A safe harbor where beliefs are respected and kindness prevails.

MISHAP OR MESSAGE?

by

Fotolia_484183_Subscription_L-1I am in the habit of maintaining a to-do list. I don’t update it daily, although that is something I had intended to do (which is another subject altogether!).

Anyway, yesterday I opened my “non-daily” to-do list on the computer. The first thing I see at the top is the date of my previous version, which was nine days ago. NINE DAYS. I couldn’t believe it! Where did the time go?

I have been keeping my goals at the forefront of my mind while doing everything I can to keep things moving in the direction of my choosing. But… nine days? Seriously? Of course I didn’t have to scan it too much to see that most of the items were still outstanding. Now, the automatic response recipe usually has a healthy dose of disappointment mixed in with anxiety and more than a dash or two of self-scolding.

However, I have decided that there will be no more of that recipe for me, especially since I detect a very clear pattern of creating my to-do list and continuing to carry forward the tasks – over and over again.

As I have stated in my Heal For Real!™ Manifesto, “I am willing to examine the idea that everything in my life is part of my path, not an interruption.” So what I have decided to do is realize that my not getting these tasks done is part of my path. With that in mind, the first thing that happens is that I breathe a bit. And that feels pretty good!

After I take that “get off of my own back” breath, I ask myself the following questions:

  • Are my tasks things that I can actually accomplish?
  • Do I always do my very best at any given time?
  • Are my goals the same?

If my answers to any of those questions is “no” then I will explore why, and think about what I can change. However, if my answers to those questions are a resounding “yes,” then I think there is a message (and, therefore, an opportunity) in there for me.

Perhaps I don’t find the tasks enjoyable. If my journey isn’t enjoyable, what makes me think that the end result will be enjoyable? If I am in the habit of thinking the stuff I’m doing is drudge work, my habitual mindset will be focused on the idea of drudge work. I would rather live in the mindset of happy work or fun work so that I can bask within the energy of that. So, without changing anything but my mindset, perhaps I will find myself with renewed vigor and doing the tasks at hand.

Assuming that “all roads lead to Rome,” perhaps there are different things I can do that will still get me where I want to go. I can reevaluate my steps and perhaps think outside of the box to arrive at a more enjoyable course of action that will help me arrive at the same place.

And, finally:

Perhaps I am happy being distracted with other things right now. If that is the case, why not just relax and enjoy the days as they are going, which, just by itself, is a pretty good deal.

In considering these ideas, I can already feel my energy shift. I have arrived at three things that show me that, yes, there is a message for me in not getting my to-do list done:

  • Relax and enjoy the journey
  • Chill and enjoy the journey
  • Enjoy the journey!

Perhaps I will continue to keep the things on my to-do list undone, just so that I can have the feeling of lightening up, over and over again!

Weeds, Wildflowers & Roses

by

RobSteve1

The house where I live was built in 1894. It’s a three-story, wood frame, “shotgun house”. The lot is only 30 feet wide and 100 feet deep and luckily the house takes up most of this.   My partner and I enjoy a long beautiful deck off the side of the house and I have planted small, manageable gardens out in front of the house and around the perimeter of the backyard. I love spending time in my gardens, putzing here and there, adding new plants or moving existing plants to a new spot in the garden. I have found that getting dirt under my fingernails is certainly a meditation for me.

A few weeks ago we were entertaining a few friends at the house and I had the opportunity to show off my garden. One of our guests, Tom, knows a lot about flowers and gardening and at first I was a little shy in showing it off to him but it turned out that he relished in the variety of the garden. Stopping at one flower bed I pointed to a bunch of plants and I told him that I wasn’t sure what they were – in fact I was convinced that they were weeds – but I liked the flower it produced. The plants grew about a foot tall, with wide long leaves that followed the stem and finished with a tiny bell-shaped blue flower. Tom told me the Latin name of the plant and then said, “Yea, it’s a weed,” and then added, “but if you like the flower, who cares?”

