A safe harbor where beliefs are respected and kindness prevails.

Dating A Boy Of A Different Kind

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Fotolia_52949512_Subscription_XXLYou consider yourself part of the bohemian lifestyle, all things commercialized are a disgrace, and no “real” job should interfere with doing what you love and finding your purpose. He on the other hand, is suit by day and part of the whole mind-numbing rat race. He has the stylish apartment and the BMW; and yet, you met him in the organic food section at the supermarket. You started swamping recipes and realized you enjoy each other. He makes you laugh. You love cooking together or eating at ethnic restaurants, but a lot of things are off limits. You don’t like the same music, same places for weekend get-away’s, and you find his friends shallow. Can you overcome the differences even though you really, really enjoy him as a person?

Or, what if you are an attorney making your way to partner and he is the manager of a taco bell? You met him at a chic new martini bar and he was dressed to kill. You never would have guessed that he comes home smelling like grease every night. He has no ambition to leave or advance. He likes his little world. He definitely has a lot of mental and philosophical similarities, but he is a beer drinking mans-man and you don’t have a lot of similar interests. He gets discouraged when he can’t afford to do things for you or you want to do things that he can’t afford to do. Some things you just can’t relate to, but you love your time with him anyway.

Is this relationship doomed straight from the start, or is there a way to make it work?

I think it really depends on what the differences are and how important it is to you that they be the same. You are hopefully mature and secure enough to know that you don’t have to have the same interests. If he loves NASCAR and Budweiser, you don’t have to share that. Occasionally sacrificing a few hours on a Sunday just to watch part of the race with him is great but other than that, use that time to go to an art gallery or catch up with the girls. Do something you know he’s not totally into that you like. Conversely, do you see him making efforts to partake in the things that you enjoy that he could care less about? This give and take of small compromises is vital in a lasting relationship.

If the differences are of fundamental issues, like work ethic, priorities in life, or values…you would be best to take some time to examine how important they are to you, but chances are this isn’t going to work. Does he have a disgruntled relationship with his family and think it’s totally odd that you actually like to connect with yours regularly? This could be an issue, especially if he acts like a two-year old about your insistence that it is important to you that he attends your nephew’s baptism. Do you need growth and adventure as a regular part of your life? Where as he would rather stay spending his weekend in the lazy boy for the rest of his days? This is a needs and values difference. Don’t sacrifice what you believe, or need, for him. You’ll eventually come to resent it. Don’t try and convert him to your ideals either. You wouldn’t want him to do that to you.

Sometimes being open to the world, lifestyles, and viewpoints outside of our own is really enlightening, and fulfilling. Just because you’ve always gone for the retired college jock type, doesn’t mean your true partner won’t be a sensitive, open mic poet type. Anytime we restrict our options, or keep ourselves in a box we are probably not having the fullest experience we could be.

All this being said, you want to make sure the core beliefs are the same if nothing else. It is important to know that your relationship needs will be met, one way or another, in some form. Just as you shouldn’t restrict yourself in seeing what might be appealing and work, don’t limit your ability to get your needs met.

Sometimes you can have not enough in common. People can be too opposite. Opposites don’t always attract!

Less Stress, More Bliss

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Less stress more bliss soulciallivingStress is Change –

Change is everything –

Embrace it!

What is stress? Stress is change and because everything is always changing and moving, we feel stress on a regular basis. Simply put stress is our response, physically, spiritually and emotionally, to certain changes that happen in day to day life. Sometimes it’s good stress and sometimes it’s bad stress. When those changes are extreme and prolonged, fearful and painful, it can be deadly.

Examples of bad stressors that can cause negative effects in our lives are: a car breaking down, receiving bad news or getting laid off, an annoying colleague, financial issues, and sickness, changing habits like quitting smoking, or ending a relationship, moving, deadlines at work. The list is endless. We all have your own stressors.

Good stressors cause different responses. The body can respond by increases in chemicals, such as endorphins, that provide more energy and strength. Endorphins allow humans to feel a sense of power and control over themselves that allows them to persist with activity for an extended time; like runners high or the euphoric feeling after a particularly satisfying event, the excitement felt after an extremely awesome experience.

When working properly, stress helps you stay focused, energetic, and alert. In emergency situations, stress can save your life – giving you extra strength to defend yourself, for example, or spurring you to slam on the brakes to avoid an accident.

What can you do when stress and change are excessive? GET HELP!

The best way to manage stress is to avoid it. Since that is not always an option there are a wide range of tools available to help including: psychotherapy, drugs, meditation, and exercise.

10 Stress relievers that you can include in your life now include:

                  Meditation/Mindfulness

                  Exercise

                  Healthy foods (chocolate counts!)

