A safe harbor where beliefs are respected and kindness prevails.

Weeds, Wildflowers & Roses

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RobSteve1

The house where I live was built in 1894. It’s a three-story, wood frame, “shotgun house”. The lot is only 30 feet wide and 100 feet deep and luckily the house takes up most of this.   My partner and I enjoy a long beautiful deck off the side of the house and I have planted small, manageable gardens out in front of the house and around the perimeter of the backyard. I love spending time in my gardens, putzing here and there, adding new plants or moving existing plants to a new spot in the garden. I have found that getting dirt under my fingernails is certainly a meditation for me.

A few weeks ago we were entertaining a few friends at the house and I had the opportunity to show off my garden. One of our guests, Tom, knows a lot about flowers and gardening and at first I was a little shy in showing it off to him but it turned out that he relished in the variety of the garden. Stopping at one flower bed I pointed to a bunch of plants and I told him that I wasn’t sure what they were – in fact I was convinced that they were weeds – but I liked the flower it produced. The plants grew about a foot tall, with wide long leaves that followed the stem and finished with a tiny bell-shaped blue flower. Tom told me the Latin name of the plant and then said, “Yea, it’s a weed,” and then added, “but if you like the flower, who cares?”

I had to stop and think about this for a moment. How true – that’s really what it all comes down to, right? What do you like? We spend our days going back and forth between, I like this and I don’t like that. If the flower of any plant is appealing to me, why call it a weed? So, I decided to look up the definition of weed and according to Webster, a ‘weed’ is: a plant that is not valued where it is growing and is usually of vigorous growth; especially:  one that tends to overgrow or choke out more desirable plants. I find it interesting that ‘valued’ and ‘desirable’ are both used in this definition – especially because these two words are subjective and can a have completely different meaning to any two people. It made me think about what I value and what I find desirable. That led me to one of the many traps of the mind – “attraction and aversion” – “good and bad” – “right and wrong.”

All of Life is an expression of Shakti or Prakriti – the energy of creation and nature. The Dandelion is no different than the Rose – the Thistle is no different than the Iris – each is one form; or one expression of the creator – Shakti! Just like you and I! No one thing is better or worse than another. Everything has been created equal. But we want to put labels on things and put them into nice neat categories. We may think that this makes getting through our day a little easier – but really all these judgments slow us down. Why do we need to have an opinion on everything? Why must we have a favorite color, or a favorite place to vacation? Why must we think the driver that just cut in front of us is a bad driver – when in fact, maybe they are rushing to the hospital because their spouse is giving birth!

Shakespeare says through Hamlet; “There is no good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” Sometimes it comes down to our intention – a few beers with old friends is a great way to catch up, but drinking a six-pack or more to drown your sorrows because you missed a deadline at work, may not be the best choice. It’s not that you drink beer but why you are drinking the beer. If our intentions are in line with our own nature, then good and bad are mute points and we can begin to stop judging each and every thing that passes in front of us.

One way to stop the madness is to begin by noting to yourself that you are passing judgment as you are in the middle (or maybe even the beginning) of the judgment. Try it. Next time you are in the grocery store for example and you peer into the cart of the person in line behind you – STOP, before you think, ‘Well. No wonder they are…’. Having a judgment about what you see in someone else’s cart is of no use to you. What your judgments do – good or bad – is they begin to tear YOU down because the judgment reflects on how different you are from them. ‘Oh, look at all those vegetables – I should eat more vegetables, no wonder I’m fat.’ Or, ‘look at all those frozen dinners, they are full of sodium, no wonder they are so out of shape.’ Try it! A judgment arises; stop it by saying to yourself, judgment. You may find yourself, during your tour around the grocery store, or your next commute to work, saying judgment, judgment, judgment, judgment…..I was so busy saying judgment to myself the first time I tried this I began to laugh out loud.

Our judgments coincide with our expectations and our expectations are fed by our fears and hopes. We say we hope ‘xzy’ will happen, when in fact, what we are saying is we fear that ‘acb’ will happen instead. We long for pleasure and we shy away from pain. If we can get to a point of non-judgment or non-attachment we can start to move away from the trap of pleasure and pain, good and bad. Now, there are some good reasons to have expectations or to be judgmental – ‘the fire is hot, if I touch it I will get burned’.   Judgments on the level of survival are important – but judgments that compare or separate are of little or no use.