I had to stop and think about this for a moment. How true – that’s really what it all comes down to, right? What do you like? We spend our days going back and forth between, I like this and I don’t like that. If the flower of any plant is appealing to me, why call it a weed? So, I decided to look up the definition of weed and according to Webster, a ‘weed’ is: a plant that is not valued where it is growing and is usually of vigorous growth; especially:  one that tends to overgrow or choke out more desirable plants. I find it interesting that ‘valued’ and ‘desirable’ are both used in this definition – especially because these two words are subjective and can a have completely different meaning to any two people. It made me think about what I value and what I find desirable. That led me to one of the many traps of the mind – “attraction and aversion” – “good and bad” – “right and wrong.”

All of Life is an expression of Shakti or Prakriti – the energy of creation and nature. The Dandelion is no different than the Rose – the Thistle is no different than the Iris – each is one form; or one expression of the creator – Shakti! Just like you and I! No one thing is better or worse than another. Everything has been created equal. But we want to put labels on things and put them into nice neat categories. We may think that this makes getting through our day a little easier – but really all these judgments slow us down. Why do we need to have an opinion on everything? Why must we have a favorite color, or a favorite place to vacation? Why must we think the driver that just cut in front of us is a bad driver – when in fact, maybe they are rushing to the hospital because their spouse is giving birth!

Shakespeare says through Hamlet; “There is no good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” Sometimes it comes down to our intention – a few beers with old friends is a great way to catch up, but drinking a six-pack or more to drown your sorrows because you missed a deadline at work, may not be the best choice. It’s not that you drink beer but why you are drinking the beer. If our intentions are in line with our own nature, then good and bad are mute points and we can begin to stop judging each and every thing that passes in front of us.

One way to stop the madness is to begin by noting to yourself that you are passing judgment as you are in the middle (or maybe even the beginning) of the judgment. Try it. Next time you are in the grocery store for example and you peer into the cart of the person in line behind you – STOP, before you think, ‘Well. No wonder they are…’. Having a judgment about what you see in someone else’s cart is of no use to you. What your judgments do – good or bad – is they begin to tear YOU down because the judgment reflects on how different you are from them. ‘Oh, look at all those vegetables – I should eat more vegetables, no wonder I’m fat.’ Or, ‘look at all those frozen dinners, they are full of sodium, no wonder they are so out of shape.’ Try it! A judgment arises; stop it by saying to yourself, judgment. You may find yourself, during your tour around the grocery store, or your next commute to work, saying judgment, judgment, judgment, judgment…..I was so busy saying judgment to myself the first time I tried this I began to laugh out loud.

Our judgments coincide with our expectations and our expectations are fed by our fears and hopes. We say we hope ‘xzy’ will happen, when in fact, what we are saying is we fear that ‘acb’ will happen instead. We long for pleasure and we shy away from pain. If we can get to a point of non-judgment or non-attachment we can start to move away from the trap of pleasure and pain, good and bad. Now, there are some good reasons to have expectations or to be judgmental – ‘the fire is hot, if I touch it I will get burned’.   Judgments on the level of survival are important – but judgments that compare or separate are of little or no use.

There’s a Buddhist story of a man who has an arrow in his eye – this arrow represents a judgment he holds about himself or a situation. In the story he tries to move the arrow slightly to the right in an effort to alleviate the pain – but this does not work, so he moves it to the left, again no relief. The pain caused by the arrow is a reflection of the pain we cause ourselves by holding onto judgments. Really all we need to do is drop the judgment (or pull the arrow from our eye) and the pain will be gone. But, we have a bad habit of growing attached to our judgments – they become so much a part of who we are that we almost forget that they cause us such pain. Lodro Rinzler, in his book “The Buddha Walks Into A Bar…” says is best…. “If you are constantly solidifying strong opinions and expectations, it is just as if you are sticking an arrow in your eye. It is foolish to think that we will find lasting happiness by trying to change things to make them more in line with our desires.”

Drop your opinions and find freedom. Move to the middle road and find spaciousness. See the weeds, wildflowers and roses for what they are – an expression of the creator.