                  Journaling

                  Energy work

                  Massage

                  Creative projects

                  Positivity coaching

                  Connecting with “happy” people

                  Laughter

My particular methods for relieving my stress levels are meditation and mindfulness, exercise, laughter, energy work, and eating foods that support my overall well-being. These techniques can easily be incorporated into your life by accepting that stress can be a good thing, and, when these are practiced on a regular basis, they can seriously reduce your stress levels and increase your own happiness levels.

Experience less stress and more joy, by embracing change! Want to know more? Visit terigriffinwilliams.com.

 

 

Every Soul Is Whole…

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No matter how wounded the human being…

When I was 21 I was briefly locked up in a psychiatric hospital. I had become severely depressed. At least that is what I was told I was. Deep inside I knew my depression was the result of no longer being able to outrun the personal issues I had struggled with all of my life. Without anyone to confide in and nowhere to turn for help, I retreated inward as an act of desperate self-preservation.

At the time I considered life too unbearable to continue. So the answer as “professionals” saw it was to medicate me and slap a variety of labels on my condition. That only served to further distance me from a real solution to my underlying problem – self-acceptance and self-love.

While I cannot speak for everyone, I have learned many things about the variety of reasons we get lost in the limitations of our mind. With our lives moving at ever faster speeds we are often too quick to reach for a drug, or to give up on ourselves, or to isolate ourselves in an attempt to cope, or to want someone else to fix our broken lives.

For me, healing began in earnest when I stopped looking for answers to heal myself from someone or something outside me. As long as I continued to give my power to other people to fix my life, my life remained broken. Their support and advice was good, but in the end, to truly heal, I had to take the actions necessary to move myself past the pain, loneliness, and lack of self-respect. That required letting go, and letting that part of me I cannot see and cannot touch, take over.

While one size does not fit all when we speak about moving past depression and traumatic issues, I feel it is important to remember that our soul (the spirit/heart that we are) is the motivating power behind self-change. Soul houses self-love, self-respect, and determination, all of which are necessary to successfully get us through life’s hard spots. So while physical and emotional trials are very real, the same is true of our soul’s willpower to move us past them. Our soul is the higher, wiser part of us with the strength of character to overcome any challenge or change any negative habit.

For me, and countless others who have taken our power back from abuse, addiction, bad relationships, and other negative life situations, we want to be of encouragement. You are truly powerful to overcome anything in your life because your soul is whole, no matter how wounded your human being.

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You are Your Own Greatest Cheerleader

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Fotolia_54239935_Subscription_XXLRecently I participated in a women’s expo. Vendors converged from far and wide to share their goods – cosmetics, perfumes, hair products, clothing, self-defense items, protein powders, energy bars, and anything else you can imagine that serve women. In addition, there were speakers and workshops and do-it-yourself instructional areas. And, I was there with my books.

I decided beforehand that I would focus on sharing information I felt could brighten someone’s day. So I spent both days standing in front of my booth passing out my Heal For Real!™ bookmarks. I offered a bookmark to the women (and the few men) who walked by. While handing it to them, I shared one message from the bookmark, a phrase at the very top of it – “I am my own greatest cheerleader.”

I reminded them that they are their own greatest cheerleader, so talk nicely to themselves, and be kind to themselves because they deserve it. It was fun to see so many beautiful faces light up when they accepted the bookmark. When I shared this idea with young girls, they beamed. For me it was a completely gratifying experience

It occurred to me that loving and cheering for people is easy because we are naturally loving beings. We thrive on encouragement and support, just as children do. Even though we soak it up like a sponge, we have learned to survive without healthy doses of encouragement and support. Why is that? Why do we ration self-encouragement like we are at war with ourselves?

It may be very challenging to be self-encouraging. Perhaps we didn’t receive it growing up, and we didn’t witness others’ self-encouragement because we typically nurture ourselves through inner dialogue.

At any rate, be open to the idea of self-encouragement. Now be willing live the idea by practicing it. It is always possible to turn over a new leaf. It is always possible to learn a new habit. And the time to start is right now.

You are your own greatest cheerleader, so talk nicely to yourself. Remember that your thoughts are like clouds in the sky.   They are always changing and moving. Give yourself a break about how you think. Acknowledge yourself. Tell yourself, “I hear you” and keep things moving. You will be on to the next thought before you know it anyway!

You are your own greatest cheerleader, so be kind to yourself. You would be kind to an innocent child, wouldn’t you? In what ways would you show kindness to a little one? Apply those same words and acts of kindness to yourself.

You are your own greatest cheerleader. Talk nicely to yourself and be kind to yourself because you deserve it. So often we believe we are not valuable because we experienced non-preferred situations while growing up. We believe that if we were good, those things wouldn’t have happened. But, we experience heartbreak in many forms to show us that we have the strength to recover from them and open our hearts even more. And that takes courage, which we learn by being encouraging.

Just today, be kind to yourself in some way and you will begin to lighten up. When you transform on the inside, you transform your world. We need your light. We need your gifts. We need you to be happy and encouraged!

Janet D. Thomas

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