There’s a Buddhist story of a man who has an arrow in his eye – this arrow represents a judgment he holds about himself or a situation. In the story he tries to move the arrow slightly to the right in an effort to alleviate the pain – but this does not work, so he moves it to the left, again no relief. The pain caused by the arrow is a reflection of the pain we cause ourselves by holding onto judgments. Really all we need to do is drop the judgment (or pull the arrow from our eye) and the pain will be gone. But, we have a bad habit of growing attached to our judgments – they become so much a part of who we are that we almost forget that they cause us such pain. Lodro Rinzler, in his book “The Buddha Walks Into A Bar…” says is best…. “If you are constantly solidifying strong opinions and expectations, it is just as if you are sticking an arrow in your eye. It is foolish to think that we will find lasting happiness by trying to change things to make them more in line with our desires.”

Drop your opinions and find freedom. Move to the middle road and find spaciousness. See the weeds, wildflowers and roses for what they are – an expression of the creator.

Peace,

Steve Bolia

Face Your Fears

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And Claim Your True Calling

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“Creating your life on your own terms is really about allowing for grace through your next transition.”

I woke up in a dreadful fury. The red light on the alarm clock glared at me: 5:30 a.m. A few more minutes of sleep was all I wanted – anything to put off going back to another useless morning meeting.

Does this sound like your average day? It used to be mine.

For many years, I had enjoyed my job, but now it felt more like a prison sentence, and I knew I had to find a way to escape. I decided that I deserved to follow my creative calling. It was time to get real, face my fears, develop a career transition plan, and become the mistress of my own destiny.

I was unconsciously bumping around from one role to the next, one task to the next, seemingly dead inside. It made me ask myself: how had I become numb and cut off from a world filled with abundance and wonder?

What does going through the motions look like? Sometimes it’s hard to recognize when you’re just “bumping around” while you’re still bumping around. You may feel confused, fearful, angry, and scattered. You may distrust your own decisions and feel more worried or anxious than normal. The pain of an uninspired work life lends itself to a reactionary autopilot protection program that only makes things worse. Living on perpetual autopilot does not serve anybody well.

One big red flag for change is that you’ve been putting your life on hold. Are you waiting for your tenth anniversary watch/clock/golf clubs before moving on? Are you putting off having children or taking a life-changing adventure vacation because you “can’t afford” to be away from your desk? If so, ask yourself what you’re really waiting for.

I remember precisely when I realized I was ready to let go of everything and pursue my calling. I was in a meeting with my peers and our newly-appointed general manager. The true purpose of the meeting was lost as a discussion about the future of our sales force suddenly took a nose dive, becoming a mosh pit of ruthless judgments. The experience was awful. I lost my cool while being interrogated by someone with absolutely zero knowledge of sales management and even less compassion for our tenured sales staff. I was trapped in the no-win game of arrogance and corporate garbage, and I experienced a complete emotional meltdown.

At that moment I completely shut down; I looked out the conference room window. Blazing across the sky was an intense, perfect rainbow. I was the only person in the room with this spectacular view, and in that instant, I knew I had to get out of the company to save my soul.

Another sure sign of impending change is the feeling that you must make a difference in the world. The paycheck and the benefits are no longer enough. For me, a major turning point was the realization that selling television commercials does absolutely nothing meaningful for the world. Advertisers spend stacks of cash to promote products like Viagra and Lipitor so the general public can get an erection and eat more cheeseburgers.

Wow!

This wasn’t an easy truth to swallow: I had invested much of my life in the television advertising business, and I loved the game – until I didn’t anymore.

Hey, people change.

In fact, we are all changing every day: evolving, growing, and learning; researching, soul searching, and witnessing our lives. But these are small changes, accomplished over time. If you want to make a big change, begin by focusing on your current scenario. Where are you right now in relation to where you want to be? When your life is more miserable than happy because you no longer fit into the confines of your career, it’s time to a) get a new job, or b) become an entrepreneur.

My internal transition lasted for almost one year. Before I was ready to move forward, I had to have several deep and lengthy conversations with my husband, move around investments, secure a line of credit, negotiate a healthy severance package, and buy a new car. Admittedly, this part of the planning process was uncomfortable for a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants woman who’d never thought about money, but I’m glad I went through it. Once those things were out of the way, it freed me up to flesh out the other aspects of my business plan. It’s difficult to dream big if you’re worried about where the groceries are going to come from next week!

In the beginning, my inner critic would berate me with statements like: “How could you walk away from eighteen years of sales and leadership success to do this? Reinventing yourself is a waste of time.” When I heard that voice I would do my best to think, “Nonsense! Cancel! Clear!”

