A safe harbor where beliefs are respected and kindness prevails.

You Can Change Your Mind

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Fotolia_30758739_Subscription_XXLDo you hesitate to make a decision because you don’t want to make a mistake?  Have you decided that the next job, the next relationship or your next home is going to be the last one so you want it to be perfect?  When we place such high expectations on ourselves we end up being stuck… and that doesn’t make us happy, satisfied or remotely fulfilled.

You can take the pressure off yourself with one Simple Step … a shift in your perspective.  Rather than thinking in absolutes decide to make your choices based on where you are in life right now.  You don’t know where you’ll be a year from now let alone five or ten years down the line so why feel you have to make a decision now for what might happen in the future?

Think of it this way.  You wouldn’t make the same decisions now that you did when you were a teenager, right?  So why think you have to make a decision now that will work for the rest of your life? Instead think of your decision as making the best choice you can based on what you know or believe right now.  Allow yourself the freedom to make a different decision when it’s appropriate for you to do so.  And that feels so much better than setting an unrealistic expectation.

You May Be Hearing but Are You Listening?

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Fotolia_55310332_Subscription_XLIs the little voice inside your head getting your attention?  Or are you hearing it and ignoring it because you don’t like what it says?  Are your friends, family, the sales person, your boss or anyone else giving you advice that is drowning out your own voice?  When we believe that someone else knows more about what we should do than we do we undermine our own sense of security.

In my “downfall” years… the time when everything seemed to go wrong in my life I was taking the advice of gurus and well-intentioned friends who I thought were more experienced than me.  The entire time my inner voice was screaming at me but I chalked it up to stepping outside my comfort zone.  I second guessed every decision I made and ultimately followed a path that someone else had recommended.

Looking back even further into my life I have come to realize that I’ve been doing something similar ever since I can remember.  In some cases my parents were protecting me or setting me to up meet their definition of success.  At other times I just wanted to be liked or be part of a crowd.   In other words I had a long-standing history of doing what I was told by someone else.

The voice that comes from within is the voice of our soul… the part of us that is more than this physical existence. Call it the god within or our higher power speaking through us.  If you believe in that higher power than you also believe that god means love.  So why aren’t we listening?

I believe we can learn to trust our inner voice.  We do so asking a question and sitting quietly as listening for the answer.  Start with a small question and listen. For example ask what  you should have for lunch or perhaps who you should reach out to today.  Then do that.  Be sure to not engage in a debate about the answer.  Take it at face value and go with the flow… so to speak.  Do this for a few weeks and each time you listen to your voice take note of how it worked out for you.  You’ll soon discover that you can trust your voice and can take it up a notch my asking about something more important.  The key here is to proceed at your own pace and to take your own counsel.

Only you have your best interest in mind.  When you learn to listen and proceed on your own advice you’ll discover the ground beneath you is tera firma!

With love, Cheryl

When being around someone makes you feel bad about yourself

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CLM128As you’re starting your journey anew are you encountering others in your life who seem to want to tell you about their successes?  Their wonderful marriage, their fabulous job, their over the top vacations?  Do you find yourself feeling bad because you’re not where they are?

When we start over in some aspect of our lives it’s a natural tendency to think about what we’ve lost.  In my case my job and my financial security were gone and I had no idea what I was going to do.  Old friends and co-workers who went on and on about what they had triggered feelings of being a failure… and worthlessness.  I was not in a good place back then.  I started to avoid my friends and co-workers.  In doing so I felt more isolated and alone… which of course only added my misery.

It wasn’t until recently that I realized that it was only the people who needed to talk about what they had that were the ones I needed to stay clear of… at least until I was back on solid ground.  In so many ways these folks were afraid that what had happened to me would rub off on them or… as I came to learn some of them had a need to make themselves look better and make me seem worse.  Still others didn’t really know what I was going through.  Many were as uncertain in their own ways as I was in mine.  This doesn’t mean they were bad people… far from it.  They are just people dealing with their own issues… their way.

The good news is there are plenty of people in your life currently, who do love you, like you, enjoy your company regardless of where your journey has taken you.  And there are so many more friends you’ll meet who will only know you for who you are now.  Those are the folks you need to surround yourself with.  So rather than focusing on what you don’t have you can turn your attention to enjoying life again.

I know it isn’t always easy and we can’t always control the people we run into.  What we can do is limit the time we interact with those who aren’t what we need right now and expand the time with those we do.  There will come a time when you’re comfortable enough to keep comments in perspective and actually be happy for others.  Until then remember that it’s your life you need to build or re-build in a manner that you choose.  If you’re starting over this is your opportunity to do so on your terms and surrounded by the people you want in your life.  And that is a solid place to start.

With love, Cheryl

Want to have more support in your journey of starting over?  Cheryl is hosting a free seminar, Surfing the Emotional Waves of Starting Over,  on February 20th from 11am – noon Pacific/2-3pm Eastern.  Group and individual coaching programs are also available here.

Turning Panic into Progress

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CLmDo you find yourself wanting to just “do” something when everything seems to be falling apart?  When the panic sets in do you freeze up or, if you’re like me, do you find yourself in a frantic state doing everything that comes into your mind in hopes that you can gain control.  It took me a long time to realize that all that doing was my undoing.

When something in our life seems to be out of control… or at least out of our control… our need to be in control kicks into high gear.  There are just some things in life that we cannot control.  An “act of god,” another person’s actions or illness and the decisions of governments, businesses or organizations we aren’t actively involved in… are all examples that come to mind.  Still every one of these changes lives.

In the last five years I’ve dealt with sudden death of a my dad, Jack’s life threatening illness and my company being acquired.  I can’t even begin to tell you how helpless those events made me feel… and how my panic in each case resulted in my taking action that didn’t help. Yes, hindsight provides clarity about the event, however, why not use it to also provide new guiding principles for your life?

What worked?  What didn’t work?  What’s important to you?  These are all good questions to ponder after your panic subsides.  How did your action during these times pan out?  Some worked, some didn’t. If you can take just a few moments of your time to think about it you can set yourself up to have a bit more control when the next event triggers your panic mode.  When you realize what worked and didn’t say it out loud to yourself.  But don’t stop there, add the statement, “When I get into a panic mode again I’m going to stop and remind myself of what I learned from the last time.”

We can learn from absolutely everything we do in life.  Choosing to do so moves you onto solid ground. And from there you can do anything!

With love, Cheryl

Cheryl

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