A safe harbor where beliefs are respected and kindness prevails.

Acknowledge and Release

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Fotolia_4114986_Subscription_LI believe I have mentioned this phrase before, but want to share some more thinking about it.  I was “complaining” about a business situation and my husband said “Here’s some advice…if you can’t change it, stop worrying about it!” We have all heard that before, but I want to add something to that thought.

Before you release anything that doesn’t feel good or right to you, you have to shift your feeling about it!  That is the newest level of operating these days as a human being.  So before I released that point of worry, I needed to shift my FEELING about the situation.  So how does one do that?  Here is a simple process you can use, as I did.

  1. Ponder the real and actual effect the situation has on you.  Will it affect your income, your work schedule, your status in the community! Or, is this just about you not having “control.” Many times this step is all you need to do, and you can have a good laugh at yourself for being “upset” about something that doesn’t REALLY affect you. That little chuckle will lift up your vibration to a higher state and you can go on to step 3.
  1. If you realize that the situation really will have a substantial effect on your life, then it deserves to be acknowledged as real, not just a knee jerk reaction.  So now what? If you truly acknowledge it for what it is, you can choose to release it and go on to the next step. Yes, just ask to release it.  You may not feel that exactly at first, but honoring it is a pretty essential step.  Otherwise, it just goes and hides somewhere in your brain/body and will pop up again, perhaps even in regards to a totally different situation.  So even if you don’t really feel it, just ask to have that released from your life’s experience.
  1. This is the most important part.  Now you need to spend time visualizing what you DO want, now that you are clear about what you DON’T want.  Think/feel how it could be different, how the situation could turn around in a positive direction and think/feel how that would be for you.  FEEL it!  This is your creative imagination doing its best work.  This is the potential you have for actually creating your life…for making yourself happier! So imagine the situation to be different that it appears to be, imagine it to be a GREAT outcome for you, imagine that the other people involved are also thrilled with this new direction, imagine it a WIN/WIN situation.  They don’t have to lose for you to win after all!

This is how you take control of your life.  Right there. The more time you spend visualizing what you want…and FEELING it, the sooner “what you want” will appear in your life. And the best part is that you will actually feel better along the way. Having something or not having something isn’t really the point, how you are feeling is the point!  So if something or someone is making you unhappy, you are giving them your energy.  It is draining you of your positive juice!  So recognize it, honor it, release it, then spend time playing with what you want.

If you have your own story to share, please write to me and I will “anonymously” share it.  We all benefit from each other’s stories.  Write me at voiceofyoursoul@gmail.com.

How to Quit Reeling

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caregiversAre you a bundle of emotions because some part of your life has ended? Whether the rug was pulled our from underneath you or a choice you made did not end well you’re in a place that might illicit worry, fear, sadness grief or a combination of feelings that keep you up at night… or keep you from functioning normally during the day.  You don’t want to be in this place but you’re reeling from the shock of it all.

Before you add on feeling bad for feeling bad, breathe.  Yes… breathe.  Give yourself a few moments to recognize you are alive.  Breathe deep and doing nothing else but feel the air flowing into and out of your body.  Focus on just breathing for a minute or two.  You’ll discover by taking this simple step that you’ve given both your mind and body a chance to relax.

Next give yourself some time to feel all of the emotions that have come with this ending.  Whether you choose to take an hour or a day decide how long you’ll allow these feelings to dominate your mind. This doesn’t mean you’ll magically flip a switch and go back to normal.  It means that during this time you’re giving yourself permission to be ok with whatever is weighing on you.  The time limit also sets the expectation that you’ll move forward when it’s over.

Now that your immediate reaction has been vented out.  Breathe, again.  Center yourself and focus just on the flow of air in and out of your body.  At this point you should feel just slightly better than you did when this all started.   Just that slight improvement enables you to think more clearly and be just a little more objective.

While you’re experiencing this break grab some paper & pen or your computer and write down these areas of your life.

Marriage/Romantic Relationship
Other Relationships
Money
Job/career
Health
Safety
Hobbies/Interests

Beside each category write a short statement of the condition of each. For example you might say your marriage is stable, secure, love, happy, ok or ending.   Use your own words to describe each area of your life, objectively.  The point there is to take a snapshot of your entire life.  This enables you to see the bigger picture and not just what had ended.  That give your perspective to realize you’re ok.