Fear is the biggest saboteur of your auspicious goal to reinvent yourself. Fear can take hold of you and cling like an evil shadow until you decide to take action. The voices in your head that mutter things like, “I can’t,” “I’m afraid,” “I’ll let somebody down,” “I’m not good enough,” or “Don’t quit your day job!” represent pesky negative programming that must be undone. If you don’t address it, you will continue to play on a fear-breeding mental merry-go-round.

When undertaking my own transition, my biggest fear was losing everything I’d created over a lifetime serving the television industry. I had power, money, an exquisite lifestyle and lots of material wealth. How could I chuck the stability to follow my dream? I struggled with severe self-doubt. Was I a fraud? Could I really go it alone?

After thoughtful consideration and soulful conversations with loved ones, moving toward my dreams became my ONLY option. Transformational coaching, writing, voice work and yoga have become the stones that pave my way. Learning to honor my natural rhythm, explore new interests, and inspire others is hugely rewarding.

The process of uncovering your calling and learning to trust in yourself, your passion, and the Universe is like riding a wave of pure, unbridled joy. When the wave crests, you’re suddenly on top of the world – but you might also find a wash of peacefulness tugging at the corner of your lips, the promise of a smile.

Do you have the courage to face your fears and surrender to your true calling?

I Am Enough And I Am Whole

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Fotolia_56696110_Subscription_Monthly_MWhen I think of the fall, I think of harvest – reaping the yield of produce that was tended to all summer in crops and gardens. It’s a time of ripened abundance when we literally enjoy the fruits of our labor – a time when we experience growth, productivity, and completion. Bushel baskets overflow as vibrant colors begin to fade and turn. Days grow shorter, and sunlight wanes minute-by-minute. Sadly, the landscape transitions to brown and barren in its pallid journey toward colder temperatures. The sense of closure begins to overwhelm many. Our productive and vibrant season appears to die and come to an end. Sometimes it feels more like loss when the lifeless signs of a winter pause replace the active flurry to gather-in.

In a contemplative space of harvest, I consider my personal growing seasons – times of planting, cultivating, harvesting, and rest. Why is it that when I’m not producing, I feel incomplete? Why is it that more satisfaction comes from the plethora of active growth and vibrant energy? Why do I discount the time of rest and judge myself so harshly?

Winter is the slowest growing season in an apple orchard, but it’s also one of the most important. Cold winters are very important for apple trees. The trees need rest to produce flowers and fruit each year. It takes about 900 to 1,000 hours below 45 degrees to prepare the trees for the next season. While the trees are resting, they are pruned. Extra wood is cut out so plenty of light can reach the leaves and fruit. This helps keep the tree healthy and prepare it for an abundant harvest of nutritious, tasty apples with good color.

Maybe I am like an apple tree, complete and whole in all of my forms and all of my creative seasons. There is purpose and intention to the cycles of my life. Sometimes I’m quiet and germinating. At other times, I’m in full production. When I embrace the intention of rest and go within, I can grow into my highest potential. Actually, I can become so much more than I can even imagine.

In the spring, when temperatures begin to warm, buds appear on the branches of an apple tree and leaves begin to emerge. Beautiful, fragrant apple blossoms bloom into their full grandeur, and the tree is a spectacular sight. The sweet spring version of an apple tree is whole and complete in and of itself. Festivals bring people together to celebrate the trees in full bloom. Florists use apple blossoms in creative designs and the branches have inspired many artists. Apple blossoms are a Chinese symbol for beauty and immortality. The apple blossom encourages action, motion, courage, and passion. If I were an apple blossom, I would arguably be complete and whole and enough.

The beautiful, fragrant blossoms are only one function and stage of the apple tree. When pollinated by insects, the next miracle of life begins and an apple grows in place of the fading blossom.  As the blossoms die and fall away, the tree is filled with apples and the growing season starts over. Plush green leaves warm the landscape as apples grow and turn a variety of hues. Soon the leaves turn into magnificent fall colors and the apples ripen. Once again, it’s time for harvest. Apples can be used to eat, cook with, make beverages, and so much more. The apple, as a fruit, is complete and whole and the fruit produces seeds, which are complete and whole.

With all of this abundant life, we mustn’t dismiss the simple elegance and genius of Nature’s plan. Winter is necessary. Rest is essential. Pause is imperative. And, the bare winter tree is complete and whole in itself.

