A safe harbor where beliefs are respected and kindness prevails.

How to Enjoy Your Personal Fuel Injectors

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In Los Angeles, rush hour can more appropriately be called crush hour.  I have long since learned patience in the often gridlocked traffic; sometimes I feel like I can turn on the interior car light and get some work done, but I don’t.  Instead, I might blast the tunes and dance in my seat, often singing along, and sometimes at the top of my lungs.

I had to chuckle last Thanksgiving eve, though, as I slowly made my way home from work.  People were honking and cutting each other off, being in a mad rush to get wherever they were headed, perhaps the grocery store or home.  “How interesting,” I thought.  “Here we all are, getting ready to really dig in to the energy of gratitude, yet on the day before, we’re pummeling each other!”

It’s like if I complain about my life while waiting for a yoga class to start, or someone whispering about what another woman is wearing in the pew in front of her on Sunday morning, or being in a fist fight in the mall parking lot around holiday time.  By virtue of where we choose to spend our time, we can be even more mindful about how we will use that opportunity.  Many of us aren’t focused on self-improvement, but for those of us who are really intent on unlocking the door to living our greatest life, let’s be willing to deeper, starting right now!

What would it mean for you to invite gratitude into your life today?  Or compassion, or love?  Rather, to ask it differently, with things being exactly as-is, if you were to inject some gratitude, compassion or love, how would that enrich your life?  Might it help you shift your perspective, thus cutting yourself some slack?  If so, why wait for a holiday or someone else’s lead to do it?  The more you inject gratitude, compassion and love to yourself, the more energy and fuel you will have to set your heart and your life on fire!

The occasion to create each day more fabulously than the last is ever available.  How amazing would it be to incorporate compassion on a daily basis as if it were as automatic as brushing our teeth?  Or extending a helping hand to another without giving it a second thought?  Or even just letting someone merge into traffic without your blood pressure rising?  Do any of these resonate with you or does something else strike your fancy to incorporate more often?

So for today, tomorrow and each day thereafter, I wish you a deeper understanding and experience of clarity and abundance, as well as healing and love.  And if our paths cross on the roads of Los Angeles, I promise to be kind!

When Pain Runs Your Life

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How much more can you take?  Do you feel like the pain will never go away?  Are you devastated beyond your worst nightmare but know that life goes on even if you hate it right now?  That pretty much describes any life where radical, unwanted and unimaginable, changes dominate the here and now.  What can  you do about it?

If you’ve followed me for any time you know that I am a firm believer that whatever we are going (as horrific as it may be) is something we are meant to experience.  That is not to suggest however that we wanted it or have to appreciate it at this very moment.   In fact I’d go so far as to tell you that I hated my worst challenges. However no matter how much you may struggle and rail against your current condition there will be some point, maybe years down the line, that  you understand the value the experience brought to your life.

“Great”  you may say, “but that doesn’t help me now.”  But what if it did?  What if instead of letting the pain run (and ruin) your life you just let it be?  What if you allowed yourself to experience the pain, nightmare, the challenge, without the judgment or the struggle? If in the midst of your overwhelming grief you said to yourself, “I am going through this for a reason and I’m not going to fight it anymore?”  By allowing yourself to feel the full weight of whatever is overwhelming your life you preserve what little energy you have for something better.  (Like to start living the life you want.)

How much relief would you have by letting it happen and the realizing when you come up for air that you are still standing?  Some fights  you can’t win.  Your spouse walks out or dies, your home goes into foreclosure, your job ends.  You may have fought a good battle all along but you also know when no matter what you do it’s not going to change the ultimate loss.  Feel it, hate it if you must, but stop fighting it and start healing.

It takes time.   I used to say that I lost everything in my life except my husband and then he died.  There comes a point where you have to decide if you’re going to let the pain run your life or you’re going to just stop running.  It’s when you decide to stop the struggle that you begin to heal.

When you’re ready… do this for you.

With love, Cheryl

Cello, How Are You?

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I’m listening to a classical quartet on my iPod at the moment. I hear the beautiful and melodious cello solo. I played the cello for years… why didn’t I ever sound like that?

I have come to understand that if I ask a question, I will get an answer. And I got it. It takes time and practice to learn a craft. Whether it is playing an instrument, learning a second language, or making consecutive free throws, time and practice will move along the process towards proficiency.

As I listen to the beautiful cello, I recall that I was able to learn to play it pretty easily since I could already read music. But I didn’t progress. I also remember starting many different and exciting things, however as soon as it got to be a challenge, I would quit.

Why didn’t I move beyond a rudimentary level with things? Sure, my parents urged me to practice, but it didn’t help because I’d sit in there and not do it. As I ponder it right now, I think it took a level of intimacy that I wasn’t capable of achieving. I think it took being interested enough to dig down a little deeper inside myself to get over the challenging and tough stuff in order to get better.

I was very fragile emotionally (although I put up a good front that all was well), and needed lots of reassurance. I couldn’t stomach not being good at something. My inner critic was always front and center and I couldn’t stand adding fuel to it’s already raging fire of, “See, Janet, I told you that you suck,” so I didn’t even try. That resulted in so many false starts, I can’t even tell you!

I think now about where I might have been had I faced the tough stuff head on. But that’s of no consequence now, because after having healed emotionally, I now tackle tough stuff all of the time, and with flying colors. I no longer fear it, as I’m confident now that I can rise to the challenge. I also embrace all of my false starts because they allowed me to arrive here, healthy, happy and heartfelt.

If you find yourself shying away from hard stuff, you’re not alone. I recently heard on a documentary (forgive me for not remembering which one!) that we human beings are (1) pleasure-seeking, (2) pain averse, and (3) always look for the path of least resistance. However, think about the concert pianist, the bi-lingual woman or the basketball star. They concentrated on their craft and got better and better. They made the choice to forego the easier and more pleasurable immediate gratification in favor of honing their craft.

To assist you in foregoing the easy stuff to get better in learning your craft, please remember to use your imagination. Envision yourself doing really, really well at your craft. For example, if you are learning to dance, imagine yourself happily flowing with amazing dance moves. Feel the feeling now of being good at it and having tremendous fun while doing it.

Within your own imagination is all of the glorious and fun stuff you see for your future self. Allow your future self to lovingly collide with your present self, take the time to put in the effort, and let the happy feeling carry you through it. When you put in the effort, you will get better and better at what you are doing!

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