actions impact the planet and delicate balance within the natural world.

For example, in Los Angeles, owners must pick up after their pets—it’s a law. I was out walking my dog when I overheard a woman comment that she did not need to pick up after her dog because its droppings were good fertilizer. There was a time I thought my dog’s poop was just fertilizer too; that is, until I took the time to learn and care about the environmental and public health safety reasons behind the law.

The Environmental Protection Agency classifies pet waste as a pollutant, just as our own bio waste is considered an agent for both viral and bacterial diseases. So, pet droppings are not good fertilizer. Even if we do not live near a body of water, animal poop can get washed into storm drains and end up in faraway streams, rivers, and groundwater.

Assessing and purging applies not only to our personal property but to the beautiful planet we call home. Take inventory of how you can properly dispose of paints, chemicals, printer cartridges, batteries, cell phones, computers, plastic bags, and other things in your everyday life that can negatively impact the natural world.

Let’s make our 2014 resolution to maintain clean spaces for everyone on the planet and all life that calls Earth home. The small actions we take do make a big difference.

Shifting Up From Judgment to Discernment

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Most of us fear being judged on some level.  It doesn’t feel good at all, and depending on how much emotion is attached, it can feel really awful.  Most of us, however, tend to do it to other people or events.  While we can’t easily control being judged by others, we can learn to shift what we do ourselves in our daily situations and that can improve the quality of our lives.  It doesn’t mean that you just “accept all that comes your way.”  What it means is that you stand back and try to see what is motivating you to decide if something is right or wrong for you, shifting from judgment to discernment.  Following are some steps you can take to do that, but first let me explain the difference between the two.

Let’s say you are an interior designer. Your client is color blind, but knowing that green will represent “healthy and organic” for his new store, has decided that he wants all the items in a particular room to be green. He can’t see the difference between green and blue. Your job is to select only green items, using your ability to discern between the two colors. There is no emotional judgment involved in this; it is just a simple matter of observation and choices.

But let’s say your mother always dressed you in green when you where a child and everyone in school made fun of you. Now when you look at something that is green, it inspires a negative emotional judgment about the color. It puts your emotional body into negative vibration mode and out of sync with the rest of you. It takes you away from your higher source. If that happens and you are aware of it happening, you have to work at bringing yourself back into balance or spend the rest of the day “out of sorts.”

So if you find yourself “not liking” something, step back and evaluate what is going on with you, what is the reason for the reaction. Ask yourself:

1. Is this opinion based on prior experience about this subject?

2. Does the situation evoke a twinge in my belly?

3. Am I thinking about what OTHERS would think of choosing or not choosing the situation?

4. Have I rationally thought about the pros and cons of this subject?

Too often we have to make snap decisions, and there may not always be time to go through these questions, but if you practice when you have time to ponder something, it will in time become second nature to you and you will run through the questions in a flash of a second. If your answer was “yes” to 2. or 3., it is likely that you are in a state of being judgmental, or having an emotional reaction to the situation that might have nothing to do with the current situation.  So what is wrong with that you ask? You might just make the wrong choice.  You might let some past experience stop you from what could be a very good experience for you…now, with this new situation…not the old one in your emotional memory banks.

When you are pointing your finger at someone else in judgment, energetically you are pointing THREE fingers back at your self. Being more tolerant of people or situations that aren’t living “up to your standards” will not draw those types of people toward you. Not being tolerant just might!  We are learning how our own energy draws certain things to us and repels others. So if you are in a state of being emotionally judgmental, you are going to attract people that are also in that state around you…inviting them to judge you.

Our emotions play a very important role in our lives, as long as they are in balance.  Feeling love and joy are very positive experiences to be sure.  If you are feeling anger or fear, those feelings may be protecting you from something about to cause you harm.  What is good for us to learn is if what we are feeling, be it love or fear, is really about the situation immediately in front of us or about something that happened in our past.  Thinking that you are “in love” with someone who reminds you of a past love can match you up with the wrong person.  If you are in a state of fear, lets say of being fired from your job, if that fear stems from a previous experience when you were actually fired, not this situation, you may react inappropriately and actually get yourself fired again!