With this knowledge the reeling slows and you discover you are already on solid ground.  And the rough spot you’ve encountered is just a pothole in life that you can get past.  For now… that realization… is all you need.

14 Ways to practice Soul-cial Living

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(This is this first article on ways to practice Soul-cial Living in a series of 4)
“A life lived to serve others is the only life that matters.”  Ben Stein

love and kindnessOne of the most important aspects of “Soulcial Living” is giving back to the community.  I am the youngest of six children.  We grew up in a small town just outside of Detroit.  My father was the bread-winner and my mother was the bread maker.  Both came from humble beginnings and never missed an opportunity to teach us the meaning of “giving back to the community”.

We are all connected.  What we do affects everyone and everything on the planet.  To live “Soulcially” means we recognize that connection and honor all of life by doing what we can to serve.

Below are 14 ways to “show up” for your community and practice living a more “soul-cially” conscious lifestyle.  Over the course of the next six weeks I will include 42 additional ways to practice; 14 more ideas for each article, giving you a total of 56 different practices to incorporate into your life.   Some require a little thought, others include a simple gesture.

1.Talk less – listen more
2. Offer to do community service/Volunteer
3. Mentor a child
4. Shovel your neighbor’s snow
5. Offer to show someone your town
6. Pay a toll for the person behind you
7. Donate to charity
8. Recycle
9. Start a free book exchange
10. Smile at a stranger
11. Hug someone
12. Call someone long distance
13. Send a card to someone
14. Tell everyone you meet to “make it a great day”

Little things make a big difference, in your life and the life of another.  Challenge yourself by printing this out!  Practice one each day, make a difference and get ready for the next round.

The love and kindness of one friend can make the difference of a million! TMG

Circumstances & Choices

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As I was thinking about this first article I shared a post on the Simple Steps Facebook page that said,

Everything you do it based on the choices you make. It’s not your parents, your past relationships, your job, the economy, the weather, an argument or your age that is to blame.  You and only you are responsible every decision and choice you make. Period.

When we’re dealing with the repercussions of another’s decisions, the weather, the economy or anything that isn’t within our control it’s easy to feel like a victim.  After all something else is responsible for the circumstances we are left to deal with.

cmBeing a victim relinquishes responsibility and control over our lives… and it makes us feel weak.  In order to find solid ground through we have to accept our power and that requires a perspective check.  Sure we may not be responsible for what happened to us… but we are totally responsible for what we do now.

This was a hard learned lesson for me but a necessary one in order to heal and move forward in my life.  Here are a few examples from my own life:

  • At age 53 my position was eliminated due to the company being  acquired.  After almost 25 years with the same company I was unemployed.  The economy crashed and I found myself in competition with the 20-somethings coming out of college for a scant few jobs in my field.  I’m still “unemployed.”
  • I took all my retirement savings and invested in the rental housing market.  I hired a property manager who didn’t collect the rents or make repairs.  We ended up with thousands of dollars in repairs, legal costs and ultimately we lost the properties.
  • My dad died suddenly leaving me to care for my elderly, blind mother.

All of these events occurred within a 3 year period of time… the same time Jack was diagnosed with leukemia and treated for cancer.

Yes… the circumstances arose from the actions of others.  What I chose to do about it was totally in my control.  And in each case the bigger factor was my attitude.  For awhile I didn’t want to get out from underneath the covers.  Ultimately I had a choice to make.  Stay in this place of misery or get up and make the best of it.

We can allow ourselves to be buried by the circumstances in our life… and after all… who could blame us?  We didn’t ask for any of this to happen.  But it gets really old  being in a place where people just feel sorry for us.  Even worse as long as we stay in that place we feel bad about ourselves.  The “aha” moment came for me when I realized that while I may not have controlled the circumstance… that event was over.  My living in this place of misery was my choice.

What?  Yep!  I was choosing to feel bad.  No one was forcing me to be.  No one could.   And that’s true for every one of us.

We choose to feel how we feel.  If it’s working for you… go with it.  If it isn’t… choose something better for you. When you realize the power of your choices you will find solid ground.

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