Peace,

Steve Bolia

Create a Sacred Living Space

by

Fotolia_48297255_Subscription_XXLWhen you dream of creating a sacred and beautiful living space what does it look and feel like? For me it’s a feeling of warmth and comfort. The way I feel when I visit my Mom. The sanctuary she’s created makes me feel safe, comfortable and lovingly adored. A part of this is the connection we share, but it’s also freshly laundered sheets, vases of fragrant flowers and everything in its place. My mother is the mistress of creating an oasis where you can exhale and relax while taking in the beauty of her gorgeous living space.

The 100-year-old Craftsman home I live in with my family is cozy, warm and inviting. The walls in our living space are painted with warm, rich colors. Granny apple green, barn red and sunflower yellow make for a colorful environment and complement the maple flooring and custom cabinets. Original paintings and photographs cover the walls. Most of the art was created by local artisans, close friends and my talented daughter.

Look around the room and you will find heirlooms and treasures from holiday adventures. Every piece has a story. My favorite painting by Simon Bull came home with me from a shopping trip at The Lanes in Brighton, UK. After sharing a delightful visit with an artist, a piece of his exquisite pottery traveled over the Atlantic to be on display in our kitchen. The wool throw on my favorite chair came from a small shop in Bruges. Our second floor hallway is covered with photographs from exciting adventures to Hawaii, Antigua, Aruba, Scotland, England, Germany, Holland and many more wonderful places.

  • What does your ideal environment look like?
  • How does this living space make you feel?
  • How does this compare to your current environment?

Here are five steps to create your sacred living space:

Clean up your environment

Creating a nurturing space begins by cleaning and de-cluttering your environment. Years ago my particular brand of cleaning was out-of-sight, out-of-mind. I would fly through the house unconsciously stashing away items in drawers, closets and cupboards. As long as the immediate area was free and clear, I could breathe a little easier; that is until I went to find whatever it was I’d absentmindedly put away!

Chances are you have at least one large bag full of items in each room of your house that you could be rid of. When was the last time you donated your gently used items to Goodwill. Have you considered selling some of your old books, electronics or CDs on Ebay? Is there a neighbor who could use some of the items that no longer serve you?

Want to get a jump-start on cleaning up your space? Hire a cleaning service to clean your home. Make a list of all of the areas you wish to be cleaned and make it happen. You can find a number of cleaning services Online. Look for Molly Maid or Merry Maids. Better yet, ask a friend if they can recommend someone.

Once you’ve cleaned up your living space and work space it’s time to take inventory of your belongings.

Keep only meaningful items 

Let go of old clothing, dishes, linens and outdated decorations. Clean out folders and shred old documents to create more spaciousness. There is something rewarding about keeping only the items that you love and the essential documents you may need. You can let go of all the rest. Take a minute to request electronic invoices for your credit cards, bank statements and cell phone bills. Recycle old magazines or donate them to your local library.

Do you plan to keep all of your children’s grade school work forever? Choose a few items from each grade and store these special treasures in a safe place. I have gorgeous box for all of my daughter’s special school projects. One box contains everything we decided to keep from kindergarten to eighth grade.

How many gifts have you received that you are hanging on to just in case the person who gave you the gift comes for a visit? Will your Aunt Beverly be devastated if you give away the tea set you never use? Do you really need to keep every present you’ve ever received? What can you let go of that no longer serves you?

Imagine what would your home be like if it contained only items that were either highly functional, meaningful and beautiful.

Color, texture and light

After you’ve eliminated most of the non-essential items from your living space, you can begin to personalize your environment. What is your favorite color? Do you have anything in your living space that is this color? When was the last time you painted your living room, kitchen, bedroom? Is it time for a color change?

I love going to the spa. When my husband and I renovated our master bath my goal was to create a spa like feeling on a shoe-string budget. Can you recreate a spa environment in your bathroom? How would it feel to slip into a luxurious cotton robe and warm slippers after a relaxing bath? You can easily create a spa environment with a new shower curtain, bamboo or Egyptian cotton towels, candles and soft music.

What about your bedroom? Is the place you sleep, dream and make love an oasis or an eyesore? What might your sanctuary feel like with a high thread count sheets, a new duvet for your comforter and the absence of a computer or television set?