William Arthur Ward said, “Faith sees a beautiful blossom in a bulb, a lovely garden in a seed, and a giant oak in an acorn.” It is time we see ourselves with this same faith and magnificent potential.  This year, as I fall forward into the quiet space of rest, renewal, and regeneration, I will honor this season with gratitude and reverence. When I’m not “producing,” I will experience myself in all of my wholeness. I will cherish the time of rest and remember my precious birthright to blossom, grow, and flourish. I will not only harvest and celebrate the fruits of my labor, but also mindfully gather the seeds of potentiality and hold sacred my ability to plant them.

Life is perfect. The cycles and seasons are purposeful. As an expression of this Divine Creation, I will allow my true essence to emerge in all of its glorious and splendid forms. I am enough and I am whole.

Visit The Airport Without A Ticket

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Are you worried you could be a workaholic? A junkie for the rush of what accomplishment feels like? Just trying to get that one next raise or promotion to put you ahead? Or maybe just holding on for dear life at keeping the job you have when so many people are still looking for one? Do you feel like it is sucking the life out of your very being? Maybe you want to change, know you should change, but don’t really know where to begin. It can be difficult once you’ve worked your way into a certain role at a company. It can feel like you can’t change the rules now because certain people expect certain things from you and you want to meet all their expectations. You want and need to retain your status as a very hard worker for your security, and maybe even your self esteem.

Here’s the truth though: it’s a vicious never-ending cycle. The best performers are given the majority of the work.  They accomplish that work because they are driven and competent. So what happens? They are given even more work. You will never catch up. That taunting voice that repeats over and over again “If you just come in and work on the weekend again or just work nights for this week again you will finally catch up” is lying to you.

 There is no such thing as getting caught up for good. The items you cross off your list will create space for new items to fill in. The only way to claim the time you need to be healthy and whole is to take action and set your own boundaries. Only you can set the boundaries for what you will and won’t tolerate in your life and how much time you will devote to work. Your work has to be integrated with more important things like family, friends, self, and room for your soul to breathe. If you want to feel inspired, alive, and energized, you have to give yourself space to feel something, anything at all. You can’t feel anything resonate with you if you are numb, running from place to place, and focused on only one thing as though you are playing the arcade version of the Whack-a-Mole game.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for a great work ethic. I am of a generation and area of the country where a very high value is placed on work ethic. You do have to work hard to succeed in life, there are no handouts, and teamwork is a form of loyalty lived out loud. But you need to ask yourself “What am I working for? What is the purpose of this?” Are you working for a paycheck and superficial empty recognition that quickly fades for you? Or does your work actually bring you true inner joy? And is this work the legacy you want to leave behind as your footprint?

If you’re questioning whether or not you are placing too much emphasis on work and not enough on your true life joys such as your relationships, I ask you to do one simple exercise. It may bring home a new perspective.

I am a huge believer that all the lessons we need to become the person we are destined to be are around us every day, dancing around us, practically shouting at us, ”Stop and notice me!” “You’re making this harder than it has to be!” as we hustle around and bust our butts doing “life.” All we have to do is slow down, open up, and the universe will step in to reveal what it is we need to grow, right now, right here, if we are willing to receive it.

Here is your assignment. Drive to your local airport.  Park in the ramp.  Leave your phone in the car. Enter the airport. Grab a cup of coffee, smoothie or soda … whatever. Make your way to the waiting area for unticketed passengers. The area where families wait for loved ones, where children and wives greet soldiers, where grandparents greet grand babies, where old college friends reunite. The area of Welcome Home signs and flowers, hugs and tears, and a few squeals of sheer joy. Have a seat and simply people watch for however much time you have to give this. Take your time and let the scenes speak to you. Watch the anticipation before the reunion. Watch those waiting. Watch the emotions and hugs pour out of all these strangers around you. Watch them walk off arm-in-arm to go enjoy each other. Feel the atmosphere of real emotion, joy, and a drop in their stress and anxiety. This is not just a lesson for your brain to process, but for your heart and soul to feel the weight of. Don’t just imagine this scene; give this experience to yourself; actually do it, feel it. For an hour’s worth of your time, let the world speak to you.

For me, when I watch these reunions, it quickly snaps me to the attention of what is really important and where I want to spend time and energy in my life. It reminds me of what brings me joy and what I wish my footprint to be. Yes, we all need income to provide for our families, and jobs are very important, but at what cost? Make sure you’re not paying more than it’s worth to you in the end because we can’t go back. Ask yourself if there is a different way to put the important stuff at the priority level that really feels right for you. What can you do differently today to set new boundaries? Starting today, take a small step to make the footprint of your life what you want it to be.

I hope you take this small leap and give yourself the gift of this experience. I hope it has an impact on you and brings you some unexpected perspective.

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