Don’t be discouraged if learning to master this “discernment” about your emotions takes some time. But taking the time to try to see the difference can’t help but make your life better, help you make better choices. Just think about it next time you are in a state of judgment.  Run through these four simple questions and see what is really going on with you.  We all have this ability, we just have to

 

Starting Over, Starting New

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I am so fortunate to live in a part of the country where I experience seasonal changes. Each Season, each Moon and Sun cycle, each Equinox and Solstice, each ebb and flow have been opportunities to start anew, to learn more about who I uniquely am and to celebrate with flow and creativity. What nature has taught me the most is that every moment is new. Wow … every moment is new. I have chills putting this into words. What a miracle to live moment by moment in newness, and from our Rhythms.

This past year as I have been observing and living in rhythm with nature, it has become very beneficial to my health and well-being. Living in harmony with nature is not a new idea, it is one of the foundations of Eastern Medicine and was also the basis for health before society became too busy and stressed to feel the body’s rhythms. Fighting or not listening to our rhythms throws us out of balance into a state of dis-ease.

As we go into the New Year, by observing the changes that take place during the winter season, we can attune ourselves to a healthier winter. Leaves have fallen off the trees providing nutrients for the soil, plants pull their sap and nutrients back into their roots, days are shorter, life slows down, some animals hibernate, nature withdraws into itself, the earth rests. Winter is a time of regeneration.

I have embraced the New Year and Winter Rhythms. Winter should be a time of personal growth, a time to go within, a restful break, a time to replenish energy for the start of the “growing” season, Spring. The shorter days that winter provides should be used as an opportunity to get more rest, sleep and dreams. Personal growth requires a lot of quiet time and solitude. Solitude is always an interesting period in our lives. It can be a time of independence, loneliness or a time of reflection and growth, the choice is ours. Winter is the time to go within. Time spent alone has the ability to open creativity. It allows us to become our real selves, true to ourselves. A time to explore who we really are, our strengths and weaknesses. We are all complete as we are, but we don’t usually realize it.

No one can provide true happiness for another person. True joy and happiness come from within when we take the time to be ourselves, to discover who we are. If we use this quiet time to reflect on the past, but not cling to it, we are able to see where we are and where we may be heading. We realize how we’ve changed, what we’ve learned and how we’ve grown by past experiences. Sometimes the smallest steps in our development are created by the hardest lessons of the past. Recognizing difficult times as just that allows us to release and forgive, to move on. Obstacles along our path provide a stopping point, a time to slow down and reflect. We are all given the strength to remove or move around the obstacle.

When we take time to be introspective, we ask, What is important to us? What do we choose to create? Who am I? These questions are vital for a life that expresses peace and deep connection. Winter gives us hope that what we create can be different. Strange that in Winter’s seeming dormancy lie the seeds of great change and newness. So here we are at Winter, with her unique rhythms. Obviously we can feel that life has slowed down within us and around us on the outside. What are a few ways we can keep in rhythm with all that we are and want to explore? 

This is my creative newness list for keeping in and with the rhythms of Winter. I know I could add many more items to my list, but these are my top ten loves and joys. Creating a list makes me feel at home within my own being. It is a fresh start. A new beginning to discovery.

1. Winter walks, finding moments of gratitude

2. Making my own teas through nature’s goodness

3. Aromatherapy and essential oil healing

4. Writing cards to be delivered by mail

5. Visiting family and friends, building stronger relationships

6. Preparing for Spring planting

7. Watching a snowfall by the window in the darkness

8. Creating new recipes and baking

9. Going to my cabin for a day every week

10. Making a new checklist for staying healthy and thriving

When you create a list, you want to be sure that whatever you put on your list are things that make you feel connected to your joys, your essence, your truest self. They need to feel effortless and nourishing. This isn’t another to-do list. This is a list that brings you to delicious moments you savor and can’t do without.

Allowing ourselves to move with the rhythms of Winter, we are not idle. Anything but. We know that in every relationship (with our self, others, nature, seasonal rhythms) there is a time for activity and a time for reflection. Reflection can be hard work if we do it right. We should ask intentional questions of ourselves, delve deeper than we have ever gone before. Understand who we are and our connection to life. It is in this way that the newness and creativity are vibrant and vital. Nature has the balance of its rhythms down to an art. I hope you can do the same!

Enjoy the Winter …

 

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