You can breathe new life into your kitchen by getting rid of cracked dishes and mismatched glasses and coffee cups. I collect Fiestaware and don’t like the coffee cups that come with each place setting. Rather than store them, I passed them along to a friend with a yoga studio. Add a new throw rug, get rid of worn out pans and trashed utensils. Keep a vase on your dining table for fresh flowers, greens, dried grasses or eucalyptus.

Can you see how could can improve the feel of your living space easily and inexpensively?

Invite nature in

My home and office contain natural gifts from the shores and forests of Michigan. I love to collect wild flowers, pussy willows, cat tails, beach stones, pine cones, driftwood and acorns.

Fresh flowers bring more beauty into any environment. I have a single rose in a vase on my desk. You can invite nature in to your home with a beach stone or shell collection. I live in an area with four seasons and collect and display items that represent mother nature’s seasonal offerings.

Another fun way to let nature in is to have some fun with your camera. Get outside and capture images of your favorite tree, flower or breathtaking sunset. You can easily enlarge and print your image, pop it in a frame and Voila! You’ve just brought something you love from nature into your personal space.

Set the mood

Music and aromatherapy are perfect for staging the desired mood of your environment. Feel like dancing? What kind of music might you be listening to? Need to chill out and relax? Classical music or a new age playlist might be a good choice.

You can enhance your environment with scented candles, incense and essential oils. Lavender is perfect for a calming effect. Citrus will awaken your senses. I love burning the earthy sweet scent of Shoyeido White Cloud incense when I bathe or meditate. Before bed I sometimes spritz my pillows with lavender or rose water and often smudge my home with white sage to clear negative energy.

Begin to create your nurturing sanctuary by clarifying how you want to feel in your own space. Once you know what you want, it’s time to clean and clear the area. Then it’s time get rid of the items that longer serve you. Say goodbye to clutter, one room at a time. Paint the walls, add a new throw rug, pillow or special blanket. Invite nature in with flowers, collections from nature and landscape photography. Create the desired mood with your favorite music and aromatherapy. Follow these simple steps and enjoy your new sacred living space.

Still Searching For Rainbows

by

glassofrainbowWe are all being challenged at the moment to stay positive no matter how things appear around us. This attitude, this looking at the glass half full, is what will carry us through these times of change.

So, picture a glass half full, with a rainbow ending right in it!

Too Pollyanna for you? Well just try it. Get a photo of a rainbow and put it behind a glass of water, half full! What does that do for you…well at least it should be worth a chuckle! It would be even funnier if someone came in and caught you doing it…caught you looking for the rainbow in the half full glass!

I ask you to wonder, are we all a bit afraid to show optimism now? When so many have lost so much, all over the world? Perhaps just a little. Sometimes expressing optimism activates a tirade from someone you know, someone who you care about. Fear of that can perhaps cause us to be reluctant to express it.

If that is how you sometimes feel, then become a closet optimist on those days!

People will sense the positive energy coming from you. Even if you don’t share WORDS of optimism, if you spend a little time each morning thinking about:

  • Something you are grateful for in your life
  • Something you dream might happen to you (like winning the lottery!)
  • Appreciating what you have, not what you don’t have
  • Appreciating the friends that you do have (even if they are glass half empty people)
  • Appreciating the weather if it is good, or the farmers market if you can go, or the phone call you got from someone you wanted to talk to …

You get the idea. Then don’t share it with anyone but see if you light up the faces of the people you encounter during the day…even just a tiny little bit … just by emanating a slightly more positive energy. If they don’t smile when they see you, it may be something going on with them…you don’t always get a “sign” that you are shining positive energy. In fact, sometimes it can really irritate people to see you happy when they are not.

But do it anyway.

You may help that person without their realizing it. You may help them question why they are irritated with your happiness. You may shift their energy up just a tiny bit. You can’t be “positive” because you want proof that you are a good person. You just have to do it because it feels good to you and hopefully feels good to those you encounter during the day.

Keep it in the closet if you like, but open up the door just enough to let that rainbow in! Oh, and then drink the water!

Feedback